Author Archives: shepherdbryan

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About shepherdbryan

My passion is to disciple and see men discipled in every area of their life to see the multiplication principle actually work in a 100 year generational blessing. As go men in the church, so goes the church. As go men in the nation, so goes the nation. Fortunately, because men have often not taken their spiritual role to the limit, God has raised up many godly women to carry the torch where men have laid it aside. May God rapidly raise up men for the next generation of leaders to the Fourth Generation of spiritual leaders! As men lead in a godly way, women will follow in a godly way and that people will be blessed of the Lord.

Five Questions: Bridge Building with the Gospel

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Five Questions: Bridge Building with the Gospel

I have a growing concern for the lost in the world.  My concern has gone through ebbs and flows over the years, but as I realize the lack of many days left in life (maybe thirty years), I realize I may not have much time to reach out to others.

There are few things in life more moving than to watch a person put their faith in Jesus’ substitutionary death on the cross and His resurrection.  There are few things more fantastic than to watch a rebirth happen before my eyes.  There are few things that motivate me more than witnessing a person who becomes my spiritual brother or sister!

Do you get that opportunity very often? 

One of the tools I use to transition to talk through the good news of Jesus Christ is to ask five questions.  The questions are merely a tool to build a bridge to someone so I can share the greatest news in the world – that Jesus died on the cross for his/her sins and that he/she can grow in a relationship with the God of the universe.  The questions are a tool to share that God loves him/her so much that God sent His only begotten Son to die on the cross for the sins of the world and that whoever believes in Jesus would have eternal life.  That’s fantastic news!

Here are the five questions I use to start a discussion and build a bridge to a person:

  • Do you ever talk about spiritual things?
  • In your opinion, who is Jesus Christ?
  • Do you believe in a heaven and a hell?
  • If something tragic were to happen, do you know where you would go?

           [If God asked, “Why should I let you into heaven?” what would you say?]

  • If what you believed were not true, would you want to know the truth?

The answers to the first four questions don’t really matter too much, but they do tell me a great deal about where the person is spiritually.  They tell me what the person is trusting in for salvation, if anything.  They get the person talking and allow me to gain credibility that I am interested in them as a person (and I am!). 

The main question is question number five, “If what you believed were not true, would you want to know the truth?”  If they say yes, then I have a free and open door to walk through and share my faith.  I’m not forcing myself onto the person.  I give the person an opportunity to say no, before I start talking about Jesus.  But once they say yes, then I can take them through a gospel presentation, whereby they can make the greatest decision of all time – accepting Jesus as Savior to become a child of God.

What do you use to build a bridge to talk to people about the Lord Jesus Christ?  Does it work well?  I’m interested in your feedback, because I want to be effective in building bridges and sharing Christ.  Let’s go reach the world for the sake of Jesus!

Gun Control – Should be in Your Hands!

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Gun Control – Should be in Your Hands!

Friends, we are waging a battle of epic spiritual proportions.  There may be little that is done by the Administration to control guns in America, but it isn’t because the government isn’t trying.  Prevention of greater tyrannical oppression will only be because a unified voice of freedom loving people will draw a line in the sand and say, “Enough is enough.”  Government gun control will be stopped because people put their trust in the Lord, rather than in the government and let the government know government only has the right to enforce the provisions of the Constitution and Amendments.  Government gun control will be stopped because people will resist the infractions of our rights to the Second Amendment.  What is the Second Amendment?
A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.  (Second Amendment)
 
The Second Amendment was written by our founding fathers, who lived during a time of government tyranny.  They knew how a government continued to gain more and more control in oppressive measures that are spelled out in the Declaration of Independence.  Our founding fathers who wrote the Constitution and original Amendments call the Bill of Rights listed 27 grievances against the tyranny of the English Crown who continued to oppress the colonialists.
Most people have read the first few lines of the Declaration of Independence, but forget to read the middle section which lists the grievances and unjust authority of England’s oppressive and tyrannical actions.  The last paragraph is essential to freedom loving people:
We, therefore, the Representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.
But some will say, we should do what the government says.  My answer is, “What does God say in Scripture?”
Before I begin, let me say unequivocally, the only hope for anyone, including America, is trusting in Jesus Chris as personal Savior.  Unless you are born from above, you will die in your sins (John 8:24).  But even the spiritual rebirth does not establish a transformed society, unless people seek the Lord in His Word in the power of the Holy Spirit by faith.  As a person grows spiritually, he must become a spiritual parent who raise up other spiritual parents, or the country will plateau and begin a descent into a morass of immorality.
Scripture records the words of the Lord, “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. (Matt. 10:34) He came to seek and to save the lost (Luke 19:10).  He came to die for our sins (2 Cor. 5:21).  But He also knew because of sin in the world, there would be horrible conflict between people.  Bad people would and do violate the well-being of good people and they would and do use horrible means to control others and get what they want.  Hence, Jesus told His disciple to secure weapons,
35 And He said to them, “When I sent you without money bag, knapsack, and sandals, did you lack anything?” So they said, “Nothing.” 36 Then He said to them, “But now, he who has a money bag, let him take it, and likewise a knapsack; and he who has no sword, let him sell his garment and buy one. 37 “For I say to you that this which is written must still be accomplished in Me:` And He was numbered with the transgressors.’ For the things concerning Me have an end.” 38 So they said, “Lord, look, here are two swords.” And He said to them, “It is enough.” (Luke 22:35-38)   
Jesus said it was more important to have a weapon, than an extra set of clothes. He did not say to trust in the sword, but to secure it and have it available for yourself.
There are times when you must be able to defend yourself.  God gave natural abilities for animals to defend themselves.  He gave teeth and claws to lions, tigers and bears.  He gave stingers to scorpions and bees.  He gave wings to birds, fast feet to blackbuck antelope, fins to sailfish, strong hind legs for fighting and jumping to kangaroos and poisonous fangs to snakes.  But there are some animals, like sheep, that are pretty helpless without the watch care of another. 
Humans fit into that category of needing additional protection.  Without the defense of someone else, like mothers and fathers for babies, man needs a means to protect himself from oppression.  It used to be a flintlock rifle for protection.  Today the weaponry can exist in many other forms.  As long as they are for defense, they fit under the Second Amendment.  Yet the Second Amendment also implies that the right to bears arms is to be used against the tyranny of the government. 
That line takes great discernment and must be weighed against all the other laws and infringements of freedom.   And remember, Scripture usurps the law of the land if they are at odds. (Acts 5:29)  For example, Jesus admonished Peter to return the sword to its sheath to allow God’s will to be fulfilled.  As Jesus was ready to leave the Garden of Gethsemene, a Roman troop came with Judas with swords and clubs and Peter asked, “Lord, shall we strike them with the sword?” (Luke 22:49).  And before Jesus responded, Peter went into action,

Then Simon Peter, having a sword, drew it and struck the high priest’s servant, and cut off his right ear. The servant’s name was Malchus. 11So Jesus said to Peter, “Put your sword into the sheath. Shall I not drink the cup which My Father has given Me?” 12 Then the detachment of troops and the captain and the officers of the Jews arrested Jesus and bound Him. (John 18:10-12)

Matthew adds, “But Jesus said to him, “Put your sword in its place, for all who take the sword will perish by the sword.”(Matt. 26:52).  The reality is that there are often unlawful times outside of God’s will that those who take the sword may die by the sword. If you pick up a weapon, you risk bringing death upon yourself.  That is why picking up a weapon must be wisely discerned.  That is what the colonialists chose to do, but only after years of working within the oppressive English system without a just hearing.

Some might not agree with this interpretation.  It is interesting, that Jesus dealt with differing interpretations in His day also.

Jesus dealt with the darkness of His day and as John says, “And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.” (John 1:5)  In fact, the darkness runs from the light:
19 “And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. 20 “For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. 21 “But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.” (John 3:19-21)

Those who reject the light of truth will not understand the truth.  They cannot understand it (1 Cor. 2:14).   No matter how much logic and reason they bring to the table, they will not understand it.  No matter how many testimonials or emotional appeals they make, they will not comprehend.  They cause greater harm to mankind by their rejection of truth, than by humbling themselves before it.  And all their laws that take away freedom will only cause greater harm.

God allows distortions of the truth, even in the church, to reveal those who want and abide in the truth (1 Cor. 11:19).  Distortion and evil exists and they will use many man-made ideas to control a situation, but unless it is humbly submitted to God’s Word, it will only create greater oppression on people.   Peter understood this when he wrote, “…untaught and unstable people twist to their own destruction, as they do also the rest of the Scriptures.” (2 Pet. 3:16)  Consider what Jesus said to Peter, “Put your sword in its sheath.” Jesus didn’t tell him to sell it or get rid of it, even though Peter used it wrongly. If you use it wrongly, you may die.

To whom do you trust for your protection?  Do you trust the Lord, or the government?  We should be able to trust the government.  But when our freedoms are being taken away, then we have to pray to wisely discern the line in the sand.   Yet, passive people have been slaughtered at the gun control commands of evil governments all through history.  Prior to brutal government slaughters, gun control measures and laws were enforced on the people.  For example, gun control laws were instituted in Armenia in 1915; Russia in 1918 under Lenin, Germany in 1921 and 1928, China in 1912 and continued under Mao Zedong and in Cambodia in 1938 strictly enforced by PolPot in the Khmer Rouge.   Governments always impose restrictions with growing control in every situation.

What happened in Newtown, Connecticut was a travesty.  But the lunacy of government to think a brewing civil unrest can be quelled by gun control is the greater deception of hypocrisy and evil.  The criminal will never be controlled by laws.  Laws will only restrict good citizens from defending themselves from criminals and tyrannical governments.

Judge Andrew Napolitano, a former judge on the Supreme Court of New Jersey, wrote this analysis:

The historical reality of the Second Amendment’s protection of the right to keep and bear arms is not that it protects the right to shoot deer. It protects the right to shoot tyrants, and it protects the right to shoot at them effectively, with the same instruments they would use upon us. If the Jews in the Warsaw ghetto had had the firepower and ammunition that the Nazis had, some of Poland might have stayed free and more persons would have survived the Holocaust.Read more: http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2013/jan/10/the-right-to-shoot-tyrants-not-deer/#ixzz2LefBjtyy

You have the right to protect yourself with sufficient power that you will not be overcome with the current or future weaponry.  If you don’t provide for your family, Scripture considers you worse than an unbeliever.  Paul writes, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1Tim. 5:8)  The context describes respect and financial need.  I would consider life part of the responsibility of every man for his family.

            Do not be fooled, hoodwinked or deceived.  Trust only what you know from Scripture and use it as a filter for everything you see and hear.  Freedom is precious.  Your right to own and possess firearms is protected by the constitution and Scripture.  All you need is Scripture.

 

 

 

Question: Did Moses compile the first 5 books solely by the Holy Spirit and/or from oral traditions?

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Question:   Did Moses compile the first 5 books solely by the Holy Spirit and/or from oral traditions?

This is a great question, because none of us were there.  We have to learn from Scripture and historical information that agrees with Scripture. The question also begs the question of what is inspired Scripture?

1)      Determine what is inspired Scripture.

a)      There were likely many things written by the authors of Scripture that were not included in canon.  Solomon  is given credit for writing 1005 (1 King 4:32) songs, but we don’t have many.  Paul actually wrote four letters to the Corinthian Church, but we only have two (likely letter 2 and 4).

b)      What is recorded and accepted in Scripture was identified as Canon in 397 A.D. by the Council of Carthage.

2)      Determination of authors.

a)      In some cases this is easy, because the author is listed.  For example, Paul records his name and the intended recipients (Eph. 1:1; Phil. 1:1)

b)      In some cases, the author is not listed, but internal evidence (what was written in the books) makes connections and analysis of the author.  For example, Luke records in his introductions that he is writing to Theolophilus in both Luke and Acts (Luke 1:1-4; Acts 1:1).  Luke was a friend and beloved physician of Paul (Col. 4:14) to get details of Jesus life (Luke) and eye-witness accounts in Acts.  Luke traveled with Paul and we can see from the changes in the use of the pronouns when Luke recorded the growth of the church and when he was with Paul (Acts 20:6). 

c)      In other cases, internal evidence and external evidence must be used.  For example, we say Jonah wrote Jonah as the prophet who rebelled, but humbled himself before God to write about his own sinfulness (Jon. 4). Job wrote Job as a blameless man of God who was rebuked by God (Job 38-42).  This was customary in that day that an author wrote in the third person and would not list his name.  Hence, Moses wrote the first five books (Pentateuch), except for Deuteronomy 34, which records Moses death.

d)      The key is every book is inspired by God (2 Tim. 3:16-17).  God superintended the writers of Scripture, so that without destroying their personality, grammatical style or literary ability, God’s complete thought toward man was recorded in the original manuscripts.  Key thoughts are God superintended and original manuscripts.  We don’t have the original manuscripts, because man would have worshiped them instead of God.  We also know the Holy Spirit carried along the writers of Scripture, so that they would write God’s complete thought as God intended using the minds, experience and personalities of the writers (2 Pet. 1:20-21).

3)      What about the Pentateuch?

a)      Moses is not listed as the author of Genesis, but, for example, circumcision on the eighth day, instructed in Genesis 17:12 (Ex. 12:48; Lev. 12:3) is recorded in the New Testament as the Law of Moses (John 7:23).

b)      Scholars attribute the writing of the Pentateuch to Moses the compiler from oral and written forms passed down.  Leviticus and Numbers record that “God spoke to Moses.”  Deuteronomy 1:1 records, “These are the words which Moses spoke to all Israel.” 

c)      We attribute the writings of each of the books because of the consistency, flow and arrangement to a single author, rather than a patchwork of several authors.  Additionally, Moses is the main character for Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy.

4)      Is the Pentateuch Inspired?

a)      In Genesis, God spoke to the patriarch (Cf. Gen. 12, 26, 46).

b)      In Exodus, “And God spoke all these words…” (Ex. 20:1).

c)      In Leviticus and Numbers, they directly say God called Moses and spoke to Moses (Lev. 1:1; Num. 1:1).

d)      In Deuteronomy, Moses’ speeches are regarded as God’s word (Deut. 4:2; 18:1).

5)      We learn from Acts 7, there were things that weren’t recorded in the Old Testament, which indicate extra illumination to Paul and Luke regarding the Old Testament.

6)      The point is that whether by oral tradition or written form, what was recorded is inspired and there for our learning (Rom. 15:4).

Book Review: Building a Life-changing Small Group Ministry By Bill Donahue

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Book Review: Building a Life-changing small group Ministry By Bill Donahue

This training manual, “Building a Life-changing small group Ministry,” is a big picture book, looking at the forest, yet does a great job of distinguishing between the oaks and maple trees.  It deals with the overview of building a small group ministry, in contrast to just leadership.  It exhorts the reader to assess the strengths and weaknesses of his ministry.  It helps the reader gain insight into prominent small group problems and develop a strategy for building a small group ministry. 

Donahue addresses “Ministry Clarity” from years of experience and practice.  He assists in developing an operational philosophy of ministry.  His chapter on “Point Leadership” is a good lead in to his small group book, “Leading Life-Changing Small Groups.”  Using the example of Jethro’s counsel to Moses to establish structure, Donahue assists small group leadership to not let small groups happen by accident, but to be intentional with the organism of small groups.  I appreciate his emphasis on nurturing over mentoring, because every leader is going to get discouraged working with people trying to help them grow.  The enemy does not want people to grow up, so there will be plenty of distractions leading to discouragement.  It’s best to have a coaching staff to build up the small group leaders. They will as they communicate, counsel, hold accountable and model encouragement.

Donahue has an excellent approach under “Connection Strategy.”  He gives several structures, ideas and examples of what has worked for various churches.  In a later chapter, “Measuring Progress,” he provides tremendous evaluation questions and charts to analyze the direction and momentum of a small group ministry.  Then he gives effective suggestions on discerning a wise course of action to proceed.

In succeeding chapters, Donahue expounds on the practical requirements and implementation of a small group ministry.  The reality is, small groups that are oriented to life transformation can break the mold of sedentary church life.  His chapter on “Measuring Progress” gives a remarkable assessment and evaluation guideline a church can use to objectively measure where the church is and therefore where it needs to go.  His chapter on “Leading Change: Breaking through Barriers” exposes the certainty of existing barriers or that rise up as the enemy will not want transformation in the heart of believers.  And finally, his last chapter on “Strategic Planning” lays out key questions to assist any leadership team in overcoming and implementing real change that can work.

This is a must read for background, vision and planning in building a small group ministry.  While it does not provide a verse by verse support for everything mentioned, the practical suggestions are there for employing what could be put into operation – personalized for your church.  The key is leadership support.  Do not try to implement small groups without the Senior Pastor’s backing.  Unity of the Spirit in God’s ministry is more important than pushing an agenda.

Q & A: Expectations in Relationships

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This is the Questions and considerations for answers to the Message Based Discussion Questions for the message “Expectations in Relationships” given on Februrary 17, 2013. The manuscript was posted on February 19, 2013.  The insert in included below with the blank questions followed by considerations for answers below that.  How would you answer the questions?  That’s what matters to the Lord.

Expectations in Relationships: You’re supposed to serve me!
John 13

1 Samuel 18:1-4

How does Jesus want you to approach relationships?

1)      Jesus shows you how to finish well loving others John 13:1-3   

2)      Jesus wants you to serve others John 13:4-5
3)      Jesus wants you to disciple people to truth John 13:6-17
4)      Jesus wants you to rise above adversities John 13:18-30
5)      Jesus wants you to overcome by loving others exactly as He does  John 13:31-35

 
Godly expectations anticipate Jesus working through you
so you can love others!

How do you implement this? 

1)       Accept that you have expectations..

·         If you expect people to always do the right thing; remember your dates, name, appts.; anniversary.  If you expect people to be civil, raise their kids to be perfect, come to church with their saintly face on.  If you expect people to protect the holiness of others, expect display of modesty, or not use course jokes.  Acts 20:29-30 distorted, misinterpreted; 1 Cor. 16:9.
·         Expectations can be wonderful IF godly, or they can harm

2)       Practice three things:

·         Compassion – genuine awareness of another’s suffering that leads to a desire to help.
·         Forgiveness – pardon for an offense without treating him as a offender
·         Forbearance – patience under provocation.  Willing to stand alongside someone in trouble.

What does it mean?

1)       Means I accept suffering and am willing to endure it for another’s sake.
2)       Means I’m willing to live with the poor. Jam. 2:1-5
3)       Means I resist the temptation to favoritism Jam. 2:1-5
4)       Means I’m committed to persevere in hardship.
5)       Means rejecting a personal happiness and comfort agenda than another’s standing with God.
6)       Means I live with a commitment to forgive.
7)       Means I overlook minor offenses by focusing on the big things God is doing.
8)       Means I won’t compromise on what is morally right and true. I will point others to God and the Word, and not condemn.

 

Here is the insert questions without suggested considerations for answers.  The suggested considerations are below this.  What answers would you give? 

Message Based Discussion Questions

1)      The greater the gap of what you expect in life and what you experience will create a tension that you may or may not deal with well.  What are some examples of expectations and actual experience that people might see in schooling, occupation, marriage, family and/or retirement?

Digging deeper into the text:

2)      What are two of God’s expectations in Matthew 28:18-20?  ___________________; _____________________________ What are some of the challenges to the fulfillment of that mandate? 

3)      What are two of the expectations the writer to the Hebrews has in Hebrews 5:12-14? ________________________ ; _________________________ How does Hebrews 5:12-14 define our responsibilities so that we can discern godly expectations?

4)      Choose two of the passages below.  What are examples of expectations versus experience in the following?   Gen. 4:4-15; 13:1-15; 17:1-18; 22:1-19; 37:1-28 (cf. 42:21).

Implementing this message to your life:

5)      What are expectations that you may have had that God has taught you were wrong?  Based on the principles of the message, what do you need to do?

6)      How can you learn to discern what are godly expectations for schooling, occupation, marriage, family and retirement?  How does that impact your relationships?

Here are suggested considerations for answers to the questions.  How would you answer the questions?  This is about your thoughts and understanding, not merely regurgitating what you see below.

Message Based Discussion Questions

1)      The greater the gap of what you expect in life and what you experience will create a tension that you may or may not deal with well.  What are some examples of expectations and actual experience that people might see in schooling, occupation, marriage, family and/or retirement?

a)      I expected an A and received a D in my Ancient Israel class – the last class of college!  Boy was I disappointed and even after talking to the prof, I didn’t have much satisfaction.  It seemed he took my “Christian world-view” historical answers applied to his secular world-view answers and down-graded me. 

b)      I expect to be treated well by fellow employees, but their ridicule makes me not want to go to work!  Or, I thought I should be able to share in the profit sharing, and only the upper-level management received payouts!

c)      I expect my wife to understand me, but she just wants to talk herself and she doesn’t really care.  She just keeps talking trying to understand from her perspective and we keep moving further apart.

d)      I expect that I’ll be able to go golfing and traveling in retirement, but with the new taxes, I’ll be fortunate enough to be able to go to a movie!

Digging deeper into the text:

2)      What are two of God’s expectations in Matthew 28:18-20?  __Trust His authority ___ ;  _make disciples__;  _baptize converts_ ; __teach others___. What are some of the challenges to the fulfillment of that mandate? 

a)      I fear rejection

b)      I fear I won’t be able to answer questions

c)      I fear I might not look cool or be cool

d)      I fear that I’ll look like a fool being dependent on religion

e)      I’m too busy

f)       I have other things to do

g)      I haven’t been trained

h)      I don’t know enough

i)        I don’t know how to baptize someone or know what to teach

j)        Someone might find out I don’t know everything.

k)      If they are hungry, they’ll figure it out

l)        I think the pastor should do all that.  He gets paid to do it.

m)    I don’t like other people.

3)      What are two of the expectations the writer to the Hebrews has in Hebrews 5:12-14? _should be teachers already_ ; __should be able to feed yourself from the Word_; __ Should be able to discern good and evil___.  How does Hebrews 5:12-14 define our responsibilities so that we can discern godly expectations?

a)      I should grow up spiritually

b)      Quit being totally dependent on the spoon feeding of others.

c)      I should learn from those who are teaching and look for opportunities to learn.

d)      I should learn to depend on the Lord and teach others.

e)      I should learn to bring my senses under control and depend on the Holy Spirit to discern good and evil

f)       I need to hunger for the bread of life (Matt. 4:4) and the Milk (1 Pet. 2:1-2) and press upward (Phil. 2:12-14).

g)      I need to step up to the plate and take responsibility to serve others and teach others in appropriate opportunities.

4)      Choose two of the passages below.  What are examples of expectations versus experience in the following?   Gen. 4:4-15; 13:1-15; 17:1-18; 22:1-19; 37:1-28 (cf. 42:21).

a)      Gen. 4:4-15 – Cain expected God to receive and respect his offering, but God did not.  When God rebuked Cain, Cain chose to disobey God, destroy the competition and suffer life-long consequences.

b)      Gen. 13:1-15 – Abraham left Egypt with his nephew Lot and they expected to get along.  But, Abraham’s and Lot’s herdsmen argued and wouldn’t get along.  Abraham gave Lot the choice of what he wanted. Abraham delivered Lot from capture, but saw Lot’s home destroyed.

c)      Gen. 17:1-18 – Abraham expected God to give him an heir, but not through his body.  He thought it might be through Hagar, but that just caused problems.  Abraham laughed at God’s solution.  Abraham’s expectations of God were not what God provided.

d)      Gen. 22:1-19 – Abraham obeyed God expecting God to somehow resuscitate Isaac off the altar.  God stopped Abraham in time and provided another sacrifice.  Abraham obeyed God and God provided another means without making Abraham go through the actual sacrifice of Isaac.

e)      Gen.37:1-28 – Joseph was Jacob’s favorite and Jacob expected Joseph to be treated well, but at least fairly.  Joseph had a dream from God and he expected his family to listen to him.  Instead they twisted what God was doing and took matters into their own hands selling Joseph into slavery.  They expected they would be done with thinking about Joseph, but his memory haunted them (42:21). 

Implementing this message to your life:

5)      What are expectations you may have had that God has taught you were wrong?  Based on the principles of the message, what do you need to do?

a)      I expect people to treat me well.  That won’t happen.  Comments and actions will be done as a test to see if I will entrust myself to God and be a spiritual parent to the person by rising above the adversity and discipling to truth.

b)      I expect my spouse to respect me.  That may not happen.  Words will be said, delays will happen, projects will not be completed, promises will not be kept.  I need to rise above the adversities, and serve my spouse.

c)      I expect my children to obey me.  They will rebel at times.  I must rise above the adversity, disciple to the truth, serve them by diligently helping them understand and obey the truth and love them to the end.

d)      I expect people in America to keep conservative values.  Many do not.  I need to rise above the adversity and disciple those who will respond to the truth until the end of my opportunities to disciple.

e)      I expect people whom I have disciple to respond and want to disciple others.  It often doesn’t happen.  The result is not the key as much as me being faithful, available to be used by God, intentional in discipling, teachable myself and Holy Spirit controlled.

6)      How can you learn to discern what are godly expectations for schooling, occupation, marriage, family and retirement?  How does that impact your relationships?   Godly expectations:

a)      Study Scripture to know God’s holiness and truth in each area.

b)      Seeking the Holy Spirit’s illumination to discern God’s way versus man’s way.

c)      Study Scripture to understand the growth process and what to expect from people. 

d)     Trust God with the outcome of circumstances, because he knows God can work any situation for good (Rom. 8:28).

e)      Trust God to work in a disciple’s heart to respond and walk worthy of the Lord (Col. 1:10) to be complete in Christ (Col. 2:9-10).

f)       Consider the eternal perspective for each area to what God would want for each area. 

g)      Consider that in each area, God’s mandates of the Great Commandment and Commission are still the important issue, not my personal desires or wants.

h)      Ask other wise persons for accountability to keep growing in these areas.

i)        If I’m not growing, I won’t learn blind spots or grow to become a spiritual parent.

j)        I’ll struggle through some relationships because I won’t understand some of the dynamics of conflict in relationships.

k)      I keep certain close relationships, because they are comfortable, but I’ll avoid others, because I don’t learn how to love them as Jesus does.

 

 

MSG: Expectations in Relationships

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This is the message given on February 17, 2013, the fourth message in a relationship series begun in November, but held during an Advent series and Strategic Vision series.

Expectations in Relationships: You’re supposed to serve me!

John 13

            God has three wills.  There is the direct will, where God says or does something and it happens.  For example, when God said, “Let there be light,” light happened.  Then there is the indirect will of God, where God uses an agent or agency to accomplish His will.  For example, when Scripture says that children are to obey their parents, the children learn God’s will through their parents.  The parents are the agency through whom God makes His will known and be accomplished.  Then there is God’s permissive will.  God’s permissive will is what God permits, even though it may not be what God desires.  God allows many things, like sin, that are not His desire, but He allows them to happen for His greater glory.

In God’s permissive will, He let Israel pursue a king like all the nations around them.  God knew people emphasized the physical, overt and human standards, instead of a heart pursuing God. God knew that people would want a tall, good looking man as king. Israel still hadn’t learned the principle “When people get what they want, they don’t want what they get.” Israel wanted meat, so God gave meat to them until it came out of their noses.  They got what they wanted, but didn’t want what they got! 

So regarding a king, God chose Saul. The Bible says, “There was not a more handsome person than he among the children of Israel. From his shoulders upward he was taller than any of the people.” (1 Sam. 9:2)  He was big on the outside, but a shrimp on the inside. Saul made life about himself and he had expectations that showed it. 

Saul showed life was about himself in many ways.  He didn’t take responsibility for being king when he hid among the baggage at the time of his coronation (1 Sam. 10:22). After two years of reign, he attacked the Philistines and war began. He probably didn’t think the Philistines would attack back or he thought he’d be more successful.  So when the people began to depart and Samuel had not arrived to lead in the sacrifice to God, Saul offered an ungodly sacrifice (1 Sam. 13:12-13). Then his kingly position really went to his head and his humility flew out the window, when he called for the execution of his own son Jonathan. He foolishly ordered that no one could eat, until he had taken vengeance on his enemies. He expected his son to hear and obey when his son had not heard (1 Sam. 14:27).

Saul showed his expectations when God ordered Saul to destroy the Amalekites.  Saul completed the mission, but only partially.  Instead of accepting responsibility, Saul made excuses for his disobedience.  Saul expected people to serve him, because he was king.   He, consciously or not, really thought He was God and He could decide how far He needed to complete the mission. Saul also expected David to play the harp and be a servant, but Saul wasn’t concerned for David’s condition, position or life. When people honored David, Saul’s jealousy wanted to kill David. Saul expected the world to revolve around him.

In contrast, Jonathan, Saul’s son, saw the Lord blessing David and he loved David,

Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.  2 Saul took him that day, and would not let him go home to his father’s house anymore.  3 Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. 4 And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt. (1Sam. 18:1-4)

Jonathan used his position as Saul’s son to bless and protect David’s life.  Jonathan was next in line to be king, but he was more interested in God’s will than his own desires. What do you expect out of relationships?  Everyone has difficult relationships.  They can be at home or at work.  They can be with someone you love, that is part of your family, or they can be with the neighbor next door that likes to work on his hot rod at 11 pm.  How do you deal with trouble in relationships?  What do you expect? How do you ensure relationships grow instead of grumble?  How does Jesus want you to approach relationships?   

            The key is how Jesus approaches relationships.

1)      Jesus shows you how to finish well loving others John 13:1-3 

Imagine all that Jesus went through in loving His disciples! Jesus spent 3.5 years discipling twelve men.  Jesus dealt with loud mouth fisherman Peter, who was always sticking his foot in his mouth.  He dealt with Simon the Zealot, who often complained about the other sick, lame and lazy guys who couldn’t keep up.  Then there was Judas whom the Spirit revealed would betray him. Shouldn’t Jesus have gained some undying respect from his disciples?  Surely they would stand with him through a tough time.

Jesus knew that His hour had come. Now before the feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end. (John 13:1)   Jesus shows us that even in your darkest hour (this was His), you can love others, because God the Holy Spirit will empower you to love others. You don’t love others, because they are so great, but because that is God’s will and it mirrors what God did for you (1 John 4:19).

His hour had come, yet after the bickering, complaining, comparing of the disciples, He loved them to the end.  After three years of living, traveling, eating, training together, Jesus loved them to the end. Even at this point the devil was working in one of Jesus’ disciples – Judas.  Jesus kept loving to the end. And supper being ended, the devil having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray Him (John 13:2).

So couldn’t Jesus expect something from the disciples whom He had poured so much into?  Shouldn’t they take care of Him?  Shouldn’t He expect them to stand with Him?  Jesus didn’t expect that, because He knew His time had come and He knew the heart of man. Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God (John 13:3).

No instead of expecting the disciples to act in a certain way, Jesus kept loving them to the end.  The question is “what does that love look like?” The rest of the passage shows what that love looks like.  People will often say, “I love you,” but their actions show something different.  They may say it so nice and sound so genuine, but their actions are empty or even contrary.  Notice how Jesus shows His love.

2)      Jesus wants you to serve others John 13:4-5

When you are weighed down with difficulties, problems and trouble, what do you normally want?  Do you want to serve?  Get real.  Most of us would rather just retreat to our man cave, or veg out at the television or computer.  Jesus knew His time had come. But, He served others. He was a spiritual parent. He did what His disciples should have done.  This was the job of the lowest ranking servant.

Let me relate that to today.  Washing feet today is nothing compared to Jesus day.  I’d be more than happy to wash your feet, but  the disciples? Your feet are at most a little fragrant, but not like the feet of the disciples.  They had far more than a little dust on their feet.  They walked through dust, but also puddles from rain water.  In that rain was garbage as well as animal waste in the road. Those were dirty feet! In His greatest crisis, Jesus serves.   Jesus lowers Himself before His disciples and serves them, 

[Jesus] rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. 5 After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. (John 13:4-5)

Jesus even washes the feet of the one who would betray Him.  Judas had the lesson of grace, but he chose to betray Jesus. 

Okay, I might get the gumption to wash someone’s feet, but don’t make me do anything else.  Don’t make me talk to them in a kind way.  Don’t make me cover a multitude of sins and help the person move closer to God.  At least that’s what my flesh would be thinking.  Notice how Jesus approaches the relationships.

3)      Jesus wants you to disciple people to truth John 13:6-17

There are times when Jesus even wants you to disciple someone to the truth, in spite of the fact they have wronged you, sinned against you, and failed on their part.  God wants you to let Him work through you to teach them about truth.  The hard part is as you are trying to do that, people often misunderstand.

Peter misunderstood what Jesus was doing.  He didn’t want Jesus to take that position of the lowest slave. Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, “Lord, are You washing my feet?” (John 13:6).  Peter was trying to show respect for Jesus, but he was also playing God.  He thought he knew better than Jesus about what Jesus should do.  He assumed Jesus was showing just a little too much humility.

Jesus makes a simple admonishment to Peter.  John records,” Jesus answered and said to him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.” (John 13:7) Too many times we don’t understand what God is doing through others.  Rather than listening to understand, we assume we know what is best.  Jesus is trying to help Peter, who gets righteously indignant to which Jesus must rebuke Peter. Peter said to Him, “You shall never wash my feet!” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me.”(John 13:8)   You can sense a firm, but graciousness in Jesus’ voice.

Then Peter misunderstands further, to which Jesus must correct him. Simon Peter said to Him, “Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!” 10 Jesus said to him, “He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; and you are clean, but not all of you. For He knew who would betray Him; therefore He said, “You are not all clean.” (John 13:9-11)  Jesus declares all of them are believers (clean), but not all (not Judas).  Judas had not believed in Jesus as his Savior.  Judas looked like the rest of the disciples in actions, but he was not a child of God. 

Jesus was teaching the principle of confession of sins.  After salvation, a person is cleansed of the penalty of sin, but because of sin in experience or life, there must still be confession of sins (1 John 1:9). God gives you life after death and life before death.

After this tangible, concrete lesson, Jesus explains it.

So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you?  13 “You call me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am.  14 “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 “For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. 16“Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. (John 13:12-16)

Jesus disciples them to the truth.  The Disciples didn’t understand the illustration of washing feet.  It was more than teaching confession of sins.  It was also that we are to disciple others to the truth.  Their expectations wanted others to serve them.  Jesus shows what is important – others. 

Would it be hard for Jesus to do what He did?  YES! It would be hard even for the humanity of Jesus.  Remember, He said on the cross, “Let this cup pass from Me. Nevertheless, not My will, but Thy will be done. (Matt 26:42). Jesus was also teaching the principle that when we do the hard things, there is great blessing and the choices in the future get easier. “If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. (John 13:17) They are hard to do, because our flesh doesn’t want to do them.  Fortunately there is great blessing to come, but the hard choices come first. Discipleship is never a smooth straight line.  There are a variety of disappointments.  There are often setbacks and loss of traction.  Do the right thing.

How does Jesus want you to approach relationships?  He wants you to serve others – even the hard ones.  There are always opportunities to serve out of love.  He also wants you to disciple others to the truth.  That takes great discernment.  That helps you do the right thing in the interest of the others. At the same time, He wants you to rise above the adversities of relationships.

4)      Jesus wants you to rise above adversities John 13:18-30

It would be nice if we could have an easy life once we became Christians.  It would be nice if we just got along.  But then, we wouldn’t need the Holy Spirit to empower us to rise above adversities and reveal how Jesus is sufficient in all things.

Notice this first adversity Jesus mentions. “I do not speak concerning all of you. I know whom I have chosen; but that the Scripture may be fulfilled,` He who eats bread with Me has lifted up his heel against Me. (John 13:18)  Jesus knew ahead of time that Judas was going to betray Him.  How would you talk and act if you knew someone would betray you?  Jesus chose Judas for this mission.  And yet Jesus rose above knowing Judas would betray Him.  He served him and discipled him to the truth. 

The secondadversity is that Jesus knew the disciples would not get it.

Now I tell you before it comes, that when it does come to pass, you may believe that I am He.  20 “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who receives whomever I send receives Me; and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me.” 21 When Jesus had said these things, He was troubled in spirit, and testified and said, “Most assuredly, I say to you, one of you will betray Me.” 22 Then the disciples looked at one another, perplexed about whom He spoke. (John 13:19-22)

The second adversity was that Jesus told the disciples what was going to happen and they wouldn’t be able to understand.  They probably looked at Jesus like deer in headlights.  Most people want others to understand the pain and problems they are going through.  Jesus objectively states the truth, but doesn’t draw attention to His pain.  The disciples didn’t understand.  People often don’t understand.

            The third adversity was actually giving the signal to Judas for him to go.

23 Now there was leaning on Jesus’ bosom one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved.  24 Simon Peter therefore motioned to him to ask who it was of whom He spoke.  25 Then, leaning back on Jesus’ breast, he said to Him, “Lord, who is it?”  26 Jesus answered, “It is he to whom I shall give a piece of bread when I have dipped it.” And having dipped the bread, He gave it to Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon.  (John 13:23-26)

Jesus was going to give the piece of bread dipped in the wine to Judas. Some of us would have wanted to throw it at Judas!  He gave Judas the symbol of His body broken for Judas dipped in the symbol of blood that would be shed for him.   Jesus also knew that Judas had every opportunity, but rejected it. AND Jesus maintained such tremendous composure by the Holy Spirit.

            The fourth adversity was telling Judas to go do what was part of God’s plan – to enjoin the process of betrayal leading to the flogging and to the crucifixion.

Now after the piece of bread, Satan entered him. Then Jesus said to him, “What you do, do quickly.  28But no one at the table knew for what reason He said this to him.  29 For some thought, because Judas had the money box, that Jesus had said to him, “Buy those things we need for the feast,” or that he should give something to the poor.  30 Having received the piece of bread, he then went out immediately. And it was night. (John 13:27-30)

Wouldn’t there be a little resentment or bitterness in your voice if you had to say that?  There was none in Jesus’ voice.  He accepted the Father’s will and took responsibility to do what was required – even death on the cross.  He even gave Judas permission to go do what would be necessary. 

God is always in control.  Will you accept that God is in control, when someone tries to manipulate you?  When someone deceives you?  When someone wrongs you?  God was in control, when Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery.  God was in control, when Potiphar’s wife lied and Joseph was thrown into prison. God was in control when Achan stole from Jericho and soldiers from Israel died at the Battle of Ai.  God was in control, when Absalom drove David out of Jerusalem?  God was in control when Solomon married 700 wives.  How foolish of Solomon!

How does Jesus want you to approach relationships?  Rise above the adversities.  Disciple others to the truth.  Serve them.  If you do, you will finish well loving others.  But there is one more thing Jesus teaches us to understand.

5)      Jesus wants you to overcome by loving others exactly as He does  John 13:31-35

We all want to overcome.  Most of us overcome by separating from others.  There is a time for separation.  But not until we have let God work through us in all circumstances.  Now, notice what Jesus says here.

So, when he had gone out, Jesus said, “Now the Son of Man is glorified, and God is glorified in Him. If God is glorified in Him, God will also glorify Him in Himself, and glorify Him immediately. (John 13:31-32)

How can Jesus talk about glory, when He has just given a piece of bread to Judas to begin the process of betrayal?  He even includes glory for the Father!  It is in the darkest moments that God’s grace shines the brightest.  It is in the trial, the crisis, the trouble, that God’s grace is shown to be sufficient and God’s Holy Spirit is all powerful.  Furthermore Jesus tells them they cannot come with Him, because they have a mission defined by the Great Commission. Little children, I shall be with you a little while longer. You will seek Me; and as I said to the Jews, `Where I am going, you cannot come,’ so now I say to you. (John 13:33)  They could not come now, they have a mission.

            Then Jesus gets to the pinnacle of how to approach relationships – overcome by loving others exactly as He does.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. (John 13:34)

Let’s note several things by this. First, it is a new commandment.  The word “new” means new in quality, not new in sequence or time.  He is not saying the other commandments are no longer needed.  This is a new kind of commandment, because what God calls us to is a humanly impossible activity.  No one can love as Jesus does, unless we die to ourselves and are filled with the Holy Spirit.

            Secondly, the word “commandment” means it’s not an option, preference, suggestion or choice.  It is a commandment from God and is a requirement if we are going to be His disciples. 

Thirdly, the word “love” means to give what is best for others.  It isn’t an expression someone says and then there is nothing good done.  That is hypocrisy.  Love is an action from personal resources done for the best interests of others.

Fourthly, the word “as” means “exactly according to the degree as.”  In other words, there is a comparison made between what Jesus does and what God wants us to do.  God wants us to die exactly as Jesus did for the best interests of others.  He doesn’t want us to say, “I love you,” and then ignore the person or stay away from the person.  If I say, “I love you,” there will be tangible expressions of that love.

Finally, it is a choice we make to be shown as Jesus’ disciples.

“By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35)

If I love as Jesus loved, I will show I am His disciple.  If I don’t, then I will not let others know, because I am not His disciple.

There are good and bad expectations.  Bad expectations put expectations on how others are to act. Bad expectations are really a self-focus of trying to play God.  Good expectations allow God to work through you to love others.  Let’s look at it this way:

Godly expectations anticipate Jesus working through you
so you can love others!

How do you implement this?  First, accept that you have expectations.  If you expect people to always do the right thing; remember your dates, name, appointments, or anniversaries, you’ll have trouble.  They should remember, but if you have expectations, it makes relationships difficult at times.  If you expect people to be civil, raise their kids to be perfect, come to church with their saintly face on, you’ll have trouble.  If you expect people to protect the holiness of others, expect display of modesty, or not use course jokes, you’ll have trouble at times.  Should these things be done by people?  Yes! But if when it doesn’t happen, what should you do?  Serve them, disciple them to the truth, rise above the adversities and overcome by loving exactly as Jesus does.

It’s like when Paul visited with the Elders of Ephesus.

For I know this, that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock.  30“Also from among yourselves men will rise up, speaking [twisted] things, to draw away the disciples after themselves.  (Act 20:29-30)

And

For a great and effective door has opened to me, and there are many adversaries. (1Co 16:9)

Paul didn’t expect everything to be quiet and calm in the church.  He accepted that trouble would arise.  When it did arise, he was a willing vessel through whom God could work to restore order and maintain the growth in the church.

Secondly, practice three things. Practice compassion, which is a genuine awareness of another’s suffering that leads to a desire to help. Practice forgiveness, which is pardoning for an offense without treating the other person as an offender.  And practice forbearance, which is patience under provocation.  It means you are willing to stand alongside someone in trouble.

Furthermore it means we will die to self for the sake of others.

·         It means I accept suffering and am willing to endure it for another’s sake.

·         It means I’m willing to live with the poor, whether financially, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. Jam. 2:1-5

·         It means I resist the temptation to favoritism Jam. 2:1-5

·         It means I’m committed to persevere in hardship.

·         It means rejecting a personal happiness and a comfort agenda for the sake of another’s standing with God.

·         It means I live with a commitment to forgive.

·         It means I overlook minor offenses by focusing on the big things God is doing.

·         It means I won’t compromise on what is morally right and true. I will point others to God and the Word, and not condemn.

What was the problem with Saul’s expectations?  Saul’s expectations were really a revelation that he wanted to be God himself.  He wanted people to adjust to him, because he was king and he wasn’t oriented to God in humility.  Jonathan, on the other hand, was humble and was oriented to God’s plan, regardless of what that meant for him. 

Expectations are a sign of expressing our desire to be and act like God.  Do your expectations get in the way of offering grace to others?

 

 

These are the Message Based Discussion Questions on the reverse side of the insert:

Message Based Discussion Questions
1)      The greater the gap of what you expect in life and what you experience will create a tension that you may or may not deal with well.  What are some examples of expectations and actual experience that people might see in schooling, occupation, marriage, family and/or retirement?
Digging deeper into the text:
2)      What are two of God’s expectations in Matthew 28:18-20?  ___________________; _____________________________ What are some of the challenges to the fulfillment of that mandate? 
3)      What are two of the expectations the writer to the Hebrews has in Hebrews 5:12-14? ________________________ ; _________________________ How does Hebrews 5:12-14 define our responsibilities so that we can discern godly expectations?
4)      Chose two of the passages below.  What are examples of expectations versus experience in the following?   Gen. 4:4-15; 13:1-15; 17:1-18; 22:1-19; 37:1-28 (cf. 42:21).
Implementing this message to your life:
5)      What are expectations that you may have had that God has taught you were wrong?  Based on the principles of the message, what do you need to do?
6)      How can you learn to discern what are godly expectations for schooling, occupation, marriage, family and retirement?  How does that impact your relationships?

 

 

SGL:Small Group Definition

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Leading a Home Group: Small Group Definition

The early church followed the small group model. Acts 2:41-47 describes how they enjoyed fellowship from house to house and devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching.  There were churches that met in the homes of Priscilla and Aquila (Rom. 16:3-5) and Philemon (Phm 1:2).  House churches were not the option, but the norm.   In fact house churches were most common, until Constantine became emperor in 274-337 A.D. as the first Christian emperor of Rome.   Then church buildings, basilicas, cathedrals, replaced house churches.  Unfortunately, in the eyes of the world and Christians, the church became the building rather than the body of Christ.   Small groups continue to be crucial to the mission of building the kingdom.  Let’s make a definition of a small group.

            What is a small group (home group)?  It is a voluntary gathering of  five to fifteen people invited together within the church structure, built upon God’s Word in a relational environment with intentional discipleship that regularly meets to reach out to people and help all grow spiritually so that people desire to reproduce.

Let’s break that down in parts:

·         Voluntary invitation – Small group leaders invite people to gather, rather than coerce them.  Small groups are not put together by guilt, duty or pestering.  People join small groups, because they want to join a real and transparent setting.  They see small groups as a place they can grow biblically, spiritually and relationally.

·         Five to Fifteen – A small group is small by number, normally about twelve people, but can be five to fifteen. Fewer than five people can make discussions difficult, especially when a few get sick.  More means that people are less likely to be transparent or ask questions. Small groups often have co-leaders, so with their spouses and one additional person, you have the minimum of five.  Fifteen allows the number twelve Jesus worked with plus a few additional people who may join until another group is formed.  If a small group is larger than fifteen, the transparency fades as walls and a lack of trust often form. In larger groups, more time is necessary for interaction and discussion.  A smaller group allows for easier trust development and openness. A small group means that people are more willing to ask questions.

·         Within the Church structure – This means the small group is connected to the church and the small group leadership is under the Church’s spiritual coaching staff.  Therefore, the small group is not independent from the church. This is why the vision and purpose of the small group should be established under the larger Church’s vision and purpose.  Small groups can have a unique statement related to Matthew 28:19-20, however.

·         Built upon God’s Word– There is one foundation for the Church and small groups – God’s Word.  Everything else is sinking sand.  The people and the small group will not grow spiritually, unless they are built on God’s Word.

·         Relational environment– Small groups provide the relational environment where people develop trust, enjoy fellowship and care for one another.  It is the ideal place where the “one anothers” can be practiced. The relational environment is also where the wisest accountability, encouragement and unity of the Spirit will be experienced.

·         Intentional discipleship – Small groups gather to have fun in encouraging others to grow.  But they do not allow the growth to happen by chance.  Individuals are asked to try opportunities of leading in hosting, prayer, facilitating questions and follow-up.  The leadership develops a plan of helping those who are willing to take greater responsibility and to learn how to focus on the needs of others, rather than only their own.  Eventually, many of the people will be offered the opportunity to lead their own small group.

·         Regularly meets – Each small group decides how often it will meet.  Normally they will meet weekly or even biweekly and meet for one and a half hours.  Sometimes people stay later talking about the lesson or personal things.  The group can meet in a home, restaurant, office, or church, but the home probably provides the most relaxed setting for interaction and warmth.

·         Reach out to new people– Small groups are designed to invite new people to them.  They may be closed in some cases, but most should be open to expand the small group ministry.  There are many people who will not darken the threshold of a church, but will easily join a group in a home.  Some small groups may be very evangelistic and have open doors to hungry souls.

·         Help all grow spiritually– When the main focus is helping people grow spiritually, they will become transformed by the renewing of their mind and they will reach out to others.  The fact that there are  a variety of people (and not all older, sage Owls) allows new people to realize they can fit in also and not feel like they have to put on a spiritual front.  Small groups are excellent training and proving grounds to let people move through the spiritual stages of spirituality.

·         Desire to reproduce– While the comfort of trusted people gather because they enjoy each other, the leadership must continue to cast the vision of reproduction.  Small groups provide the environment as a great tool in the fulfillment of the Great Commission to multiply disciples.  Spiritual parents lead small groups with the desire that disciples will rise up out of the group to go lead other groups.

 

Let’s build on that definition and watch the Holy Spirit build a magnificent local body of mobilized Christians hungry for truth, dependent on God’s Spirit and trusting in their heart to reach new people.

SGL:How to deal with Discussion Controllers

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Leading a Home Group:  How to deal with Discussion Controllers

            We are joyful that people want to participate in a home group.  They are the best environment where 80% of the church can grow through the spiritual stages of infant, child, young adult and parent.  None of the stages is more important than the others.  However, Jesus in the Great Commission wants us to become disciplers of all the nations, which means becoming a spiritual parent.  In the joy of home group, there are often people who seem to control the conversation or do most of the talking. 

            Talking is a good thing.  However, it can prevent the others from growing through the sharpening process.  So what do you do when it seems one person is talking a whole lot more than others?  What do you say that doesn’t shut down the whole group?  What concerns should a leader have so that the “spirit” of the conversation isn’t quenched?

            First, pray that you are being objective in your observations.  Make sure it’s not a personality conflict you have with the person and you would rather not hear from that person as much.

Secondly, thank them for their thoughts. Affirmation is important for almost all people.  Some talkers could care less about affirmation, but your affirmation is important to other less talkative (even timid) people who more easily shut down. In your affirmation of the talker, turn quickly to others and look for their response to affirm them.

            Thirdly, based on the thought expressed by the controlling person, ask, “What do the rest of you think?” or “Are there any other thoughts?”  Your purpose is to convey that others have an equal say and importance in contributing to the conversation.  

            Fourthly, get together outside of the group and ask the person how the group is going.  They will likely respond the group is going great (because they get to talk so much).  Ask them how the contributions of others in the group are helping everyone learn and sharpen each other (Prov. 27:17).  They may not realize others are not talking very much because they don’t have very much opportunity to contribute time wise.  Ask the controlling person if the others have helpful things to contribute and ask them if they can remember any of their contributions.  Do not do this to put them on the spot, or to feel bad, but to try to get them to think through the situation and take ownership of what seems to be going on, much like the prophet Nathan did with David in 2 Samuel 12.  

            Fifthly, talk to them afterward to help them see that the discussion is meant for everyone.  Affirm their desire to participate.  They may not realize how much they are talking or controlling.  Some talkers will humbly be much more observant.  Some may deny they talk very much. Some others may react and not do any talking for the next few weeks.  And still others may go into hibernation, because they are embarrassed that the leader felt like he/she needed to say something.  Paul’s admonition in 1 Thessalonians is pertinent related to different kinds of people, “Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. (1 Thess. 5:14)

            Finally, if nothing seems to work, help them see they are not letting others talk.  The group is more important than hurting the feelings of an individual.  The group is more important than allowing one person to control by talking so much.  The individual person must realize, “Life is not about you.”  It’s about the Lord and considering others more important than self. 

            You the leader are responsible to help all the people. You the humble and bold leader are God’s representative to raise all people to the holiness of God. All the people will need to grow, especially you the leader.  God calls you the leader to be diligent to be His agent of helping others.  Leading is your opportunity to grow.

 

 

Excuses

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Sunday, I did a little skit with Moses and the voice of God to introduce the final message on Strategy for Grace: Pursuing the Role in Jesus.  I found the conversation between Moses and God so revealing and convicting that it needs to be highlighted here.

Moses had been raised in the best environment of the world at that time – around B.C. 1500.  He grew up in the Egyptian Pharaoh’s court and was ready to be the Second in Command if he had “stuck with the program.”  Moses didn’t because he wanted God’s will.  After fleeing from Egypt, he spent forty years in the backside of the Midian desert. 

After forty years of divine training, God appears to Moses in the burning bush.  You know the overall story at this point.  God tells Moses that He is sending Moses to bring God’s people out of Egypt.  Moses balks and makes his firstexcuse, “I’m inadequate.”  Haven’t we all done that?  God tells us to be witnesses for Him and we come up with all sorts of excuses why we don’t think we can share our faith with others.  Don’t we?  Doesn’t God want us to be who we are and just tell others what we know (Acts 1:8)?

Then God firmly but patiently like a parent, tells Moses that He will be with Moses.  What could be more comforting than the God of the universe is going to be with you on a mission?  Moses makes his second excuse that Israel’s possible erroneous view is more important to him than God’s presence.  Looking back on that excuse seems like it is crazy!  But don’t I do that?  Don’t you do that?  We get more concerned about a person’s possible rejection of us in sharing the gospel, than knowing He will be with us as we go and make disciples (Matt. 28:19-20)?

God again patiently answers Moses’ question regarding His name with, “I am who I am.”  God assures Moses with a brief history lesson of God’s promises to great grand daddies Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.  Then He tells Moses they will come out with an abundance, but Moses gives his thirdexcuse, “I can’t handle the conflict with them.”  But don’t we do that?  We have conflict with someone and we walk the other way, or turn our head so we don’t catch their eye, or avoid going somewhere if we might be near a person with whom we have a conflict?  Don’t we?  Doesn’t God want us to reconcile and restore relationships for His purpose (Rom. 12:18; 2 Cor. 5:19-20)?

God once more is patient, but firm as a parent.  He gives Moses two object lessons of Moses’ rod turning into a serpent and his hand becoming leprous.  Moses is likely surprised by both incidents.  I would be; wouldn’t you? Consider the rod that Moses used to protect himself from harm, now it becomes a serpent that would harm him.  What’s more, God tells Moses to pick up the serpent by the tail.  Now everyone ought to know that you don’t do something foolish like that!  You would go for the neck right behind the head, so the serpent couldn’t swing around and strike a deadly poisonous bite!  But when God tells you to do something, you obey, even if it goes against man’s way of thinking!  Then when Moses’ hand becomes leprous like snow, God reveals that Moses is unclean for any task God would want from him.  But God shows how He moves in our life, whether an illness, handicap, or personal attack against us, how God can work it together for good and direct that we continue with the mission. But Moses makes his fourthexcuse that he is not eloquent and is slow of speech.  Don’t we do that?  Don’t we make excuses like Moses?  Don’t we look at ourselves, our weaknesses, our lack of eloquence or ability to be smooth in a gospel presentation and we remain in the background waiting for someone else to do the witnessing?  Doesn’t God want us to just use what He has given us and do the best we can (2 Cor. 11:6)?  Doesn’t He want us to leave the results to Him?

Yet one more time, God reminds Moses who made his mouth.  God directs Moses to consider Who made us the way we are and therefore God knows the means of His message and  how He will work out His results.  Finally, Moses makes his fifth excuseand in utter fear says, “I don’t want to.  I can’t.”  Whoa. 

Scripture says the “anger of the Lord was kindled against Moses.  After five excuses, God’s anger is kindled.  Does that mean I can become angry when people refuse to listen?  Can I get frustrated when I’ve been patient for a while?  Think about that number five.  Five is the number of grace.  God is patient and merciful.  But there is a line by which we lose out on seeing how great our God is if we trust Him.

I realized this week, that my frustrations are always about me.  I rarely become angry when other people sin against God.  I do, but my anger is normally aroused when someone is snide against me, or lies to me, or is hypocritical to me.  It’s normally about me.  If I am filled with the Spirit, I’ll remain firm but calm like a spiritual parent, and disciple the person to the truth.  If I am filled with God’s Spirit I will become righteously angry, but it is only in the other person’s actions toward God.  He is the holy One.  He is the righteous One.  I don’t need to become upset at them.

As you reflect on this passage, consider two things.  First, consider how many times you make excuses to not do the right thing.  I’m not talking about not stealing, lying, or committing adultery.  How many times do you make excuses not to do what is right, and you do not?  Whether it is witnessing your faith to a lost soul or serving in a needed capacity or discipling a person who needs to grow up spiritually, what excuses to you make?  Secondly, in your relationships, do you become frustrated with people, maybe your children, because they don’t relate with you the way you want them to act.  Will you be firm and patient like a parent is with a child?

May the Lord bless you in His work.

Danger of the term “Christian maturity”

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Danger of the term “Christian maturity”

I’ve asked many people what Christian maturity is and I get a variety of answers.  Some answers describe a person who knows the Bible well. Some add it’s one whose Bible study influences their life.  Some say Christian maturity is obedience to God, i.e. one who goes to church, takes their children to church and no longer carouses.  Some say it is someone who gets along with others. Some say maturity refers to those who don’t do drugs, steal or lie. There is truth in all of those statements. However, there is a message that is hidden by those definitions.  Christian maturity is none of the above.

            Who are some who might satisfy the above definitions?  The Pharisees were not mature and yet they knew the Bible well (distorted as they knew it).  There are some people who are brains on a stick, but they use that knowledge to impress others rather than disciple others.

            There are some who don’t do the wrong things.  That is, they don’t do drugs, steal or lie, but they also don’t disciple other people. They do struggle with worry, doubting God, bitterness toward certain individuals who have hurt them and struggle with not forgiving past offenses.  They consider those acceptable in life, because “everyone deals with those.”  God calls them sins.  Man calls them acceptable.  Acceptable sins are not characteristic of Christian maturity.

There are some who are comfortable in their own setting and don’t care whether other people “get it” or not.  Oh, they wouldn’t say they don’t care, but they don’t take the time to come alongside new believers who grew up having never attended church.  The one who doesn’t do wrong things, do they do the right things? Do they disciple others?

            There are some who say maturity is obedience to God by going to church, taking their children to Sunday School and not carouse.  But a person can do that in his own power for his own purposes.  He takes his children, because he isn’t willing to raise his children to the holiness of God and he expects the church to do it. Obedience is often so vague that it merely means one who doesn’t do obvious sins.  There is little personal sanctification or spiritual transformation.  There is little spiritual accountability. That’s no measure of maturity.

            What is maturity?  It’s often just a nebulous, vague and cloudy term to take a person away from their God given responsibility of the fulfilling the Great Commandment and Great Commission.

Let’s get real.  Christian maturity is one who humbly loves God with all his heart, soul and strength, who is dependent on the Holy Spirit for every thought, word and action, and who submits to the Lordship of Jesus Christ raising up disciples to Jesus Christ.  Christian maturity is not a spiritual infant, who does not know Scripture and is focused on self.  Christian maturity is not a spiritual child, who likes learning Scripture, but is still focused on self and what self wants to do.  Christian maturity is developing in spiritual young adult status, where the person has changed his focus from self to God and others.  He shows this by serving and teaching others.  True maturity is seen in the spiritual parent.

Christian maturity is defined in one way.  It is a spiritual parent who loves God, loves others and is making disciples to Jesus Christ.  If there are no disciples, mentees, or followers, the person is not a spiritual parent and is not yet become spiritually mature.  The person who has not arrived is just as valuable as any other, but he has not arrived to the role of being a spiritual parent like Jesus, Paul and many others.  John calls the mature, spiritual parents “Fathers” in 1 John 2:13.  They know God and are living out the Father’s will.

Are you mature?  Are you discipling others?