Tag Archives: Discipleship

SGL: How to Host a Home Group

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            Small Groups (or Home Groups) are likely the best place to help a Christian grow through the spiritual stages of life. There are many important roles, including leading the discussion, follow-up, and hosting that people traversing spiritual growth can practice.  Hosting is important, Continue reading →

Book Review: The Ways of the Alongsider by Bill Mowry

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Book Review: The Ways of the Alongsider by Bill Mowry

The Ways of the Alongsider by Bill Mowry is an excellent tool for discipling those who will learn to disciple others.  It can be used as a good foundation for building a disciple-making ministry. It is well-designed to fit our culture. Does it cover everything that is needed in discipleship?  No, but in ten lessons, it gives a sufficient guidance to encourage a new disciple to disciple others.

The concept of the Alongsider comes from the word that means encouraging someone to come alongside another and help them in their journey to Jesus. The manual provides four Foundational lessons.  The first lesson parallels the Great Commandment to love God and describes the “Way of the Amateur.” Just as the amateur does what he does because he loves it, not because he is getting paid, so the Christian should consider himself an amateur and just love discipling other people. That discipleship is motivated by love. Love for the Lord and love for others. 

There are three significant aspects of this lesson. The first significant aspect is a chart that illustrates the difference between traditional approaches of ministry and “the way of the alongsider.” (p. 17). In the second significant aspect, Mowry uses VIM to assess three elements for personal change.  The V stands are Vision – “Do I have a picture or vision for change?” The I stands for Intentional – “Do I desire change? Have I decided to be intentional about change?” And thirdly, M stands for Means – “Do I have the means (tools, practical helps, training) for change?” (p. 18)  The third significant aspect is a list of pointed questions, which rate a person’s effectiveness as an alongsider.  Personal truthfulness would reveal needed spiritual change.

The next three lessons describe how this is put into action as the “Way of Life,” the “Way of Intentionality,” and the “Way of Prayer.”  If the foundation of the disciple’s life is not built on his relationship with the Lord, he will become an emotionally driven salesman or a toothless Pharisee.  It is the relationship with God that will carry him through in discipling others.

Part Two describes the Skills needed to build on the Foundation. He begins with two lessons on the importance of relationships and then two lessons on the importance of the Word.  These are followed by two lessons on principles for purposeful conversations and how to recruit people to live with those around them in order to reach them.  These seem like basic, very basic, lessons, until one considers the culture around us.  We are a culture that is more plugged into an iPod, then plugged into communicating well in relationships.  This is followed by nine appendices on mechanics for discipling those who will disciple others.  These are great as weekly explanations that can be highlighted based on the strengths and weaknesses of the disciple. Finally, there is a Leader’s lesson outline guide for each of the book lessons so that those who are new to discipling others can have a guide that they could follow. 

I have used the Navigator Colossians 2:7 track a few times and greatly love that series.  However, it was written 60 years ago and the culture has changed.  I would encourage someone to go through that series, even today, but most of the culture is not there.  The culture is more at the level of “The Ways of the Alongsider.”  It targets the strengths and weaknesses of the culture today in order to reach a new generation.  

I’d suggest this material, along with familiarization with Real Life Discipleship by Jim Putman in developing the goal of raising up spiritual Parents.  Don’t put it off; do it now.

SGL: How to encourage faithfulness in the homework preparation

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Small Group Leadership: How to encourage faithfulness in the homework preparation

            My high school was in my review mirror almost forty years ago.  In that 40 years, I have seen far more people struggle with a willingness to do homework than people who want to do homework.  Homework is often seen as childish or something that had to be done during school and it should not be required of adults.

However, another term for homework is biblical practice and that comes from Philippians 4:9, “The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.” (Phil. 4:9)
            The unwillingness to do homework, or biblical practice, comes from people who do not understand their purpose after trusting in Jesus Christ as their Savior.  Once a person becomes a child of God (John 1:12), they enter a phase of life that requires sanctification.  Sanctification is the process of being set apart to God in thoughts, words and actions.  Paul writes, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality.” (1 Thes. 4:3) If God’s will is your sanctification, then you as a Christ-follower need to understand what is involved.
            Sanctification is not a mystical process. It is the process of becoming set apart for the Lord Jesus Christ in His work on earth. Sanctification is accomplished by the Word, “Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth.” (John 17:17). 
Sanctification is empowered by the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit initially sets the believer apart to God at salvation called regeneration. (Tit. 3:5)  The Holy Spirit baptizes, or identifies, the believer into the body of Christ out of the world (1 Cor. 12:13). It is the Holy Spirit who guides the believer into truth, “However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come.” (John 16:13). 
Sanctification is accomplished by faith. Faith initiates God’s work in your life. There are spiritual disciplines1 that you can practice in order to grow in your relationship with the Lord.
Homework is a major component in the sanctification process.  It is the process of putting into biblical practice what you learn from Scripture (Phil. 4:9).  It is a means of being a doer of the word as James writes, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. (Jam. 1:22)  And how do you become a doer of the Word? James continues,

·         23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror;
·         24 for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was.
·         25 But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.  (Jam. 1:23-25)

How does a believer become a doer of God’s work? He becomes a doer by continuing in it, or practicing what he learn, or what we call homework.  Any other attitude is complacency, laziness, or even pride.

            So how can you encourage homework preparation?  Here are several suggestions.  First, make sure you have answered the questions. In other words, do the homework yourself. If you as the leader come unprepared, why should anyone else prepare? Doing the homework will give you insights on how you might lead the discussion and help you think of follow-up questions.  Doing the homework is not so that you can provide the answers, but when there is a long pause, you may be able to prompt the discussion by providing one of the answers that you have recorded. 

            Secondly, tell people you are going to be discussing the questions and prep work is important.  Make sure your group knows doing the homework is one of the expectations for a fruitful discussion.  Doing the homework is part of being other-centered, because they are learning to contribute to the discussion rather than just soaking in the discussion. “Life is not about me,” it is about Jesus Christ and loving others.  Homework prep is part of loving others.

            Thirdly, let people know you are not merely talking off the cuff. Ensure people know by your page of notes completed, that you have done your work. You don’t make an issue of that completed homework, but you do have it done and it will be obvious by your facilitation that you have done your homework.

            Fourthly, affirm people that the more they prepare, the better the results they will acquire from the discussion.  Homework is a little like meditation.  Scripture reading is an important spiritual discipline.  Yet, meditation on passages of Scripture is also an important spiritual discipline that allows the Holy Spirit to guide a believer deeper into the Word.  Meditation is thinking over and over on the passage, like a cow chewing its cud, so that you gain more spiritual value from God’s Word.  That homework prep will provide a more fruitful discussion for the sake of the group, not just the individual.  In fact, ask the people for what they have written down, not just what they think.  That will enforce that they need to prepare by writing down the answers before arriving to home group.

            Fifthly, affirm people in the homework done.  Highlight with a testimony of one who prepared ahead of time to describe what they are learning. That testimony of God’s work as a result of doing the homework may be the prompting that will motivate another believer to ramp up their spiritual walk with the Lord and take the time to do the homework.

            Homework is not schoolwork.  Homework is not childish busy-work.  Homework is not a curse.  Homework is a part of God’s plan which shows a believer’s faithfulness and desire to please God.  Homework shows his personal desire to press on to the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.  Your investment into doing the homework will provide a great spiritual return and ministry to other people.

1I discussed 15 Spiritual Disciplines under the following three links.  There are five disciplines discussed under each link and the last five are the most difficult disciplines to learn for Christians:

Active Disciplines: http://renewingtruth.blogspot.com/#!/2013/03/words-spiritual-disciplines.html

Active Disciplines: http://renewingtruth.blogspot.com/#!/2013/03/words-spiritual-disciplines-part-2.html

Reflective Disciplines: http://renewingtruth.blogspot.com/#!/2013/03/words-spiritual-disciplines-part-3.html

 

SGL: What is the purpose of a small group?

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What is the purpose of a small group?

Many people may have many different reasons for participating in a small group, but for the small groups or home groups at Grace, there is one purpose. There are many reasons to join and many effects, but there is one purpose.  That purpose is to fulfill the Great Commandment and the Great Commission in the most effective way.

            The Great Commandment is:

  • 37 Jesus said to him, “`You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’
  • 38 “This is the first and great commandment.
  • 39 “And the second is like it:`You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matt. 22:37-39)

The Great Commission is:

  • 19 “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
  • 20 “teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen. (Matt 28:19-20)

When you make life about God, instead of self, all things move into harmony with His will.

People often join small groups for their own reasons, just like people do everything.  They want what they want when they want it.  We don’t know any better when we are born and we have to be disciple to God’s will. Some people join small groups because they want to identify with a group of people, or they want to learn in a Bible study, or they want the fellowship of others in a good and safe environment.  Some people join small groups because they get dragged into one by their spouse, or they join because they think they might be able to develop business relationships, or they think the leader may have something they want.

What is at the core of each of the above reasons?  It’s all about self.  I’m not condemning those reasons, because in themselves they are not bad, but they reveal motivations that are coming from a spiritual infant or spiritual child. Again, I’m not condemning those reasons, but the person has not grown spiritually to understand the purpose of a small group.  They have not grasped the purpose of a small group, because they have not been taught the purpose, or they have not been discipled to understand the purpose, or they have heard it, but have not sealed it in their thinking.

The purpose of a small group is to help 80% of the congregation become spiritual parents, who are purposing to disciple spiritual parents.

If you have the vision of discipling spiritual parents on the part of the leadership, then all the reasons people join small groups will lead to the right goal.  Spiritual infants and spiritual children always have self as the focus and that’s normal.  No one condemns a spiritual infant or spiritual child for their personal actions.  However, the leadership has to keep in mind the purpose, so the small group does not get off track and merely become a Bible study or social gathering as an end in itself. The enemy would gladly be content with that, if it doesn’t lead to multiplication.

When the purpose becomes a Bible study or social gathering (many try to call fellowship), it really is about self and the true purpose is hindered and the godly influence intended by the Lord into the community is hindered.  Bible study should always be a main focus.  Fellowship should always be a reason for small groups.  But you can study the Bible over 50 lifetimes and never fully understand all there is in Scripture.  God said through Hosea, “My people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge.”  (Hosea 6:4)  Yes!  Israel didn’t have knowledge of God.  That was the issue.  It wasn’t that they didn’t understand the divine decree or the 8 different forms of baptism  inn Scripture.  They did not know the Lord. 

Teachers who say you have to go to Bible study after Bible study often do it to control people and remain superior to them.  They like people dependent on them or the glory of having people flock to their audiences.

When the purpose of the small group is fellowship, then the fleshly result will result in remaining in the comfort zone of those in the small group.  God does not want one group of people always fit together without expanding and connecting to new people.  When people say the purpose is solely fellowship, they have the attitude, “Us four and no more.”

If you keep the purpose of small groups as raising up spiritual parents, you will keep the right balance on Bible study and fellowship.  Spiritual parents multiply and create more spiritual parents who grow by doing Bible study and fellowship.  Let’s keep growing!

 

 

SGL: How do you handle questions when you don’t know?

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Small Group Leadership: How do you handle questions when you don’t know?

 

            One of the great lessons from seminary was learning the three most difficult words a new pastor has to learn.  The new pastor wants to look good and to help people consider him well studied and well prepared.  He wants to lead his church and to demonstrate he wasn’t born yesterday.  Yet, his three most difficult words he must learn, if he is going to survive with humility are, “I don’t know.”

            The purpose of leading a home group is not to know all the answers.  The purpose is not to do all the talking.  And the purpose is not to be the “Bible Answer Man.”  The purpose of small groups is to raise up spiritual parents who will be able to lead other people to become spiritual parents.  Therefore, the leader cannot do all the talking.  He cannot answer all the questions.  He cannot be the “head honcho.”  He is the facilitator to help raise up other spiritual parents. Therefore, saying, “I don’t know” should not be a problem.  Consider the following ideas.

            First, there will be questions that catch you off guard.  For example, I was checking on a home group and the group was answering some questions about Revelation.  The question was something about the New Jerusalem coming down from heaven and who would occupy it.  It caught me off guard and I had to say, “I don’t know. I’ll get back with you.”  So I just took some time the next day and got back with the group the next week.

            Second, the issue in a difficult question is not knowing the perfect answer.  Knowing the answer is good and arriving at the right answer is better, but it is also important to send the question back to others in the group and ask them what they know.  Again, it’s important to get other people thinking and trying to verbalize, so they can grow spiritually and become spiritual parents.  Spiritual parents don’t have to know all the answers, but they have to know the answers are found in Scripture.  It’s better to show dependency on the Spirit’s guidance into God’s Word for the right answer than making up an answer that sounds right.

            Thirdly, the issue is caring about the person who asks the question.  It is far more important to care for the person and show unity of trying to understand God’s answer than knowing the right answer.  God is far more honored by unity of thinking than brains on a stick.

            Fourthly, be ready to say, “I don’t know.”  Showing humility and weakness is far more valuable than trying to be the Bible Answer Man for the group.  People respond to humility and weakness and will be willing to step up in spiritual leadership if they know they don’t have to have all the answers.

            Fifthly, find the answer for the question. It is okay not to know the answer, but spend some time in research.  It will be a blessing to you and a help in your spiritual growth.  Ask others to do research, because it will stretch them and help them become better students.  The discovery process and journey is far more valuable than a quick answer.  It shows a diligent student who does not want to be ashamed and rightly dividing God’s Word (2 Tim. 2:15).

            Sixthly, report back to the group your results.  The right answer is always a joy.  But to report back your results that are not definitive is alright also.  You do not have to have the perfect answer when you report back.  Sometimes, it is better to not have the complete answer, because, again, it helps people see that they might be able to facilitate and to lead a group themselves.  That is the goal of a small group – people who are raised up to lead other groups.

            When you do not know the answer to the question, say so. You can always say, “I don’t know, but I know the One who does.  Let’s all do some research over the week and report back what we find.”  That will stir the people up to dig into God’s Word in dependence upon the Holy Spirit to guide them into Truth. Everyone will be blessed.

Q & A: Silent Treatment Prelude – Malachi Introduction

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The following are suggested answers for the Message Based Discussion Questions for the message posted on May 20, 2013.  These will hopefully begin the thought process, but not replace the thought process.  How would you answer the questions?

Silent Treatment Prelude
Malachi Introduction
(May 19, 2013)
 

Why is there divine silence after Malachi?  Malachi 2:17           

They asked:

1:2 In what way have You loved us?
1:6 In what way have we despised Your name?
1:7 In what way have we defiled You?
1:9 But now will you not entreat God’s favor, that He may be gracious to us?  Where’s our blessing?
1:12-13 Oh, what a weariness! the assemblies and sacrifices…
2:13-14 you cover the altar of the Lord with tears..For what reason?
2:17 In what way have we wearied Him?
3:8 In what way have we robbed You?
3:13 What have we spoken against You?
3:14 What profit is it that we have kept His charge?           

Today, you ought to ask:

1:2  Do I experience God’s love for me?
1:6  Do I treat God’s name as holy?
1:7  Do I approach God with reverence, awe and holiness?
1:9  Do I ask for blessing, when I am not in fellowship with Him because of sin?
1:13 Do I say, how tiresome it is to assemble for church?
2:13-14 Do I grumble about my situation and not trust God’s sovereignty?
2:17 Do I go through religious rituals without passion?
3:8   Do I keep from the Lord my time, talents, and treasures?
3:13 Do I make light of God and grumble or blame-shift?
3:14 Do I act like obedience is a duty, rather than a joyous response?

 

1)      Israel is indifferent to God’s love     Malachi 1
2)      Israel is indifferent to God’s law     Malachi 2
3)      Israel is indifferent to God’s message     Malachi 3
4)      Israel is indifferent to the Day of the Lord     Malachi 4

           

1)      Author – Malachi – “My Messenger.”

2)      The Religious Setting – Israel was in the pits.  While the Lord reached down to pull Israel out, Israel said, “We’re not in a pit.”

·         Israel was indifferent, rather than eagerly waiting: Religiously 1:6-10; 2:17; Morally 2:11-16; Socially 3:5; Materially 3:8-10
·         Failure to remember God’s covenant1:2-5; 4:4; cf.  Deut. 8:3-14

3)      Christ in Malachi:

·         “Great King”   Mal. 1:14
·         “The Messenger of the Covenant” Mal. 3:1
·         “The Sun of Righteousness” Mal. 4:2

 

Respond in awe to God’s Word or hear His silence.

 

Message Based Discussion Questions 

1)      How does it make you feel when someone you love gives you the silent treatment?

Digging Deeper:

2)      What was the problem in the church of Laodicea (Rev. 3:14-22)?  How is it the same as Israel in the time of Malachi?

3)      How would you describe how people communicate without saying anything?  What do the following passages say about non-verbal communication (Gen. 3:7-10; 4:5-6; 40:6-7; Josh 7:6; 1 Sam. 18:4; 1 King 9:3-4; 21:4; 1 John 3:17)? What do you think people are saying to God by their actions?

4)      How would you describe Israel in the time of Malachi religiously (Mal. 1:6-10); morally (Mal. 2:11-16); socially (Mal. 3:5); and economically (Mal. 3:8-10)?

Making application from the message to life:

5)      What was God’s message through Jeremiah to Israel in Jeremiah 14:13 – 15:6? Do you suppose God has a point or line that when crossed He says, “Enough!”?  What discernment should that give us in life application?

6)      How do you think USA would fare related to a message like Malachi?  What do you think would be said if USA were a biblically chosen people by God?

7)      What are spiritual indicators of “indifference” or “anticipation”?

 

Message Based Discussion Questions
1)      How does it make you feel when someone you love gives you the silent treatment?

a)      “What is going on with their life?”

b)      “Did I do something to offend them?”

c)      “I wonder if they are having a bad day?”

d)     “Did I forget something?”

e)      “I wonder when we can talk?”
 

Digging Deeper: 

2)      What was the problem in the church of Laodicea (Rev. 3:14-22)?  How is it the same as Israel in the time of Malachi?

a)      Laodicea was indifferent toward the Lord.

i)        They thought they were doing well.

ii)      They thought they had their act together and were well off.

iii)    They didn’t know their standing before God.

b)      Laodicea didn’t realize they were living in their own standards, independent of the Lord.

i)        They were living in denial of the Lord’s holiness.

ii)      They were comfortable with their own level of holy achievement.

iii)    They needed to seek after the Lord’s face and acquire what He wanted for them.

iv)    They didn’t realize God’s attitude of wanting to spew them out of His mouth.

v)      They went through the religious rituals without thinking about them and without dependency on the Lord.
 

3)      How would you describe how people communicate without saying anything?  What do the following passages say about non-verbal communication (Gen. 3:7-10; 4:5-6; 40:6-7; Josh 7:6; 1 Sam. 18:4; 1 King 19:3-4; 21:4; 1 John 3:17)? What do you think people are saying to God by their actions?

a)      Our tone of voice and non-verbal communication is far more powerful than the content of our words.  The medium of communication is more powerful than the actual words. That is why texting or email can be dangerous – you might be thinking your words are conveyed politely, but someone who thinks otherwise, might read your words as from someone who is angry.

b)     The following passages communicate through non-verbals:

i)        Gen. 3:7-10- hiding = conviction of sin and fear of the Lord

ii)      Gen. 4:5-6 – anger = Cain’s countenance had fallen.  He didn’t get his way and was mad at God for not accepting what he thought would be a good sacrifice.

iii)    Gen. 40:6-7 – sad countenances of the baker and cup bearer.  They had dreams that they did not understand.  They hadn’t said anything yet.

iv)    Josh 7:6 – tore clothes = he knew something had gone wrong and tearing of the clothes is a sign of repentance.  He was seeking answers from the Lord.

v)      1 Sam. 18:4 – Jonathan gave David his armor = this was a sign of genuine friendship and protection.

vi)    1 King 19:3-4 – Elijah ran, because he was afraid of Jezebel. He had just stood up against 450 prophets, but he ran from one woman.  After victory, there is vulnerability for defeat.  Elijah ran in fear – defeat.

vii)  1 King 21:4 – Ahab laid down and turned his head away and would not eat = he was full of self-pity, because he didn’t get his way.

viii)            1 John 3:17- giving to the needy = sign of God’s love moving through the believer.

c)      Our actions are more powerful than our words.
 

4)      How would you describe Israel in the time of Malachi religiously (Mal. 1:6-10); morally (Mal. 2:11-16); socially (Mal. 3:5); and economically (Mal. 3:8-10)?

a)      Religiously (Mal. 1:6-10) – They questioned God and were wondering if religion was worth it.

b)      Morally (Mal. 2:11-16) – They dealt treacherously in their marriages by infidelity and lack of oneness with their mates.  They were failing to raise up a godly offspring.

c)      Socially (Mal. 3:5) – They were involved with sorcerers, perjurers and adulterers, but would not reach out to the widows and aliens.

d)     Economically (Mal. 3:8-10) – They didn’t think what they gave really mattered.  They didn’t think the lack of giving was actually robbing what belonged to God.
 

Making application from the message to life:
 

5)      What was God’s message through Jeremiah to Israel in Jeremiah 14:13 – 15:6? Do you suppose God has a point or line that when crossed He says, “Enough!”?  What discernment should that give us in life application?

a)      I’ve heard enough.  Your tears don’t matter to me.  Judgment is coming and I will not stop it.

b)      There is a line that when crossed, He says, “Enough,” and will impose divine discipline or divine punishment.

c)      We ought to walk in the fear of the Lord and not trust ourselves. 

6)      How do you think USA would fare related to a message like Malachi?  What do you think would be said if USA were a biblically chosen people by God?

a)      The USA is a mirror to Israel right now.

b)      If the USA was biblically chosen as a people of God, it should prepare itself for silence from God, that is removal of God’s Word from the country.  That is going on in all areas of life. 

7)      What are spiritual indicators of “indifference” or “anticipation”?

a)      Spiritual indicators of indifference are:

i)        Attending church, but not singing.

ii)      Attending church, but not giving, serving, leading, teaching, helping.

iii)    Living one way on Sunday and another way the rest of the week.

iv)    Taking a Bible to church, but not reading it at home.

v)      Taking your family to church, but not leading the family at home.

vi)    Looking spiritual, but not enjoying the presence of the Lord.

vii)  A Bible that looks new, but is ten years old.

b)      Spiritual indicators of anticipation are:

i)        Preparing for corporate worship beginning on Monday.

ii)      Willingness and readiness to give, lead, serve and help at church.

iii)    A spiritually passionate life all through the week.

iv)    A regular devotional life at home throughout the week.

v)      Humbly recognizing the inability to walk spiritually apart from the filling of the Holy Spirit.

vi)    Leading your family at home into Scripture throughout the week as well as on Sunday.

vii)  Passionate about the presence of the Lord (Ps. 16:11).

MSG: Mothers Predict the Future

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This message was delivered May 12, 2013 on Mother’s Day.  There were seven child dedications and two baptisms.

Mothers Predict the Future
2 Timothy 1:3-5
Happy Mothers’ Day! Every one of us had a mother and a father, for there is no other combination that produces children. Let me make several statements: Continue reading →

SGL: How to help Faithfulness in Attendance

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Small Group Leadership: How to help Faithfulness in Attendance 

            We live in a culture that has a multitude of options.  People can watch hundreds of shows if they have cable, and they can call or text with another any time they want and very inexpensively.  There used to be party lines when I was a boy.  A party line is where several families in different homes used the same phone line and you had to wait until another family was off the line before you could make a call.  Of course, you also could listen in on conversations, if you were very quiet.  That is not an issue today as almost every person in every family has their own personalized cell phone number. We have developed a technological society in which we can do what we want almost when we want it. 

            We live in a time when people are not faithful in church attendance.  Church is important to many Christians, however, for many others, it is one of those things to add to the schedule and then when it is convenient, “You can count on me!” I was speaking to a pastor-friend who lives out west and he mentioned that if a person comes to church twice a month, they are considered committed – and that’s for an elder or deacon! 

            We live in a hedonistic society that can enjoy almost anything it wants and that’s just the acceptable opportunities.  A person can watch just about anything he wants on television, he can travel just about anywhere he wants to enjoy incredible beautiful scenery, he can attend a multitude of sporting events, or a whole host of other options. How do you suppose that affects attendance in a small group?  How does that affect things, especially, when there are very few who are starving or going without, because of all the government programs?  Who really needs God? 

            Everyone needs God, but only those who choose to seek first the kingdom will be faithful in attendance and use every opportunity to grow and encourage others to be faithful in connecting, becoming equipped and multiplying for the sake of the kingdom.  How can you encourage others to be faithful in attendance?  This is not an area that I have mastered.  I’d like to say I have the magic formula, but these are only a few suggestions.

            First, pray for your group (Jam. 5:16).  All the suggestions in the world will be fruitless unless God is working in their lives, unless people are responding to the convicting ministry of the Holy Spirit, unless people are motivated by a love for Jesus Christ and love for others, and unless people make the choice themselves.  You can manipulate people to come, but if it is not by their own free will, they will become unfaithful in attendance again, once your prodding dissipates.

Secondly, tell people you are glad they came (Rom. 16:16).  People appreciate the connection and affirmation.  The technology boom is actually hurting real relationships and people thrive to know they belong and can have fellowship.  Texting, etc., is helpful to communicate data, but social relationships and the emotional sense of belonging lack satisfaction in our culture.  I encourage you to tell people you are glad they came rather than thanking them, because thanking them may make them think they have done something great, when they should be thanking you for having a home group.  If you thank someone for not doing anything, their pride can easily set in.

            Thirdly, call people who were missing (1 Cor. 12:25) .  This lets people know you care and are interested in them.  It also prevents time from passing and finding out several weeks after the fact that they had a major struggle in their life, like the death of a parent, trouble with a child, or a divorce. Don’t hesitate to call and just say, “We missed you last night, is everything going well for you? Is there anything we can do for you?”  That keeps the questions from being judgmental or critical and allows the person an easy choice not to return.

            Fourthly, spend time with them outside of the meeting (1 Jn. 1:7).  There are times when a strong relationship can be built outside of a meeting for connection.  The outside time shows the person that they matter and it is an opportunity to ask questions that you may not want to ask in the group.  People are becoming more and more “shy.”  That seems like an acceptable reason why people don’t get involved or become committed.  It is really just a form of self-centeredness, because the person is not concerned about others as Scripture commands.  The outside meeting with someone may be an opportunity to exhort and admonish what you wouldn’t do in front of others.

            Fifthly, give them opportunities to serve within the gathering (Gal. 5:13).  These are opportunities for ownership in the group and a reason for consistent attendance.  You must give opportunities to serve within the group any way, because that is part of discipleship.  People need to participate in the small group if they are going to be trained and prepared to multiply for the sake of other home groups. 

            Sixthly, exhort them to do the homework (Phil. 4:9).  Show them how much better the discussion goes when they prepare prior to the meeting by looking over the passage, their own sermon notes and preparing answers for the Message Based Discussion Questions (MBDQ).

            These are just a few tips and suggestions for how to develop greater commitment and faithfulness in attendance.  Ultimately, they have to make the choice.  If they are not pursuing the Lord Jesus Christ and the upward call of God in their lives (Phil. 3:12-14), they will spiritually wilt when the sun gets hot or their circumstances become difficult.  Your role is to be faithful and keep training your people and meeting them where they are.  Don’t let go.  Don’t give up.  Don’t get discouraged.  Your faithfulness will inspire faithfulness in them.

            You may have other suggestions. You can freely make them in response to this article.  May the Lord multiply our ministries!

 

SGL: How to Encourage People to Talk

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Small Group Leadership: How to Encourage People to Talk

 
 
            For people who are content just sitting and listening, how do you encourage them to talk in a small group? Permit me to over-generalize. There are some people who are extroverts and they often talk without thinking or without considering that there are other people in the room.  Then there are introverts, who would rather die than talk.  The purpose of the home group (small group) is to connect people to worship God, equip people in grace to become more like Jesus and multiply to reach the world with the gospel.  If people only sit and listen they will never spiritually advance into the aspects of equipping and multiplying.  Therefore, leaders must encourage people to talk and even take active roles of leading and facilitating.  How can a leader accomplish that?

            Why don’t people talk?  They have not been discipled regarding spiritual growth.  They had probably said something in the past that embarrassed them and they don’t want to look like a fool again.  Or maybe they gave a wrong answer and the leader or other participants made fun of their wrong answer.  They feel like they failed and no one wants to fail.  Or they want to be approved and if they give an answer that is off topic, a little “weird,” or not very spiritual, they might be found out as a spiritual fake. People are inhibited because they don’t want to look like a fool, to fail, or to be found out as a spiritual fake. It is because fearis a great inhibitor for speaking in public, even if there are only a dozen people.

            I know many people who are greatly inhibited.  They may be introverted or maybe hurt in some other situation that makes them willing to be a part of the group, but not wanting to risk saying something others will criticize or ridicule.  In any case, they will need encouragement to participate.  Here are a few suggestions to encourage quieter people to talk.

            First, get people talking with an ice breaker.  An ice breaker is a question, activity, prayer request time, or humorous illustration that requires each individual to participate and respond.  I normally use one of the above and then ask for a response from every person.  The activity or question must be easy enough that anyone can participate or answer the question.  It can be as easy as, “What kind of music did you listen to when you were growing up?”  That was from a recent Message Based Discussion Question from a sermon on “Music and Worship.”  I have also led playing the piano and getting everyone to sing a well-known song and then asking what their favorite song was.  Everyone can respond to that.

            Secondly, affirm what is said. When a person responds to an answer, verbally affirm the words, without adding to what they say.  Your affirmation can be words, a tone of “Hmhmm!” or pleasure with your face to the person.  Have good eye contact when someone is talking.  Don’t be concerned about what you are going to say next.  Show by your face and body language that you are interested in what they have to say.

            Thirdly, use simple questions to get the person talking.  Use follow up questions once they have spoken to give them immediate encouragement.  In the Message Based Discussion Questions, especially in the “Digging Deeper” section, I ask a simple question based on the message or a passage of Scripture with a fill in the blank line.  Then I ask one or more other questions as follow up questions.  The fill in the blank is something just about anyone could answer, and that gets the cogs going so they will risk answering the other “deeper” questions.

            Fourthly, when a quiet person speaks, affirm them without making an issue of them.  This is an advance on the second principle, because it means that you should not patronize the person.  People who don’t like to talk, do not want you to make an issue of them.  They want to be included with the group.  If you make an issue of their response, whether brilliant or not so brilliant, they will be less inclined to respond in the future.  Affirm, but do not go overboard in your words.  Treat the person like you appreciated what they said, but you non-verbally considered that they would know the answer like anyone else.

            Fifthly, laugh with people, not at people.  Laugh loudly to bring joy, happiness and even hilarity.  But never laugh at the person.  You can laugh at the response if it was funny, but never so that the person thinks you are laughing at him.  He will clam up and you will need weeks of assurance or affirmation to get him to talk again!

            It’s up the leadership team to help people talk.  If people don’t talk, they will never learn to disciple others.  If they do not learn to disciple others, they will never be equipped, nor will they multiply disciples for the sake of the kingdom.  It is not about the leader doing all the talking.  It is about encouraging people to talk, so they can learn to articulate (explain) biblical truth and become leaders themselves.

 

Question: If not me, who?

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If not me, who?
 

I remember some of the sermons growing up and one of the significant ones was from Isaiah 6.  My pastor, Pastor Johnson, gave a message from Isaiah 6:1-8.  It reads,

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, high and lifted up, and the train of His robe filled the temple.
 2 Above it stood seraphim; each one had six wings: with two he covered his face, with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew.
 3 And one cried to another and said: “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; The whole earth is full of His glory!”
 4 And the posts of the door were shaken by the voice of him who cried out, and the house was filled with smoke.
 5 So I said: “Woe is me, for I am undone! Because I am a man of unclean lips, And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; For my eyes have seen the King, The LORD of hosts.”
 6 Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a live coal which he had taken with the tongs from the altar.
 7 And he touched my mouth with it, and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; Your iniquity is taken away, And your sin purged.”
 8 Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: “Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”   (Is. 6:1-8)

It is interesting that only one attribute of God is ever mentioned three times in a row and that is God’s holiness.  It is mentioned here in Isaiah 6:3 and also Revelation 4:8.  God is holy!  And therefore He is worthy for my response to please Him in any and every way.  However, I didn’t learn that until only recently.

            When I heard the sermon on this passage, maybe 42 years ago, it was the last verse that caught my attention and the Holy Spirit used that verse and message to persuade me commit my life to the Lord Jesus Christ. I asked myself the question, “Would I be willing to say, ‘Here I am! Send me!’” to the Lord?   I had no idea what that might mean, yet I knew I really had no choice.  He is God. 

            Then I had to ask myself, “If not me, who?”  Furthermore, I needed to ask the question, “At what point would I be willing to go?”  Or, “If not now, when?”

            What about you?  Are you willing to say, “If not me, who?” and “If not now, when?”  We Christians don’t mind connectingwith other people in a home group or church service.  We don’t mind serving the Lord in a variety of ways.  We don’t mind being equipped for service and helping out either at church or another Christian brother or sister in need.  We don’t mind learning more Scripture or practical application in service.  That is all relatively easy. Here is the real question, “Where is your fruit of multiplication?” 

            These three words compose the vision statement I developed for our church last year: Connect, Equip, Multiply:

  • Connecting together to worship God                                              1 Cor. 12:19-25
  • Equipping together in grace to be more like Christ                       Eph. 4:11-14
  • Multiplying together with the gospel to reach the world               Matt 28:18-20

Here is the question you need to ask yourself, “Who is following you so that you are investing in them?”  Your investment in them will multiply and influence future generations for the kingdom.  What is your fruit? Jesus said, “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5) Is there multiplying fruit in your life?  Jesus also said,

19 “Go therefore1 and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
 20 “teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen (Matt. 28:19-20)

Are you living a safe life of connecting and being equipped?  I praise the Lord that you are connecting and being equipped! The real Christian life is in multiplying yourself!  Multiplication is essential, so that many others will transition into future generations just like a maple tree sends out thousands of seeds to plant hundreds of trees.  Seek to become equipped to disciple others to multiply your influence in the future generations.

            Ask yourself, “If not me, who?”  And “If not now, when?”