This is an excellent chart prepared by Martha Peace in her book, “The Excellent Wife.” Much of the wording is from the perspective of a woman, because the book is written for the wife. The chart comparisons are tremendously applicable in any situation. If you read down the left column, you’ll recognize many phrases and actions that have been done by people. The right column provides the biblical approach for responses to offenses.
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Sinful Thought Responses
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Godly Thought Responses
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“How could he do this to me after all I have done for him?”
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“He is sinning. How does God want me to respond to his sin?” 1 Peter. 3:8ff
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“This is more than I can stand.”
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“This feels like more than I can stand, but God will help me get through it.” 1 Cor. 10:13
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“I can’t take the pressure anymore!”
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“I can bear up under the pressure for as long as God deems necessary.” 1 Cor. 10:36
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“I’ll show him what it is like.”
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“I’ll develop a biblical plan to fight back with good.” Rom. 12:21
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“I hate him.”
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“God hates what he is doing. God will avenge his sin. My responsibility is to forgive whether I feel like it not.” Luke 6:27
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“I can’t believe what he did to me. First he did _________ to me, then he…”
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“Any person is capable of any sin however gross.” Jer. 17:9
“His sin is against God. My responsibility is not to compound his sin with my own sin.” 1 Cor. 13:5
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“He will never hurt me again.”
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“He may hurt me again. I hope not, but if he does he will just have to hurt me, I am going to glorify God.” 1 Cor. 10:31
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“I’m so humiliated. What will others think?”
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“I it others’ responsibility to think about this in a Christian manner, not to gossip or slander my husband or me. James 4:1 If they do gossip and I find out about it, God will give me the grace to handle it at that time.”
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“How could God let this happen to me?”
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“God is good. He, too, wants my husband to repent. I thank God for reminding me how much I need Him.” 1 Thess. 5:18
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These charts are from:
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“The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace, pp. 239-242
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Sinful Actions
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Godly Actions
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Detailed gossiping of his sin to others.
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Having the right motives, only giving necessary details to those directly involved in helping her biblically to respond.
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Judging her husband’s motives.
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Assuming the best about his motives unless he tells her otherwise.
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Exaggerating offenses.
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Facing the offenses realistically, not exaggerating or minimizing them.
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Not giving him a chance to repent and re-earn her trust.
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Going against feelings and working towards reconciliation, realizing she must forgive but it may take time for him to re-earn her trust.
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Ceasing to attend church because of embarrassment.
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Continuing to attend church and to fulfill her responsibility.
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Outburst of anger.
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Realizing her anger will not achieve God’s purposes. Thinking long and hard about how to biblically answer.
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Seeking solace in another man.
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Seeking solace in God and His Word, and perhaps, one or two godly women in the church.
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Sharing deep emotional pain with the children in an intimate fashion that only adults are mature enough to handle.
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Sharing appropriate factual information with the children and in the process giving them hope that even if their Daddy does not repent, God will take care of them and somehow they will be alright.
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Wishing she could purchase a gun and kill her husband.
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Realizing vengeance belongs to the Lord. Praying for and longing for his repentance.
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Wishing he were dead.
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Instead of longing for vengeance, putting godly pressure on him to repent by overcoming evil with good and praying for his repentance.
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Committing suicide.
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Continuing to fulfill her responsibilities whether she feels like it or not.
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Shepherding Truth 