Restoring Relationships for Him

Posted on February 25, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Relationships: Restoring Relationships for Him

Matthew 18

This message is on restoring relationships, but the basis for restoring relationships from man’s perspective begins with forgiveness. Here’s a skit that explains man’s way of forgiveness. [ the skit actually shows how we often fall short of God’s way of forgiveness and we botch it.]

Forgiveness is often tried, but often it falls short of what God intends. Relationships will push you beyond you. They will take you beyond the range of your natural abilities and beyond the borders of your natural and acquired wisdom. That is part of God’s plan. But also part of God’s plan is to see what can happen from God’s abilities. What would it take on your part for others to see Christ at work in your life? How can others see that you are a disciple of Jesus? One of the greatest miracles is restoration of relationships, because it doesn’t often happen in everyday life. Why do you need to restore relationships?

Normally, we think of forgiveness and restoration of relationships as a good thing to do from Scripture, because it helps us get along with people. It helps in families, at work and at church for us to get along. Is that why God wants us to forgive and restore relationships? There is a much higher reason. The first basis is because that is the pattern God established. If we want to imitate God, and every believer is commanded to imitate God (Eph. 5:1), then we must mirror His pattern.

1) God reconciled the world to Himself as our pattern 2 Cor. 5:18-19

I’m going to give you a quote that is utterly fantastic. It’s a little long, but bear with me and you will greatly advance in spiritual understanding. It’s helpful to understand the antimony of God’s sovereignty and Man’s freewill. An antimony is an apparently unresolvable conflict or contradiction, especially between two true statements. For example, Scripture declares that God is Sovereign. Scripture also declares that man has free will. If one is true, the other cannot be some will say. It’s like God is one and God is three. Both are true statements, but man’s finite mind cannot fully understand, except by accepting them both by faith and making our best understanding of both true statements.

This is a quote that helped me greatly understand the antinomy of God’s sovereign work in salvation and man’s non-meritorious choice. It’s a quote from Merrill Unger who wrote Unger’s Bible Dictionary. He defines what the word “reconcile.” He explains what God did to restore man to Himself. Read this and I’ll break it down.

“Reconcile comes from a word that means to change thoroughly from one position to another (Eph. 2:16; Col. 1:20-21). It means that someone is completely altered and adjusted to a required standard. (Rom. 5:6-11). By the death of Christ, the world is changed in its relationship to God. Man is reconciled to God, but God is not said to be reconciled to man. By this change lost humanity is rendered savable. As a result of the changed position of the world through the death of Christ, the divine attitude toward the human family can no longer be the same. God is enabled to deal with lost souls in the light of what Christ has accomplished. Although this seems to be a change in God, it is not a reconciliation; it is rather a ‘propitiation.’ God places full efficacy in the finished work of Christ and accepts it. Through His acceptance of it He remains righteous and the justifier of any sinner who believes in Jesus as his reconciliation. When an individual heart sees and trusts in the value of Christ’s atoning death, he becomes reconciled to God, hostility is removed, friendship and fellowship eventuate.”

Let me break that down for you.

He is saying that the word “reconcile” means that by the death of Christ on the cross, God changes a person to a completely altered state related to God and adjusts that person to the required standard of God. What is God’s standard? His own righteousness. Because Jesus died on the cross for the sins of man, paying the penalty of sin, man is altered and adjusted to the righteousness of God. Listen to what Paul writes in Romans,

¹⁰ For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. ¹¹And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation. (Rom. 5:10-11)

We were considered as enemies by God, but because of the cross, we were altered and adjusted to the required standard. The sin barrier was removed by Jesus’ death, so that God could now look at man in a different way. Note that last phrase, “we received the reconciliation.” We’ll see that below. It is the part man must do for the fullness of reconciliation. Then Unger says,

By the death of Christ, the world is changed in its relationship to God. Man is reconciled to God, but God is not said to be reconciled to man. By this change lost humanity is rendered savable.

Here the change is caused by the death of Jesus on the cross, Who died for our sins. Notice he says that man is reconciled to God, but nowhere does it say in Scripture that God is reconciled to man. THAT is very significant. Furthermore, man is then placed in a “savable” condition, whereby man can be saved. Man has been placed in an altered condition and adjusted to the righteousness of God and rendered savable. But man is not saved at that point, because there is a second part of the reconciliation that is necessary.

Unger continues addressing the relationship,

As a result of the changed position of the world through the death of Christ, the divine attitude toward the human family can no longer be the same.

Because of the death of Jesus, God’s attitude had to change toward mankind. It couldn’t be the same. Why couldn’t it remain the same, that is, considering man as an enemy (Rom. 5:10)?

God is enabled to deal with lost souls in the light of what Christ has accomplished. Although this seems to be a change in God, it is not a reconciliation; it is rather a ‘propitiation.’

Because of the death of Jesus, God is enabled to deal with fallen man. How does that work? Because God’s righteousness was propitiated – satisfied. Legally, the penalty for sins was paid by Jesus and God was satisfied with His death payment. However, there hasn’t been a full reconciliation, because a second part is necessary. God was satisfied with the death of Jesus for the sins of the world, so God could no longer look at man as an enemy, but a soul waiting to accept what God had done for him. Catch this next section,

God places full efficacy in the finished work of Christ and accepts it. Through His acceptance of it He remains righteous and the justifier of any sinner who believes in Jesus as his reconciliation.

Jesus did the work. God makes effective, or considers of great value, the work of Christ. Why? Because God the Father accepted the work of Jesus on the cross and therefore can place man in a position of being justified, if man makes a non-meritorious decision of faith to accept what Jesus has done, that is believe in Jesus as his reconciliation. Finally, Unger says,

When an individual heart sees and trusts in the value of Christ’s atoning death, he becomes reconciled to God, hostility is removed, friendship and fellowship eventuate.”

So God calls you to salvation and waits on you to put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Savior. When you do, then the fullness of the hostility is removed and you can grow in fellowship with God. That is deep, I know, but is utterly important to understand as you grow in your relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.

Now, you may have been offended, harmed, hurt, or attacked by another Christian, even one in authority, like a husband, elder or pastor. I don’t know the circumstances of your event, but I know they happen and they can cause great harm and pain. But let me tell you about the One who has never offended or attacked. Let me tell you about the One who reconciles, because at the base of reconciliation is forgiveness. Listen to the greatness of my Lord.

It’s my Lord’s character to forgive,

¹⁶ “But they and our fathers acted proudly, Hardened their necks, And did not heed Your commandments. ¹⁷ They refused to obey, And they were not mindful of Your wonders That You did among them. But they hardened their necks, And in their rebellion They appointed a leader To return to their bondage. But You are God, Ready to pardon, Gracious and merciful, Slow to anger, Abundant in kindness, And did not forsake them. (Neh. 9:16-17)

We get a clear picture of Israel’s hardness and rebellion. They even wanted to go back to the slave market of Egypt, even though God promised a land full of milk and honey. Even though they were stiff-necked, God was ready to pardon and merciful. It makes a Christian want to sing of the mercy of the Lord forever!

When God forgives, it’s complete,

¹⁰ He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor punished us according to our iniquities. ¹¹ For as the heavens are high above the earth, So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; ¹² As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. (Ps. 103:10-12)

My God hasn’t treated me, or you, the way I deserve. In fact, He removes my sins an infinite distant, as far as the east is from the west, because of Christ’s sufficient death on the cross. Additionally, there is a great illustration in Isaiah 38 about how God deals with my sin. God speaks through Isaiah to Hezekiah to get his house in order because Hezekiah is going to die. Well, Hezekiah is not ready to go and becomes very bitter about it. He goes into his bedroom and faces the wall and weeps. But he comes to his senses and he is filled with peace, because he realizes what God has done with his sins.

¹⁷ Indeed it was for my own peace that I had great bitterness; But You have lovingly delivered my soul from the pit of corruption, for You have cast all my sins behind Your back. (Is. 38:17)

The picture Isaiah gives is of God taking my sins and putting them in the small of His back. That is a place that you know is there, but you can’t see it. God doesn’t look at my sins after they have been dealt with. That’s the mercy of my God! In Hebrews we have another aspect of how God deals with us.

¹⁴ For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are being sanctified. ¹⁵ But the Holy Spirit also witnesses to us; for after He had said before, ¹⁶“This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, says the LORD: I will put My laws into their hearts, and in their minds I will write them,” ¹⁷ then He adds, “Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.” (Heb. 10:14-17)

God doesn’t forget our sins, He chooses not to remember them. God is all knowing, or omniscient, so He cannot forget our sins. Fortunately, He chooses not to remember them. Finally, God’s infinite forgiveness costs me nothing, “For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” (2 Cor. 5:21) It was free to me, but cost the death of the Lord Jesus. That’s what God is like! He is ready to pardon, therefore we ought to be ready to pardon people also. IT IS not easy. It takes God the Holy Spirit to soften our hearts, and the decision of the will to forgive and begin the restoration process. There is a second reason why Jesus wants you to restore relationships.

2) Restoring relationships is more important than worship Matt. 5:23-24

Does that make sense? What could be more important that worship? Isn’t that what God calls us to do? Worship Him? There is something more important according to the Lord Jesus.

²³ “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, ²⁴ “leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Matt. 5:23-24)

That is what Jesus said. He said, if you are coming to worship God, and you remember that a brother has something against you, then first go seek to restore the relationship, and then come back and worship. That means we need to forgive, even when/if the other person hasn’t done what he needs to do. Paul says it well,

³¹ Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. ³² And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you. (Eph. 4:31-32)

I need to put off any bitterness and anger and put on forgiveness if I’m going to restore a relationship. I’m going to have to forgive. What does that mean?

Forgiveness is used many ways and this message only begins to address forgiveness. There are three main words for the word, “forgiveness.” The first is a Hebrew word, “nasah,” which means to “lift up.” You can remember the word because it sounds like NASA, which lifts rockets to space. The second Hebrew word is “salah” which means “ready to forgive.” God is ready and waiting on us and wants us ready and waiting on others to restore the relationship. The third word is a Greek word “aphia-mi,” which means “to send away.” God wants us to send away the penalty of the offense from someone else away to God. That way we let God deal with the offense of the person toward us and we can trust God to do the right thing. God is much better at helping people see their wrong, than we are!

There are four slides at the end of the message that explain this process. When we send the penalty and pain to God, then we are free to be in a position to love the person. We are satisfied that God can deal with the person. In fact, God may lead us to be a part of the restoration process. We may need to act for the person by expressing love toward him. That love takes the direction of Jesus and empowerment by the Holy Spirit.

What does that look like? Let me use Matthew 18 as the illustration that Jesus wants us to restore relationships more than even approaching Him in worship.

In Matthew 18, the disciples are discussing with themselves who is the greatest and they approach Jesus and say, “Jesus, who is going to be the greatest in the Kingdom?” Jesus takes a little child and putting the child in front of them, He says, “Unless you are converted and become like this child, you will not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.” He added, “And so whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the Kingdom. And whoever receives this child in My name, receives Me.” In other words, this is available to all people. All people can be restored, but it takes the humility of a child who trusts in the one in authority.

Jesus wanted the disciples to understand how serious sin is, so He continues to say that whoever causes one of the little ones to sin, well it would be better to have a millstone put around his neck and be cast into the sea, so you can’t cause anyone else to sin. It’s a horrible thing to cause another to sin.

Then Jesus describes the seriousness of sin with an hyperbole. He says, that if your hand or foot causes you to stumble, cut it off. It would be better to enter the Kingdom with one hand or foot, than to have two and be cast into the everlasting fire. Or if your eye causes you to stumble (maybe through pornography or window shopping and lusting after wanting more clothes), to pluck it out, for it would be better to enter into the Kingdom with one eye than to have two eyes and be cast into hell fire. But Jesus doesn’t just stand there like a stern judge. No He reveals the compassion we all need to have toward others.

He continues saying, if a shepherd has 100 sheep and one sheep strays away. He will leave the 99 to seek the one. And when he finds the one, he will rejoice more than having the 99. That’s a big deal! So we should have that kind of compassion that the Father has toward all people.

Forgiveness also includes the process of dealing with sin in a gracious and orderly way. Jesus describes a case where a brother sins against you. Well, you go to him and tell him his fault in private, alone. If he listens and repents, then you’ve won your brother and the relationship is restored. But if he doesn’t listen, then go get one or two witnesses, because Scripture says that the word is established based on the testimony of two or three witnesses.

If the brother listens and repents, then you’ve won your brother and restored the relationship. But if he doesn’t repent, then take it to the church leadership and establish the truth with them. Let the church know so they will fear God and want to do what is right. If the brother doesn’t listen or repent, then treat him like a heathen or a tax collector. He is likely not a believer. You’ll need to lead him to Christ.

So Peter hears all this and asks Jesus, “Jesus, if my brother sins against me, how many times do I have to forgive him? Do I have to forgive him up to seven times?” Jesus said, “Not up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” And Jesus continued the explanation by describing a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. So he brought the servants in and one servant owed him ten thousand talents (that’s about 12 million ounces of gold). The servant didn’t have the resources to pay, so the king commanded that he be sold along with his wife and children and all that he had. The servant fell down before the king and begged, “Master, be patient with me and I will pay you all.” The king was moved with compassion, released him and forgave him the debt completely.

Then the servant went out and found another servant who owed him 100 days wages. He went to the servant and choking him said, “Repay me what you owe!” But the servant said, “Be patient with me and I’ll repay you all.” But the first servant would not listen and threw the servant in prison. There were fellow servants who saw what happened and reported to the king who called for the first servant. The king said, “You wicked servant, I forgave you all the debt because you begged me. Shouldn’t you have compassion on your fellow servant as I had pity on you?” Then the king said, “Deliver this one to the torturer, until he has repaid every last cent.

And Jesus succinctly said, “So My heavenly Father will do to you, if you do not from your heart forgive your brother his sins.”

Consider that forgiveness is an event and a process. How many times do you forgive? It’s a process because you’ll be tempted to think about the sin when you see the person.

Forgiveness is canceling a debt. You promise to leave it behind and not keep track of wrongs suffered. (1 Cor. 13:5) You are not to bring up the offense to others or slander the person who sinned against you. You also promise not to dwell on the offense yourself or replay the offense over and over.

Forgiveness is costly, but lack of forgiveness is more costly. You may not choke anyone, but you may shut them out of your life. When you don’t forgive, you do at least three things. First, you don’t imitate God. (Eph. 5:1) Second, you show ingratitude to God. (1 Thes. 5:18) And thirdly, you sin (Jam. 4:17). Like Jesus said regarding the people while He hung on the cross, “Father, forgive them, they don’t know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)

Why do you need to restore relationships? First, because God is our pattern of restoring relationships. Secondly, because it is more important than worship to Him. And thirdly, because restoring relationships is your responsibility to Him.

3) Restoring relationships is my responsibility to Him Luke 17:1-10

The first part of the passage is a parallel to Matthew 18. Let’s start in Luke 17:3,

³ “Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.

⁴ “And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, `I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”

⁵ And the apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith.”

⁶ So the Lord said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, `Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.

⁷ “And which of you, having a servant plowing or tending sheep, will say to him when he has come in from the field, `Come at once and sit down to eat ‘?

⁸ “But will he not rather say to him, `Prepare something for my supper, and gird yourself and serve me till I have eaten and drunk, and afterward you will eat and drink ‘?

⁹ “Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I think not.

¹⁰ “So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, `We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do.’” (Luke 17:3-10)

So if your brother sins, then you go graciously rebuke him. Yes, he sinned against you, but he’s not responding or interested in restoring the relationship. God gives you the opportunity to practice grace. Will you be like Jesus and initiate restoration? If he repents, then forgive and if you have to do that seven times in a day (quite a few times), then forgive and restore the relationship. Well the disciples are overwhelmed by the thought and ask Jesus for more faith. Jesus doesn’t give them more faith, because the issue is not greater faith, but rather humility and trusting God to work through the relationship. Just a little faith can uproot the mulberry tree and cast it into the sea, IF that is God’s will. Restoration is God’s will is most circumstances.

Then Jesus describes the kind of humility that is necessary in verses 7-10. This is difficult to understand and very few pastors ever do a message on this paragraph.

Jesus describes a servant who has worked hard all day plowing or tending sheep and then comes in to eat. But the servant doesn’t come in to receive a meal, but is expected to serve the master after which he is then allowed to eat. The master isn’t even expected to say thanks to the servant for making the meal. Why? The master has the right to tell the servant what to do and the purpose of the servant is to serve the master.

When it comes to people who sin against you, God gives you no right to withhold forgiveness or harbor bitterness. When I withhold God’s love toward another, I set myself up as a judge and arbiter to others, rather than be a servant of the Lord. I decide whether someone else is worthy of my love and relationship. I deny God’s glory from flowing through me. I become a spigot of God’s love, rather than a hose. Restoring relationships is my duty, because it is what He did for me.

Restore relationships for Jesus’ sake,

because He has restored you!

· Forgiveness is a vertical choice Mark 11:25 release it to God, so that you can unconditionally love as He does. In any situation.

· Forgiveness starts vertically, the horizontal depends upon the offender admitting guilt and asking for forgiveness Luke 17:1-4.

· Forgiveness is not forgetting. Jer. 31:34. I will not treat you as your sins deserve. I will instead forgive you. When you don’t forget, you’ll think you haven’t forgiven and filled with doubts. Or you’ll give in to bitterness without realizing it, because you think that forgiving equals forgetting.

· How do I know when I’ve forgiven? I love God, I just can’t deal with a few of His people. I’m better off without them. What about 1 John 4:20-21?

· When you forgive, do not demand restitution (sometimes it cannot be retrieved or repaid), but instead demonstrate mercy and love toward him with a goal of reconciliation. Restitution is part of the process of restoration and should lovingly be pointed out to the offender. God’s world has many other things to say about that.

At this point a second skit was done in the message to show God’s way of restoring a relationship. God’s way takes the process of forgiveness and restoration seriously and seeks to make sure the people are actually walking in unity of the Spirit again and working together. We restore relationships, not because it helps us, but because it’s what God’s pattern is, it is more important that worship and it is simply put – your duty.

There are some times when you cannot restore relationships. A girl who has been violated, ought not seek restoration with her abuser. There are cases where the person continues in sinful behavior and restoration is not possible. You are required to forgive, but restoration of relational fellowship may not be possible and could be harmful.

What do you do when you have to continue in a relationship that is not just hard, but very difficult? What about a marriage that sets you off? What about a relationship at work, or even church? How do you continue walking in the Lord if that relationship is not restored? That message will follow in the message, “Overcoming Difficult Relationships for Him.”

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) What bothers you most about religious fanatics?

Digging Deeper:

2) How many steps does Jesus give in Matthew 18 for restoration? ___________ How would you describe the restoration process to a child? What are danger points in the process?

3) What are at least five description of love in 1 Cor. 13.? _______; __________; ___________; ____________; _______________. How does 1 Corinthians 13 influence the practical aspect of forgiveness?

4) To Whom are you to offer your body a living sacrifice in Romans 12:1? ______________ What are other principles regarding forgiveness can we learn from Romans 12?

Implementing the message to your life:

5) In what relationship situations is restoration difficult? What do you do? What counsel would you give another on what to do?

Book Review: Building a Life-changing Small Group Ministry By Bill Donahue

Posted on February 21, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Book Review: Building a Life-changing small group Ministry By Bill Donahue

This training manual, “Building a Life-changing small group Ministry,” is a big picture book, looking at the forest, yet does a great job of distinguishing between the oaks and maple trees. It deals with the overview of building a small group ministry, in contrast to just leadership. It exhorts the reader to assess the strengths and weaknesses of his ministry. It helps the reader gain insight into prominent small group problems and develop a strategy for building a small group ministry.

Donahue addresses “Ministry Clarity” from years of experience and practice. He assists in developing an operational philosophy of ministry. His chapter on “Point Leadership” is a good lead in to his small group book, “Leading Life-Changing Small Groups.” Using the example of Jethro’s counsel to Moses to establish structure, Donahue assists small group leadership to not let small groups happen by accident, but to be intentional with the organism of small groups. I appreciate his emphasis on nurturing over mentoring, because every leader is going to get discouraged working with people trying to help them grow. The enemy does not want people to grow up, so there will be plenty of distractions leading to discouragement. It’s best to have a coaching staff to build up the small group leaders. They will as they communicate, counsel, hold accountable and model encouragement.

Donahue has an excellent approach under “Connection Strategy.” He gives several structures, ideas and examples of what has worked for various churches. In a later chapter, “Measuring Progress,” he provides tremendous evaluation questions and charts to analyze the direction and momentum of a small group ministry. Then he gives effective suggestions on discerning a wise course of action to proceed.

In succeeding chapters, Donahue expounds on the practical requirements and implementation of a small group ministry. The reality is, small groups that are oriented to life transformation can break the mold of sedentary church life. His chapter on “Measuring Progress” gives a remarkable assessment and evaluation guideline a church can use to objectively measure where the church is and therefore where it needs to go. His chapter on “Leading Change: Breaking through Barriers” exposes the certainty of existing barriers or that rise up as the enemy will not want transformation in the heart of believers. And finally, his last chapter on “Strategic Planning” lays out key questions to assist any leadership team in overcoming and implementing real change that can work.

This is a must read for background, vision and planning in building a small group ministry. While it does not provide a verse by verse support for everything mentioned, the practical suggestions are there for employing what could be put into operation – personalized for your church. The key is leadership support. Do not try to implement small groups without the Senior Pastor’s backing. Unity of the Spirit in God’s ministry is more important than pushing an agenda.

Q & A: Expectations in Relationships

Posted on February 20, 2013 by shepherdbryan

This is the Questions and considerations for answers to the Message Based Discussion Questions for the message “Expectations in Relationships” given on Februrary 17, 2013. The manuscript was posted on February 19, 2013. The insert in included below with the blank questions followed by considerations for answers below that. How would you answer the questions? That’s what matters to the Lord.

Expectations in Relationships: You’re supposed to serve me!

John 13

1 Samuel 18:1-4

How does Jesus want you to approach relationships?

1) Jesus shows you how to finish well loving others John 13:1-3

2)      Jesus wants you to serve others John 13:4-5
3)      Jesus wants you to disciple people to truth John 13:6-17
4)      Jesus wants you to rise above adversities John 13:18-30
5)      Jesus wants you to overcome by loving others exactly as He does John 13:31-35

Godly expectations anticipate Jesus working through you

so you can love others!

How do you implement this?

1) Accept that you have expectations..

· If you expect people to always do the right thing; remember your dates, name, appts.; anniversary. If you expect people to be civil, raise their kids to be perfect, come to church with their saintly face on. If you expect people to protect the holiness of others, expect display of modesty, or not use course jokes. Acts 20:29-30 distorted, misinterpreted; 1 Cor. 16:9.
· Expectations can be wonderful IF godly, or they can harm

2) Practice three things:

·         Compassion – genuine awareness of another’s suffering that leads to a desire to help.
·         Forgiveness – pardon for an offense without treating him as a offender
·         Forbearance – patience under provocation. Willing to stand alongside someone in trouble.

What does it mean?

1)       Means I accept suffering and am willing to endure it for another’s sake.
2)       Means I’m willing to live with the poor. Jam. 2:1-5
3)       Means I resist the temptation to favoritism Jam. 2:1-5
4)       Means I’m committed to persevere in hardship.
5)       Means rejecting a personal happiness and comfort agenda than another’s standing with God.
6)       Means I live with a commitment to forgive.
7)       Means I overlook minor offenses by focusing on the big things God is doing.
8)       Means I won’t compromise on what is morally right and true. I will point others to God and the Word, and not condemn.

Here is the insert questions without suggested considerations for answers. The suggested considerations are below this. What answers would you give?

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) The greater the gap of what you expect in life and what you experience will create a tension that you may or may not deal with well. What are some examples of expectations and actual experience that people might see in schooling, occupation, marriage, family and/or retirement?

Digging deeper into the text:

2) What are two of God’s expectations in Matthew 28:18-20? ___________________; _____________________________ What are some of the challenges to the fulfillment of that mandate?

3) What are two of the expectations the writer to the Hebrews has in Hebrews 5:12-14? ________________________ ; _________________________ How does Hebrews 5:12-14 define our responsibilities so that we can discern godly expectations?

4) Choose two of the passages below. What are examples of expectations versus experience in the following? Gen. 4:4-15; 13:1-15; 17:1-18; 22:1-19; 37:1-28 (cf. 42:21).

Implementing this message to your life:

5) What are expectations that you may have had that God has taught you were wrong? Based on the principles of the message, what do you need to do?

6) How can you learn to discern what are godly expectations for schooling, occupation, marriage, family and retirement? How does that impact your relationships?

Here are suggested considerations for answers to the questions. How would you answer the questions? This is about your thoughts and understanding, not merely regurgitating what you see below.

Message Based Discussion Questions

a) I expected an A and received a D in my Ancient Israel class – the last class of college! Boy was I disappointed and even after talking to the prof, I didn’t have much satisfaction. It seemed he took my “Christian world-view” historical answers applied to his secular world-view answers and down-graded me.

b) I expect to be treated well by fellow employees, but their ridicule makes me not want to go to work! Or, I thought I should be able to share in the profit sharing, and only the upper-level management received payouts!

c) I expect my wife to understand me, but she just wants to talk herself and she doesn’t really care. She just keeps talking trying to understand from her perspective and we keep moving further apart.

d) I expect that I’ll be able to go golfing and traveling in retirement, but with the new taxes, I’ll be fortunate enough to be able to go to a movie!

Digging deeper into the text:

2) What are two of God’s expectations in Matthew 28:18-20? __Trust His authority ___ ; _make disciples__; _baptize converts_ ; __teach others___. What are some of the challenges to the fulfillment of that mandate?

a) I fear rejection

b) I fear I won’t be able to answer questions

c) I fear I might not look cool or be cool

d) I fear that I’ll look like a fool being dependent on religion

e) I’m too busy

f) I have other things to do

g) I haven’t been trained

h) I don’t know enough

i) I don’t know how to baptize someone or know what to teach

j) Someone might find out I don’t know everything.

k) If they are hungry, they’ll figure it out

l) I think the pastor should do all that. He gets paid to do it.

m) I don’t like other people.

3) What are two of the expectations the writer to the Hebrews has in Hebrews 5:12-14? _should be teachers already_ ; __should be able to feed yourself from the Word_; __ Should be able to discern good and evil___. How does Hebrews 5:12-14 define our responsibilities so that we can discern godly expectations?

a) I should grow up spiritually

b) Quit being totally dependent on the spoon feeding of others.

c) I should learn from those who are teaching and look for opportunities to learn.

d) I should learn to depend on the Lord and teach others.

e) I should learn to bring my senses under control and depend on the Holy Spirit to discern good and evil

f) I need to hunger for the bread of life (Matt. 4:4) and the Milk (1 Pet. 2:1-2) and press upward (Phil. 2:12-14).

g) I need to step up to the plate and take responsibility to serve others and teach others in appropriate opportunities.

4) Choose two of the passages below. What are examples of expectations versus experience in the following? Gen. 4:4-15; 13:1-15; 17:1-18; 22:1-19; 37:1-28 (cf. 42:21).

a) Gen. 4:4-15 – Cain expected God to receive and respect his offering, but God did not. When God rebuked Cain, Cain chose to disobey God, destroy the competition and suffer life-long consequences.

b) Gen. 13:1-15 – Abraham left Egypt with his nephew Lot and they expected to get along. But, Abraham’s and Lot’s herdsmen argued and wouldn’t get along. Abraham gave Lot the choice of what he wanted. Abraham delivered Lot from capture, but saw Lot’s home destroyed.

c) Gen. 17:1-18 – Abraham expected God to give him an heir, but not through his body. He thought it might be through Hagar, but that just caused problems. Abraham laughed at God’s solution. Abraham’s expectations of God were not what God provided.

d) Gen. 22:1-19 – Abraham obeyed God expecting God to somehow resuscitate Isaac off the altar. God stopped Abraham in time and provided another sacrifice. Abraham obeyed God and God provided another means without making Abraham go through the actual sacrifice of Isaac.

e) Gen.37:1-28 – Joseph was Jacob’s favorite and Jacob expected Joseph to be treated well, but at least fairly. Joseph had a dream from God and he expected his family to listen to him. Instead they twisted what God was doing and took matters into their own hands selling Joseph into slavery. They expected they would be done with thinking about Joseph, but his memory haunted them (42:21).

Implementing this message to your life:

5) What are expectations you may have had that God has taught you were wrong? Based on the principles of the message, what do you need to do?

a) I expect people to treat me well. That won’t happen. Comments and actions will be done as a test to see if I will entrust myself to God and be a spiritual parent to the person by rising above the adversity and discipling to truth.

b) I expect my spouse to respect me. That may not happen. Words will be said, delays will happen, projects will not be completed, promises will not be kept. I need to rise above the adversities, and serve my spouse.

c) I expect my children to obey me. They will rebel at times. I must rise above the adversity, disciple to the truth, serve them by diligently helping them understand and obey the truth and love them to the end.

d) I expect people in America to keep conservative values. Many do not. I need to rise above the adversity and disciple those who will respond to the truth until the end of my opportunities to disciple.

e) I expect people whom I have disciple to respond and want to disciple others. It often doesn’t happen. The result is not the key as much as me being faithful, available to be used by God, intentional in discipling, teachable myself and Holy Spirit controlled.

6) How can you learn to discern what are godly expectations for schooling, occupation, marriage, family and retirement? How does that impact your relationships? Godly expectations:

a) Study Scripture to know God’s holiness and truth in each area.

b) Seeking the Holy Spirit’s illumination to discern God’s way versus man’s way.

c) Study Scripture to understand the growth process and what to expect from people.

d) Trust God with the outcome of circumstances, because he knows God can work any situation for good (Rom. 8:28).

e) Trust God to work in a disciple’s heart to respond and walk worthy of the Lord (Col. 1:10) to be complete in Christ (Col. 2:9-10).

f) Consider the eternal perspective for each area to what God would want for each area.

g) Consider that in each area, God’s mandates of the Great Commandment and Commission are still the important issue, not my personal desires or wants.

h) Ask other wise persons for accountability to keep growing in these areas.

i) If I’m not growing, I won’t learn blind spots or grow to become a spiritual parent.

j) I’ll struggle through some relationships because I won’t understand some of the dynamics of conflict in relationships.

k) I keep certain close relationships, because they are comfortable, but I’ll avoid others, because I don’t learn how to love them as Jesus does.

MSG: Expectations in Relationships

Posted on February 19, 2013 by shepherdbryan

This is the message given on February 17, 2013, the fourth message in a relationship series begun in November, but held during an Advent series and Strategic Vision series.

Expectations in Relationships: You’re supposed to serve me!

John 13

God has three wills. There is the direct will, where God says or does something and it happens. For example, when God said, “Let there be light,” light happened. Then there is the indirect will of God, where God uses an agent or agency to accomplish His will. For example, when Scripture says that children are to obey their parents, the children learn God’s will through their parents. The parents are the agency through whom God makes His will known and be accomplished. Then there is God’s permissive will. God’s permissive will is what God permits, even though it may not be what God desires. God allows many things, like sin, that are not His desire, but He allows them to happen for His greater glory.

In God’s permissive will, He let Israel pursue a king like all the nations around them. God knew people emphasized the physical, overt and human standards, instead of a heart pursuing God. God knew that people would want a tall, good looking man as king. Israel still hadn’t learned the principle “When people get what they want, they don’t want what they get.” Israel wanted meat, so God gave meat to them until it came out of their noses. They got what they wanted, but didn’t want what they got!

So regarding a king, God chose Saul. The Bible says, “There was not a more handsome person than he among the children of Israel. From his shoulders upward he was taller than any of the people.” (1 Sam. 9:2) He was big on the outside, but a shrimp on the inside. Saul made life about himself and he had expectations that showed it.

Saul showed life was about himself in many ways. He didn’t take responsibility for being king when he hid among the baggage at the time of his coronation (1 Sam. 10:22). After two years of reign, he attacked the Philistines and war began. He probably didn’t think the Philistines would attack back or he thought he’d be more successful. So when the people began to depart and Samuel had not arrived to lead in the sacrifice to God, Saul offered an ungodly sacrifice (1 Sam. 13:12-13). Then his kingly position really went to his head and his humility flew out the window, when he called for the execution of his own son Jonathan. He foolishly ordered that no one could eat, until he had taken vengeance on his enemies. He expected his son to hear and obey when his son had not heard (1 Sam. 14:27).

Saul showed his expectations when God ordered Saul to destroy the Amalekites. Saul completed the mission, but only partially. Instead of accepting responsibility, Saul made excuses for his disobedience. Saul expected people to serve him, because he was king. He, consciously or not, really thought He was God and He could decide how far He needed to complete the mission. Saul also expected David to play the harp and be a servant, but Saul wasn’t concerned for David’s condition, position or life. When people honored David, Saul’s jealousy wanted to kill David. Saul expected the world to revolve around him.

In contrast, Jonathan, Saul’s son, saw the Lord blessing David and he loved David,

Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. ² Saul took him that day, and would not let him go home to his father’s house anymore. ³ Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. ⁴ And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt. (1Sam. 18:1-4)

Jonathan used his position as Saul’s son to bless and protect David’s life. Jonathan was next in line to be king, but he was more interested in God’s will than his own desires. What do you expect out of relationships? Everyone has difficult relationships. They can be at home or at work. They can be with someone you love, that is part of your family, or they can be with the neighbor next door that likes to work on his hot rod at 11 pm. How do you deal with trouble in relationships? What do you expect? How do you ensure relationships grow instead of grumble? How does Jesus want you to approach relationships?

The key is how Jesus approaches relationships.

1) Jesus shows you how to finish well loving others John 13:1-3

Imagine all that Jesus went through in loving His disciples! Jesus spent 3.5 years discipling twelve men. Jesus dealt with loud mouth fisherman Peter, who was always sticking his foot in his mouth. He dealt with Simon the Zealot, who often complained about the other sick, lame and lazy guys who couldn’t keep up. Then there was Judas whom the Spirit revealed would betray him. Shouldn’t Jesus have gained some undying respect from his disciples? Surely they would stand with him through a tough time.

Jesus knew that His hour had come. Now before the feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end. (John 13:1) Jesus shows us that even in your darkest hour (this was His), you can love others, because God the Holy Spirit will empower you to love others. You don’t love others, because they are so great, but because that is God’s will and it mirrors what God did for you (1 John 4:19).

His hour had come, yet after the bickering, complaining, comparing of the disciples, He loved them to the end. After three years of living, traveling, eating, training together, Jesus loved them to the end. Even at this point the devil was working in one of Jesus’ disciples – Judas. Jesus kept loving to the end. And supper being ended, the devil having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray Him (John 13:2).

So couldn’t Jesus expect something from the disciples whom He had poured so much into? Shouldn’t they take care of Him? Shouldn’t He expect them to stand with Him? Jesus didn’t expect that, because He knew His time had come and He knew the heart of man. Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God (John 13:3).

No instead of expecting the disciples to act in a certain way, Jesus kept loving them to the end. The question is “what does that love look like?” The rest of the passage shows what that love looks like. People will often say, “I love you,” but their actions show something different. They may say it so nice and sound so genuine, but their actions are empty or even contrary. Notice how Jesus shows His love.

2) Jesus wants you to serve others John 13:4-5

When you are weighed down with difficulties, problems and trouble, what do you normally want? Do you want to serve? Get real. Most of us would rather just retreat to our man cave, or veg out at the television or computer. Jesus knew His time had come. But, He served others. He was a spiritual parent. He did what His disciples should have done. This was the job of the lowest ranking servant.

Let me relate that to today. Washing feet today is nothing compared to Jesus day. I’d be more than happy to wash your feet, but the disciples? Your feet are at most a little fragrant, but not like the feet of the disciples. They had far more than a little dust on their feet. They walked through dust, but also puddles from rain water. In that rain was garbage as well as animal waste in the road. Those were dirty feet! In His greatest crisis, Jesus serves. Jesus lowers Himself before His disciples and serves them,

[Jesus] rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. ⁵ After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. (John 13:4-5)

Jesus even washes the feet of the one who would betray Him. Judas had the lesson of grace, but he chose to betray Jesus.

Okay, I might get the gumption to wash someone’s feet, but don’t make me do anything else. Don’t make me talk to them in a kind way. Don’t make me cover a multitude of sins and help the person move closer to God. At least that’s what my flesh would be thinking. Notice how Jesus approaches the relationships.

3) Jesus wants you to disciple people to truth John 13:6-17

There are times when Jesus even wants you to disciple someone to the truth, in spite of the fact they have wronged you, sinned against you, and failed on their part. God wants you to let Him work through you to teach them about truth. The hard part is as you are trying to do that, people often misunderstand.

Peter misunderstood what Jesus was doing. He didn’t want Jesus to take that position of the lowest slave. Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, “Lord, are You washing my feet?” (John 13:6). Peter was trying to show respect for Jesus, but he was also playing God. He thought he knew better than Jesus about what Jesus should do. He assumed Jesus was showing just a little too much humility.

Jesus makes a simple admonishment to Peter. John records,” Jesus answered and said to him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.” (John 13:7) Too many times we don’t understand what God is doing through others. Rather than listening to understand, we assume we know what is best. Jesus is trying to help Peter, who gets righteously indignant to which Jesus must rebuke Peter. Peter said to Him, “You shall never wash my feet!” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me.”(John 13:8) You can sense a firm, but graciousness in Jesus’ voice.

Then Peter misunderstands further, to which Jesus must correct him. Simon Peter said to Him, “Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!” ¹⁰ Jesus said to him, “He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; and you are clean, but not all of you. For He knew who would betray Him; therefore He said, “You are not all clean.” (John 13:9-11) Jesus declares all of them are believers (clean), but not all (not Judas). Judas had not believed in Jesus as his Savior. Judas looked like the rest of the disciples in actions, but he was not a child of God.

Jesus was teaching the principle of confession of sins. After salvation, a person is cleansed of the penalty of sin, but because of sin in experience or life, there must still be confession of sins (1 John 1:9). God gives you life after death and life before death.

After this tangible, concrete lesson, Jesus explains it.

So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? ¹³ “You call me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. ¹⁴ “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. ¹⁵ “For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. ¹⁶“Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. (John 13:12-16)

Jesus disciples them to the truth. The Disciples didn’t understand the illustration of washing feet. It was more than teaching confession of sins. It was also that we are to disciple others to the truth. Their expectations wanted others to serve them. Jesus shows what is important – others.

Would it be hard for Jesus to do what He did? YES! It would be hard even for the humanity of Jesus. Remember, He said on the cross, “Let this cup pass from Me. Nevertheless, not My will, but Thy will be done. (Matt 26:42). Jesus was also teaching the principle that when we do the hard things, there is great blessing and the choices in the future get easier. “If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. (John 13:17) They are hard to do, because our flesh doesn’t want to do them. Fortunately there is great blessing to come, but the hard choices come first. Discipleship is never a smooth straight line. There are a variety of disappointments. There are often setbacks and loss of traction. Do the right thing.

How does Jesus want you to approach relationships? He wants you to serve others – even the hard ones. There are always opportunities to serve out of love. He also wants you to disciple others to the truth. That takes great discernment. That helps you do the right thing in the interest of the others. At the same time, He wants you to rise above the adversities of relationships.

4) Jesus wants you to rise above adversities John 13:18-30

It would be nice if we could have an easy life once we became Christians. It would be nice if we just got along. But then, we wouldn’t need the Holy Spirit to empower us to rise above adversities and reveal how Jesus is sufficient in all things.

Notice this first adversity Jesus mentions. “I do not speak concerning all of you. I know whom I have chosen; but that the Scripture may be fulfilled,` He who eats bread with Me has lifted up his heel against Me. (John 13:18) Jesus knew ahead of time that Judas was going to betray Him. How would you talk and act if you knew someone would betray you? Jesus chose Judas for this mission. And yet Jesus rose above knowing Judas would betray Him. He served him and discipled him to the truth.

The secondadversity is that Jesus knew the disciples would not get it.

Now I tell you before it comes, that when it does come to pass, you may believe that I am He. ²⁰ “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who receives whomever I send receives Me; and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me.” ²¹ When Jesus had said these things, He was troubled in spirit, and testified and said, “Most assuredly, I say to you, one of you will betray Me.” ²² Then the disciples looked at one another, perplexed about whom He spoke. (John 13:19-22)

The second adversity was that Jesus told the disciples what was going to happen and they wouldn’t be able to understand. They probably looked at Jesus like deer in headlights. Most people want others to understand the pain and problems they are going through. Jesus objectively states the truth, but doesn’t draw attention to His pain. The disciples didn’t understand. People often don’t understand.

The third adversity was actually giving the signal to Judas for him to go.

²³ Now there was leaning on Jesus’ bosom one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved. ²⁴ Simon Peter therefore motioned to him to ask who it was of whom He spoke. ²⁵ Then, leaning back on Jesus’ breast, he said to Him, “Lord, who is it?” ²⁶ Jesus answered, “It is he to whom I shall give a piece of bread when I have dipped it.” And having dipped the bread, He gave it to Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon. (John 13:23-26)

Jesus was going to give the piece of bread dipped in the wine to Judas. Some of us would have wanted to throw it at Judas! He gave Judas the symbol of His body broken for Judas dipped in the symbol of blood that would be shed for him. Jesus also knew that Judas had every opportunity, but rejected it. AND Jesus maintained such tremendous composure by the Holy Spirit.

The fourth adversity was telling Judas to go do what was part of God’s plan – to enjoin the process of betrayal leading to the flogging and to the crucifixion.

Now after the piece of bread, Satan entered him. Then Jesus said to him, “What you do, do quickly. ²⁸But no one at the table knew for what reason He said this to him. ²⁹ For some thought, because Judas had the money box, that Jesus had said to him, “Buy those things we need for the feast,” or that he should give something to the poor. ³⁰ Having received the piece of bread, he then went out immediately. And it was night. (John 13:27-30)

Wouldn’t there be a little resentment or bitterness in your voice if you had to say that? There was none in Jesus’ voice. He accepted the Father’s will and took responsibility to do what was required – even death on the cross. He even gave Judas permission to go do what would be necessary.

God is always in control. Will you accept that God is in control, when someone tries to manipulate you? When someone deceives you? When someone wrongs you? God was in control, when Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery. God was in control, when Potiphar’s wife lied and Joseph was thrown into prison. God was in control when Achan stole from Jericho and soldiers from Israel died at the Battle of Ai. God was in control, when Absalom drove David out of Jerusalem? God was in control when Solomon married 700 wives. How foolish of Solomon!

How does Jesus want you to approach relationships? Rise above the adversities. Disciple others to the truth. Serve them. If you do, you will finish well loving others. But there is one more thing Jesus teaches us to understand.

5) Jesus wants you to overcome by loving others exactly as He does John 13:31-35

We all want to overcome. Most of us overcome by separating from others. There is a time for separation. But not until we have let God work through us in all circumstances. Now, notice what Jesus says here.

So, when he had gone out, Jesus said, “Now the Son of Man is glorified, and God is glorified in Him. If God is glorified in Him, God will also glorify Him in Himself, and glorify Him immediately. (John 13:31-32)

How can Jesus talk about glory, when He has just given a piece of bread to Judas to begin the process of betrayal? He even includes glory for the Father! It is in the darkest moments that God’s grace shines the brightest. It is in the trial, the crisis, the trouble, that God’s grace is shown to be sufficient and God’s Holy Spirit is all powerful. Furthermore Jesus tells them they cannot come with Him, because they have a mission defined by the Great Commission. Little children, I shall be with you a little while longer. You will seek Me; and as I said to the Jews, `Where I am going, you cannot come,’ so now I say to you. (John 13:33) They could not come now, they have a mission.

Then Jesus gets to the pinnacle of how to approach relationships – overcome by loving others exactly as He does.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. (John 13:34)

Let’s note several things by this. First, it is a new commandment. The word “new” means new in quality, not new in sequence or time. He is not saying the other commandments are no longer needed. This is a new kind of commandment, because what God calls us to is a humanly impossible activity. No one can love as Jesus does, unless we die to ourselves and are filled with the Holy Spirit.

Secondly, the word “commandment” means it’s not an option, preference, suggestion or choice. It is a commandment from God and is a requirement if we are going to be His disciples.

Thirdly, the word “love” means to give what is best for others. It isn’t an expression someone says and then there is nothing good done. That is hypocrisy. Love is an action from personal resources done for the best interests of others.

Fourthly, the word “as” means “exactly according to the degree as.” In other words, there is a comparison made between what Jesus does and what God wants us to do. God wants us to die exactly as Jesus did for the best interests of others. He doesn’t want us to say, “I love you,” and then ignore the person or stay away from the person. If I say, “I love you,” there will be tangible expressions of that love.

Finally, it is a choice we make to be shown as Jesus’ disciples.

“By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35)

If I love as Jesus loved, I will show I am His disciple. If I don’t, then I will not let others know, because I am not His disciple.

There are good and bad expectations. Bad expectations put expectations on how others are to act. Bad expectations are really a self-focus of trying to play God. Good expectations allow God to work through you to love others. Let’s look at it this way:

Godly expectations anticipate Jesus working through you

so you can love others!

How do you implement this? First, accept that you have expectations. If you expect people to always do the right thing; remember your dates, name, appointments, or anniversaries, you’ll have trouble. They should remember, but if you have expectations, it makes relationships difficult at times. If you expect people to be civil, raise their kids to be perfect, come to church with their saintly face on, you’ll have trouble. If you expect people to protect the holiness of others, expect display of modesty, or not use course jokes, you’ll have trouble at times. Should these things be done by people? Yes! But if when it doesn’t happen, what should you do? Serve them, disciple them to the truth, rise above the adversities and overcome by loving exactly as Jesus does.

It’s like when Paul visited with the Elders of Ephesus.

For I know this, that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock. ³⁰“Also from among yourselves men will rise up, speaking [twisted] things, to draw away the disciples after themselves. (Act 20:29-30)

And

For a great and effective door has opened to me, and there are many adversaries. (1Co 16:9)

Paul didn’t expect everything to be quiet and calm in the church. He accepted that trouble would arise. When it did arise, he was a willing vessel through whom God could work to restore order and maintain the growth in the church.

Secondly, practice three things. Practice compassion, which is a genuine awareness of another’s suffering that leads to a desire to help. Practice forgiveness, which is pardoning for an offense without treating the other person as an offender. And practice forbearance, which is patience under provocation. It means you are willing to stand alongside someone in trouble.

Furthermore it means we will die to self for the sake of others.

· It means I accept suffering and am willing to endure it for another’s sake.

· It means I’m willing to live with the poor, whether financially, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. Jam. 2:1-5

· It means I resist the temptation to favoritism Jam. 2:1-5

· It means I’m committed to persevere in hardship.

· It means rejecting a personal happiness and a comfort agenda for the sake of another’s standing with God.

· It means I live with a commitment to forgive.

· It means I overlook minor offenses by focusing on the big things God is doing.

· It means I won’t compromise on what is morally right and true. I will point others to God and the Word, and not condemn.

What was the problem with Saul’s expectations? Saul’s expectations were really a revelation that he wanted to be God himself. He wanted people to adjust to him, because he was king and he wasn’t oriented to God in humility. Jonathan, on the other hand, was humble and was oriented to God’s plan, regardless of what that meant for him.

Expectations are a sign of expressing our desire to be and act like God. Do your expectations get in the way of offering grace to others?

These are the Message Based Discussion Questions on the reverse side of the insert:

Message Based Discussion Questions

Digging deeper into the text:

2) What are two of God’s expectations in Matthew 28:18-20? ___________________; _____________________________ What are some of the challenges to the fulfillment of that mandate?

4) Chose two of the passages below. What are examples of expectations versus experience in the following? Gen. 4:4-15; 13:1-15; 17:1-18; 22:1-19; 37:1-28 (cf. 42:21).

Implementing this message to your life:

5) What are expectations that you may have had that God has taught you were wrong? Based on the principles of the message, what do you need to do?

6) How can you learn to discern what are godly expectations for schooling, occupation, marriage, family and retirement? How does that impact your relationships?

SGL:Small Group Definition

Posted on February 18, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Leading a Home Group: Small Group Definition

The early church followed the small group model. Acts 2:41-47 describes how they enjoyed fellowship from house to house and devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching. There were churches that met in the homes of Priscilla and Aquila (Rom. 16:3-5) and Philemon (Phm 1:2). House churches were not the option, but the norm. In fact house churches were most common, until Constantine became emperor in 274-337 A.D. as the first Christian emperor of Rome. Then church buildings, basilicas, cathedrals, replaced house churches. Unfortunately, in the eyes of the world and Christians, the church became the building rather than the body of Christ. Small groups continue to be crucial to the mission of building the kingdom. Let’s make a definition of a small group.

What is a small group (home group)? It is a voluntary gathering of five to fifteen people invited together within the church structure, built upon God’s Word in a relational environment with intentional discipleship that regularly meets to reach out to people and help all grow spiritually so that people desire to reproduce.

Let’s break that down in parts:

· Voluntary invitation – Small group leaders invite people to gather, rather than coerce them. Small groups are not put together by guilt, duty or pestering. People join small groups, because they want to join a real and transparent setting. They see small groups as a place they can grow biblically, spiritually and relationally.

· Five to Fifteen – A small group is small by number, normally about twelve people, but can be five to fifteen. Fewer than five people can make discussions difficult, especially when a few get sick. More means that people are less likely to be transparent or ask questions. Small groups often have co-leaders, so with their spouses and one additional person, you have the minimum of five. Fifteen allows the number twelve Jesus worked with plus a few additional people who may join until another group is formed. If a small group is larger than fifteen, the transparency fades as walls and a lack of trust often form. In larger groups, more time is necessary for interaction and discussion. A smaller group allows for easier trust development and openness. A small group means that people are more willing to ask questions.

· Within the Church structure – This means the small group is connected to the church and the small group leadership is under the Church’s spiritual coaching staff. Therefore, the small group is not independent from the church. This is why the vision and purpose of the small group should be established under the larger Church’s vision and purpose. Small groups can have a unique statement related to Matthew 28:19-20, however.

· Built upon God’s Word– There is one foundation for the Church and small groups – God’s Word. Everything else is sinking sand. The people and the small group will not grow spiritually, unless they are built on God’s Word.

· Relational environment– Small groups provide the relational environment where people develop trust, enjoy fellowship and care for one another. It is the ideal place where the “one anothers” can be practiced. The relational environment is also where the wisest accountability, encouragement and unity of the Spirit will be experienced.

· Intentional discipleship – Small groups gather to have fun in encouraging others to grow. But they do not allow the growth to happen by chance. Individuals are asked to try opportunities of leading in hosting, prayer, facilitating questions and follow-up. The leadership develops a plan of helping those who are willing to take greater responsibility and to learn how to focus on the needs of others, rather than only their own. Eventually, many of the people will be offered the opportunity to lead their own small group.

· Regularly meets – Each small group decides how often it will meet. Normally they will meet weekly or even biweekly and meet for one and a half hours. Sometimes people stay later talking about the lesson or personal things. The group can meet in a home, restaurant, office, or church, but the home probably provides the most relaxed setting for interaction and warmth.

· Reach out to new people– Small groups are designed to invite new people to them. They may be closed in some cases, but most should be open to expand the small group ministry. There are many people who will not darken the threshold of a church, but will easily join a group in a home. Some small groups may be very evangelistic and have open doors to hungry souls.

· Help all grow spiritually– When the main focus is helping people grow spiritually, they will become transformed by the renewing of their mind and they will reach out to others. The fact that there are a variety of people (and not all older, sage Owls) allows new people to realize they can fit in also and not feel like they have to put on a spiritual front. Small groups are excellent training and proving grounds to let people move through the spiritual stages of spirituality.

· Desire to reproduce– While the comfort of trusted people gather because they enjoy each other, the leadership must continue to cast the vision of reproduction. Small groups provide the environment as a great tool in the fulfillment of the Great Commission to multiply disciples. Spiritual parents lead small groups with the desire that disciples will rise up out of the group to go lead other groups.

Let’s build on that definition and watch the Holy Spirit build a magnificent local body of mobilized Christians hungry for truth, dependent on God’s Spirit and trusting in their heart to reach new people.

SGL:How to deal with Discussion Controllers

Posted on February 17, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Leading a Home Group: How to deal with Discussion Controllers

We are joyful that people want to participate in a home group. They are the best environment where 80% of the church can grow through the spiritual stages of infant, child, young adult and parent. None of the stages is more important than the others. However, Jesus in the Great Commission wants us to become disciplers of all the nations, which means becoming a spiritual parent. In the joy of home group, there are often people who seem to control the conversation or do most of the talking.

Talking is a good thing. However, it can prevent the others from growing through the sharpening process. So what do you do when it seems one person is talking a whole lot more than others? What do you say that doesn’t shut down the whole group? What concerns should a leader have so that the “spirit” of the conversation isn’t quenched?

First, pray that you are being objective in your observations. Make sure it’s not a personality conflict you have with the person and you would rather not hear from that person as much.

Secondly, thank them for their thoughts. Affirmation is important for almost all people. Some talkers could care less about affirmation, but your affirmation is important to other less talkative (even timid) people who more easily shut down. In your affirmation of the talker, turn quickly to others and look for their response to affirm them.

Thirdly, based on the thought expressed by the controlling person, ask, “What do the rest of you think?” or “Are there any other thoughts?” Your purpose is to convey that others have an equal say and importance in contributing to the conversation.

Fourthly, get together outside of the group and ask the person how the group is going. They will likely respond the group is going great (because they get to talk so much). Ask them how the contributions of others in the group are helping everyone learn and sharpen each other (Prov. 27:17). They may not realize others are not talking very much because they don’t have very much opportunity to contribute time wise. Ask the controlling person if the others have helpful things to contribute and ask them if they can remember any of their contributions. Do not do this to put them on the spot, or to feel bad, but to try to get them to think through the situation and take ownership of what seems to be going on, much like the prophet Nathan did with David in 2 Samuel 12.

Fifthly, talk to them afterward to help them see that the discussion is meant for everyone. Affirm their desire to participate. They may not realize how much they are talking or controlling. Some talkers will humbly be much more observant. Some may deny they talk very much. Some others may react and not do any talking for the next few weeks. And still others may go into hibernation, because they are embarrassed that the leader felt like he/she needed to say something. Paul’s admonition in 1 Thessalonians is pertinent related to different kinds of people, “Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. (1 Thess. 5:14)

Finally, if nothing seems to work, help them see they are not letting others talk. The group is more important than hurting the feelings of an individual. The group is more important than allowing one person to control by talking so much. The individual person must realize, “Life is not about you.” It’s about the Lord and considering others more important than self.

You the leader are responsible to help all the people. You the humble and bold leader are God’s representative to raise all people to the holiness of God. All the people will need to grow, especially you the leader. God calls you the leader to be diligent to be His agent of helping others. Leading is your opportunity to grow.

Danger of the term “Christian maturity”

Posted on February 15, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Danger of the term “Christian maturity”

I’ve asked many people what Christian maturity is and I get a variety of answers. Some answers describe a person who knows the Bible well. Some add it’s one whose Bible study influences their life. Some say Christian maturity is obedience to God, i.e. one who goes to church, takes their children to church and no longer carouses. Some say it is someone who gets along with others. Some say maturity refers to those who don’t do drugs, steal or lie. There is truth in all of those statements. However, there is a message that is hidden by those definitions. Christian maturity is none of the above.

Who are some who might satisfy the above definitions? The Pharisees were not mature and yet they knew the Bible well (distorted as they knew it). There are some people who are brains on a stick, but they use that knowledge to impress others rather than disciple others.

There are some who don’t do the wrong things. That is, they don’t do drugs, steal or lie, but they also don’t disciple other people. They do struggle with worry, doubting God, bitterness toward certain individuals who have hurt them and struggle with not forgiving past offenses. They consider those acceptable in life, because “everyone deals with those.” God calls them sins. Man calls them acceptable. Acceptable sins are not characteristic of Christian maturity.

There are some who are comfortable in their own setting and don’t care whether other people “get it” or not. Oh, they wouldn’t say they don’t care, but they don’t take the time to come alongside new believers who grew up having never attended church. The one who doesn’t do wrong things, do they do the right things? Do they disciple others?

There are some who say maturity is obedience to God by going to church, taking their children to Sunday School and not carouse. But a person can do that in his own power for his own purposes. He takes his children, because he isn’t willing to raise his children to the holiness of God and he expects the church to do it. Obedience is often so vague that it merely means one who doesn’t do obvious sins. There is little personal sanctification or spiritual transformation. There is little spiritual accountability. That’s no measure of maturity.

What is maturity? It’s often just a nebulous, vague and cloudy term to take a person away from their God given responsibility of the fulfilling the Great Commandment and Great Commission.

Let’s get real. Christian maturity is one who humbly loves God with all his heart, soul and strength, who is dependent on the Holy Spirit for every thought, word and action, and who submits to the Lordship of Jesus Christ raising up disciples to Jesus Christ. Christian maturity is not a spiritual infant, who does not know Scripture and is focused on self. Christian maturity is not a spiritual child, who likes learning Scripture, but is still focused on self and what self wants to do. Christian maturity is developing in spiritual young adult status, where the person has changed his focus from self to God and others. He shows this by serving and teaching others. True maturity is seen in the spiritual parent.

Christian maturity is defined in one way. It is a spiritual parent who loves God, loves others and is making disciples to Jesus Christ. If there are no disciples, mentees, or followers, the person is not a spiritual parent and is not yet become spiritually mature. The person who has not arrived is just as valuable as any other, but he has not arrived to the role of being a spiritual parent like Jesus, Paul and many others. John calls the mature, spiritual parents “Fathers” in 1 John 2:13. They know God and are living out the Father’s will.

Are you mature? Are you discipling others?

Q & A: Pursuing the Role in Jesus

Posted on February 14, 2013 by shepherdbryan

This is the insert and suggested answers for the Message Based Discussion Questions of the message that was given on February 10, 2013 and posted February 12, 2013. The entire insert is included for review and the answers are only a begining of considerations of how to answer the questions. The serious student will be able to add to these provided suggested answers. SDG.

Strategy of Grace – Pursuing the Role in Jesus

Eph. 5:15-17

What kind of person does God require to do His work? One who:

· Knows and loves Jesus – The person is growing in relationship with Jesus to know and love Him. Matt 22:37-39; 1 John 2:13-14

· Practices Spiritual disciplines– This person is learning and putting into practice spiritual disciplines for growth and service. John 17:17; Rom. 8:28-29; 12:1-2; 2 Tim. 2:15

· Engages Discipleship – Matt. 28:18-20

These are the characteristics of a committed disciple we looked at several weeks ago from Matt. 4:19. These can be expanded in the acrostic FAITH

· Faithful – He humbly depends on God facing every challenge and joy of life. Matt. 25:21-23.

· Available – He’s humbly available because he has examined and reordered his life. Is. 6:8; Eph. 3:8-9.

· Intentional – He humbly goes before the sovereignty of God seeking God’s will each day in order to live that will out in his life. Phil. 3:9-14; 1:21

· Teachable – He is a humble student of God’s Word for life. Ps. 25:1-5; 2 Tim. 2:15; 3:16-17

· Holy Spirit controlled – He humbly depends on the Holy Spirit rather than his own talents, abilities or wisdom. Eph. 5:18; Luke 4:1-14

Jesus will raise you to accomplish His will

and become spiritual parents IF you pursue that!

· Jesus is a sovereign gentleman. He will not coerce you. You are not advancing only because you are not pursuing. All the resources of heaven are available to you in His Word and by His Spirit to raise you up.

· Jesus uses all circumstances to prepare you for His mission. Challenges of life are the crucible for pressing forward in His will. Your flesh will want to give up, but He will empower you to keep going.

· Every mindful person can be a spiritual parent to help others. Your humble submission to His Spirit to glorify Jesus will cause you to see His miraculous HOPE and growth in your life.

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) Who is someone you admire in the world? What are his/her characteristics?

a)      This question is designed to involve everyone in the small group and each answer will be personalized.
b)      The purpose is to allow each person to sense they have something to contribute and allow them to become transparent.
c)      E.g. I admire Mike Pence because he holds to conservative values and the sanctity of life. He is interested in helping people take responsibility for their decisions, rather than just give people a handout.

Digging Deeper

2) What are some of the fears and excuses Moses had from Exodus 3:11- 4:17? _inadequacy_ ; _lack of credibility_; _doubting self_; _slow of speech_; __fear of looking like a fool____. Today, what are fears or excuses that prevent people from taking responsibility to do what God calls them to do?

a) Same as above with Moses’ examples

b) Listening to the devil’s lie that I don’t know enough

c) Comparing self to the “great” abilities of others

d) Not wanting to look like a fool if I say the wrong thing

e) Not knowing that God is able

f) Not trusting in an ability to help others

g) Not thinking that I can communicate well to others

h) Not knowing who I am in Christ, called to serve the Lord

i) Laziness to prepare to disciple

j) Distracted by the world instead of motivated by the eternal

3) What are several characteristics required of an overseer in 1 Timothy 3:1-7? _blameless_; _temperate_; _able to teach___; _not given to wine_; _not violent, etc._. Are these characteristics that should be true only of elders? Who else should spiritually grow into these? Why?

a) These characteristics should be true of anyone discipling others

b) All people should use these as a measurement for spiritual growth.

c) Why? Every husband and father, wife and mother should strive for these as they would apply. Every single should use these as a standard. If these are the characteristics of church leadership, they are the appropriate characteristics of any leader.

4) Read the letters written to the Church of Ephesus and the Church of Laodicea (Rev. 2:1-7; 3:14-22. What are characteristics of these churches? _laboring in word_; _intolerant of evil_; _patience_; _in sin_; _lukewarm_; _wretched, poor, blind, naked_. Which church do think would do a better job of fulfilling the Great Commission? Why?

a) Either church could fulfill the Great Commission if they repented and depended on the Holy Spirit

b) The issue is not the sin or failure of the church. The issue is will they repent and humble themselves to the fulfillment of the Word by the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.

i) The church of Ephesus had much more going for it, because they were knowledgeable and were intolerant of false teachers.

ii) However, Laodicea cold still make the right decisions to humble themselves and buy gold from Jesus, white garments and eye salve.

iii) The issue is who will not make excuses and press through the fear to do the right thing regardless of the challenges.

Making application from the message:

5) How has the angel of light deceived the church today (2 Cor. 11:13-15)? How has the Vision series challenged you in your thinking?

a) The angel of light deceives by convincing people only certain people (pastors) can lead in the church.

i) Deceiving people to think that a spiritual gift is required to lead in being a spiritual parent.

ii) Rationalizing that I’m not there yet and won’t be for a few more years.

iii) Reasoning that because some people are very good at it, the Lord doesn’t need me to serve and lead.

iv) It’s women’s work and I have a job in the world.

v) I don’t have time to lead others

vi) You have to have a certain amount of knowledge in order to lead others.

vii) The work will get done some time, I don’t need to be involved.

b) The vision series has helped me see that there are stages of spiritual growth. I didn’t know what stage I was in. Now I need to press forward and continue growing, while I take baby steps of serving and discipling. I need to take the steps of faith and try opportunities. I need to do follow-up with people and develop more relationships. I need to be more consistent in my quiet time. I need to be regular at coming to church. I need to be a spiritual parent, when others do actions of a spiritual infant or child.

6) Why do you suppose God doesn’t require you to have certain “degrees” to do His work? What kinds of things hold you back from taking the next step? What could you do to take the next step?

a) Human “degrees” are helpful for background and putting the pieces of God’s Word together, but the power is in what God’s Spirit will do through the available soul. Degrees can hinder a person because of pride and self-righteousness of having the degree. God will use the ordinary person more times than a person with degrees, because they often are more dependent on God.

b) Many things hold people back. Fears and excuses per question 2. Lack of motivation to please the Lord. Lack of understanding of God’s goodness. Lack of being a doer of the Word, instead of a hearer. Fear of failure. Fear of looking like a fool. Fear of someone finding out “I don’t have my act together,” because I didn’t so something just right. Wrong priorities. A schedule that is full of busyness, but not God’s priorities. Lack of compassion to reach people. Lack of knowledge of what that step will be or mean? Failure to trust the Lord with the step.

c) In order to take the next step, I could meditate on the Word, fast, or ask others what steps I could take. I could look for serving opportunities. I could ask to shadow another person who is discipling another person. I can be in a home group. I can read books related to discipleship and small groups. I can take the step in a small way. I can look for feedback and accountability. I could fast. I could choose a verse that motivates to leading others and memorize

Book Review: Leading Life-Changing Small Groups by Bill Donahue

Posted on February 13, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Book Review: Leading Life-Changing Small Groups by Bill Donahue

“Leading Life-Changing Small Groups” by Bill Donahue addresses the leader’s role in establishing and developing a Biblical Community. He begins with how to establish a small groups purpose and vision. This might seem too independent from the associated Church and I would recommend that any Small Group assume the associated Church’s purpose and vision. However, the specific purpose and vision of the Small Group might differ regarding how it will reach out to new members, serve within and outside the Church, and identify specific mission service projects.

His succeeding chapters highlight excellent insights into the leader’s role for himself and then an apprentice. Every leader can improve his listening skills, accountability and leadership style. Donahue provides a series of suggestions on how to grow. Then, in the next chapter, he moves directly into developing an apprentice, which is essential if the vision is to grow individuals and grow the influence of small groups. Every leader is a spiritual parent, who must consider how to raise up those who will participate in and multiply small groups.

He has an excellent discussion on creating a covenant or agreement for the small group gathering. Additionally, he addresses the strategy for growth and what ingredients help that process. Following that, he delineates what the meetings should look like and what the outcomes should be. He has a great, lengthy and helpful list of ice-breaker questions. His section on dealing with conflict was helpful, but could have drawn more from Scripture on some of the mechanics.

Leaders should read through this in order to identify small group dynamics. It will be much easier to learn the easy way from Donahue’s suggestions than the hard experience of small group hard knocks. People get their feelings hurt too easily, misunderstandings develop too quickly and people often jump to wrong conclusions. A leader must be a spiritual parent who can discern the heart of people and that doesn’t come immediately. Donahue’s resource and experience will develop discernment for successful small group leading.

MSG: Strategy for Grace: Pursuing the Role in Jesus – Part 5

Posted on February 12, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Strategy of Grace – Pursuing the Role in Jesus

Eph. 5:15-17

Have you ever said, “I could never do that!”

The following is a skit used for the introduction of the message. There is the voice of God, narrator and Moses. God calls Moses to lead Israel out of Egypt, but Moses comes up with five excuses why he shouldn’t be the one who God can lead Israel from Egypt.

Narrator: Have you ever said, “I could never do that!” 3,500 years ago, after Moses lived in the wilderness of Midian, tending to the flock of Jethro on the back side of the desert from Egypt, Moses was confronted with the sight of a burning bush. Moses caught sight of the burning bush and approached it hearing a voice bellow out his name, “Moses” and telling him to remove his sandals for the ground is holy where he was standing.

God’s voice: I have seen the oppression of my people in Egypt and heard their cry. I have come to deliver them from Egypt to a land flowing with milk and honey. I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring My people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt.

Moses: Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt? (Excuse 1)

God’s voice: I WILL be with you. This burning bush is a sign to you that I have sent you.

Moses: Okay, but when I go to Israel and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers sent me,” They’ll say, “Yea right, what’s His name?” (Excuse 2)

God’s voice: I am who I am. I am has sent me to you. Now, go and gather the elders of Israel. Let us go three day’s journey into the wilderness that we may sacrifice to the Lord our God. And when you leave, you’ll ask everyone of his Egyptian neighbor and come out with abundance.

Moses: But suppose they will not believe me or listen to my voice and say, ‘God has not appeared to you?’ (Excuse 3)

God’s voice: What is that in your hand?

Moses: a rod

God’s voice: Cast it on the ground.

Moses: A snake!

God’s voice: Now pick it up by the tail. Now put your hand in your bosom.

Moses: It’s leprous!

God’s voice: Now put it back in your bosom again. [Moses does and it is whole.] And if they don’t believe you, take from the river and pour it on dry land and the water will become blood.

Moses: Lord, I’m not eloquent, neither before or since You’ve spoken to your servant; I am slow of speech and slow of tongue. (Excuse 4)

God’s voice: Who made your mouth and voice? Have I not made the mute and deaf, those who see and the blind? Have not I, the Lord? Now, therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say.

Moses: O my Lord, please send by the hand of whomever else You may send. (Excuse 5)

Narrator: God’s anger rose up against Moses for questioning and doubting His command and word.

God’s voice: Is not Aaron the Levite your brother? I know he can speak well. I will be with your mouth and with his mouth and I will teach you what you shall do. So he shall be your spokesman to the people. You will be as God to him. You shall take this rod in your hand, which you shall do the signs.

Narrator: So God dealt with the fears and excuses that Moses had and used another to accomplish His mission. Since God calls you to the Great Commission, how will you respond? What kind of person does God require to do His work?

What kind of person does God require to do His work? One who:

· Knows and loves Jesus – The person is growing in relationship with Jesus to know and love Him. He should know and love Jesus with all his heart, mind, soul and strength, in other words, with his entire being. He/she must have priorities in life whereby the Lord is first, not just fit into the schedule. If anything, other things fit around the Lord. This person doesn’t just know about the Bible, or know about God, but He knows the Lord. He is committed to following Jesus. Matt 22:37-39; 1 John 2:13-14

Jesus said to him, “`You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ (Matt. 22:37)

I write to you, fathers, Because you have known Him who is from the beginning. (1John 2:13)

· Practices Spiritual disciplines– This person is learning and putting into practice spiritual disciplines for growth and service. The person isn’t perfect spiritually, but he/she seeks to know the Lord by regular time in reading and enjoying His Word. He enjoys prayer alone and with others. He works at memorizing God’s Word in his heart for use in life. He meditates on Scripture and spends time in silence before God. He servesin different capacities. He learns worshipand practices fellowship with others. These and others are regular practices, because of his love for Jesus. Through these disciplines, he is committed to being changed by Jesus. He is in a lifelong learning mode that he might know God more intimately and clearly. John 17:17; Rom. 8:28-29; 12:1-2; 2 Tim. 2:15

“Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth. (John 17:17)

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. ²⁹ For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. (Rom. 8:28-29)

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. ² And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. (Rom. 12:1-2)

Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. (2 Tim. 2:15)

· Engages Discipleship – He is committed to the Great Commission of discipling others. He genuinely cares for others and wants to see them grow spiritually. He has learned to feed himself, so that he is ready to share with others. He is thinking the team, the team, the team, because the church is a team that the gates of hell shall not prevail against. He intentionally helps others learn how to grow and serve, so they can become spiritual parents also. He is committed, no matter what cost, time, or personal sacrifice is required. He has counted the cost. Matt. 28:18-20

And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. ¹⁹ “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ “teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen. (Mat 28:18-20)

Now someone will likely say that we saw these characteristics a few weeks ago. That is true. These are the characteristics of a committed disciple from the second message on what is a disciple of Jesus Christ from Matt. 4:19. So let’s look at the requirements that God has for us to do His work. These can be seen with the acrostic FAITH

· Faithful – He humbly depends on God facing every challenge and joy of life. He doesn’t run from the problem, but runs toward it and slings God’s Word at the problem, because He knows God and His care for him. He faithfully studies God’s Word, prays to the Lord and depends on His empowering Spirit. Matt. 25:21-23. This person presses to the upward call, takes baby steps of spiritual growth, willingly takes responsibility and asks God to give him a heart that Jesus has for people.

Consider David who when challenged to deal with Goliath, he remembered how he killed the bear and the lion by the power of the Lord and Goliath would be no different. David was willing to run to the problem and sling the stone against the giant and defeat the problem, because he was faithful to trust the Lord. The reason David was faithful, was because he was open to being taught by the Lord throughout his life.

“His lord said to him,`Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’ ²² “He also who had received two talents came and said,`Lord, you delivered to me two talents; look, I have gained two more talents besides them.’ ²³ “His lord said to him,`Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’ (Mat 25:21-23)

How many people can be faithful? Is there anyone who is not able to be faithful in life? Great, because it’s merely a choice you need make each day. You can be the person God requires to do His will.

· Available – He’s humbly available because he has examined and reordered his life. Is. 6:8; Eph. 3:8. He recognizes time is short and he sets aside childish things that won’t matter for eternity sake. He establishes godly priorities that will bring honor and glory to Jesus and establish blessing and reward in time and eternity. He is available, because he has committed himself to Jesus. He commits his time (Eph. 5:15-17), talents (1 Pet. 4:11), treasure (Matt. 6:21), truth (John 4:23-24), tongue (Jam. 3:1-12), temple (1 Cor. 6:19-20) and turbo-gift (1 Pet. 4:10) to the Lord for His use.

GIDEON was put on the spot by the Angel of the Lord, when Gideon was hiding in the winepress working to get enough grain to feed his family. He was hiding from the Midianites, but the Lord challenged to see if he was available. The Angel of the Lord said, “The Lord is with you, O mighty man of valor!” I can imagine Gideon was wondering if the Lord was talking about him or someone else. Through Gideon’s weak faith, the Lord helped Gideon see that in Gideon’s availability, he could defeat 120,000 of the enemy with only 300 men. God doesn’t depend on our might and wisdom, but on His.

When the Seraph angel said to Isaiah, Whom shall I send, Isaiah responded, “Send me (I’m available).”

Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: “Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.” (Is. 6:8)

When God needed a man to proclaim the mystery of Christ, he found Paul who chose to be available.

To me, who am less than the least of all the saints, this grace was given, that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to make all see what is the fellowship of the mystery, which from the beginning of the ages has been hidden in God who created all things through Jesus Christ (Eph 3:8-9)

How many people can be available? Is there anyone who is not able to be available in life? Great, because it’s merely a choice you need make each day. You can be the person God requires to do His will.

· Intentional – He humbly goes before the sovereignty of God seeking God’s will each day in order to live that will out in his life. He does not let life happen by chance. He intentionally plans his study of God’s Word. He intentionally lays out a plan for growth and spiritual development. He intentionally chooses his friends, his service opportunities and how he will spend his time, because the days are evil and can be squandered so easily with a multitude of distractions. He is intentional about inviting others to follow him. He is intentional about life and spiritual growth Phil. 3:9-14; 1:21 Paul was intentional about his life:

[that I may] be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; ¹⁰ that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, ¹¹ if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. ¹² Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. ¹³ Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, ¹⁴ I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 3:9-14)

For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. (Phi 1:21)

How many people can be intentional? Is there anyone who is not able to be intentional in life? Great, because it’s merely a choice you need make each day. You can be the person God requires to do His will.

· Teachable – He is a humble student of God’s Word for life. He submits His life to God’s instruction through God’s Spirit, so he can gain and sustain the spirit-controlled life. He looks for opportunities to learn. He will take notes, review plans and listen to people on what he can learn from them. He is accountable so that he is not just sliding through life, but engaged in always learning. He uses spiritual disciplines to learn all he can about, of and with the Lord. Ps. 25:1-5; 2 Tim. 2:15; 3:16-17

A Psalm of David. To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul. ² O my God, I trust in You; Let me not be ashamed; Let not my enemies triumph over me. ³ Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed; Let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause. ⁴Show me Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths. ⁵ Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; On You I wait all the day. (Ps. 25:1-5)

Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. (2 Tim 2:15)

All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, ¹⁷ that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. (2Ti 3:16-17)

How many people can be teachable? Is there anyone who is not able to be teachable in life? Great, because it’s merely a choice you need make each day. You can be the person God requires to do His will.

· Holy Spirit controlled – He humbly depends on the Holy Spirit rather than his own talents, abilities or wisdom. He has a greater and more humble opinion because he sees himself before the holiness of God. He is dependent on the empowerment of God’s Spirit to understand God’s Word and live it out. He depends on God’s Spirit for each new step in spiritual growth. He depends on God’s Word, listens to the counsel of others in order to understand and engages dependency upon God’s Spirit for every thought, word and action in life. Eph. 5:18; Luke 4:1-14

And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, (Eph. 5:18)

Then Jesus, being filled with the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spiritinto the wilderness… ¹⁴ Then Jesus returned in the power of the Spirit to Galilee, (Luke 4:1-14)

How many people can be Holy Spirit controlled? Is there anyone who is not able to be Holy Spirit controlled in life? Great, because it’s merely a choice you need make each day. You can be the person God requires to do His will.

Jesus will transform you to accomplish His will

and to become spiritual parents IF you pursue that.

· Jesus is a sovereign gentleman. He will not coerce you. You will not advance only because you are not pursuing. All the resources of heaven are available to you in His Word and by His Spirit to raise you up.

· Every mindful person can be a spiritual parent to help others. Your humble submission to His Spirit to glorify Jesus will cause you to see His miraculous HOPE in your life.

Just as Moses used five different excuses why he did not want to obey the Lord, it’s easy for us to come up with excuses. What reasons to you use to become complacent and not obey the Lord? What fears and excuses to you use to not take spiritual responsibility to grow in the Lord and become a spiritual parent and disciple other people?

Here’s the back side of the insert. I’ll post some suggested answers later this week.

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) Who is someone you admire in the world? What are his/her characteristics?

Digging Deeper

2) What are some of the fears and excuses Moses had from Exodus 3:11- 4:17? ______________ ; ___________; ________________; ________________; __________________. Today, what are fears or excuses that prevent people from taking responsibility to do what God calls them to do?

3) What are several characteristics required of an overseer in 1 Timothy 3:1-7? ________________; ______________________; __________________; _____________________; __________________. Are these characteristics that should be true only of elders? Who else should spiritually grow into these? Why?

4) Read the letters written to the Church of Ephesus and the Church of Laodicea (Rev. 2:1-7; 3:14-22. What are characteristics of these churches? _____________; _____________; _______________; ________________; _______________; ________________. Which church do think would do a better job of fulfilling the Great Commission? Why?

Making application from the message:

5) Why do you suppose God doesn’t require you to have certain “degrees” to do His work? What kinds of things hold you back from taking the next step? What could you do to take the next step?

6) How has the angel of light deceived the church today (2 Cor. 11:13-15)? Has the enemy deceived the church today? How has the Vision series challenged you in your thinking?

Shepherding Truth

Renewing Truth, Rightly Divided

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