SGL: Coaching Small Group Leaders (2)

Posted on April 2, 2013 by shepherdbryan

SGL: Coaching Small Group Leaders (2)

I love it when men bring together their leadership and serving others. As I watched a guy lead, I thought, “He’s got it.” “He understands what he needs to do. He’s there, not for himself, but for others.”

Prior to arriving at the home group meeting, I told him I’d open the home group and then I asked him to facilitate the “Message Based Discussion Questions.” It was like clock-work. The initial orientation went just a little long, but our group is beginning to enjoy each other and I normally like to begin the “Digging Deeper” questions before I passed the leadership to him.

During the small group, I wrote down several key points of what he did well. Maybe it is because he leads a group of young boys in our Wednesday evening ministry. Maybe it is because he has been in several different kinds of small groups. But whatever the past, he’s doing it now. Here’s the summary.

First, he affirmed people’s responses, even in their reading. Just a light ‘thanks,’ or thank you, or even verbal “uh huh.” The affirmation keeps the people encouraged and willing to respond with greater thoughts.

Secondly, he was positive and light-hearted. He wasn’t blasé or like Eeyore. He was positive and encouraging to what people said. It’s difficult to “Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep,” but the leader needs to be up and responsive to the participants 98% of the time, because it’s not about him, it’s about raising the people up. Should a leader or facilitator let others know if he has a struggle? Sure. But not so much that he can’t lead others.

Thirdly, he made good tie-ins back to the main message content from the questions. That keeps the consistency and unity from the message and creates a building aspect in the “Digging Deeper” portion of the Message Based Discussion Questions.

Fourthly, he spoke well with his eye contact with each person talking. He looked at the person talking and gave good non-verbal and tone of voice affirmation that he was tracking with each person.

Fifthly, he asked if there was anything else after a few comments were made. He didn’t feel like he needed to do all the talking. He didn’t respond to each comment, but he was definitely leading and carrying the conversation of learning on his shoulders. Before he went to the next question, he asked, “Any other comments?” Or, “Anything else?”

Sixthly, when there was a disagreement about an answer, he handled it extremely well by looking at how both answers could be considered and assigned us to re-look at the answer for the next week. He didn’t waffle on the answer and didn’t come across as a know-it-all. He recognized that the way the question was stated and the information in the text was presented, that both answers had merit, and what really mattered was the heart of the question. He handled it very maturely.

Seventhly, he did a great job of summarizing the questions. He summarized the “Digging Deeper” questions and the “Application” questions so that people felt like there was a good ending to the discussion. And what was the response? As one person said, “That was a good discussion.”

I wish I could take credit for how well the group went. Instead I thank God for how He continues to work in each of our lives to sharpen us to the truth and to present that truth in a winsome, biblical way. Consider how some of these highlights might be incorporated into your small group leadership. I know that night people were greatly challenged by the application questions about their personal responsibility with the message.

SGL: A Coach’s commitment to Small Group Leaders (2)

Posted on March 27, 2013 by shepherdbryan

SGL: A Coach’s commitment to Small Group Leaders

Coaching leaders is a fulfilling mission. It’s fulfilling, because they already have proven themselves and they want to lead others. Now it’s a matter of how to sharpen each other so that ministry can be more effective. Both the coach and the small group leaders will learn from each other. They both learn, because of the experience of the coach, but also the new experiences that small group leaders obtain, which may bring new ideas to coaches.

A coach must be committed to the small group leaders. He is not there as a know-it-all or I’m-the-coach-so-listen-to-me type person. He’s there to hold leaders to 1) the standard of God’s Word, 2) the vision set forth by the Elders and 3) the passion to intentional discipling of Christ-followers. There are five contrasts that should be kept in mind when coaching small group leaders.

First, maintain encouragement over teaching. Small group leaders have already proven themselves steady in spiritual disciplines and grasping hold of the vision, so now they need encouragement to keep pressing forward. Now that they are leaders, they are leading others who may be complacent (Is. 32:9-11), may bite and devour (Gal. 5:15) and may get distracted by the things of the world (1 Jn. 2:15-17). That can be very discouraging when you prepare to lead a group and people don’t respond. The leader may face “controlling talkers,” or “rebellious nit-pickers,” or those who just don’t want to get out of their comfort zones.

Small group leaders may need to be taught some principles of leading, but they need encouragement far more. They need to be nurtured along the way far more than understanding every list of what small group leaders should do. Yes, seasoned Christians need to be encouraged, because the battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the unseen spiritual forces (Eph. 6:12) and discouragement is likely Satan’s greatest tool.

Secondly, lead by shepherding rather than directing. A shepherd takes the sheep (in this case, the small group leader) to lush green grass of nourishment, the still waters of refreshment and the calming fields of resting in the Lord. They are in a battle every day from spiritual forces trying to convince them their effort is not worth it. The demonic realm deceives and manipulates to get leaders to think that they will never be able to influence people well enough to make a difference.

Small group leaders don’t need to be told what to do as much as they need someone to care for them and listen to them. They already care themselves to lead others. They already have been in the trenches. They may need some focus, or at times a jolt, but normally they need someone to bandage up their wounds of leading people. They need someone to lead them.

Thirdly, emphasize connecting over influence. There is no question that we are all about influencing people and making an impact, but when coaching small group leaders, you want to make sure they feel connected and not feel like a long ranger serving all by themselves, wondering when the next resupply will come in. Small group leaders are already working on connecting people, but in the process of leading, he becomes a target from the front and from behind and he wonders if he is alone. Make sure you connect with him rather than driving him all the time just to make sure he’s on the top of his influence. Let him rest in your presence and shepherd him by your encouragement.

Fourthly, listen for understanding rather than talking by managing. He spends most of his time listening to other people; listening to understand. He listens to understand, so that when he speaks, others will listen and he will have pithy comments full of Scripture and wisdom. That takes an incredible amount of energy and he needs someone to listen to understand him, rather than someone telling him how he can be a better manager of resources (people).

And fifthly, ensure you are leading rather than pressing him forward. He should feel like he is in the presence of Jesus. He should feel like you are leading him, rather than driving him. The small group leader should feel like you are a shepherd, rather than a butcher. You make sure he knows you enjoyed the time with him, because the ones he is leading may not realize all the mental and emotional energy he is expending for them. So you lead him to the still waters and green pastures of rest in God’s Word. What has God been doing for you to calm your soul? Affirm him in all that he is doing. Make sure he knows you are there for him, not the other way around.

Coaching is a blessed privilege. You’re not teaching volumes of material; you’re tweaking what he knows so he can be more effective. God used Priscilla and Aquila to come alongside Apollos to be a better spokesman for Christ (Acts 18: 24-28). Your coaching will enable him to rest more on the empowering ministry of the Holy Spirit to lead others in grace.

SGL: Coaching Small Group Leaders (1)

Posted on March 26, 2013 by shepherdbryan

SGL: Coaching Small Group Leaders (1)

There was a “thrill of victory and agony of defeat” when I used to watch the Wide World of Sports as a kid. The same could be said of discipleship. There is a thrill to see men pick up the ball in discipleship and carry it in discipling others. There is also the agony of watching promising and potential great leaders turn to distractions of the world. Between these two extremes is where most of the process of discipleship is. Here are some clues on coaching Small Group Leaders or helping men become equipped to lead home groups on their own.

First, give clear instructions on what you want them to do. The old saying is, “If there is a fog in the pulpit, there will be mist in the pew.” Discipling requires clarity so both parties understand. The reality is, full clarity is a process, but the attempt must be made.

Secondly, encourage everything he does well. Having gone through boot camp in the Army, they taught us, it takes 1000 “attaboys” to overcome one “awedarnit” (or what they really called it). Affirmation is extremely important to encourage leaders to keep pressing forward. The enemy is going to be feeding him lie after lie after lie. Like, “You really blew that leadership opportunity.” Or, “You don’t know enough to lead a group of people.” Or, “Why don’t you just stay home, you’re not good enough to lead others.” And a hundred other lies the enemy will bombard upon the one stepping up to the plate.

Thirdly, encourage how he gives affirmation and feedback to others. Just as you are modeling it to him, make sure you highlight it whenever he gives encouragement to others. Affirm what he is doing well, because he’s likely waiting for the shoe to drop and hear criticism. Make sure you grace him out whenever you can.

Fourthly, make sure he is looking at the other people when he’s leading and answering questions. Whether you are the coach, or pastor, or elder, make sure his eye contact is not on you, but on the other people. He is there to encourage others and one great way is to have good eye contact with those that are there, not the authority figure. It seems that most people look at the authority figure when giving answers and the new facilitator needs to learn right away that HE does not talk or give answers looking at the authority figure. He IS the authority figure or leader for the group at that time.

Fifthly, remind him to watch the timing of the session. That is very hard to do, because the ice breaker could go long, or the sharing is great, or he’s trying to deal with a controlling talker. When you bring up something like timing of the session, approach it like you see he is trying to watch the time and get his thoughts on how he is trying to manage the overall timing of the gathering. Help him see that he may have to respond to a longer answer with, “Let’s meet afterwards and talk further,” or “let’s talk about that more after we pray as a group.” That way, you keep more people involved in the conversation than just a few that like to talk.

Sixthly, encourage him to say, “Anything else?” at the end of discussion to allow someone else to make a comment. Some people are hesitant to respond, but a nudge like that can help them come out of their comfort zone and risk giving a response.

Coaches need to be encouraging to Small Group Leaders who are trying to learn how to lead. Sometimes there are small group leaders who want to do their own thing and they need to be confronted. That will be for a separate article.

SGL: The Small Group Leader (2) – Oversight

Posted on March 12, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Leading a Home Group: The Small Group Leader (2) Oversight

Please refer to the first article on the three qualities of a small group leader. This article focuses on the overview of what a small group leader does in his/her oversight. It is the philosophy of a small group leader (SGL) in his oversight of the Home Group he is leading. Consider these nine principles.

First, the small group leader cares for people. He/she genuinely cares for people as a shepherd, first through listening and then through encouraging and exhorting. He has the attitude of a nursing mother for her infant and the exhorting father for his children (1 Thess. 2:6-12). He realizes the Home Group is not about him, but about each person he is trying to lead in their spiritual journey with Jesus. He cares so much that he doesn’t want people to remain where they are.

Secondly, he plans the group meetings. He is a good steward of the time and relationships, knowing that the end goal is to help people grow spiritually who want to grow (1 Cor. 14:40). He doesn’t just show up and wing it. He prays, studies and plans how best to use the time, so that people have a sense of learning, flow in the meeting, accomplishment and relational interaction. He considers others who can be involved.

Thirdly, he intentionally disciples people. He knows that discipleship doesn’t happen by accident (Matt. 28:19-20). He considers the spiritual walk of others and walks them through the process of how they might be involved in the group process. Living like a spiritual parent, he sees the person as God sees him and has ideas and plans on how to help them grow spiritually.

Fourthly, he leads a dynamic discussion. He facilitates the discussion to enable others to talk and grow. He is going to make comments and ask questions that involve most of the people and causes them to dig deeper in their considerations of passages and topics (Acts 2:37-42). He affirms responses and helps people have fun in discussing Scripture.

Fifthly, he is an active listener. He actively responds to comments made, affirming whenever he can so that people are encouraged to participate in the discussion (John 10:27). Active listening seeks clarification if there is a question or possible misunderstanding. Sometimes active listening demonstrates interest in the person and his comments. The small group leader often does more listening than talking in a home group meeting.

Sixthly, he listens to understand. He is careful about jumping to conclusions about what is said, so that he fully understands the comments and he fully seeks to reach the person’s heart. It’s easy to respond to what we don’t understand. It is a careful, deliberate leader, who is patient and listens to understand the heart of a dear soul trying to grow in their relationship with Jesus (Matt 9:36).

Seventhly, he assumes godliness in conflict. He believes the best about people and when there is conflict, he prepares his thoughts in his head, affirms the relationship with the person, listens to understand the “other” side, seeks possible resolutions and then evaluates the resolutions to see if they are working. He realizes the people in the conflict are far more important than trying to establish “his own truth.” He acts the part of a spiritual parent and is more concerned with the relationship of the “wrong” person. Consequently, he listens to understand and then seek win/win resolutions. He accepts that the process may take an inordinate amount of time, but the resolution that produces unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace is more important than a personal victory (Matt. 18:15-17; Eph. 4:1-3).

Eighthly, he is accountable to others. He willingly is accountable to the small group structure and he asks for accountability from coaches and others on how to better communicate and disciple people. Humble people willingly become accountable to others (1 Pet. 5:5).

Finally, he shares leadership. He is more concerned about the continuance of the group than his right to lead the group. Small groups do not have very many people, but no leader should be alone in leading. He always ought to have another leader couple who can stand in the gap and give observations, counsel and suggested resolutions to challenges that arise. He is always looking for opportunities to lead with others or train others to be his/her replacements (Col. 4:7-13).

These principles will provide a fruitful ministry as a Small Group leader. Leadership is not about the leader. Leadership is about the Lord working through the leader to stir up people to love and good works (Heb. 10:24). God the Holy Spirit will empower a leader to be a spiritual parent in the Home Group creating a nest that flourishes with care, concern and commitment.

SGL: The Small Group Leader (1) – Leading

Posted on March 10, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Leading a Home Group: The Small Group Leader (1) – Leading

What will be true of a small group leader?

God desires that every Christian become a Disciple-maker. God gave every Christian the Great Commission where He said, “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ “teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen. (Matt. 28:19-20) It is through the words of the disciples to all people that Jesus said people will believe and be discipled, “I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word (John 17:20)

Yet there must be “quality control” or some standards by which leaders should be chosen, put into the leadership position and tasked to lead others in a small group. This is the first of several parts describing that leader. There are three truths in this article that must be true of every small group leader. He will be ready to lead, appointed by others and leading like a parent.

First, he will be trained to lead. He will have participated in a small group setting and he understands and can explain the vision and mission of the church. He will have had experience in leading an established small group as an assistant. Through the mentoring/ discipleship of a small group leader, he will become grounded in the basics of leading. He’ll also be willing to continue this mentoring relationship with a small group coach. He will understand how small groups and accountability work. He understands expectations of himself and others. He is winsome in a relational environment, because leadership is not about him, but about helping others learn and grow. And he has proven himself able to oversee and to coordinate the functioning of a group. He lives out Paul’s admonition to Timothy,

Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. ¹⁶ But shun profane and idle babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness. ¹⁷ And their message will spread like cancer. Hymenaeus and Philetus are of this sort, ¹⁸ who have strayed concerning the truth…²² Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. ²³ But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. ²⁴ And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, ²⁵ in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, ²⁶ and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will. (2Tim. 2:15-26)

Secondly, he will be appointed by others to lead. There have been a couple times in ministry, when a person said, “Please get me some people to teach.” I encouraged them to invite others to a study they were going to lead, but I wasn’t going to subject people to one who had not participated in a small group environment. When the time is right the mentoring Small Group Leader will let leadership know when the assistant leader is ready to be launched. Humility is a key. The potential leader will have been observed and proven available and teachable regarding leadership.

Leaders on the church team look for leaders who have proven themselves faithful in attending a small group, who are faithful in spiritual disciplines and who serve in spiritual growth opportunities. Paul writes, “Do not lay hands on anyone hastily, nor share in other people’s sins; keep yourself pure. (1Tim. 5:22) Just because people can give academic answers to Bible questions or they are Bible Trivia champions, they are not qualified as leaders.

Leaders don’t appoint leaders who are brains on a stick. Just because people know biblical truth, theology or trivia, they are not necessarily qualified to be small group leaders. We do want a person to aspire to the position of leadership, but he will be humble enough to wait upon the appointment of others.

Thirdly, he will lead like a parent. He knows he is there for the sake of others. He doesn’t use his position of authority for himself, but for responsibility to assist others in their spiritual growth. He gives others the opportunity to serve in group leadership opportunities and he disciples others to take those steps of opportunity to grow and lead. He will be patient with comments others make and consider how to turn inappropriate comments into good use for the Lord’s work. Paul encourages the young church of Thessalonica,

But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children. ⁸ So, affectionately longing for you, we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us. ⁹ For you remember, brethren, our labor and toil; for laboring night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, we preached to you the gospel of God. ¹⁰You are witnesses, and God also, how devoutly and justly and blamelessly we behaved ourselves among you who believe; ¹¹ as you know how we exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children, ¹²that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory. (1 Thess. 2:7-12)

As the small group leader matures in small group skills, he will identify those who are ready to take opportunities of leadership in the small group and begin the training process with them.

The Small Group Leader is an essential element for connecting, equipping and multiplying in small group growth. He will be ready, because he has been involved in small group ministry. He will be humble enough to wait for the appointment from others on the church team, rather than demanding that he should have the right to lead. And he will be leading like a parent, not a child. The Small Group Leader is there for others and the glory of Jesus Christ, not himself.

SGL: Small Group Characteristics

Posted on February 27, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Leading a Home Group: Small Group Characteristics

God developed the church based on a small group model, at least in number. There are several other divine organizations. The Trinity is the first small group. The family is normally small in number with clear instructions for raising children to be parents (Deuteronomy 6:1-9). Jesus based his strategy with a small group model for transforming the world with the gospel message (Luke 6:13-16). And the early church was founded on a small group model as people met from house to house (Acts 2:41-47).

There are several characteristics of a small group. Small groups do not have to be uniform. There can be a great variety based on the culture, purpose and background of those participating. Consider the following characteristics of a small group.

First, small groups must be established on a biblical foundation (Matt. 7:24-27). If Scripture is not the foundation and we’re not obedient to it, we’ll be building on sinking sand. Those who participate will likely get distracted to a variety of pulls from within and without the group. Small groups do not develop their own standards or theology. They are founded upon God’s Word to build each other up in truth for the sanctification process. Nothing can happen that will honor God, unless it is built upon His Word. (2 Tim. 3:16-17)

Secondly, small groups are designed for intentional discipleship. Small groups are planned gatherings, not by accident or serendipitous. The purpose of a small group is to help people grow spiritually and eventually to become spiritual parents. The group leaders help people become committed disciples following Jesus as head, committed to being changed by Jesus and committed to the mission of making disciples. The small group will grow by discussing, serving others and by becoming spiritual parents of others as disciples volunteer to lead another group. (Eph. 4:11-13; Matt 14:15-18, 27-31; Luke 10: 1; 22:7-13; John 6:5-6)

Thirdly, small groups are relational gatherings. Small groups provide the relational environment where people learn by discussing what they are hearing and then put it into practice. They share with one another and care for the needs within the group for open communication and trust. Small groups provide the environment for transparency and authenticity. It’s the model Jesus demonstrated. The context of a small group allows for greater accountability between members, encouragement in the spiritual battles and unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Small groups provide the setting to establish a solid biblical worldview in relationship with people (1 Cor. 12:25; Deut. 6:7-9; John 17:17; Matt. 4:4; Ps. 119:105).

Fourthly, small groups are designed to reproduce. This is the fulfillment of the Great Commission to multiply disciples. Spiritual parents lead small groups with the desire that disciples will rise up out of the group to lead other groups. Small groups can easily live out the adage “us four and no more” attitude, but reproducible perspectives will keep groups growing and multiplying!

Build your small groups on these principles and you’ll have the base for dynamic growth. Avoid one of these principles at the peril of not seeing multiplication in small groups. Let’s watch God cause the growth as we plant and water!

Shepherding Truth

Renewing Truth, Rightly Divided

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