Category Archives: SG Ldrship

SGL: A Coach’s commitment to Small Group Leaders (2)

Posted on March 27, 2013 by shepherdbryan

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SGL: A Coach’s commitment to Small Group Leaders

            Coaching leaders is a fulfilling mission.  It’s fulfilling, because they already have proven themselves and they want to lead others.  Now it’s a matter of how to sharpen each other so that ministry can be more effective.  Both the coach and the small group leaders will learn from each other.  They both learn, because of the experience of the coach, but also the new experiences that small group leaders obtain, which  may bring new ideas to coaches.

            A coach must be committed to the small group leaders.  He is not there as a know-it-all or I’m-the-coach-so-listen-to-me type person.  He’s there to hold leaders to 1) the standard of God’s Word, 2) the vision set forth by the Elders and 3) the passion to intentional discipling of Christ-followers.  There are five contrasts that should be kept in mind when coaching small group leaders.

            First, maintain encouragement over teaching.  Small group leaders have already proven themselves steady in spiritual disciplines and grasping hold of the vision, so now they need encouragement to keep pressing forward.  Now that they are leaders, they are leading others who may be complacent (Is. 32:9-11), may bite and devour (Gal. 5:15) and may get distracted by the things of the world (1 Jn. 2:15-17).  That can be very discouraging when you prepare to lead a group and people don’t respond.  The leader may face “controlling talkers,” or “rebellious nit-pickers,” or those who just don’t want to get out of their comfort zones.

            Small group leaders may need to be taught some principles of leading, but they need encouragement far more.  They need to be nurtured along the way far more than understanding every list of what small group leaders should do.  Yes, seasoned Christians need to be encouraged, because the battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the unseen spiritual forces (Eph. 6:12) and discouragement is likely Satan’s greatest tool.

            Secondly, lead by shepherding rather than directing.  A shepherd takes the sheep (in this case, the small group leader) to lush green grass of nourishment, the still waters of refreshment and the calming fields of resting in the Lord.  They are in a battle every day from spiritual forces trying to convince them their effort is not worth it.  The demonic realm deceives and manipulates to get leaders to think that they will never be able to influence people well enough to make a difference. 

Small group leaders don’t need to be told what to do as much as they need someone to care for them and listen to them.  They already care themselves to lead others.  They already have been in the trenches.  They may need some focus, or at times a jolt, but normally they need someone to bandage up their wounds of leading people.  They need someone to lead them.

Thirdly, emphasize connecting over influence.  There is no question that we are all about influencing people and making an impact, but when coaching small group leaders, you want to make sure they feel connected and not feel like a long ranger serving all by themselves, wondering when the next resupply will come in.  Small group leaders are  already working on connecting people, but in the process of leading, he becomes a target from the front and from behind and he wonders if he is alone.  Make sure you connect with him rather than driving him all the time just to make sure he’s on the top of his influence.  Let him rest in your presence and shepherd him by your encouragement.

Fourthly, listen for understanding rather than talking by managing.  He spends most of his time listening to other people; listening to understand.  He listens to understand, so that when he speaks, others will listen and he will have pithy comments full of Scripture and wisdom.  That takes an incredible amount of energy and he needs someone to listen to understand him, rather than someone telling him how he can be a better manager of resources (people).

And fifthly, ensure you are leading rather than pressing him forward.  He should feel like he is in the presence of Jesus.  He should feel like you are leading him, rather than driving him.  The small group leader should feel like you are a shepherd, rather than a butcher.  You make sure he knows you enjoyed the time with him, because the ones he is leading may not realize all the mental and emotional energy he is expending for them.  So you lead him to the still waters and green pastures of rest in God’s Word.  What has God been doing for you to calm your soul?  Affirm him in all that he is doing.  Make sure he knows you are there for him, not the other way around.

Coaching is a blessed privilege.  You’re not teaching volumes of material; you’re tweaking what he knows so he can be more effective.  God used Priscilla and Aquila to come alongside Apollos to be a better spokesman for Christ (Acts 18: 24-28).  Your coaching will enable him to rest more on the empowering ministry of the Holy Spirit to lead others in grace.

 

 

SGL: Coaching Small Group Leaders (1)

Posted on March 26, 2013 by shepherdbryan

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SGL: Coaching Small Group Leaders (1)

            There was a “thrill of victory and agony of defeat” when I used to watch the Wide World of Sports as a kid.  The same could be said of discipleship.  There is a thrill to see men pick up the ball in discipleship and carry it in discipling others.  There is also the agony of watching promising and potential great leaders turn to distractions of the world.  Between these two extremes is where most of the process of discipleship is.  Here are some clues on coaching Small Group Leaders or helping men become equipped to lead home groups on their own.

            First, give clear instructions on what you want them to do.  The old saying is, “If there is a fog in the pulpit, there will be mist in the pew.”  Discipling requires clarity so both parties understand.  The reality is, full clarity is a process, but the attempt must be made.

            Secondly, encourage everything he does well. Having gone through boot camp in the Army, they taught us, it takes 1000 “attaboys” to overcome one “awedarnit” (or what they really called it).  Affirmation is extremely important to encourage leaders to keep pressing forward.  The enemy is going to be feeding him lie after lie after lie.  Like, “You really blew that leadership opportunity.” Or, “You don’t know enough to lead a group of people.”  Or, “Why don’t you just stay home, you’re not good enough to lead others.”  And a hundred other lies the enemy will bombard upon the one stepping up to the plate.

            Thirdly, encourage how he gives affirmation and feedback to others.  Just as you are modeling it to him, make sure you highlight it whenever he gives encouragement to others.  Affirm what he is doing well, because he’s likely waiting for the shoe to drop and hear criticism. Make sure you grace him out whenever you can.

            Fourthly, make sure he is looking at the other people when he’s leading and answering questions.  Whether you are the coach, or pastor, or elder, make sure his eye contact is not on you, but on the other people.  He is there to encourage others and one great way is to have good eye contact with those that are there, not the authority figure.  It seems that most people look at the authority figure when giving answers and the new facilitator needs to learn right away that HE does not talk or give answers looking at the authority figure.  He IS the authority figure or leader for the group at that time.

            Fifthly, remind him to watch the timing of the session.  That is very hard to do, because the ice breaker could go long, or the sharing is great, or he’s trying to deal with a controlling talker.  When you bring up something like timing of the session, approach it like you see he is trying to watch the time and get his thoughts on how he is trying to manage the overall timing of the gathering.  Help him see that he may have to respond to a longer answer with, “Let’s meet afterwards and talk further,” or “let’s talk about that more after we pray as a group.”  That way, you keep more people involved in the conversation than just a few that like to talk.

            Sixthly, encourage him to say, “Anything else?” at the end of discussion to allow someone else to make a comment.  Some people are hesitant to respond, but a nudge like that can help them come out of their comfort zone and risk giving a response. 

            Coaches need to be encouraging to Small Group Leaders who are trying to learn how to lead.  Sometimes there are small group leaders who want to do their own thing and they need to be confronted.  That will be for a separate article.

SGL: The Small Group Leader (2) – Oversight

Posted on March 12, 2013 by shepherdbryan

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Leading a Home Group: The Small Group Leader (2) Oversight

            Please refer to the first article on the three qualities of a small group leader.  This article focuses on the overview of what a small group leader does in his/her oversight. It is the philosophy of a small group leader (SGL) in his oversight of the Home Group he is leading.  Consider these nine principles.

            First, the small group leader cares for people.  He/she genuinely cares for people as a shepherd, first through listening and then through encouraging and exhorting. He has the attitude of a nursing mother for her infant and the exhorting father for his children (1 Thess. 2:6-12). He realizes the Home Group is not about him, but about each person he is trying to lead in their spiritual journey with Jesus. He cares so much that he doesn’t want people to remain where they are.

            Secondly, he plans the group meetings. He is a good steward of the time and relationships, knowing that the end goal is to help people grow spiritually who want to grow (1 Cor. 14:40). He doesn’t just show up and wing it.  He prays, studies and plans how best to use the time, so that people have a sense of learning, flow in the meeting, accomplishment and relational interaction. He considers others who can be involved.

            Thirdly, he intentionally disciples people.  He knows that discipleship doesn’t happen by accident (Matt. 28:19-20).  He considers the spiritual walk of others and walks them through the process of how they might be involved in the group process.  Living like a spiritual parent, he sees the person as God sees him and has ideas and plans on how to help them grow spiritually.

            Fourthly, he leads a dynamic discussion.  He facilitates the discussion to enable others to talk and grow.  He is going to make comments and ask questions that involve most of the people and causes them to dig deeper in their considerations of passages and topics (Acts 2:37-42).  He affirms responses and helps people have fun in discussing Scripture.

            Fifthly, he is an active listener. He actively responds to comments made, affirming whenever he can so that people are encouraged to participate in the discussion (John 10:27).  Active listening seeks clarification if there is a question or possible misunderstanding.  Sometimes active listening demonstrates interest in the person and his comments.  The small group leader often does more listening than talking in a home group meeting.

            Sixthly, he listens to understand.  He is careful about jumping to conclusions about what is said, so that he fully understands the comments and he fully seeks to reach the person’s heart.  It’s easy to respond to what we don’t understand.  It is a careful, deliberate leader, who is patient and listens to understand the heart of a dear soul trying to grow in their relationship with Jesus (Matt 9:36).

            Seventhly, he assumes godliness in conflict.  He believes the best about people and when there is conflict, he prepares his thoughts in his head, affirms the relationship with the person, listens to understand the “other” side, seeks possible resolutions and then evaluates the resolutions to see if they are working.  He realizes the people in the conflict are far more important than trying to establish “his own truth.”  He acts the part of a spiritual parent and is more concerned with the relationship of the “wrong” person. Consequently, he listens to understand and then seek win/win resolutions.  He accepts that the process may take an inordinate amount of time, but the resolution that produces unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace is more important than a personal victory (Matt. 18:15-17; Eph. 4:1-3).

            Eighthly, he is accountable to others.  He willingly is accountable to the small group structure and he asks for accountability from coaches and others on how to better communicate and disciple people. Humble people willingly become accountable to others (1 Pet. 5:5).

            Finally, he shares leadership.  He is more concerned about the continuance of the group than his right to lead the group.  Small groups do not have very many people, but no leader should be alone in leading.  He always ought to have another leader couple who can stand in the gap and give observations, counsel and suggested resolutions to challenges that arise. He is always looking for opportunities to lead with others or train others to be his/her replacements (Col. 4:7-13). 

            These principles will provide a fruitful ministry as a Small Group leader. Leadership is not about the leader.  Leadership is about the Lord working through the leader to stir up people to love and good works (Heb. 10:24).  God the Holy Spirit will empower a leader to be a spiritual parent in the Home Group creating a nest that flourishes with care, concern and commitment.

 

 

SGL: The Small Group Leader (1) – Leading

Posted on March 10, 2013 by shepherdbryan

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Leading a Home Group: The Small Group Leader (1) – Leading

What will be true of a small group leader?

            God desires that every Christian become a Disciple-maker.  God gave every Christian the Great Commission where He said, “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ “teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen. (Matt. 28:19-20)  It is through the words of the disciples to all people that Jesus said people will believe and be discipled, “I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word (John 17:20)

            Yet there must be “quality control” or some standards by which leaders should be chosen, put into the leadership position and tasked to lead others in a small group.  This is the first of several parts describing that leader.  There are three truths in this article that must be true of every small group leader.  He will be ready to lead, appointed by others and leading like a parent.

First, he will be trained to lead. He will have participated in a small group setting and he understands and can explain the vision and mission of the church. He will have had experience in leading an established small group as an assistant. Through the mentoring/ discipleship of a small group leader, he will become grounded in the basics of leading. He’ll also be willing to continue this mentoring relationship with a small group coach. He will understand how small groups and accountability work.  He understands expectations of himself and others.  He is winsome in a relational environment, because leadership is not about him, but about helping others learn and grow.  And he has proven himself able to oversee and to coordinate the functioning of a group.  He lives out Paul’s admonition to Timothy,

Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. ¹⁶ But shun profane and idle babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness. ¹⁷ And their message will spread like cancer. Hymenaeus and Philetus are of this sort, ¹⁸ who have strayed concerning the truth…²² Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. ²³ But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. ²⁴ And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, ²⁵ in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, ²⁶ and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will. (2Tim. 2:15-26)

Secondly, he will be appointed by others to lead.  There have been a couple times in ministry, when a person said, “Please get me some people to teach.”  I encouraged them to invite others to a study they were going to lead, but I wasn’t going to subject people to one who had not participated in a small group environment.  When the time is right the mentoring Small Group Leader will let leadership know when the assistant leader is ready to be launched.  Humility is a key.  The potential leader will have been observed and proven available and teachable regarding leadership.

Leaders on the church team look for leaders who have proven themselves faithful in attending a small group, who are faithful in spiritual disciplines and who serve in spiritual growth opportunities. Paul writes, “Do not lay hands on anyone hastily, nor share in other people’s sins; keep yourself pure. (1Tim. 5:22)  Just because people can give academic answers to Bible questions or they are Bible Trivia champions, they are not qualified as leaders.  

Leaders don’t appoint leaders who are brains on a stick.  Just because people know biblical truth, theology or trivia, they are not necessarily qualified to be small group leaders. We do want a person to aspire to the position of leadership, but he will be humble enough to wait upon the appointment of others.

Thirdly, he will lead like a parent.  He knows he is there for the sake of others.  He doesn’t use his position of authority for himself, but for responsibility to assist others in their spiritual growth.  He gives others the opportunity to serve in group leadership opportunities and he disciples others to take those steps of opportunity to grow and lead.  He will be patient with comments others make and consider how to turn inappropriate comments into good use for the Lord’s work.  Paul encourages the young church of Thessalonica,

But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children.  ⁸ So, affectionately longing for you, we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us. ⁹ For you remember, brethren, our labor and toil; for laboring night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, we preached to you the gospel of God. ¹⁰You are witnesses, and God also, how devoutly and justly and blamelessly we behaved ourselves among you who believe; ¹¹ as you know how we exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children, ¹²that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory. (1 Thess. 2:7-12)

As the small group leader matures in small group skills, he will identify those who are ready to take opportunities of leadership in the small group and begin the training process with them.

The Small Group Leader is an essential element for connecting, equipping and multiplying in small group growth.  He will be ready, because he has been involved in small group ministry.  He will be humble enough to wait for the appointment from others on the church team, rather than demanding that he should have the right to lead.  And he will be leading like a parent, not a child.  The Small Group Leader is there for others and the glory of Jesus Christ, not himself.

SGL: Small Group Characteristics

Posted on February 27, 2013 by shepherdbryan

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Leading a Home Group: Small Group Characteristics

            God developed the church based on a small group model, at least in number.  There are several other divine organizations.  The Trinity is the first small group.  The family is normally small in number with clear instructions for raising children to be parents (Deuteronomy 6:1-9).  Jesus based his strategy with a small group model for transforming the world with the gospel message (Luke 6:13-16).  And the early church was founded on a small group model as people met from house to house (Acts 2:41-47).

            There are several characteristics of a small group.  Small groups do not have to be uniform.  There can be a great variety based on the culture, purpose and background of those participating.  Consider the following characteristics of a small group.

            First, small groups must be established on a biblical foundation (Matt. 7:24-27).  If Scripture is not the foundation and we’re not obedient to it, we’ll be building on sinking sand.  Those who participate will likely get distracted to a variety of pulls from within and without the group. Small groups do not develop their own standards or theology.  They are founded upon God’s Word to build each other up in truth for the sanctification process. Nothing can happen that will honor God, unless it is built upon His Word. (2 Tim. 3:16-17)

            Secondly, small groups are designed for intentional discipleship. Small groups are planned gatherings, not by accident or serendipitous.  The purpose of a small group is to help people grow spiritually and eventually to become spiritual parents.  The group leaders help people become committed disciples following Jesus as head, committed to being changed by Jesus and committed to the mission of making disciples.  The small group will grow by discussing, serving others and by becoming spiritual parents of others as disciples volunteer to lead another group. (Eph. 4:11-13; Matt 14:15-18, 27-31; Luke 10: 1; 22:7-13; John 6:5-6)

            Thirdly, small groups are relational gatherings.  Small groups provide the relational environment where people learn by discussing what they are hearing and then put it into practice.  They share with one another and care for the needs within the group for open communication and trust.  Small groups provide the environment for transparency and authenticity.  It’s the model Jesus demonstrated. The context of a small group allows for greater accountability between members, encouragement in the spiritual battles and unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.  Small groups provide the setting to establish a solid biblical worldview in relationship with people (1 Cor. 12:25; Deut. 6:7-9; John 17:17; Matt. 4:4; Ps. 119:105).

            Fourthly, small groups are designed to reproduce.  This is the fulfillment of the Great Commission to multiply disciples.  Spiritual parents lead small groups with the desire that disciples will rise up out of the group to lead other groups.  Small groups can easily live out the adage “us four and no more” attitude, but reproducible perspectives will keep groups growing and multiplying!

            Build your small groups on these principles and you’ll have the base for dynamic growth.  Avoid one of these principles at the peril of not seeing multiplication in small groups.  Let’s watch God cause the growth as we plant and water!

Book Review: Building a Life-changing Small Group Ministry By Bill Donahue

Posted on February 21, 2013 by shepherdbryan

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Book Review: Building a Life-changing small group Ministry By Bill Donahue

This training manual, “Building a Life-changing small group Ministry,” is a big picture book, looking at the forest, yet does a great job of distinguishing between the oaks and maple trees.  It deals with the overview of building a small group ministry, in contrast to just leadership.  It exhorts the reader to assess the strengths and weaknesses of his ministry.  It helps the reader gain insight into prominent small group problems and develop a strategy for building a small group ministry. 

Donahue addresses “Ministry Clarity” from years of experience and practice.  He assists in developing an operational philosophy of ministry.  His chapter on “Point Leadership” is a good lead in to his small group book, “Leading Life-Changing Small Groups.”  Using the example of Jethro’s counsel to Moses to establish structure, Donahue assists small group leadership to not let small groups happen by accident, but to be intentional with the organism of small groups.  I appreciate his emphasis on nurturing over mentoring, because every leader is going to get discouraged working with people trying to help them grow.  The enemy does not want people to grow up, so there will be plenty of distractions leading to discouragement.  It’s best to have a coaching staff to build up the small group leaders. They will as they communicate, counsel, hold accountable and model encouragement.

Donahue has an excellent approach under “Connection Strategy.”  He gives several structures, ideas and examples of what has worked for various churches.  In a later chapter, “Measuring Progress,” he provides tremendous evaluation questions and charts to analyze the direction and momentum of a small group ministry.  Then he gives effective suggestions on discerning a wise course of action to proceed.

In succeeding chapters, Donahue expounds on the practical requirements and implementation of a small group ministry.  The reality is, small groups that are oriented to life transformation can break the mold of sedentary church life.  His chapter on “Measuring Progress” gives a remarkable assessment and evaluation guideline a church can use to objectively measure where the church is and therefore where it needs to go.  His chapter on “Leading Change: Breaking through Barriers” exposes the certainty of existing barriers or that rise up as the enemy will not want transformation in the heart of believers.  And finally, his last chapter on “Strategic Planning” lays out key questions to assist any leadership team in overcoming and implementing real change that can work.

This is a must read for background, vision and planning in building a small group ministry.  While it does not provide a verse by verse support for everything mentioned, the practical suggestions are there for employing what could be put into operation – personalized for your church.  The key is leadership support.  Do not try to implement small groups without the Senior Pastor’s backing.  Unity of the Spirit in God’s ministry is more important than pushing an agenda.

SGL:Small Group Definition

Posted on February 18, 2013 by shepherdbryan

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Leading a Home Group: Small Group Definition

The early church followed the small group model. Acts 2:41-47 describes how they enjoyed fellowship from house to house and devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching.  There were churches that met in the homes of Priscilla and Aquila (Rom. 16:3-5) and Philemon (Phm 1:2).  House churches were not the option, but the norm.   In fact house churches were most common, until Constantine became emperor in 274-337 A.D. as the first Christian emperor of Rome.   Then church buildings, basilicas, cathedrals, replaced house churches.  Unfortunately, in the eyes of the world and Christians, the church became the building rather than the body of Christ.   Small groups continue to be crucial to the mission of building the kingdom.  Let’s make a definition of a small group.

            What is a small group (home group)?  It is a voluntary gathering of  five to fifteen people invited together within the church structure, built upon God’s Word in a relational environment with intentional discipleship that regularly meets to reach out to people and help all grow spiritually so that people desire to reproduce.

Let’s break that down in parts:

·         Voluntary invitation – Small group leaders invite people to gather, rather than coerce them.  Small groups are not put together by guilt, duty or pestering.  People join small groups, because they want to join a real and transparent setting.  They see small groups as a place they can grow biblically, spiritually and relationally.

·         Five to Fifteen – A small group is small by number, normally about twelve people, but can be five to fifteen. Fewer than five people can make discussions difficult, especially when a few get sick.  More means that people are less likely to be transparent or ask questions. Small groups often have co-leaders, so with their spouses and one additional person, you have the minimum of five.  Fifteen allows the number twelve Jesus worked with plus a few additional people who may join until another group is formed.  If a small group is larger than fifteen, the transparency fades as walls and a lack of trust often form. In larger groups, more time is necessary for interaction and discussion.  A smaller group allows for easier trust development and openness. A small group means that people are more willing to ask questions.

·         Within the Church structure – This means the small group is connected to the church and the small group leadership is under the Church’s spiritual coaching staff.  Therefore, the small group is not independent from the church. This is why the vision and purpose of the small group should be established under the larger Church’s vision and purpose.  Small groups can have a unique statement related to Matthew 28:19-20, however.

·         Built upon God’s Word– There is one foundation for the Church and small groups – God’s Word.  Everything else is sinking sand.  The people and the small group will not grow spiritually, unless they are built on God’s Word.

·         Relational environment– Small groups provide the relational environment where people develop trust, enjoy fellowship and care for one another.  It is the ideal place where the “one anothers” can be practiced. The relational environment is also where the wisest accountability, encouragement and unity of the Spirit will be experienced.

·         Intentional discipleship – Small groups gather to have fun in encouraging others to grow.  But they do not allow the growth to happen by chance.  Individuals are asked to try opportunities of leading in hosting, prayer, facilitating questions and follow-up.  The leadership develops a plan of helping those who are willing to take greater responsibility and to learn how to focus on the needs of others, rather than only their own.  Eventually, many of the people will be offered the opportunity to lead their own small group.

·         Regularly meets – Each small group decides how often it will meet.  Normally they will meet weekly or even biweekly and meet for one and a half hours.  Sometimes people stay later talking about the lesson or personal things.  The group can meet in a home, restaurant, office, or church, but the home probably provides the most relaxed setting for interaction and warmth.

·         Reach out to new people– Small groups are designed to invite new people to them.  They may be closed in some cases, but most should be open to expand the small group ministry.  There are many people who will not darken the threshold of a church, but will easily join a group in a home.  Some small groups may be very evangelistic and have open doors to hungry souls.

·         Help all grow spiritually– When the main focus is helping people grow spiritually, they will become transformed by the renewing of their mind and they will reach out to others.  The fact that there are  a variety of people (and not all older, sage Owls) allows new people to realize they can fit in also and not feel like they have to put on a spiritual front.  Small groups are excellent training and proving grounds to let people move through the spiritual stages of spirituality.

·         Desire to reproduce– While the comfort of trusted people gather because they enjoy each other, the leadership must continue to cast the vision of reproduction.  Small groups provide the environment as a great tool in the fulfillment of the Great Commission to multiply disciples.  Spiritual parents lead small groups with the desire that disciples will rise up out of the group to go lead other groups.

 

Let’s build on that definition and watch the Holy Spirit build a magnificent local body of mobilized Christians hungry for truth, dependent on God’s Spirit and trusting in their heart to reach new people.

SGL:How to deal with Discussion Controllers

Posted on February 17, 2013 by shepherdbryan

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Leading a Home Group:  How to deal with Discussion Controllers

            We are joyful that people want to participate in a home group.  They are the best environment where 80% of the church can grow through the spiritual stages of infant, child, young adult and parent.  None of the stages is more important than the others.  However, Jesus in the Great Commission wants us to become disciplers of all the nations, which means becoming a spiritual parent.  In the joy of home group, there are often people who seem to control the conversation or do most of the talking. 

            Talking is a good thing.  However, it can prevent the others from growing through the sharpening process.  So what do you do when it seems one person is talking a whole lot more than others?  What do you say that doesn’t shut down the whole group?  What concerns should a leader have so that the “spirit” of the conversation isn’t quenched?

            First, pray that you are being objective in your observations.  Make sure it’s not a personality conflict you have with the person and you would rather not hear from that person as much.

Secondly, thank them for their thoughts. Affirmation is important for almost all people.  Some talkers could care less about affirmation, but your affirmation is important to other less talkative (even timid) people who more easily shut down. In your affirmation of the talker, turn quickly to others and look for their response to affirm them.

            Thirdly, based on the thought expressed by the controlling person, ask, “What do the rest of you think?” or “Are there any other thoughts?”  Your purpose is to convey that others have an equal say and importance in contributing to the conversation.  

            Fourthly, get together outside of the group and ask the person how the group is going.  They will likely respond the group is going great (because they get to talk so much).  Ask them how the contributions of others in the group are helping everyone learn and sharpen each other (Prov. 27:17).  They may not realize others are not talking very much because they don’t have very much opportunity to contribute time wise.  Ask the controlling person if the others have helpful things to contribute and ask them if they can remember any of their contributions.  Do not do this to put them on the spot, or to feel bad, but to try to get them to think through the situation and take ownership of what seems to be going on, much like the prophet Nathan did with David in 2 Samuel 12.  

            Fifthly, talk to them afterward to help them see that the discussion is meant for everyone.  Affirm their desire to participate.  They may not realize how much they are talking or controlling.  Some talkers will humbly be much more observant.  Some may deny they talk very much. Some others may react and not do any talking for the next few weeks.  And still others may go into hibernation, because they are embarrassed that the leader felt like he/she needed to say something.  Paul’s admonition in 1 Thessalonians is pertinent related to different kinds of people, “Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. (1 Thess. 5:14)

            Finally, if nothing seems to work, help them see they are not letting others talk.  The group is more important than hurting the feelings of an individual.  The group is more important than allowing one person to control by talking so much.  The individual person must realize, “Life is not about you.”  It’s about the Lord and considering others more important than self. 

            You the leader are responsible to help all the people. You the humble and bold leader are God’s representative to raise all people to the holiness of God. All the people will need to grow, especially you the leader.  God calls you the leader to be diligent to be His agent of helping others.  Leading is your opportunity to grow.

 

 

Book Review: Leading Life-Changing Small Groups by Bill Donahue

Posted on February 13, 2013 by shepherdbryan

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Book Review: Leading Life-Changing Small Groups by Bill Donahue

 

“Leading Life-Changing Small Groups” by Bill Donahue addresses the leader’s role in establishing and developing a Biblical Community.  He begins with how to establish a small groups purpose and vision. This might seem too independent from the associated Church and I would recommend that any Small Group assume the associated Church’s purpose and vision.  However, the specific purpose and vision of the Small Group might differ regarding how it will reach out to new members, serve within and outside the Church, and identify specific mission service projects.

His succeeding chapters highlight excellent insights into the leader’s role for himself and then an apprentice.  Every leader can improve his listening skills, accountability and leadership style.  Donahue provides a series of suggestions on how to grow.  Then, in the next chapter, he moves directly into developing an apprentice, which is essential if the vision is to grow individuals and grow the influence of small groups.  Every leader is a spiritual parent, who must consider how to raise up those who will participate in and multiply small groups.

He has an excellent discussion on creating a covenant or agreement for the small group gathering.  Additionally, he addresses the strategy for growth and what ingredients help that process.   Following that, he delineates what the meetings should look like and what the outcomes should be.   He has a great, lengthy and helpful list of ice-breaker questions.   His section on dealing with conflict was helpful, but could have drawn more from Scripture on some of the mechanics.

Leaders should read through this in order to identify small group dynamics.  It will be much easier to learn the easy way from Donahue’s suggestions than the hard experience of small group hard knocks.  People get their feelings hurt too easily, misunderstandings develop too quickly and people often jump to wrong conclusions.  A leader must be a spiritual parent who can discern the heart of people and that doesn’t come immediately.  Donahue’s resource and experience will develop discernment for successful small group leading.

SGL: Leading a discussion

Posted on February 11, 2013 by shepherdbryan

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Leading a home group: Leading a discussion

            Leading a home group is a great means of helping people learn about the Lord Jesus Christ, develop relationships with others and begin spiritual growth in the Christian life.  Your leadership is a great opportunity to see the Lord at work in their lives, as well as your own. Let me give you four things to consider.

            First, as you lead the discussion, remember it is a discussion.  You are there for the sake of the people.  They are not there for you.  The leader will break the ice, get everyone talking in some way over an introductory topic, related to the discussion, and then lead the group in answering questions and subject matter related to the message.  The purpose is to get the people talking.  You only know what they are thinking when they are talking.  If you do the talking, you don’t know what they are thinking or whether they understand what you are talking about, i.e. are tracking with you. One of the best ways to get people talking is by asking questions, rather than making statements. Of course their comments need to be lassoed back to the main discussion of they get off track, but people remember subject matter much longer if they are talking and taking ownership of the material.

            Second, give affirmation to comments people make.  It doesn’t have to be after each person says something, but when a quiet person responds, that should be affirmed. Help people see that this is their group so they take ownership of the group. Sometimes you won’t need to say anything because people are making rapid succession of comments and the topic is developing very well.  However, you as the leader are in the symbolic position of God and we have an affirming God, when people are seeking His righteousness.  People need to be affirmed.

            Third, find something to affirm if the comment is off target.  You will often have comments that do not track with the topic or question.  That’s okay.  That’s where the person is in their thinking.  People need a wide berth for making comments.  If the comment doesn’t seem like it fits, you can always respond, “That’s interesting,” and not need to correct the person.  Remember, most people are scared to death to talk in any group about God-type things.  They will grow up and get on track quickly because the Holy Spirit is the best teacher to help humble people who want to grow.  If the comment is heresy, well, then you may need to say, “That’s an interesting comment.  What do the rest of you think?”  And depending on other comments, you may need to bring it back around to a known Scripture to let Scripture speak or say, let’s talk about that later or next week.  Christians have a crazy habit of thinking they have to correct every little detail as if God can’t handle things.

            Fourth, thank the people for the good discussion.  Friends, people today need affirmation about spiritual growth.  They’ll talk about sports, hunting, cars and politics without any bashfulness.  But they don’t easily talk about spiritual things related to their spiritual walk with Jesus.  The leader should be the affirming parent who demonstrates grace and a welcoming presence of fellowship. 

            When you lead a discussion, you are setting the table for a delicious meal and fun fellowship with the Lord.  You invite them into the presence of the King at a banquet table.  What an awesome privilege to lead.  Thanks for joining the team!