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About shepherdbryan

My passion is to disciple and see men discipled in every area of their life to see the multiplication principle actually work in a 100 year generational blessing. As go men in the church, so goes the church. As go men in the nation, so goes the nation. Fortunately, because men have often not taken their spiritual role to the limit, God has raised up many godly women to carry the torch where men have laid it aside. May God rapidly raise up men for the next generation of leaders to the Fourth Generation of spiritual leaders! As men lead in a godly way, women will follow in a godly way and that people will be blessed of the Lord.

Chaplaincy: Opportunities and Issues

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These notes were prepared for and presented at the 2013 Chafer Theological Seminary Bible Conference in Houston Texas at the West Houston Bible Church.  They will give you an overview of the Chaplaincy and Chaplain work, specifically related to churches.  Please go to official sites of the Armed Services and various other Chaplaincies for other current information.  “For God and Country.”

Chaplaincy Opportunityand Issues
Dr. Bryan J. Hult

This presentation seeks to answer the following questions:

1)      What is a chaplain?

2)      What arenas besides the military utilize chaplains?

3)      What is their historic role?

4)      What are current challenges and problems?

5)      What is the future of the chaplaincy?

6)      How can local churches be involved with the military?

7)      How should we help those who get out and deal with issues related to PTSD or injuries?
1)      What is a chaplain?

a)      Definition of a Chaplain: A chaplain is a credentialed minister recognized by a faith-based organization to render spiritual care to assigned recipients in a non-religious institution, like the Army.  Chaplains serve in hundreds of capacities from the military, to hospitals, prison, sports, businesses, educational institutions, police and fire departments.  He/she can be Protestant, Catholic, or even Jewish, Buddhist or Imam.  The chaplain is a non-combatant, i.e. he does not carry a weapon.

b)      Definition of a Chaplain Assistant:  A chaplain assistant is a soldier required to assist the chaplain in the function of his ministry.  He sets up the worship service accoutrements (accessories) for the specific worship service.  Once he has set up the environment, he may participate in Scripture reading while in garrison, but while in a combat environment, he pulls guard duty to protect the worshippers.  He must be able to stand in the place of the chaplain as the commander’s spiritual advisor and brief the staff in the absence of the chaplain.  He carries a weapon and rides shotgun, while the chaplain drives, to provide protection while in transit. 

c)      Derivation:

i)        The origin of the term “chaplain” was established in the time of St. Martin of Tours of the fourth century, who encountered a beggar. Martin tore off his cloak or capella, cutting it in two and giving half to the beggar.  That night he saw a vision of Jesus wearing half the cloak.  He allegedly became a Christian and was baptized.  He left the army and devoted his life to the church.  The French named him a patron saint in the Middle Ages and the “capella” symbol was carried into battle by kings as a banner signifying the “presence of God.”  A priest was appointed to go with the banner as the custodian and representative of God. He was called the “cappellanus” and rendered religious care for the king.  The place where the capella was kept was in the “chapel,” or place of worship and the priestly office was called the “chaplain.” 

ii)      Chaplains originally and currently serve in combat taking soldiers to God and God to soldiers, which continues to be a creed of Army chaplains today. They connect heaven to the soldier or recipient of ministry, regardless of faith group

d)     Duty: Chaplains today provide military service members (or the recipient in the related assignment) with spiritual guidance and pastoral support.  Military chaplains take the same oath of office as all officers.  He vows to support and defend the constitution of the United States and protect a soldier’s right to the free exercise of religion. Chaplains are advisors to the commander and staff on spiritual, ethical and moral issues.  They must be able to defend and provide the opportunity of worship for all soldiers of all faiths in order to practice their own faith.  They must be willing to work with spiritual leaders of all faiths in order to meet the spiritual needs of every individual in their unit, hospital, prison or institution. They are free to proclaim their faith in any and all services they conduct, whether in a chapel, ship, or combat environment.  However, the military does not allow open proselytizing. 

e)      Differences: Chaplains have standard requirements.

 

i)        Requirements for serving on active military service: He/she must be:

(1)   A member of the clergy in one of 200 denominations recognized by the Armed Forces Chaplain Board.

(2)   Qualified spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and morally to serve in the Armed Forces.

(3)   Sensitive to the religious pluralism of every service member.

(4)   Possess a bachelors degree of 120 hours and theological degree of at least 72 hours.

(5)   U.S. citizen.

(6)   Favorable clearance from the National Agency Security Clearance.

(7)   Pass a physical examination and fitness test for the branch assigned.

(8)   Normally two years experience in the pastorate.

(9)   At least 21, but not more than 42 with several exceptions for reserve officers.

ii)      Religious faith:

(1)   Each chaplain must be able to provide for, but not to the individual to practice his desired religious convictions.  A protestant chaplain does not perform last rights, but can pray for a dying soldier.  A rabbi chaplain does not need to lead a mass, but provide transportation to a Catholic gathering or secure a priest chaplain to minister in his location.

(2)   Chaplains are not allowed to proselytize, but if the soldier asks about the chaplain’s faith, then the chaplain is free to share and discuss his views.  The chaplain needs to be wise as a serpent and innocent as a dove.

(3)   There is camaraderie among chaplains across faith lines.  Chaplains must agree prior to being commissioned to function in a pluralistic environment.  Should chaplains ignore that principle once serving as a chaplain, he/she will be counseled and eventually put out.

iii)    Reasoning to serve:

(1)   I chose to serve in the military and provide opportunities for Catholic, Jewish, and Muslim soldiers because it gave me a chance to build a bridge to all soldiers.  As I established credibility, it gave me an opportunity to share my faith in many cross-faith situations.

(2)   I had two emblems on my collar.  I had a crosswhich designated me as a spiritual leader in the protestant faith and I was able to share the gospel on many occasions by asking five simple questions:

(a)    Do you ever talk about spiritual things?

(b)   In your opinion, who is Jesus Christ?

(c)    Do you believe in a heaven and a hell?

(d)   If something tragic were to happen, do you know where you would go? (the corollary was, “If God were to ask you, “Why should I let you into heaven, what would you say?”)

(e)    If what you believed were not true, would you want to know the truth? The answer to the first four questions merely tells me where the person is spiritually.  If a non-free grace theological answer is given regarding salvation, then I ask them the fifth question.  IF they say yes to the fifth question, then it is not proselytizing.  I am merely answering their question.  I had freedom to hold Bible studies and discuss truth.  I was paid by the government to lead soldiers in their faith and share my faith.

(3)   I also had a rank on my collar.  I looked at the rank having two purposes:

(a)    First, it told me I needed to do what I could to get that soldier ready to serve on the front lines and die for his country if needed.  But it also gave me the opportunity to serve for his well-being as a soldier, son, daughter, husband, wife, father, or mother.

(b)   Secondly, it gave me an opportunity to use my position to influence people.  The higher the rank, the higher I could influence for the good of the organization and provide spiritual and biblical support. It also meant I could assist a greater number of soldiers and chaplain ministry teams called Unit Ministry Teams (UMT). 

f)       Distinction of Religious versus Military assemblies:

i)        There are two types of assemblies:

(1)   Memorial ceremoniesare command functions, which mean the commander has established the assembly as a requirement for all soldiers.  All soldiers are required to attend and the soldier has no choice.  The chaplain is requested to respect the faith views of all the soldiers.  It’s more than a secular gathering, but it is not an opportunity to shove your faith on soldiers who have no choice in the assembly. The chaplain respects the soldier so that when the soldier is ready, the chaplain can share the truth as the chaplain understands it.  The truth is always received better by an open heart than a resistive one.

(2)   Memorial Services  are faith-based services according to the wishes of the soldier or his family as communicated to the chaplain.  If the memorial is identified as a Memorial Service, then soldiers will have a choice about their attendance.  The chaplain can be free to conduct the service wisely using the opportunity to communicate truth.

ii)      Recognizing prayer in the two assemblies:

(1)   Prayers – Chaplains are not restricted on how they are to pray.  However, they can lose opportunity to pray if they disrespect the soldier.  If a chaplain uses his platform to shove Jesus at people, soldiers will often resist.  That chaplain will often lose future opportunities.  They will be classified as a non-team player on evaluation forms.

(a)    When I was in a command function (soldiers required to attend) I often prayed to “The Battle Captain of History” and everyone knew I was talking about Jesus Christ.  I often prayed in “Thy holy name,” or words to that affect.  Some people liked it when I gave a two sentence Scriptural example prior to the prayer to stir up their faith, some commanders were wimps and only wanted the prayer.

(b)   When the assembly is considered a Service, the chaplain has total freedom.

(2)   You do not have to pray a certain way.  In wisdom, it’s not an issue.

2)   What arenas, besides the military, utilize chaplains?

a)      Chaplains are utilized in a multitude of fields. In addition to the military, chaplains are involved in hospitals, prisons, sports teams, businesses, educational institutions, police and fire departments.  Each has slightly different requirements.  Sports teams likely have the least requirements, but the personal connection must be much stronger.

b)     Hospital Chaplains

i)        Hospital Chaplains serve a variety of patients and the purpose of the chaplain is to help in the healing process according to the designated faith of the patient. The chaplain must gain an understanding of hospital and medical procedures to provide counsel regarding surgery, powers of attorney, Living Wills, etc.  The chaplain is also a key spiritual support to staff members and care providers. They must be able to work well in a team environment and follow professional rules of ethical behavior and confidentiality, especially related to HIPAA rules. 

ii)      Hospital Chaplains are required to have a theological degree.  Which degree depends on the size of the hospital; credentials from a recognized denomination; and a certain number of Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) units. Most hospitals require four hours to be accepted as an active chaplain; normally 2-5 years pastoral experience; human relations skills and computer skills for generating reports.

c)      Similar requirements exist for other types of institutions. 

3)   What is their historic role?

a)      The origin of the “chaplain” term is explained above.

b)      Army Chaplaincy began under the care and desire of George Washington who wanted God’s providence on the colonial side. On July 29, 1775, Congress approved the positions and pay for 15 chaplains to oversee the care of 23 regiments.  Washingtonwanted the chaplains to lead services, to visit the wounded, to honor the dead, to write letters for soldiers who couldn’t write and to provide patriotic encouragement to soldiers, lest they desert. There were 25 chaplain deaths of the 218 chaplains who served in the Revolutionary War.  During the Civil War, General Grant asked his chaplain regarding a flogging sentence of 50 lashes. The chaplain at first did not want to comment, but Grant informed the chaplain it was his responsibility to advise the commander on requested issues.  The chaplain said it was excessive and Grant restricted the number to 25.

c)      The first Senate agreed on April 25, 1789 to elect Chaplain Samuel Provost to serve the senators, their families and staff with spiritual support and council.  The Chaplain opens the Senate sessions in prayer and today conducts a weekly prayer breakfast.

4)   What are current challenges and problems?

a)      Current data: There are about 6000 chaplains and chaplain assistants in all branches of the military.  The Army has over half of them.

i)        The National Guard has 723 chaplains assigned and is at 90% fill.  There are 800 chaplain assistants at over 100% fill. There are 34 Catholic Priests, 3 Rabbi’s, 29 female chaplains and 24 female chaplain candidates

ii)      Chaplain Candidates.  These are 2LTs (or they can be prior-service officers who branch transferred to the Chaplaincy and carry their previous rank) who are enrolled in a theological education program. They are currently serving one weekend a month and have summer training time to acquire their basic training. The candidate can assist in a service, but is not to serve alone or provide counseling alone.  Once he completes his education, he completes the process to become a chaplain. Currently, there are so many chaplain candidates, the system is restricting the number, so that upon their graduation, they will have a place to serve.  They also are non-combatants and are non-deployable.

b)      Recruiting

i)        It is not a problem on Active Duty or the Reserves and National Guard as a whole.  However, in the Northeast and Pacific Northwest, there are shortages.  There are also shortages in the low-density faith groups (low number of soldiers in a faith-group compared to the number of overall soldiers), females and diversity of representation of all faith groups.  That means, for example, there are greater numbers of some faith groups than others.  The military has had greater problems recruiting chaplains to represent certain faith groups.  The quota system had been done away a couple decades ago, but diversity has become a significant talking point.

ii)      Army National Guard has removed full-time recruiters for chaplain specific requirements.  That means the recruiting function falls back to the senior chaplain, or State Chaplain.  Fortunately, vacancies are low for now.  The State Chaplain has many functions to juggle and may cause future shortages, depending on the job market.

c)      Budget

i)        All chaplain conferences have been cancelled this year.  There will be no senior level training conferences or regional conferences attended by all ranks of chaplains and chaplain assistants. They are trying to do more VTC hook ups and training.  Big Army is looking to save 6 Billion in each of the three remaining quarters of the fiscal year and 18 billion by the end of the fiscal year.

ii)      Big Army may take back some of the missions that the Reserves and National Guard have being doing for the past decade.  Big Army has already retrieved the Balkan mission with a maneuver Task Force. 

iii)    In the past, the Army has allowed the Reserves/Guard to be over-strength, depending on the state and unit.  Some states allowed 125% fill and a few even allowed 200% in low density specialties like chaplains.  That all reverted to 100% because of budget.

d)     Don’t ask don’t tell (DADT) – has been a non-issue for most chaplains.  There was early anxiety, but it allegedly becomes less a factor for ministry each year. Other outside religious organizations have made it an issue, probably for funding and emotional awareness. However, chaplains are saying it hasn’t affected their ability to minister to this point.  I don’t necessarily agree with them in the sense that the loss of morality has a subtle affect on all ministry.  Also, it could present challenges for chaplains to provide counseling for same-sex couples.  I have no reports of problems in that area.

e)      Defense of Marriage Act(DOMA)

i)        All expect an overturn of the Defense of Marriage Act by Supreme Court action not later than June, 2013.  Department of Defense (DOD) is in the process of implications and effects.  Secretary Panetta recently signed the provision that homosexual partners would have equal access to Arlington National Cemetery with the same provisions as previous marital spousal rights.  This new policy has huge implications for chaplains, because of a question regarding freedom of speech and actions, particularly in Strong Bonds seminars, marriage ceremonies, chapel use, preaching and teaching. 

ii)      Chaplains are affirmed that their ministry will not be adversely affected.

iii)    Strong Bonds are the marriage seminars for deploying and redeploying couples.  Will Strong Bonds be taken from the Office of the Chief of Chaplains (OCCH)?  In other words, if, because, when the chaplains have to make decisions of whether to give the seminars with same-sex couples in attendance, how will they have to rephrase and address issues?  The question exists, “Can Strong Bonds survive without the efforts of the chaplains to build and maintain the program?”

f)       Realignments of reserve and National Guard units with different Combatant Commands is an on-going challenge leaving old units and forming bonds to new units, often in other states.

g)      Church employment – Churches are regularly less inclined to keep or hire pastors who also serve as chaplains in the Reserves and National Guard.  The number in Illinoisis 55% and 10% in Alaska, who serve in a church.  Indiana has 32% of the chaplains serving in a church.  The rest of the Indiana chaplains are serving in a prison chaplain role, National Guard full-time role, overseas role or a few who have non-pastoral roles.  In Kentucky only 25% of their chaplains are local clergy.  New chaplains in Kentuckyhave left the state in search of church employment elsewhere.

h)      Chaplain experience– Chaplains who obtained their training from brick and mortar schools are often broader in their thinking and versatility in ministry, because of interaction with other students and professors.  This is in contrast to “on-line” chaplains.  The “on-line” education has been great to help many obtain their degrees, but because they get to do things their own way rather than adjust to the seminary structure, they are sometimes less inclined to be open to ministry with a broad section of people, especially those who are not of their faith group.  Obviously, they need to continue to grow.  However, young chaplains have been called on to deploy early in their career and the mobilized environment is a tough place to learn how to function cross-culturally.  It just means more mentoring is required from senior chaplains.

i)        Contradictory legal policy between Federal and State guidelines related to National Guard chaplains.  The Federal policy is that the chaplain is exempt from providing any chaplain/client counseling information to authorities.  The State policy varies from state to state for reporting purposes. This sets up a tension and each chaplain must choose.

5)   What is the future of the chaplaincy?

a)      Chaplains who serve in churches have many positive opportunities:

i)        The opportunity to serve their country while fulfilling a call God has placed on his/her life, i.e. patriotism.

ii)      The opportunity to minister in venues, from which the average pastor is restricted. Chaplains have access to a segment of people no other gospel pastor can reach.

iii)     Professional Military Education (PME) enhances pastoral skills. The leadership, self-discipline, administration, relational skills, and counseling opportunities are all enhanced through PME.  Management of a unit ministry provides extra insight into how to manage a church. There are additional courses like Emergency Medical Ministry, or Clinical Pastoral Education which can often be obtained at no cost to the church.  It’s a win/win situation if the church would open its eyes to the opportunities.

iv)    The educational financial support for furthering civilian education is unmatched.  The chaplaincy requires chaplains to progress through training.  It is part of life-long learning.  The country pays the chaplain for this.  Churches should rejoice the chaplain gets an extra incentive for their increased training and preparation of serving those who provide freedom to worship.

v)      The Tri-Care Reserve Select insurance makes it less expensive for churches when wanting to hire a pastor. This can make the Chaplain more employable when using this benefit.  This can save a church budget thousands of dollars.

vi)    Physical fitness is required of chaplains.  This enhances medical fitness and provides for fewer illnesses.

vii)  Supplemental incomes to a pastor’s civilian salary include military salary for two days a month, 15 days a year with potential bonuses, student loan repayment and more workdays.  These are tremendous opportunities for both the chaplain and the church.  Unfortunately, some church members become resentful or jealous over the peanuts that a chaplain makes.  Church possessiveness is a shame.

viii)            Situational awareness of other cultures. In many seminaries, the student is exposed to his own culture or limited exposure to other cultures.  In the military, he is exposed to a multitude of faith groups and cultures.  To be an effective chaplain, he must have a basic understanding of other practices.  Some chaplains in particular denominations have been opposed to learning about other faith groups, but they’ve lost the missionary zeal if they ever had it.

ix)    Serving a diverse group of people can be refreshing and satisfying.  It makes the chaplain refine and polish his position.

b)     Fewer chaplains in the National Guard are serving in churches.  The percentage was about 50% several years ago.  Consequently, chaplains have less pastoral experience.  Some chaplains are prison chaplains and some are State Highway Patrollers.  Many of the chaplain candidates have non-church related jobs.  They do not see the value of serving in a church while going through seminary.  The problem is there are too few paying jobs at church to help a chaplain candidate while he is in school.  They will need real ministry experience, but many do not see the need for that until just before they become a chaplain.  Too many chaplains are acquiring their degree from an on-line seminary and have little face to face interaction.  Problems in the individual do not surface because of this. The Active Duty may require that chaplains who are pursuing “on-line” training have to do some training “in residence,” often two years.

c)      Church/Chaplain tension.

i)        Chaplains use agreements with their church to ensure continued employment as military duty occurs. However, churches often do not hold a position for more than six months. Churches are reticent to ‘call’ a pastor who is in the Guard or Reserve.  Churches do not want to face the loss of their pastor during deployment. LCMS has a program called “Operation Barnabas” that works with Districts and congregations on finding a ‘fill in’ clergy and helping them understand how they can better reach out to the veterans in their communities.

ii)      Citizen-Soldier pastors do not fall within the guidelines of Uniformed Services Employment and Reemployment Rights Act (USERRA).  They are not guaranteed a job when they return from deployment. The Law does not cover chaplains, so chaplains are often required to look for a new church after deployment.  Most active duty leadership just shrug their shoulders and express little concern.

iii)    Chaplains, who are also Citizen-Soldier pastors, find it difficult to spend time on military education in addition to drill. Although all Soldiers face the same dilemma, pastors do not fall under USERRA.  Some churches do not see military education as beneficial to their church, when in fact it is very helpful.

iv)    Some clergy at about the 10 year mark have been told by their congregations:  “Choose between us or the military.” On occasion a General Officer Chaplain has interceded, but chaplains don’t lobby for themselves.

d)     Suicides among the ranks. This is an increasing chaplain difficulty and opportunity.  Soldiers, because of multiple deployments and lack of spiritual orientation, develop a lack of hope.  Problems often fester because of the “Hooah” attitude and soldiers don’t address the real problems.  Chaplains are too often without a good answer and fail to use the opportunities to provide spiritual solutions.  Too many commanders expect chaplains to develop secular answers to spiritual problems.

e)      Downsizing will go on, but there is no guidance at this point.  Thus far, the decisions are to cancel conferences and to keep ships in harbor… do VTC conferences, etc.

f)       Ministering to the next generation of soldiers.  Traditional approaches do not seem to reach the younger generations.  Chaplains are very traditional in reaching out, which does not seem to reach the younger generation of soldiers.

g)      Job opportunities.  There has not been a lack of applicants for active duty and Reserve/Guard slots.  The lack of regular church opportunities seems to cause chaplains to look to the military chaplaincy as potential ministry.

6)   How can local churches be involved with the military?

a)      Relationship with State Chaplain – find out who the State Chaplain is and develop a relationship of trust.  Do not presume on him, because he’s part time and has a hundred military issues he’s dealing with along with his church responsibilities.  Understand what you as a church could provide and make that available to him. Do not presume your help will immediately help, because you become another coordination effort.

b)     The military is protective of servicemen and their families.  The military must protect the privacy and safety of members.  There are many predators who want to take advantage of a spouse while the soldier is on deployment.  Anonymous gifts and merchandise can be given: to any soldier.  However, particular names will not be given out, unless a relationship is formed between the church or agency and the military through proper channels.  That will be different according to each state.  Sometimes connection can be made through the State Chaplain’s involvement with Partners in Care (see below). Sometimes it can be through the Family Readiness organization within the Joint Force Headquarters.  You can also contact the personnel department for information.  Contact the switchboard and begin asking questions, but at least give the chaplains an opportunity.

c)      Partners in Care (PIC)– This is a ministry that several States Guard have initiated.  It began with the State Chaplain in Maryland and has spread to several other states, like Ohio, Illinois and Oregon, which have similar programs. PIC is a Guard program whereby congregations or agencies extend free of charge support to all referred soldiers and their families from programs they offer without regard to the recipient’s religious affiliation.  Basically the state chaplain or a representative makes contact with at least one faith-based organization in each county.  There are a whole series of agreements between the faith-based organization and the military to protect the privacy and situation of the military member.

7)    How should we help those who get out and deal with issues related to PTSD or injuries? 

a)      What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)?

i)        PTSD can result from any event that is traumatic to the individual, including combat or dealing with combat death or injury, but it also includes natural disasters as well as rape,  murder, and even giving birth.

ii)      The trauma results from the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness in the horror of an event.

iii)    It can result from an attack on your person or even the threat of an attack.

iv)    The results can be dreams, flashbacks, or a turmoil of feelings that are triggered from a memory, smell, sound, or jolt.

v)      The person often responds as if the traumatic event is happening again and may include hallucinations or flashbacks.  They feel like they are right back in the traumatic event, even though they may not remember all of the event.

vi)    The person often avoids situations that remind him of a traumatic experience.

b)     Medical aspects of PTSD

i)        There is no certainty to a medical cause.  There are no tests, scans are analyses that can identify a medical source.  Difficulty in understanding PTSD is compounded with Traumatic Brain injuries (TBI).

ii)      Almost all medical drug tests have been made with differing results, but nothing definitive.  There is no set medical cure that can be made, only tried.  Most medical professionals would recommend avoiding isolation, returning to work and avoiding experimenting with drugs and alcohol.

c)      PTSD is described in various ways

i)        Many soldiers will describe feelings or desires for isolation, loss of purpose and sense of brokenness.

ii)      They describe flashbacks, dreams, and sleep disturbances.  Additionally they describe hyper-vigilance, hyper-reactivity and startle response during a flashback or trigger.  On the other hand, many describe shame, guilt, anger, fear and depression that they cannot connect to an event, but describe as their feelings.

iii)    Civilians have similar challenges.  Civilians describe fear, worry, depression, anger, loss of purpose and victimology, that is feeling like a “victim.”  They describe struggles with relationships, marital problems and sexual dysfunction.  Furthermore, eating disorders, substance abuse, shame and guilt are prevalent.

iv)    Unfortunately, too many counselors and caregivers do not help build their faith or disciple individuals with biblical solutions, while recovering from episodes.

d)     How do you deal with it biblically?  This is a very cursory explanation.

i)        Consider Joseph in Genesis 37-50.  He did nothing to cause his problems of being sold into slavery by his brothers or thrown into jail by Potiphar after his wife lied.  He was forgotten by the cupbearer.  For at least 13 years, he entrusted himself to God’s purposes (Gen. 50:20).  He understood God’s providence (Gen. 50:20; cf. Rom. 8:28).  Joseph may have struggled greatly in the first few years, but we know by Genesis 50:20, he overcame.

ii)      Consider God’s overall plan and sovereign work in John 11.  Jesus knew exactly the situation with Lazarus and he depended on God’s work for His glory.

(1)   All actions should be done for God’s glory 1 Cor. 10:31

(2)   We can trust God through every circumstance with God’s Word Roman 8

(3)   We need to learn principles of moving on and pursuing God’s ground Phil. 3:1-14

(4)   Trusting God brings His peace that surpasses all comprehension Phil. 4:1-10

(5)   I can grow in my relationships with others John 13

(6)   I can deal with fear through God’s love 1 John 4:9-19

(7)   I will get my opportunity to experience the sovereignty of God and His sustainment, even as Job did.  Help them take their circumstances before the Lord and help them learn about God’s sovereignty. Job 1-42.  Help them by believing them and standing with them during their crises.

e)      Use the following two sheets for practical discipleship/counsel:
 
These two sheets give a summary of the book written by Chaplain (LTC) Ramsey Coutta called,

“The Veteran’s Toolkit for PTSD.”  It is posted on March 6 of this site.  The purpose of the two page summary is not to take anything away from the book, but to provide a synopsis to disciple-makers and counselors in helping soldiers and civilians deal with issues related to PTSD.  I extend deep appreciation for Chaplain Coutta’s excellent ministry and service to our soldiers and to our Country.

 

 

 

 

Overcoming Difficult Relationships for Him

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This message was presented on March 3 as the sixth part of a study on Relationships from the book of Colossians, concluded in September, 2012.  The purpose of the study in relationships was to show the importance of relationships, which can often be messy, but problems in relationships can be overcome if we understand our expectations, the reason for why we need to restore relationships and how to overcome difficult relationships.  These six messages begin to scratch the surface on dealing with the intimate reality and joy of relationships.

 
Overcoming Difficult Relationships for Him
Romans 12:9-21
How do you deal with difficult relationships?  I’ve heard many people say, “I’ve forgiven him; I don’t have anything against him.” Some will respond, “I’m glad you have forgiven.  That’s wonderful for not holding onto the anger for his mistreatment.  I guess the question is, ‘Why do you still talk about him that way?’”  Many genuinely believe they have forgiven a person and left that conflict in the past.  They hit the delete button, but the emotions are still there.  They feel held back. Sometimes the reality of the hurt and emotional pain remains because the person is still living in close proximity and he doesn’t seem to want to reconcile, change or acknowledge the pain.

Mitsuo Fuchida was the lead bomber pilot for Japan in the Pearl Harbor attack.  Once the planes were off the carriers, he was in charge and he was the one who signaled, “Tora, Tora, Tora!”  He was a proud samurai soldier and Shinto-worshiper.  He said it was his most thrilling exploit of his career.

Fuchida was at Hiroshima the day before the atomic bomb dropped, but he left just in time.  A couple days later, he went back with a team and all the other team members died, but Fuchida was pronounced in good health. He was recuperating from an appendectomy on a ship during the Battle of Midway and his ship was sunk, but he was rescued with only two broken legs.

Fuchida hated MacArthur for his perceived arrogance.  But it was MacArthur who called for American missionaries to evangelize Japan.  Three years after World War II, Fuchida embraced Christianity.  Why?  God was working on his heart.   Fuchida asked questions about life and watched God work in nature.  But he also heard of an 18-year-old volunteer hospital worker and met one of the sergeants in the Doolittle Raid over Tokyo.

At the Japanese surrender on the U.S.S. Missouri, MacArthur spoke of “freedom, tolerance and justice.”  Fuchida thought justice was on Japan’s side, but the USA had greater power.  MacArthur closed his message saying, “Let us pray that peace be now restored to the world and that God will preserve it always.” In Fuchida’s questions about life, he was skeptical.  He doubted his own emperor who spoke of everlasting peace, and he didn’t believe the General now. All Fuchida knew from history was self-serving nations looking out for their own interests. War will always result.

Fuchida also saw God at work in nature.  Because he had no other way of living, he bought a parcel of land and became a farmer.  He watched things grow and looked at the sky and wondered what made it tick.  As he looked into the bright night sky and saw the North Star so steady and useful, he began to see the workings of a supreme intelligence.   He began to see all things were dependent upon a divine Creator.  He became ashamed of his old independence and realized his own existence was from the Creator.  In his writings Fuchida said, “The Creator is wonderful.”  But he did not become a Christian until he met the reality of Christ in a genuine Christian.

Fuchida was prejudiced to believe Japanese prisoners were treated as horribly as American prisoners.  But one by one as he interviewed returning POWs, he discovered he was wrong.  Many returned with tales of kindness and several spoke of one young woman in particular.  Her name was Margaret “Peggy” Covell. She was 18 years old and worked in a POW camp as a volunteer social worker.  A man said, “Something happened at my camp which made it possible for all of us to stop nursing our resentments and to return to Japan with lightened hearts.”

Peggy Covell ministered to POWs with tireless energy and grace.  She would say, “If you’re uncomfortable or need anything, let me know. I’ll do anything I can to help you.”  Three weeks into her work, some of the prisoners asked, “Why are you so kind to us?” They were not prepared for her answer.  “Because Japanese soldiers killed my parents.”

Her parents, Reverend and Mrs. Covell were missionaries at a school in Yokohama. Before the war, all the workers relocated to Manila in the Philippines.  When the Japanese conquered the Philippines, they discovered in the Covell’s belongings a small portable radio which they were convinced was a secret communications device. They were tried as spies and beheaded.

Peggy was in the states and did not learn of their death for quite some time. At first, she was filled with bitter hatred for the Japanese. Then, as she thought of her parents and the sacrificial service they had given to bring the gospel to that nation, she became convinced they would have forgiven their captors before they were executed. She would have to do the same.

Fuchida was greatly affected by her story.  He began talking to every POW who had known “Peggy” Covell. In time, he found the members of the military who had executed her parents. He wanted to know exactly what the Covells had said or prayed before they were beheaded.

The Japanese considered revenge honorable. A man captured and awaiting death never forgave his captors. He prayed to be born again seven times, and to exact revenge in each life. The Japanese word for revenge, ‘katakiuchi,’ means literally ‘attack enemy.’ Fuchida fervently believed in the principle of ‘katakiuchi.’  Now he heard a story of unjust suffering and death, and a daughter left alone, but no vow of vengeance from either the dying or the survivor.

As Fuchida began reading the Bible, he found his answer in Luke’s gospel. Hanging on the cross, as Jesus’ life was ebbing away, He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:24).

Surely these words were the source of the love Peggy Covell had shown. It came to Fuchida that, as they knelt to die, Peggy’s parents had prayed just such words: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Tears sprang to Fuchida’s eyes. By the time he had finished reading Luke, Mitsuo Fuchida took Jesus Christ as his personal Savior.  Why?  Because a young woman, a teenager, was willing to forgive the murders of her parents and she replaced the anger and desire for revenge with forgiveness and blessing. How do you deal with difficult relationships?

            Emotions will certainly be a difficult barrier when choosing to forgive, but that’s why Paul says, “Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. (Rom. 8:37)  The first step is to ask Jesus to replace the pain with blessing the offender.

 

1)      Let Jesus replace pain with blessing Rom. 12:14-21

There are too many examples of difficult relationships that cause pain.  Last week a nine-year-old boy took his life, because of bullying.  There are 4400 cases of suicide reported to Center for Disease Control (CDC) each year and 440,000 attempts. That is a lot of pain.

There is parental abuse from children, which continues at an alarming rate, normally on mom.  It is usually hidden and not discussed. There are about 900,000 cases of child abuse reported to Child Protection Services (CPS) each year. How many go unreported?  Then you add in all the abuse in marriage between spouses and the pain goes off the charts.  David said it so well of his situation, “You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?”  (Ps. 56:8) Let’s understand, pain, comes from sin, one way or another. 

How do people often respond to that pain?  There are many human approaches.  Some of them include:

·         Lash out to fix the person

·         Don’t get mad, get even (and there are many ways to do that)

·         Avoid the person, so you don’t let your anger out

·         Avoid the person, so you don’t have to deal with feelings

·         Be silent and avoid the conflict

Man’s ways will not deal with the difficult relationships well. What does God say?  Let’s look at Romans 12:14-21.

Paul writes in Romans 12:14, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” The word “persecute” is used in both a positive and negative sense.  Positively, it means “to make run or flee” or “pursue.”  Paul uses it in a positive sense in Phil. 3:12 when he said, “I press on.” In the negative sense, it means “to harass” or “trouble,” hence “persecute.”  Our flesh doesn’t want to bless. Consider Peggy’s loss of parents to Japan.  They were trying to help the Japanese, not hurt. They were killed unjustly. Has injustice ever happened to you?

Then Paul adds, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Rom 12:15)  Paul’s point is to determine what is going on with the other person.  Then join them.  Get your eyes off of yourself and put your eyes on the other person.  If they are rejoicing, then rejoice with them. If they are weeping, then weep in comfort with them.  Peggy Covell looked and asked herself, what do these Japanese prisoners need? She came alongside the prisoners and sought to ease their confinement hardship.  You do this by seeking to be of one mind, “Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.” (Rom 12:16)  Join with others in unity of the Spirit and don’t set yourself above them.  Seek a humble status.

Then Paul cuts to the chase and says, “Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.” (Rom 12:17)  Paul is clear. Repay no evil.  How would you respond to those who murdered your parents?  Would you have a little lingering resentment?  At least avoid the group who committed such a vile act?  Peggy Covell, not only forgave, but she replaced the pain with blessing. There is no room for doing wrong to anyone. 

There is no room for reaction.  There is no room for sinning when someone else sins.  Instead, do what is right in the sight of most people.  Don’t do what culture accepts.  Do what is good in the sight of all men. He adds, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. “(Rom 12:18)  If it is possible, live peaceably.  If it is possible, not based on the actions of others, but as it depends on you, live peaceably.  If it is possible, and sometimes it is not possible as it was not possible with the founding fathers and the English crown, live peaceably.  You then mirror God’s desire.

Why does God want us to live at peace with others? We live at peace, because only God knows when it is best to take action and He will lead in the long term if you depend on Him.  Paul clarifies this, “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.” (Rom 12:19)  Give place for God’s wrath to act.  If you act, God will step back and let the offender off the hook.  Let God act, because He will exact the right vengeance as required by the holiness of God.  God knows perfectly well what to do.  He is able to exact whatever justice is necessary.  He is able to ensure the offense receives the precise retribution. He knows what is just.  Have you ever wondered if people have felt enough pain in return for the pain they caused?  Sometimes we hurt enough, or we have stewed over the hurt enough and it seems to grow.  Send the pain and penalty up to God through forgiveness.  This is the principle explained in the three slides describing forgiveness. See the link at: http://renewingtruth.blogspot.com/#!/2013/02/forgiveness-restoring-relationships.html

Finally, Paul gives practical application for how to deal with a difficult relationship.  Paul addresses the need of the offender.  If the offender is hungry, feed him, or give him a drink.  Why?  So that you may bless him, “Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” (Rom 12:20)  That’s what Margaret Covell did.  It is a God thing!  Heaping coals is a blessing, because it means you give him coals for a fire pot that he uses to carry back to his home to bake bread – coals of fire is a blessing. Paul summarizes, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom 12:21)  It is easy to be overcome by hurt and pain, so make the choices to do good, to bless.  That’s what Peggy did so that the POWs returned back to Japan lightened from their oppression and not bitter.

            The second miraculous work you can do in a difficult relationship is to let Jesus help you disciple the offender to the truth.

 

2)      Let Jesus help you to disciple him/her/them to the truth 2 Tim. 2:24-26

24 And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, 25 in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, (2 Tim. 2:24-25)

Is there any Christian who cannot be a servant of the Lord?  No, all Christians can choose to be a servant.  As a servant, the servant can choose to be gentle to all and teach what he knows and be patient.  Each is a choice under the filling of the Holy Spirit.  But the servant is not merely choosing to be nice.  There is also a time to carefront and correct someone in opposition.  The reason is that God may (or may not) grant repentance.  The person may repent, or he may not repent.  Now why would God not grant the person to repent?  God may allow the person to be hardened toward the offendee.  Why?  Because God may have other ways toexalt His glory!

Does God not grant the offender repentance to make you miserable? No, never. But He would allow that, so you could see the miracle of the Holy Spirit working in your heart to deal with the offense and transform you to bless and disciple the person, or at least bless from a distance if you are not able to restore the relationship.  God may want to show the world that His power in you to remain patient or remain unified or remain stable is greater than the offense.  Will you humble yourself to the Holy Spirit?  You may be the demonstration of God’s grace and mercy, “so that they may know the truth.”

The last part of the passage enlightens to the reality of the angelic conflict, that is, the spiritual warfare going on in the human conflict, “and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.” (2 Tim. 2:26)  The offender who doesn’t repent is really ensnared by the devil.  Be patient and thank God that you arefree from the wicked one.  Have compassion on the offender, so that you might be able to come to the aid of the offender once he does repent. 

The third action in which you can see the miracle of God’s power through you is to let Jesus bless those whom He can – through you.

 

3)      Let Jesus bless, through you, whom He can   1 Pet. 3:8-12

Jesus may not bless some people, because they remain hardened and will not accept His blessing.  Jesus doesn’t force His blessing on anyone.

The context of the passage in Peter begins in 1 Peter 2:13, where Peter exhorts everyone to be submissive to governing authorities and laws of the land.  In 1 Peter 2:18, Peter exhorts servants to be submissive to their master, just as Jesus was submissive to the Father’s will.  In 1 Peter 3:1, Peter exhorts wives to be submissive to their husbands and then in 1 Peter 3:7, Peter exhorts the husband to be submissive to the Lord in order to live with their wife in an understanding way.  One of the main reasons for this submissiveness is so that there can be order instead of conflict.  When submissiveness is lacking, because humility is lacking, there will be conflict.  So Peter summarizes this in 1 Peter 3:8-12,

8 Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous;

 9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.

 10 For “He who would love life And see good days, Let him refrain his tongue from evil, And his lips from speaking deceit.

 11 Let him turn away from evil and do good; Let him seek peace and pursue it.

 12 For the eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their prayers; But the face of the LORD is against those who do evil.” (1 Pet. 3:8-12 )

God calls every believer to be united in their thinking and that is only possible with a heart of compassion, with tenderheartedness and with courtesy toward one another.  That is possible only in the filling of the Holy Spirit. Furthermore, Peter practically calls the believer to not return evil for evil (1 Pet. 3:9), just as Paul did in Romans 12:17.  Why? Peter spells out that we were called to return a blessing to people, so that we might inherit a greater blessing.

In fact, Peter calls the believer to turn away from evil and seek peace.  That can only be under the power of the Holy Spirit.  Our flesh would much rather fight back or internalize in self-pity. And finally, Peter declares that God is just and He is fully aware of our prayers and His face is against those who do evil.  We don’t have to be concerned that God is unaware.  He will not let the guilty go unpunished.  Let God take care of that.  You walk in peace as far as it depends on you.

Jesus said it best to the disciples.  He said,

27 “But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,

 28 “bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. (Luke 6:27-28)

Are you listening to Jesus?  Are you committed to Jesus as your Head?  Are you a committed disciple? Then do these four things: 1) love your enemies; 2) do good to those who hate you; 3) bless those who curse you; 4) pray for those who spitefully use you.

There are going to be relationships that you will not be able to reconcile.  You may have parents who have now died and you are living with the angst of hurt and pain from growing up.  You may have lived with a person who criticized you for years and you know they moved out of country, but you have no idea where.  You may see the person who deeply hurt you at Meijer regularly and they still hate you, passively or actively.  You may see friends who continue in a good relationship with offenders, but you cannot. You may have to deal with your ex-spouse because of sharing time with children.  You may have fellow employees or supervisors who continue to be nasty and you can’t leave the job.  What do you do? Look for opportunities to bless and wait on the Lord.  Do what Joseph did.

Joseph was sold by his brothers into slavery, but turned his hardship into blessing.  After he was slandered by Potiphar’s wife, he covered that sin with God’s love.  When Joseph became the prime minister of Egypt, can you imagine the opportunity to go back to Potiphar and set the record straight?  Or when his brothers came down to Egypt to secure grain for the family back in Israel, how he could have thrown his brothers to be tortured and forgotten in prison?  But Joseph recognized and appreciated the love and mercy of God.

After Joseph’ father, Jacob, died, the brothers concocted a phony scheme.  They were still afraid Joseph may have resented them so they sent a messenger to Joseph saying that their father begged for Joseph to forgive them for their sin of selling Joseph into slavery.  Joseph wept. 

Joseph was not like them.  Joseph was compassionate like the Lord Jesus Christ. In fact, when his brothers approached Joseph declaring that they would be Joseph’s servants, Joseph responds with the godliness that the Lord has worked in his life,

19 Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God?

 20 “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.

 21 “Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.  (Gen 50:19-21)

            Note three things about Joseph’s response that we need to apply to our lives.  First, Joseph would not assume the place of God and take action against his brothers.  When you take revenge, you put yourself in God’s place. Let God be God. Secondly, Joseph understood that God was using the evil of his brother to work a greater good that could not have been done without that evil action.  And thirdly, Joseph promises to provide for them and he comforted and spoke kindly to them.  He wasn’t resentful or bitter.  He wasn’t sarcastic or abusive.  He spoke kindly.  That is what you are called to do toward your offender.

            Now understand this is not pacifism.  This is not being nice and acting like a rug.  This is not saying, “Well, people will be people and I can’t do anything about it.”  It is blessing to preserve holiness. You may need to act to preserve holiness for your family, or your church or even your country.  That’s what our founding fathers did when they wrote up the grievances. After years and years of seeking restoration and just and fair hearings, the founding fathers broke from the English crown and recorded the 27 grievances in the Declaration of Independence.  Our individual responsibility calls us to seek peace, as far as it is possible with us.  Here’s the point:

Jesus will right every wrong, so you can choose to be a blessing!

·         God has called us to be a blessing.  Return no evil; give of yourself to bless.

·         Trust the authority of the Word by faith to forgive and bless.  If you are struggling with pain over many months, have you forgiven and asked God to use you to bless the offender?

If you do, you may impact the person, who will then bless the world around you.  That’s what happened to Mitsuo Fuchida.

Tears sprang to Fuchida’s eyes. By the time he had finished reading Luke, Mitsuo Fuchida took Jesus Christ as his personal Savior. At this time, he had no Christian friends, no one to help him; no one to share his new experience.

God sent Fuchida a messenger, one of the Doolittle Raiders. After the April 18, 1942 bombing of Tokyo, Jacob DeShazer and his crew bailed out over China. There they were captured and sent to Shanghai. Three officers were executed; the others spent the duration of the war in prison camps with beatings and starvations.

DeShazer hated his captors and it almost drove him crazy. But he remembered truths taught by his Christian parents. One day, he was given the use of a Bible. In that prison camp, he surrendered his life to Jesus Christ and promised to return to Japan as a missionary.

Sometime in October 1948, in downtown Tokyo, Mitsuo Fuchida was handed a leaflet by an American man titled. “I was a prisoner of Japan.” Eventually, he located a full-length book DeShazer had written and devoured its contents.

DeShazer had concluded that his Japanese ministry had been a failure. In the middle of a fasting and prayer vigil during which he was pleading with God to send some evidence that He was using his work. Fuchida was the answer.

Fuchida was impressed by the force of DeShazer’s testimony. In time, Fuchida and DeShazer became friends and the former Doolittle Raider helped Fuchida learn to stand before crowds and give his story.

Mitsuo Fuchida died in 1976, but for the final 25 years of his life, he told crowds all over the world of Jesus Christ who had protected his life and saved him. Large numbers of people, especially in Japan, turned to Christ as a result.

 

This scratches the surface of dealing with difficult relationships.  Take these principles and they will carry you a great distance to be godly and be united in Spirit in the bond of peace.

A wonderful phrase that we teach children is how to deal with difficult relationships:

Good thought,

hurt you not,

gossip never,

friends forever.

 
Message Based Discussion Questions

1)      Why does merely talking about Christianity often muster up negative images and angry reactions?

Digging Deeper

2)      What was David’s response to his soldier who told him the Lord had given his enemy into his hand in 1 Sam. 24:1-10? ____________________.  How is David’s response different than way the world thinks?  What are the circumstances in 1 Sam. 26:7-16? 

3)      With whom did Moses get counsel in the conflict with Korah, Dathan and Abiram (Num. 16:1-33)? _____________ .   How would you classify Moses’ anger (Num. 16:15)?  How does this compare with the principles taught in the message?

Making application of the message to life:

4)      How does God want you to deal with sins against you in the past?

5)      What aspects of forgiveness have you struggled the most in the past?

6)      If you have hindered relationships, what does God want you to do based on the message passages?

 

 

 

 

Reconciled to God

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I’m going to give you a quote that is utterly fantastic.  It’s a little long, but bear with me and you will greatly advance in spiritual understanding. It’s helpful to understand the antimony of God’s sovereignty and Man’s freewill.  An antimony is an apparently unresolvable conflict or contradiction, especially between two true statements.  For example, Scripture declares that God is Sovereign.  Scripture also declares that man has free will.  If one is true, the other cannot be some will say.  It’s like God is one and God is three.  Both are true statements, but man’s finite mind cannot fully understand, except by accepting them both by faith and making our best understanding of both true statements.

This is a quote that helped me greatly understand the antinomy of God’s sovereign work in salvation and man’s non-meritorious choice. It’s a quote from Merrill Unger who wrote Unger’s Bible Dictionary.  He defines what the word “reconcile.” He explains what God did to restore man to Himself.  Read this and I’ll break it down.

“Reconcile comes from a word that means to change thoroughly from one position to another (Eph. 2:16; Col. 1:20-21). It means that someone is completely altered and adjusted to a required standard. (Rom. 5:6-11).  By the death of Christ, the world is changed in its relationship to God. Man is reconciled to God, but God is not said to be reconciled to man.  By this change lost humanity is rendered savable.  As a result of the changed position of the world through the death of Christ, the divine attitude toward the human family can no longer be the same.  God is enabled to deal with lost souls in the light of what Christ has accomplished.  Although this seems to be a change in God, it is not a reconciliation; it is rather a ‘propitiation.’ God places full efficacy in the finished work of Christ and accepts it. Through His acceptance of it He remains righteous and the justifier of any sinner who believes in Jesus as his reconciliation.  When an individual heart sees and trusts in the value of Christ’s atoning death, he becomes reconciled to God, hostility is removed, friendship and fellowship eventuate.” 

            Let me break that down for you. 

“Reconcile comes from a word that means to change thoroughly from one position to another (Eph. 2:16; Col. 1:20-21). It means that someone is completely altered and adjusted to a required standard. (Rom. 5:6-11). 

He is saying that the word “reconcile” means that by the death of Christ on the cross, God changes a person to a completely altered state related to God and adjusts that person to the required standard of God.  What is God’s standard?  His own righteousness.  Because Jesus died on the cross for the sins of man, paying the penalty of sin, man is altered and adjusted to the righteousness of God.  Listen to what Paul writes in Romans,

10 For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. 11And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation. (Rom. 5:10-11)

We were considered as enemies by God, but because of the cross, we were altered and adjusted to the required standard. The sin barrier was removed by Jesus’ death, so that God could now look at man in a different way. Note that last phrase, “we received the reconciliation.” We’ll see that below. It is the part man must do for the fullness of reconciliation. Then Unger says,

By the death of Christ, the world is changed in its relationship to God. Man is reconciled to God, but God is not said to be reconciled to man.  By this change lost humanity is rendered savable.

Here the change is caused by the death of Jesus on the cross, Who died for our sins.  Notice he says that man is reconciled to God, but nowhere does it say in Scripture that God is reconciled to man.  THAT is very significant.  Furthermore, man is then placed in a “savable” condition, whereby man can be saved.  Man has been placed in an altered condition and adjusted to the righteousness of God and rendered savable.  But man is not saved at that point, because there is a second part of the reconciliation that is necessary.

            Unger continues addressing the relationship,

As a result of the changed position of the world through the death of Christ, the divine attitude toward the human family can no longer be the same. 

Because of the death of Jesus, God’s attitude had to change toward mankind.  It couldn’t be the same. Why couldn’t it remain the same, that is, considering man as an enemy (Rom. 5:10)?

God is enabled to deal with lost souls in the light of what Christ has accomplished.  Although this seems to be a change in God, it is not a reconciliation; it is rather a ‘propitiation.’

Because of the death of Jesus, God is enabled to deal with fallen man. How does that work?  Because God’s righteousness was propitiated – satisfied.  Legally, the penalty for sins was paid by Jesus and God was satisfied with His death payment.  However, there hasn’t been a full reconciliation, because a second part is necessary.  God was satisfied with the death of Jesus for the sins of the world, so God could no longer look at man as an enemy, but a soul waiting to accept what God had done for him.   Catch this next section,

God places full efficacy in the finished work of Christ and accepts it. Through His acceptance of it He remains righteous and the justifier of any sinner who believes in Jesus as his reconciliation. 

Jesus did the work.  God makes effective, or considers of great value, the work of Christ. Why?  Because God the Father accepted the work of Jesus on the cross and therefore can place man in a position of being justified, if man makes a non-meritorious decision of faith to accept what Jesus has done, that is believe in Jesus as his reconciliation.  Finally, Unger says,

When an individual heart sees and trusts in the value of Christ’s atoning death, he becomes reconciled to God, hostility is removed, friendship and fellowship eventuate.” 

So God calls you to salvation and waits on you to put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Savior.  When you do, then the fullness of the hostility is removed and you can grow in fellowship with God.  That is deep, I know, but is utterly important to understand as you grow in your relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.

            Consider how that helps understand the antinomy described above.

 

God’s Way vs. Man’s Way: Relationship Responses

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This is an excellent chart prepared by Martha Peace in her book, “The Excellent Wife.”  Much of the wording is from the perspective of a woman, because the book is written for the wife.  The chart comparisons are tremendously applicable in any situation.  If you read down the left column, you’ll recognize many phrases and actions that have been done by people.  The right column provides the biblical approach for responses to offenses.

Sinful Thought Responses
Godly Thought Responses
“How could he do this to me after all I have done for him?”
“He is sinning.  How does God want me to respond to his sin?” 1 Peter. 3:8ff
“This is more than I can stand.”
“This feels like more than I can stand, but God will help me get through it.” 1 Cor. 10:13
“I can’t take the pressure anymore!”
“I can bear up under the pressure for as long as God deems necessary.” 1 Cor. 10:36
“I’ll show him what it is like.”
“I’ll develop a biblical plan to fight back with good.” Rom. 12:21
“I hate him.”
“God hates what he is doing.  God will avenge his sin.  My responsibility is to forgive whether I feel like it not.” Luke 6:27
“I can’t believe what he did to me.  First he did _________ to me, then he…”
“Any person is capable of any sin however gross.” Jer. 17:9
“His sin is against God.  My responsibility is not to compound his sin with my own sin.” 1 Cor. 13:5
“He will never hurt me again.”
“He may hurt me again.  I hope not, but if he does he will just have to hurt me, I am going to glorify God.” 1 Cor. 10:31
“I’m so humiliated. What will others think?”
“I it others’ responsibility to think about this in a Christian manner, not to gossip or slander my husband or me. James 4:1 If they do gossip and I find out about it, God will give me the grace to handle it at that time.”
“How could God let this happen to me?”
“God is good. He, too, wants my husband to repent. I thank God for reminding me how much I need Him.” 1 Thess. 5:18
These charts are from:
“The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace, pp. 239-242
 
Sinful Actions
Godly Actions
Detailed gossiping of his sin to others.
Having the right motives, only giving necessary details to those directly involved in helping her biblically to respond.
Judging her husband’s motives.
Assuming the best about his motives unless he tells her otherwise.
Exaggerating offenses.
Facing the offenses realistically, not exaggerating or minimizing them.
Not giving him a chance to repent and re-earn her trust.
Going against feelings and working towards reconciliation, realizing she must forgive but it may take time for him to re-earn her trust.
Ceasing to attend church because of embarrassment.
Continuing to attend church and to fulfill her responsibility.
Outburst of anger.
Realizing her anger will not achieve God’s purposes.  Thinking long and hard about how to biblically answer.
Seeking solace in another man.
Seeking solace in God and His Word, and perhaps, one or two godly women in the church.
Sharing deep emotional pain with the children in an intimate fashion that only adults are mature enough to handle.
Sharing appropriate factual information with the children and in the process giving them hope that even if their Daddy does not repent, God will take care of them and somehow they will be alright.
Wishing she could purchase a gun and kill her husband.
Realizing vengeance belongs to the Lord.  Praying for and longing for his repentance.
Wishing he were dead.
Instead of longing for vengeance, putting godly pressure on him to repent by overcoming evil with good and praying for his repentance.
Committing suicide. 
Continuing to fulfill her responsibilities whether she feels like it or not.

 

Sequestration: The Government is not God

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Sequestration

Sequestration is the latest ping pong ball played in Washington politics. It is designed by some to gain greater control and resisted by others as the needed medicine for America. Yet the actions have opposite results. The Administration is dramatically using this crisis for securing loyal allegiance from the sheeple (people who act like sheep that don’t care about truth and won’t stand against socialistic tendencies to future control measures).  The Republicans, however are resisting compromise with the intent that the defense complex not be destroyed by additional Democratic sequestrations.  I know I don’t have the total picture, nor the easy answer.  Let’s look at several thoughts.

The problem isn’t the political wrangling. The problem is the cocaine spending addition America has on seeking comfort rather than holiness before God. The political wrangling is merely government’s puny efforts to address a spiritual issue through economic and political ploys.  Is God laughing as the nation rages on without seeking Godly counsel (Ps. 2:1-3)? Are we so foolish that we think we can resolve this apart from divine wisdom?  Do we think we can get another cocaine injection of spending so we don’t have to face reality of monetary idolatry addictions? Do we value comfort and long life more than we value the holiness of God? Do we think we can keep kicking the can down the road and continue putting a larger burden on our children, while we enjoy the high life? What is sequestration?

Dr. Paul Johnson defines sequestration as,

a legal term referring generally to the act of valuable property being taken into custody by an agent of the court and locked away for safekeeping, usually to prevent the property from being disposed of or abused before a dispute over its ownership can be resolved. But the term has been adapted by Congress in more recent years to describe a new fiscal policy procedure originally provided for in the Gramm-Rudman-Hollings Deficit Reduction Act of 1985 — an effort to reform Congressional voting procedures so as to make the size of the Federal government’s budget deficit a matter of conscious choice rather than simply the arithmetical outcome of a decentralized appropriations process in which no one ever looked at the cumulative results until it was too late to change them.1

He’s basically saying you take a property for safekeeping so it isn’t disposed of or squandered inappropriately.  The Deficit Reduction Act was designed to impose greater accountability, which every American person and company already is required to have, on a cocaine monetary addicted government.  The automatic cuts are employed when the Administration and Congress won’t agree.

Sequestration is a series of automatic, across-the-board government cuts, totally $1.2 trillion over ten years.  It would be primarily shared by defense and domestic discretionary spending.  The attempt is to initiate steps dealing with national debt, which exploded in 2007 and continues to increase by over a trillion dollars for the last four years.  Let’s be realistic, cutting $1.2 trillion over ten years is peanuts when the budget deficit is equal to that annually!

The standoff started in 2011 when the Republican demanded spending cuts in exchange for Administration obligations. Supposedly one trillion was dealt with, but the second trillion became the fiscal cliff if Congress and the Administration couldn’t agree to spending reductions. Certain programs, like Social Security and certain Defense programs are exempted. 

The Administration and the media have attempted to paint a bleak picture of an end-of-the-world scenario, yet many in America are not listening and don’t think it will affect them. The Administration has declared that hundreds of thousands will lose their jobs, will cripple education, will leave America unprepared and cause long lines at airports and shuttered American parks. The only urgent and significant concern is a weak military, for that engages the purpose of government. I’d rather deal with the pain now, than have a much bigger pain several years down the road. “It will be like a rolling ball,” said Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, of the manner in which the cuts will impact the economy, in remarks to reporters this week. “It will keep growing.”2

What will happen on March 1? At 11:59pm, there will be an $85 billion federal cut for the remainder of 2013 and a slash of $1.1 trillion for the next decade.  Most Americans have been doing that for the last five years personally, why can’t the American government do that?  We’re addicted to a comfortable way of life.  Yes, it will affect thousands and thousands of people, many I know personally. Practically,

according to the White House, that means “10,000 teacher jobs would be put at risk, and funding for up to 7,200 special education teachers, aides, and staff could be cut”; loans to small businesses would be reduced by up to $540 million; research and development would be stalled as thousands of researchers and scientists would be at risk of losing their jobs; and “up to 373,000 seriously mentally ill adults and seriously emotionally disturbed children could go untreated,” among other impacts.3

Republican plan A is for cuts to social spending, without revenue increases.  The Administration won’t fold here, because it knows it can cut the defense rather than social programs to get many cuts and look like a hero to sheeple.  Democrats want a new tax bill “on those making north of $1 million a year, close tax loopholes, end direct farm payments and delay defense cuts.”4Republicans agree taxes are bad, defense cuts are bad and certain entitlement cuts would be good. They are ready to accept sequestration rather than submit to a socialist agenda.  They are both wrong. 

God never intended for government to be our Savior. God never intended for government to intrude into the liberty of individuals.  However, He did intend that government exist to maintain internal order and external protection. Every people decide what kind of government will rule over them so that God can be worshiped in holiness (Rom. 13:1-7). Each person has a say in what happens in their country.  One voice may not change it, but a movement will.  In the U.S.A. we vote to decide what kind of government we will have. 

Instead of jockeying back and forth, the parties ought to humble themselves before Almighty God and draw people back into His presence, not in establishing a religion, but protecting the free Judeo-Christian expression of liberty in the original charters and writings of our founding fathers. People argue the founding fathers did not intend to create a governmental religion and that is true.  The Judeo-Christian thread was clearly sewn through the fabric of American society, so they did not need to establish any clause. They did understand that the government they established would only work as long as the nation was moral and focused on the God of the Bible:

“We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge, or gallantry, would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale goes through a net. Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.” John Adams (The Works of John Adams, ed. C. F. Adams, Boston: Little, Brown Co., 1851, 4:31)5

As America loses its spiritual moorings, the government will squander resources seeking to satisfy the cravings for comfort and security of the people. Hence, what we need is governmental restraint, actual budgets and protection from outside nations, not control over freedom-loving people. Hence our need of sequestration or some other form of governmental restraint. Human passions must be brought to order not addictive exploitation of precious resources. Ben Franklin understood this:

“Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote!”  Benjamin Franklin

Modern US government has extreme power lust and seeks to control people with man-centered policies, orders and procedures and give a nod to God at best.  Patrick Henry understood this danger of government’s power lust related to the constitution:

“The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people; it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government — lest it come to dominate our lives and interests.”  Patrick Henry

Which is why Patrick Henry, the great freedom-loving attorney orator declared that a decadent people will become enslaved to the government:

“It is when people forget God that tyrants forge their chains.”  Patrick Henry

Too often sheeple today believe the lie of the “Savior government” rather than search back to the dust laden writings of the founding fathers:

“It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians; not on religions, but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For this very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum, prosperity, and freedom of worship here.”  Patrick Henry

The foundation of the nation is clear. No Christian should ever be ashamed and give up an ounce of liberty to freely worship and spread their faith in Jesus Christ, which was clearly the belief of most of the founding fathers. Their blood was shed for that freedom. Christians today must be willing to shed their blood for continued liberty.

The problem today is not the debt.  The debt is a problem, but not the real problem. That is only a symptom of the real problem.  The real problem is a people hell-bent on pleasure, comfort and personal security. The real problem is that we have forsaken the Lord as a nation.  We as a country are addicted to comfort and are not willing to give up what we have seized as a right.  Instead of denying ourselves comforts for the sake of long-term growth, we become frightened of a “fiscal cliff.”  We ought to be afraid for those who face eternal condemnation.  If you have salvation in Jesus, nothing on earth can take away from the blessing of eternal life in Jesus Christ.  We ought to be afraid and work toward a nation that is settled on one language, one gospel and one Lord. Fear not, “for I am with you, even to the end of the Age,” said Jesus. (Matt. 28:20). Where is your trust?

1http://www.auburn.edu/~johnspm/gloss/sequestration;

2http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-250_162-57571722/sequestration-looms-but-when-will-the-hurt-feel-real/

3ibid

4http://thehill.com/blogs/on-the-money/appropriations/284965-gop-weighs-giving-obama-flexibility-on-sequester-

5The following foundling father quotes were obtained from http://www.cancertutor.com/Quotes/Quotes_Presidents.html

 

 

Q & A: Restoring Relationships for Him

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This is a suggested consideration for the “Message Based Discussion Quesions” that go with the message “Restoring Relationships for Him” posted February 25, 2013 and given on February 24, 2013.  The first part of this includes the full insert information.  The last portion provides considerations for suggested answers.  There may be many answers that can be given, but these will provide you some thoughts on starting your thinking process.

Relationships: Restoring Relationships for Him

Matthew 5:23-24

Why do you need to restore relationships?

1)      God reconciled the world to Himself as our pattern

2 Cor. 5:18-19

·         Eph. 2:16; Col. 1:19-21; Rom. 5:6-11

·         Forgiveness is God’s nature Neh. 9:16-17

·         When God forgives, it’s complete Ps. 103:10-12; Is. 38:17; Heb. 10:14-18

·         God forgives me when I was His enemy Rom. 5:8-10

·         God’s infinite forgiveness costs me nothing 2 Cor. 5:21 

2)      Restoring relationships is more important than worship

 Matt. 5:23-24

·         Eph. 4:31-32

·         Forgive –nasah to lift up; salah- ready to forgive; aphiemi – send away.

·         God wants you to forgive as He does Matt. 18:21-35

o    Forgiveness is designed for all people Matt. 18:1-5 

o    Forgiveness means taking sin seriously Matt. 18:6-9 

o    Forgiveness in the kingdom means going after the lost Matt. 18:10-14

o    Forgiveness must be processed orderly in mercy Matt. 18:15-21; 22-35

3)      Restoring relationships is my responsibility to Him

Luke 17:1-10

 

Restore relationships for Jesus’ sake,
 because He has restored you!

·         Forgiveness is a vertical choice Mark 11:25, so that you can love.

·         Forgiveness starts vertical, the horizontal depends upon the offender accepting responsibility and asking for forgiveness Luke 17:1-4.

·         Forgiveness is not forgetting. Jer. 31:34. 

 

·         How do I know when I’ve forgiven?  Some say, “ I love God,” I just can’t deal with a few of His people.   What about 1 John 4:20-21?

·         When you forgive, do not demand restitution (sometimes it cannot be retrieved or repaid), but instead you demonstrate mercy and love toward him with a goal of reconciliation.   Restitution is part of the process of restoration and should lovingly be pointed out to the offender.

Message Based Discussion Questions

1)      What bothers you most about religious fanatics?

Digging Deeper:

2)      How many steps does Jesus give in Matthew 18 for restoration? ___________          How would you describe the restoration process to a child?  What are danger points in the process? 

3)      What are at least five descriptions of love in 1 Cor. 13.?  _______; __________; ___________; ____________; _______________.

How does 1 Corinthians 13 influence the practical aspect of forgiveness?

4)      To whom are you to offer your body a living sacrifice in Romans 12:1? ______________      What are other principles regarding forgiveness that we can learn from Romans 12?

Implementing the message to your life:

5)      In what relationship situations is restoration difficult?  What do you do?  What counsel would you give another on what to do?

 How do you know when you are restoring for Jesus sake?

 

Message Based Discussion Questions

 1)      What bothers you most about religious fanatics?

a)      They don’t want to listen to other people, but if they’re fanatical about Jesus, I can’t argue with that.

b)      They have a one track mind.

c)      They don’t care what others think or say, so they often don’t build bridges to help others understand.

d)     They are not very balanced in life.

e)      They come across very opinionated.  But if they are opinionated for Jesus, then who can argue with that!?

Digging Deeper:

2)      How many steps does Jesus give in Matthew 18 for restoration? ___three_____          How would you describe the restoration process to a child?  What are danger points in the process? 

a)      Considering a child, it has to be concrete and use a brother or sister example.  Let’s say a brother took his Xbox and threw it or stepped on it.  Most children don’t have the patience or self-discipline to carefront the brother in love. He’ll just throw a tantrum, start yelling, or cause harm against his brother. So help the child consider the character of God, and that God is still in control.  Help him remember that all things belong to God.  Help him learn that his relationship with his brother is more important than having the toy that was destroyed and there is a way to seek help from God – through the parents.  Then go to the brother and say in a confident, but calm and patient way, “Brother, you broke my toy.”  If your brother hears you and changes his thinking to say, “I’m sorry,” or even “Will you forgive me,” then you’ve restored your relationship and won your brother.  But if he doesn’t listen, then go get your parents, or an older brother or sister if your parents aren’t home and do the same thing in a confident, but patient and calm way, “Brother, you broke my toy.”  If he hears and changes his thinking to say, “I’m sorry,” or even “Will you forgive me,” then you’ve restored your relationship and won your brother.  If he doesn’t listen to you, then let your parents decide what to do.  Trust your parents to do what is right.

—The child may be in school, so help him see similar steps, but in this case, get counsel from your parents.  The friend whom you get or your teacher may not understand biblical truth or procedures and you can create greater problems. 

b)      Danger points include:

i)        Thinking you know exactly what happened.  You may have misunderstood or not seen all the details.  So use Gal. 6:1 and look to yourself to try to understand the matter from the offender’s perspective, then discern God’s leading.

ii)      Approaching the person impatiently or with self-righteousness or anger (Jam. 1:20).  The person will likely dig his heels in and resist.

iii)    Expecting the person to respond immediately.  He may be resisting the Holy Spirit already and it may take a few hours for the person to be convicted.

iv)    Talking about the situation with someone who is not a part of the solution before talking to the offender.  We talk to others out of the name of trying to get information or sharing our problem or trying to get prayer support.  Just as “Loose lips sink ships,” so loose lips create havoc in a church and between relationships.

v)      Not following the order of Matt. 18:5-17.  If you bring others in too quickly it may create problems.  However, a girl should never approach an older man by herself.  She should have a protector with her or even have the protector do the talking depending on the circumstances.  God does not expect a bruised reed to approach a walled city.  Keep the situation in context with all of Scripture.  Seek discernment from God’s Word (Heb. 5:12-14).

vi)    Not confronting and just hoping “time will heal.”  That’s the approach too many of us take and that’s why relationships continue to crumble.  That’s why the world doesn’t see the miracle of God’s restoration process.

vii)  Bringing up other issues and blaming the person.  It’s like someone who asks for forgiveness and says, “Please forgive me for yelling at you, WHEN you slammed the door in my face.”  That’s not taking responsibility.  First, ask for forgiveness of what you did wrong, then seek restoration of the relationship.  Then when the relationship is restored, carefront the person, or disciple them to the truth.

 

3)      What are at least five descriptions of love in 1 Cor. 13.?  _patient_; _kind__; __not rude__; _bears all things_; __never fails__.   How does 1 Corinthians 13 influence the practical aspect of forgiveness?

a)      When I approach an offender, I must have all these expressions of love present and visible to the offender.

b)      I must be patient, because the person may resist at first.

c)      I must use kind words, because I’m seeking to restore, not for my purposes, but for Jesus’ sake.

d)     I must not be rude or sarcastic, because that is not love and that will often be misinterpreted by the offender.

e)      I must not keep a record of wrongs suffered and become hysterical or historical.

f)       I must “bear all things,” in that I put up and bear with the sins of others as I rise above the adversities and disciple them to the truth. 

g)      I must “believe the best about all things,” in that I trust God is at work in both of our lives and I believe that God will work in both of our hearts to restore the relationship.  So I keep doing the right thing rather than getting even or expecting right actions.

h)      I must “hope for the best about all things,” in that I have my hope in God, not the other person to change.

i)        I must endure all things, in that I may have to go through suffering in the relationship for awhile, until God moves in his life.   And I must not fail.  I can’t do this unless I’m trusting in Jesus and depending on the power of the Holy Spirit.

4)      To whom are you to offer your body a living sacrifice in Romans 12:1? _to God___      What are other principles regarding forgiveness that we can learn from Romans 12?

a)      If I’m going to be effective in restoring someone, I need to commit my life to God as a holy sacrifice.  I can’t enter into restoration processes without God’s blessing (12:1)

b)      I need to keep on renewing my mind to understand how God is using the circumstance to help me grow up, because God is able to use every situation to help me be conformed to the image of Jesus (12:2; 8:28-29)

c)      I need to think not highly of myself, that is be arrogance, or I will approach in self-righteousness rather than humility (12:3)

d)     I need to recognize that the offender may be a part of the body of Christ and I need to treat the body of Christ with respect, care and humility.  Even if wronged and a firm rebuke is required, I need to look for the best interests of the other person, not at my own pain or hurt (12:4)

e)      I need to recognize I may not be very good at this and others may be better.  Maybe I could learn from others without mentioning the circumstances or names, so I could be more biblical (12:6-8)

f)       I need to approach without hypocrisy (12:9), in other words, I’m not doing it to fix the person, but to help us both draw closer to Jesus.

g)      I need to approach with kind affection, even if he’s wrong, given preference to his preferences instead of my own.  That is, if I’m hurt over style or preference, I may need to recognize that his action is not sin, but just another way of doing things.  If my feelings are hurt, I may need to grow up (12:10)

h)      I need to be diligent to seek restoration of the relationship (12:11)

i)        I need to be patient in approach and steadfast in prayer (12:12)

j)        Dot, dot, dot… I need to live peaceably as far as it depends on me (12:18)

Implementing the message to your life:

5)      In what relationship situations is restoration difficult?  What do you do?  What counsel would you give another on what to do?

a)      Marriage relationships are likely the most difficult, because of the intimacy and love that is shared.  The expectations are hard to control.  It’s easy to be greatly hurt by the one from whom you expect love (Eph. 5:22-33).

b)      Children relationships can be difficult if we don’t follow Deut 6:6-9.

c)      Church relationships can be difficult because we’re supposed to be worshiping God and some don’t understand the division that they may cause by their preferences or antagonistic actions (Acts 20:29-30)

d)     Business relationships can be tough, because it’s a dog eat dog world and the bottom line is always the dollar.  People pursue that so strongly that the principles of God’s Word go out the window (Pro. 3:10-15)

e)      Neighbor relationships can be challenging, because you’re living right there and you want to witness the gospel, but agreements, plans, preferences can get in the way (Pro. 3:26-31)

f)       The counsel would be to move slow, but deliberately.

i)        Be prayed up and confessed up.

ii)      To follow Gal. 6:1-5

iii)    To make sure your eyes are on Jesus (Heb. 12:2)

iv)    Accept this as an opportunity to grow (2 Pet. 3:18)

v)      Do the right thing (Jam. 1:22)

 

6)      How do you know when you are restoring for Jesus sake?

a)      That is often hard, because our hearts are desperately wicked (Jer. 17:9-10)

b)      Sin is deceitful and we don’t realize what our motives are (Heb. 3:13)

c)      I know when, I have forgiven and sense love toward the person (Mark 11:25)

d)     When I realize that the incident is one in which God is teaching me how to become more godly (Rom. 8:28-29)

e)      When I am thankful in the situation, because I trust God is at work and will use it to glorify Himself (1 Thes. 5:18; John 17:1-3)

f)       When I am more concerned with his welfare, than my own harm (1 John 4:20-21; John 13:31-35)

g)      When I am patient and calm in my approach (Gal. 6:1)

h)      When I go to the person, I accept that he may not respond, that is I don’t expect the person to just do the right thing immediately and I don’t react if he doesn’t (John 13:1-35)

i)        When I am willing to serve the person (John 13:4-5)

j)        When I am willing to disciple to the truth (John 13:6-17)

k)      When I am willing to rise above the circumstances (John 13:18-30)

l)        When I am willing to overcome and love exactly as Jesus does (John 13:31-35)

m)    When it’s for Jesus and not for me (1 Cor. 10:31)

SGL: Small Group Characteristics

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Leading a Home Group: Small Group Characteristics

            God developed the church based on a small group model, at least in number.  There are several other divine organizations.  The Trinity is the first small group.  The family is normally small in number with clear instructions for raising children to be parents (Deuteronomy 6:1-9).  Jesus based his strategy with a small group model for transforming the world with the gospel message (Luke 6:13-16).  And the early church was founded on a small group model as people met from house to house (Acts 2:41-47).

            There are several characteristics of a small group.  Small groups do not have to be uniform.  There can be a great variety based on the culture, purpose and background of those participating.  Consider the following characteristics of a small group.

            First, small groups must be established on a biblical foundation (Matt. 7:24-27).  If Scripture is not the foundation and we’re not obedient to it, we’ll be building on sinking sand.  Those who participate will likely get distracted to a variety of pulls from within and without the group. Small groups do not develop their own standards or theology.  They are founded upon God’s Word to build each other up in truth for the sanctification process. Nothing can happen that will honor God, unless it is built upon His Word. (2 Tim. 3:16-17)

            Secondly, small groups are designed for intentional discipleship. Small groups are planned gatherings, not by accident or serendipitous.  The purpose of a small group is to help people grow spiritually and eventually to become spiritual parents.  The group leaders help people become committed disciples following Jesus as head, committed to being changed by Jesus and committed to the mission of making disciples.  The small group will grow by discussing, serving others and by becoming spiritual parents of others as disciples volunteer to lead another group. (Eph. 4:11-13; Matt 14:15-18, 27-31; Luke 10: 1; 22:7-13; John 6:5-6)

            Thirdly, small groups are relational gatherings.  Small groups provide the relational environment where people learn by discussing what they are hearing and then put it into practice.  They share with one another and care for the needs within the group for open communication and trust.  Small groups provide the environment for transparency and authenticity.  It’s the model Jesus demonstrated. The context of a small group allows for greater accountability between members, encouragement in the spiritual battles and unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.  Small groups provide the setting to establish a solid biblical worldview in relationship with people (1 Cor. 12:25; Deut. 6:7-9; John 17:17; Matt. 4:4; Ps. 119:105).

            Fourthly, small groups are designed to reproduce.  This is the fulfillment of the Great Commission to multiply disciples.  Spiritual parents lead small groups with the desire that disciples will rise up out of the group to lead other groups.  Small groups can easily live out the adage “us four and no more” attitude, but reproducible perspectives will keep groups growing and multiplying!

            Build your small groups on these principles and you’ll have the base for dynamic growth.  Avoid one of these principles at the peril of not seeing multiplication in small groups.  Let’s watch God cause the growth as we plant and water!

Relationships: The Tates

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Sometimes we need a little humor when it comes to relationships.  Hope this will give you a smile.

Puns: The Tates

Do you know how many members of the TATE family belong to our organization?

There is old man DICK TATE who wants to run everything, while Uncle RO TATE tries to change everything.

Their sister, AGI TATE, stirs up plenty of trouble with help from her husband, IRRI TATE.

Whenever new projects are suggested, HESI TATE and his wife, VEGI TATE, want to wait until next year.

Brother FACILI TATE is quite helpful in group matters.

And a happy member is Ms. FELICI TATE.

Cousins COGI TATE and MEDI TATE always think things over and lend a helpful steady hand.

And, of course, there is the bad seed in the family, AMPU TATE, who has cut himself off completely from the rest of the organization.

(From Donna Eaker)

 

Forgiveness: Restoring Relationships God’s Way

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Restoring Relationships God’s Way

Beginning in the beginning, there have been problems and conflicts in relationships.  If Adam and Eve had conflicts, and we see it all through Scripture, then it’s pretty likely that even the best relationships will have conflicts.  It all results because of sin in the world. The creature is born centered on self and it takes divine enablement to truly focus and serve others. So the question is not what do I do IF it happens, but what do I do WHEN it happens.

This first slide shows the reality of some problem between two people.  It can be two or a mob.  Whatever the relationship, there is going to be some kind of conflict.  (I know these are in a cartoon form, but let’s try to get the principle)

The human response is often to lash back or internalize and “carry” the pain OR a multitude of options in between those two actions.  Often, our response to someone is sin.  For example if I lash back at someone for sinning against me, I have just sinned.  Yes, even though I didn’t start it, I chose to respond in sin and think that I could solve the problem my way.  Sometimes it’s the sin of reaction and sometimes it’s the sin of internalization.  Both are wrong responses.

Instead I need to choose the biblical approach and forgive.  One of the Hebrew words for forgive is nasah, which means “to lift up.”  A second Hebrew word is salah, which means “ready to pardon.”  Both give a good picture of what we are supposed to do. Lift the sin (the penalty and pain of the sin) to the throne of God for Him to deal with it.  A third forgive word is a Greek word aphia-mi, which literally means “to send away.”  God wants us to send away to Him the sin pain and let Him deal with it.  We are not very judicial with offenses against ourselves.  Our flesh reacts and does all sorts of strange things, like think we are as smart as God.

“Lifting up” and “ready to pardon” demonstrate the ready attitude to lift it up to God.  The phrase “send away” means that I’m not going to deal with it against the offender, because I will trust the Lord to deal with it. 

In the next slide the offended person chooses to forgive, that is lifts up or sends away the penalty to the throne of God.  The black symbol with the yellow burst is supposed to be a  chair or throne as an illustration of the Shekinah Glory described in the Old Testament or the Presence of God in heaven.

Lifting up the conflict to the Lord fits well with 1 Peter 5:7, which says “casting all your cares on the Lord, for He cares for you.”  I first deal vertically with the problem and is the principle taught in Mark 11:25, “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. (Mar 11:25)  Once you choose to deal with the problem vertically, then you can begin to deal with the horizontal relationship.

You may still feel the pain of the offense.  The relationship may still be struggling.  But you, because you’ve given it to God, you can choose to have a heart of love toward the offender.  That’s the third slide below.  Notice that God will deal with the other person in His way.  Unfortunately, it may not be in your timing.  It may not be in your lifetime.  Yet, God is infinite in wisdom, justice, power and mercy to know how best to deal with the relationship.  His way is far better than anything we can consider (Is. 55:8-9). The key is you now are able to have a heart of love toward the other person.  This is also the principle from 1 Peter 4:8, “And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”  It’s covered, because you trust in the covering of the blood of Christ on the cross.

 


When a person lifts up the offense to God, he can have a heart of love toward the offender.  The person no longer has to have any kind of revenge desire, because he’s given it to God. It is a choice, to love at this point, but it is what God desires according to Luke 17:3-10; Matthew 18:15-17; Romans 12:14-21; and 1 Peter 3:8-12.

The last slide shows that God may want you to make the decision to reach out to the offender, or even confront the offender.  IF God is working through you to the offender it will be God’s love.  It may be firm and deliberate, because sin may need to be confronted (Luke 17:3-4), but it is done from God’s love, not personal vengeance (Romans 12:15-21)
 

These slides are a simplistic way of looking at forgiveness.  They do not answer all the questions in a relationship.  They begin the process of dealing with forgiveness. 

Do they help you?

Restoring Relationships for Him

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Relationships: Restoring Relationships for Him
Matthew 18

This message is on restoring relationships, but the basis for restoring relationships  from man’s perspective begins with forgiveness.  Here’s a skit that explains man’s way of forgiveness. [ the skit actually shows how we often fall short of God’s way of forgiveness and we botch it.]

 Forgiveness is often tried, but often it falls short of what God intends. Relationships will push you beyond you.  They will take you beyond the range of your natural abilities and beyond the borders of your natural and acquired wisdom. That is part of God’s plan.  But also part of God’s plan is to see what can happen from God’s abilities. What would it take on your part for others to see Christ at work in your life? How can others see that you are a disciple of Jesus?  One of the greatest miracles is restoration of relationships, because it doesn’t often happen in everyday life. Why do you need to restore relationships?

            Normally, we think of forgiveness and restoration of relationships as a good thing to do from Scripture, because it helps us get along with people.  It helps in families, at work and at church for us to get along.  Is that why God wants us to forgive and restore relationships?  There is a much higher reason.  The first basis is because that is the pattern God established.  If we want to imitate God, and every believer is commanded to imitate God (Eph. 5:1), then we must mirror His pattern.

1)      God reconciled the world to Himself as our pattern 2 Cor. 5:18-19

 

I’m going to give you a quote that is utterly fantastic.  It’s a little long, but bear with me and you will greatly advance in spiritual understanding. It’s helpful to understand the antimony of God’s sovereignty and Man’s freewill.  An antimony is an apparently unresolvable conflict or contradiction, especially between two true statements.  For example, Scripture declares that God is Sovereign.  Scripture also declares that man has free will.  If one is true, the other cannot be some will say.  It’s like God is one and God is three.  Both are true statements, but man’s finite mind cannot fully understand, except by accepting them both by faith and making our best understanding of both true statements.

This is a quote that helped me greatly understand the antinomy of God’s sovereign work in salvation and man’s non-meritorious choice. It’s a quote from Merrill Unger who wrote Unger’s Bible Dictionary.  He defines what the word “reconcile.” He explains what God did to restore man to Himself.  Read this and I’ll break it down.

“Reconcile comes from a word that means to change thoroughly from one position to another (Eph. 2:16; Col. 1:20-21). It means that someone is completely altered and adjusted to a required standard. (Rom. 5:6-11).  By the death of Christ, the world is changed in its relationship to God. Man is reconciled to God, but God is not said to be reconciled to man.  By this change lost humanity is rendered savable.  As a result of the changed position of the world through the death of Christ, the divine attitude toward the human family can no longer be the same.  God is enabled to deal with lost souls in the light of what Christ has accomplished.  Although this seems to be a change in God, it is not a reconciliation; it is rather a ‘propitiation.’ God places full efficacy in the finished work of Christ and accepts it. Through His acceptance of it He remains righteous and the justifier of any sinner who believes in Jesus as his reconciliation.  When an individual heart sees and trusts in the value of Christ’s atoning death, he becomes reconciled to God, hostility is removed, friendship and fellowship eventuate.” 

            Let me break that down for you. 

“Reconcile comes from a word that means to change thoroughly from one position to another (Eph. 2:16; Col. 1:20-21). It means that someone is completely altered and adjusted to a required standard. (Rom. 5:6-11). 

He is saying that the word “reconcile” means that by the death of Christ on the cross, God changes a person to a completely altered state related to God and adjusts that person to the required standard of God.  What is God’s standard?  His own righteousness.  Because Jesus died on the cross for the sins of man, paying the penalty of sin, man is altered and adjusted to the righteousness of God.  Listen to what Paul writes in Romans,

10 For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. 11And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation. (Rom. 5:10-11)

We were considered as enemies by God, but because of the cross, we were altered and adjusted to the required standard. The sin barrier was removed by Jesus’ death, so that God could now look at man in a different way. Note that last phrase, “we received the reconciliation.” We’ll see that below. It is the part man must do for the fullness of reconciliation. Then Unger says,

By the death of Christ, the world is changed in its relationship to God. Man is reconciled to God, but God is not said to be reconciled to man.  By this change lost humanity is rendered savable.

Here the change is caused by the death of Jesus on the cross, Who died for our sins.  Notice he says that man is reconciled to God, but nowhere does it say in Scripture that God is reconciled to man.  THAT is very significant.  Furthermore, man is then placed in a “savable” condition, whereby man can be saved.  Man has been placed in an altered condition and adjusted to the righteousness of God and rendered savable.  But man is not saved at that point, because there is a second part of the reconciliation that is necessary.

            Unger continues addressing the relationship,

As a result of the changed position of the world through the death of Christ, the divine attitude toward the human family can no longer be the same. 

Because of the death of Jesus, God’s attitude had to change toward mankind.  It couldn’t be the same. Why couldn’t it remain the same, that is, considering man as an enemy (Rom. 5:10)?

God is enabled to deal with lost souls in the light of what Christ has accomplished.  Although this seems to be a change in God, it is not a reconciliation; it is rather a ‘propitiation.’

Because of the death of Jesus, God is enabled to deal with fallen man. How does that work?  Because God’s righteousness was propitiated – satisfied.  Legally, the penalty for sins was paid by Jesus and God was satisfied with His death payment.  However, there hasn’t been a full reconciliation, because a second part is necessary.  God was satisfied with the death of Jesus for the sins of the world, so God could no longer look at man as an enemy, but a soul waiting to accept what God had done for him.   Catch this next section,

God places full efficacy in the finished work of Christ and accepts it. Through His acceptance of it He remains righteous and the justifier of any sinner who believes in Jesus as his reconciliation. 

Jesus did the work.  God makes effective, or considers of great value, the work of Christ. Why?  Because God the Father accepted the work of Jesus on the cross and therefore can place man in a position of being justified, if man makes a non-meritorious decision of faith to accept what Jesus has done, that is believe in Jesus as his reconciliation.  Finally, Unger says,

When an individual heart sees and trusts in the value of Christ’s atoning death, he becomes reconciled to God, hostility is removed, friendship and fellowship eventuate.” 

So God calls you to salvation and waits on you to put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Savior.  When you do, then the fullness of the hostility is removed and you can grow in fellowship with God.  That is deep, I know, but is utterly important to understand as you grow in your relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.

       

            Now, you may have been offended, harmed, hurt, or attacked by another Christian, even one in authority, like a husband, elder or pastor.  I don’t know the circumstances of your event, but I know they happen and they can cause great harm and pain.  But let me tell you about the One who has never offended or attacked.  Let me tell you about the One who reconciles, because at the base of reconciliation is forgiveness. Listen to the greatness of my Lord.

            It’s my Lord’s character to forgive,

16 “But they and our fathers acted proudly, Hardened their necks, And did not heed Your commandments. 17 They refused to obey, And they were not mindful of Your wonders That You did among them. But they hardened their necks, And in their rebellion They appointed a leader To return to their bondage. But You are God, Ready to pardon, Gracious and merciful, Slow to anger, Abundant in kindness, And did not forsake them. (Neh. 9:16-17)

We get a clear picture of Israel’s hardness and rebellion.  They even wanted to go back to the slave market of Egypt, even though God promised a land full  of milk and honey.  Even though they were stiff-necked, God was ready to pardon and merciful.  It makes a Christian want to sing of the mercy of the Lord forever! 

            When God forgives, it’s complete,

10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor punished us according to our iniquities.  11 For as the heavens are high above the earth, So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; 12 As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. (Ps. 103:10-12)

My God hasn’t treated me, or you, the way I deserve.  In fact, He removes my sins an infinite distant, as far as the east is from the west, because of Christ’s sufficient death on the cross. Additionally, there is a great illustration in Isaiah 38 about how God deals with my sin.  God speaks through Isaiah to Hezekiah to get his house in order because Hezekiah is going to die.  Well, Hezekiah is not ready to go and becomes very bitter about it.  He goes into his bedroom and faces the wall and weeps.  But he comes to his senses and he is filled with peace, because he realizes what God has done with his sins.

17 Indeed it was for my own peace that I had great bitterness; But You have lovingly delivered my soul from the pit of corruption, for You have cast all my sins behind Your back. (Is. 38:17)

 The picture Isaiah gives is of God taking my sins and putting them in the small of His back.  That is a place that you know is there, but you can’t see it.  God doesn’t look at my sins after they have been dealt with.  That’s the mercy of my God!  In Hebrews we have another aspect of how God deals with us.

14 For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are being sanctified.  15 But the Holy Spirit also witnesses to us; for after He had said before, 16“This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, says the LORD: I will put My laws into their hearts, and in their minds I will write them,” 17 then He adds, “Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.” (Heb. 10:14-17)

God doesn’t forget our sins, He chooses not to remember them.  God is all knowing, or omniscient, so He cannot forget our sins.  Fortunately, He chooses not to remember them.  Finally, God’s infinite forgiveness costs me nothing, “For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” (2 Cor. 5:21)  It was free to me, but cost the death of the Lord Jesus.  That’s what God is like!  He is ready to pardon, therefore we ought to be ready to pardon people also.  IT IS not easy.  It takes God the Holy Spirit to soften our hearts, and the decision of the will to forgive and begin the restoration process.  There is a second reason why Jesus wants you to restore relationships. 

2)      Restoring relationships is more important than worship  Matt. 5:23-24

             Does that make sense?  What could be more important that worship?  Isn’t that what God calls us to do?  Worship Him?  There is something more important according to the Lord Jesus.

23 “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 “leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Matt. 5:23-24)

That is what Jesus said.  He said, if you are coming to worship God, and you remember that a brother has something against you, then first go seek to restore the relationship, and then come back and worship.  That means we need to forgive, even when/if the other person hasn’t done what he needs to do.  Paul says it well,

31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you. (Eph. 4:31-32)

I need to put off any bitterness and anger and put on forgiveness if I’m going to restore a relationship.  I’m going to have to forgive.  What does that mean? 

            Forgiveness is used many ways and this message only begins to address forgiveness.  There are three main words for the word, “forgiveness.”  The first is a Hebrew word, “nasah,” which means to “lift up.” You can remember the word because it sounds like NASA, which lifts rockets to space.  The second Hebrew word is “salah” which means “ready to forgive.”  God is ready and waiting on us and wants us ready and waiting on others to restore the relationship. The third word is a Greek word “aphia-mi,” which means “to send away.”  God wants us to send away the penalty of the offense from someone else away to God. That way we let God deal with the offense of the person toward us and we can trust God to do the right thing.  God is much better at helping people see their wrong, than we are!

            There are four slides at the end of the message that explain this process.  When we send the penalty and pain to God, then we are free to be in a position to love the person.  We are satisfied that God can deal with the person.  In fact, God may lead us to be a part of the restoration process.  We may need to act for the person by expressing love toward him.  That love takes the direction of Jesus and empowerment by the Holy Spirit.

            What does that look like?  Let me use Matthew 18 as the illustration that Jesus wants us to restore relationships more than even approaching Him in worship.

            In Matthew 18, the disciples are discussing with themselves who is the greatest and they approach Jesus and say, “Jesus, who is going to be the greatest in the Kingdom?”  Jesus takes a little child and putting the child in front of them, He says, “Unless you are converted and become like this child, you will not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.”  He added, “And so whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the Kingdom. And whoever receives this child in My name, receives Me.”  In other words, this is available to all people. All people can be restored, but it takes the humility of a child who trusts in the one in authority.

            Jesus wanted the disciples to understand how serious sin is, so He continues to say that whoever causes one of the little ones to sin, well it would be better to have a millstone put around his neck and be cast into the sea, so you can’t cause anyone else to sin.  It’s a horrible thing to cause another to sin. 

            Then Jesus describes the seriousness of sin with an hyperbole. He says, that if your hand or foot causes you to stumble, cut it off.  It would be better to enter the Kingdom with one hand or foot, than to have two and be cast into the everlasting fire.  Or if your eye causes you to stumble (maybe through pornography or window shopping and lusting after wanting more clothes), to pluck it out, for it would be better to enter into the Kingdom with one eye than to have two eyes and be cast into hell fire.  But Jesus doesn’t just stand there like a stern judge.  No He reveals the compassion we all need to have toward others.

            He continues saying, if a shepherd has 100 sheep and one sheep strays away.  He will leave the 99 to seek the one.  And when he finds the one, he will rejoice more than having the 99.  That’s a big deal!  So we should have that kind of compassion that the Father has toward all people.

            Forgiveness also includes the process of dealing with sin in a gracious and orderly way.  Jesus describes a case where a brother sins against you.  Well, you go to him and tell him his fault in private, alone.  If he listens and repents, then you’ve won your brother and the relationship is restored.  But if he doesn’t listen, then go get one or two witnesses, because Scripture says that the word is established based on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 

            If the brother listens and repents, then you’ve won your brother and restored the relationship.  But if he doesn’t repent, then take it to the church leadership and establish the truth with them.  Let the church know so they will fear God and want to do what is right.  If the brother doesn’t listen or repent, then treat him like a heathen or a tax collector.  He is likely not a believer. You’ll need to lead him to Christ.

            So Peter hears all this and asks Jesus, “Jesus, if my brother sins against me, how many times do I have to forgive him? Do I have to forgive him up to seven times?”  Jesus said, “Not up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven”  And Jesus continued the explanation by describing a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.  So he brought the servants in and one servant owed him ten thousand talents (that’s about 12 million ounces of gold).  The servant didn’t have the resources to pay, so the king commanded that he be sold along with his wife and children and all that he had. The servant fell down before the king and begged, “Master, be patient with me and I will pay you all.” The king was moved with compassion, released him and forgave him the debt completely.

            Then the servant went out and found another servant who owed him 100 days wages.  He went to the servant and choking him said, “Repay me what you owe!”  But the servant said, “Be patient with me and I’ll repay you all.”  But the first servant would not listen and threw the servant in prison.  There were fellow servants who saw what happened and reported to the king who called for the first servant.  The king said, “You wicked servant, I forgave you all the debt because you begged me.  Shouldn’t you have compassion on your fellow servant as I had pity on you?”  Then the king said, “Deliver this one to the torturer, until he has repaid every last cent. 

            And Jesus succinctly said, “So My heavenly Father will do to you, if you do not from your heart forgive your brother his sins.”

Consider that forgiveness is an event and a process.  How many times do you forgive? It’s a process because you’ll be tempted to think about the sin when you see the person.

Forgiveness is canceling a debt.  You promise to leave it behind and not keep track of wrongs suffered. (1 Cor. 13:5) You are not to bring up the offense to others or slander the person who sinned against you.  You also promise not to dwell on the offense yourself or replay the offense over and over.

Forgiveness is costly, but lack of forgiveness is more costly.  You may not choke anyone, but you may shut them out of your life.  When you don’t forgive, you do at least three things.  First, you don’t imitate God. (Eph. 5:1)   Second, you show ingratitude to God. (1 Thes. 5:18)  And thirdly, you sin (Jam. 4:17).  Like Jesus said regarding the people while He hung on the cross, “Father, forgive them, they don’t know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)

Why do you need to restore relationships?  First, because God is our pattern of restoring relationships.  Secondly, because it is more important than worship to Him.  And thirdly, because restoring relationships is your responsibility to Him.

3)      Restoring relationships is my responsibility to Him  Luke 17:1-10

The first part of the passage is a parallel to Matthew 18.  Let’s start in Luke 17:3,

3 “Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.

 4 “And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, `I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”

 5 And the apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith.”

 6 So the Lord said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, `Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.

 7 “And which of you, having a servant plowing or tending sheep, will say to him when he has come in from the field, `Come at once and sit down to eat ‘?

 8 “But will he not rather say to him, `Prepare something for my supper, and gird yourself and serve me till I have eaten and drunk, and afterward you will eat and drink ‘?

 9 “Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I think not.

 10 “So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, `We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do.’” (Luke 17:3-10)

So if your brother sins, then you go graciously rebuke him.  Yes, he sinned against you, but he’s not responding or interested in restoring the relationship.  God gives you the opportunity to practice grace. Will you be like Jesus and initiate restoration?  If he repents, then forgive and if you have to do that seven times in a day (quite a few times), then forgive and restore the relationship.   Well the disciples are overwhelmed by the thought and ask Jesus for more faith.  Jesus doesn’t give them more faith, because the issue is not greater faith, but rather humility and trusting God to work through the relationship.  Just a little faith can uproot the mulberry tree and cast it into the sea, IF that is God’s will.  Restoration is God’s will is most circumstances.

            Then Jesus describes the kind of humility that is necessary in verses 7-10.  This is difficult to understand and very few pastors ever do a message on this paragraph. 

            Jesus describes a servant who has worked hard all day plowing or tending sheep and then comes in to eat.  But the servant doesn’t come in to receive a meal, but is expected to serve the master after which he is then allowed to eat.  The master isn’t even expected to say thanks to the servant for making the meal.  Why?  The master has the right to tell the servant what to do and the purpose of the servant is to serve the master.

When it comes to people who sin against you, God gives you no right to withhold forgiveness or harbor bitterness. When I withhold God’s love toward another, I set myself up as a judge and arbiter to others, rather than be a servant of the Lord.  I decide whether someone else is worthy of my love and relationship.  I deny God’s glory from flowing through me.  I become a spigot of God’s love, rather than a hose. Restoring relationships is my duty, because it is what He did for me.

Restore relationships for Jesus’ sake,
 because He has restored you!

·         Forgiveness is a vertical choice Mark 11:25 release it to God, so that you can unconditionally love as He does. In any situation.

·         Forgiveness starts vertically, the horizontal depends upon the offender admitting guilt and asking for forgiveness Luke 17:1-4.

·         Forgiveness is not forgetting. Jer. 31:34.  I will not treat you as your sins deserve.  I will instead forgive you.  When you don’t forget, you’ll think you haven’t forgiven and filled with doubts. Or you’ll give in to bitterness without realizing it, because you think that forgiving equals forgetting.

·         How do I know when I’ve forgiven?  I love God, I just can’t deal with a few of His people.  I’m better off without them. What about 1 John 4:20-21?

·         When you forgive, do not demand restitution (sometimes it cannot be retrieved or repaid), but instead demonstrate mercy and love toward him with a goal of reconciliation.   Restitution is part of the process of restoration and should lovingly be pointed out to the offender. God’s world has many other things to say about that.

At this point a second skit was done in the message to show God’s way of restoring a relationship.  God’s way takes the process of forgiveness and restoration seriously and seeks to make sure the people are actually walking in unity of the Spirit again and working together.  We restore relationships, not because it helps us, but because it’s what God’s pattern is, it is more important that worship and it is simply put – your duty. 

There are some times when you cannot restore relationships. A girl who has been violated, ought not seek restoration with her abuser.  There are cases where the person continues in sinful behavior and restoration is not possible.  You are required to forgive, but restoration of relational fellowship may not be possible and could be harmful. 

What do you do when you have to continue in a relationship that is not just hard, but very difficult?  What about a marriage that sets you off?  What about a relationship at work, or even church?  How do you continue walking in the Lord if that relationship is not restored? That message will follow in the message, “Overcoming Difficult Relationships for Him.”

 

Message Based Discussion Questions

1)      What bothers you most about religious fanatics?

Digging Deeper:

2)      How many steps does Jesus give in Matthew 18 for restoration? ___________ How would you describe the restoration process to a child?  What are danger points in the process? 

3)      What are at least five description of love in 1 Cor. 13.?  _______; __________; ___________; ____________; _______________. How does 1 Corinthians 13 influence the practical aspect of forgiveness?

4)      To Whom are you to offer your body a living sacrifice in Romans 12:1? ______________   What are other principles regarding forgiveness can we learn from Romans 12?

 

Implementing the message to your life:

5)      In what relationship situations is restoration difficult?  What do you do?  What counsel would you give another on what to do?