SGL: Coaching Small Group Leaders (1)

Posted on March 26, 2013 by shepherdbryan

SGL: Coaching Small Group Leaders (1)

There was a “thrill of victory and agony of defeat” when I used to watch the Wide World of Sports as a kid. The same could be said of discipleship. There is a thrill to see men pick up the ball in discipleship and carry it in discipling others. There is also the agony of watching promising and potential great leaders turn to distractions of the world. Between these two extremes is where most of the process of discipleship is. Here are some clues on coaching Small Group Leaders or helping men become equipped to lead home groups on their own.

First, give clear instructions on what you want them to do. The old saying is, “If there is a fog in the pulpit, there will be mist in the pew.” Discipling requires clarity so both parties understand. The reality is, full clarity is a process, but the attempt must be made.

Secondly, encourage everything he does well. Having gone through boot camp in the Army, they taught us, it takes 1000 “attaboys” to overcome one “awedarnit” (or what they really called it). Affirmation is extremely important to encourage leaders to keep pressing forward. The enemy is going to be feeding him lie after lie after lie. Like, “You really blew that leadership opportunity.” Or, “You don’t know enough to lead a group of people.” Or, “Why don’t you just stay home, you’re not good enough to lead others.” And a hundred other lies the enemy will bombard upon the one stepping up to the plate.

Thirdly, encourage how he gives affirmation and feedback to others. Just as you are modeling it to him, make sure you highlight it whenever he gives encouragement to others. Affirm what he is doing well, because he’s likely waiting for the shoe to drop and hear criticism. Make sure you grace him out whenever you can.

Fourthly, make sure he is looking at the other people when he’s leading and answering questions. Whether you are the coach, or pastor, or elder, make sure his eye contact is not on you, but on the other people. He is there to encourage others and one great way is to have good eye contact with those that are there, not the authority figure. It seems that most people look at the authority figure when giving answers and the new facilitator needs to learn right away that HE does not talk or give answers looking at the authority figure. He IS the authority figure or leader for the group at that time.

Fifthly, remind him to watch the timing of the session. That is very hard to do, because the ice breaker could go long, or the sharing is great, or he’s trying to deal with a controlling talker. When you bring up something like timing of the session, approach it like you see he is trying to watch the time and get his thoughts on how he is trying to manage the overall timing of the gathering. Help him see that he may have to respond to a longer answer with, “Let’s meet afterwards and talk further,” or “let’s talk about that more after we pray as a group.” That way, you keep more people involved in the conversation than just a few that like to talk.

Sixthly, encourage him to say, “Anything else?” at the end of discussion to allow someone else to make a comment. Some people are hesitant to respond, but a nudge like that can help them come out of their comfort zone and risk giving a response.

Coaches need to be encouraging to Small Group Leaders who are trying to learn how to lead. Sometimes there are small group leaders who want to do their own thing and they need to be confronted. That will be for a separate article.

MSG: Get A Grip on your Father’s Will

Posted on March 25, 2013 by shepherdbryan

This message was presented on March 24, 2013 as the second of a three part series about God the Father related to the Resurrection event. Jesus went through the resurrection tumult, because He had a Grip on Father greatness, on the Father’s will and the final message for March 31, on the Father’s Promise. Considerations for questions at the bottom will be posted on March 28.

Get A Grip on your Father’s Will

Luke 22:39-46

I remember it like it was yesterday. My dad and older brother were standing at the entrance of our house, the inside door was open, the screen door was closed and the rain was coming down pretty hard. Dad and Gary, my older brother, were facing off and it seemed like the blows were about to happen. I was in eighth grade, my brother was a junior in high school. I was standing in the dining room peering around the corner to watch and listen to what was about to happen.

They were talking about what Gary could do and not do in the house and in life. I was young enough, that I just did what dad and mom said. I didn’t care about staying out late at night. I didn’t know what opportunities existed.

We lived in a new addition and there were new homes going up behind us between our house and the great fields where we built forts. We used scrap lumber to build our castles and play empire against other neighborhood rivalries. Gary was old enough and had his driver’s license. He didn’t think he needed to be in at a certain time, do chores any more or eat with the family at dinner, or something like that. I was young. I didn’t even consider those as options. I like to eat.

I’ll never forget the anger my dad needed to express at that moment. I remember him saying he was willing to scrap it out right there in the house. Dad wasn’t a big man. My brother had surpassed him in height by that time, however. But my dad needed to get his attention and I had heard about dad’s scrapping as a kid during the depression. I know he sure got my attention. I didn’t want to go through the arguments they had. I didn’t always, however, want to do my father’s will.

When we moved onto White Bear Lake, my brother graduated from high school that year and went off to college. That left a lot of the lake and yard work to me. Huge trees meant over a hundred bags of leaves. The lake meant weeds floating in and needing to be piled up. It was the blessing of living on a lake, but it was work. The annual putting out of the 120 foot dock and taking it back in was a chore my friends didn’t have.

Have you ever heard of Minnesnowda? With my brother away, that meant much of the show shoveling rested with me. There were a few years, when the piles on either side of our driveway were up to eight feet high. We prided ourselves on how well we kept the driveway clear. It also meant removing snow from the house, garage and carport with a snow rake and shovels. Fortunately, it rarely ever snowed when it was below zero, but blizzard conditions were not pleasant. I wanted to do what my dad expected, but my flesh didn’t want all that work. How do you get a grip on your Father’s will?

1) Jesus’ Father gave Him strength to press for you Luke 22:39-40

It was Jesus’ custom to go out of Jerusalem to Gethsemene on the Mount of Olives. Gethsemene means “oil press,” which is a term where olives are put into a press and the oil is pressed out. Olive oil is wonderful for cooking, eating, burning in a light and topical medicinal purposes. The “Oil Press” is where we see the true humanity of Jesus squeezed under extreme pressure and the “oil” or the “Holy Spirit control” come out of Jesus by His submission to the Father’s will.

³⁹ Coming out, He went to the Mount of Olives, as He was accustomed, and His disciples also followed Him. (Luke 22:39)

Jesus had just eaten the Last Supper with the disciples and while they participated, they still did not understand what was about to happen. They were believers, except for Judas, yet they still did not understand the unfolding events. While the disciples followed Jesus, Jesus stood alone with God, knowing what needed to be done and pressing forward for you. God the Holy Spirit strengthened Him to press forward for you.

⁴⁰ When He came to the place, He said to them, “Pray that you may not enter into temptation.” (Luke 22:40)

Jesus came to “the” place. This was a particular place. The disciples had been there before. It was familiar to them. It was familiar enough that they became complacent and were not vigilant. Jesus left the disciples to pray and He went alone. Jesus commanded them 1) to pray so that they 2) not enter temptation. Someone might be reverently sarcastic and ask, “What were they going to do, steal from a store? Get into a fight? Throw rocks at people? Look at pornography on the internet?” No. They would be tempted to not act in faith. Paul writes, “…for whatever is not from faith is sin.” (Rom 14:23) What is faith?

Faith is dependence on the Lord. Faith at salvation is dependence on what Jesus did. It is trusting what Jesus did on the cross. As Paul says, “For by grace are you saved through faith…” (Eph. 2:8-9) We are also to live by faith. Faith in life is dependence on the Holy Spirit. Paul writes, “Be filled with the Holy Spirit.” (Eph. 5:18)

The temptation warning was a warning of trusting self rather than God; it was lack of depending on God. Prayer is dependence on God. Pray is an external form of faith or dependence on God. That’s why prayer and prayer meetings are crucial to spiritual growth. People don’t think about getting to a major sports event 30-45 minutes early. Yet people often run into church at the last minute.

Jesus left the Last Supper and ventured to the vulnerable place where He would be arrested. Jesus was depending on Father greatness. He was willing to go through the worst to receive the best. We need to keep our eyes on Jesus. The writer to the Hebrews records, “² looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Heb. 12:2)

When you get a grip on your Father’s will, God will give you the strength to go through your trial. You need that grip, because the Father may put you in a place for you to reveal His glory.

2) Jesus’ Father wanted Jesus to hang on the cross for you Luke 22:41-44

Now, how could the Father want to hang Jesus on the cross? Even if it is for you? Would the Father put His only Son on the cross?

Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him; He has put Him to grief. When You make His soul an offering for sin, He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days, And the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in His hand. (Is. 53:10)

The word for bruise means to crush. The Father put the Son on the cross to crush Him for the sake of our sins. In fact, it was the pleasure of the Lord that prospered in His hand. Why? Because it brought everyone who would believe on Jesus to be with Him forever. Jesus went to be alone in prayer.

⁴¹ And He was withdrawn from them about a stone’s throw, and He knelt down and prayed, (Luke 22:41)

Jesus withdrew to pray alone. He is teaching you that your faith is your faith. You have to make the decisions yourself. You can have support, but prayer and faith are personal decisions. Additionally, He was on His knees. He was in anguish. He had become weak. He knew He didn’t have the power. He was totally dependent on the Holy Spirit. Why did He have to be dependent on the Holy Spirit? He was our model of dependency to show us there is NO glory to God without total dependence on His Spirit. Jesus said,

⁴² saying, “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.” (Luke 22:42)

The word “take” means “to remove” or “carry alongside, lead aside.” Then Jesus requests that the cup be taken “from me,” literally “from the ultimate source of Me.” He DID NOT want this (from His humanity.) That is not sin to not want something; it would have been sin if He refused His Father’s will.

This verse has two major implications. The first is that Jesus did not want the cross? Why did He not want the cup, which was used as a symbol of the cross? (God would pour His wrath into Him on the cross, like pouring into a cup) He knew He would be identified as sin, He knew He would bear the penalty of sin. He knew the anguish of separation from the Father, so that He would cry out for three hours in darkness. He was silent through the ridicule. He was silent through the beating. He was silent through the whipping. He cried out when He became sin for you and me, when He was “separated” from God the Father.

The second implication regarded the Father, who also didn’t want the cross. Jesus said, “If it is Your will…” and the implication is that it was God’s will that the cross be removed, but that is not what the Father determined. The Father didn’t want it, but He chose to hang Jesus on the cross for you. The holiness of God is more important than any personal desire. Remember, we are talking about the infinity of God and it will not be fully understandable. Note how Jesus’ desire is expressed physically.

⁴³ Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him.

⁴⁴ And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground. (Luke 22:43-44)

When it says that Jesus was in agony, the word describes exactly that – Jesus was in agony, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. This was not a walk in the park or a tip toe through the tulips. This was the worst agony any human being ever experienced and the Father hung Jesus on the cross for you.

Luke is the one gospel writer that records the medical agony of Jesus. Jesus’ prayer is pictured as with drops of blood. This is a medical condition called “hematohidrosis.” One writer explained this in medical terms,

Around the sweat glands, there are multiple blood vessels in a net-like form. Under the pressure of great stress the vessels constrict. Then as the anxiety passes the blood vessels dilate to the point of rupture. The blood goes into the sweat glands. As the sweat glands are producing a lot of sweat, it pushes the blood to the surface – coming out as droplets of blood mixed with sweat.

As Jesus prayed, He was in a battle with His flesh. He did not want the cross, but He was getting a grip on the Father’s will. As He gripped the Father’s will, the Holy Spirit sustained Him and the blood vessels ruptured. The further constriction forced the ruptured blood vessels to spill out from His skin onto the ground. Jesus was willing to hang for you.

Men, are you willing to hang where God places you? This is not just being tough to get a job done. It is the strong calling at home to get children to follow your godly lead. It is the challenge of the second half of your daily championship. Your work is the first half of the game. When you arrive home you enter the second half of the game each day, although it is not a game. Remember, no game is ever won in the first half. Your real battle is how you lead your family. You may be very successful in your job, but if you lose at home, you’ve lost far more than what you can lose from a job. Are you ready for the 2^nd half of the game?

This is the calling to lead your wife spiritually. It is your leadership to discuss Scripture with her. It is your calling to lead your children to understand Father greatness. You have to be as tough as nails, but gentle as a shepherd. You have to be fixed to pure holiness, but tender to reach the heart. You have to be unwavering with God’s righteousness and merciful at humble repentance.

We saw this in the Lord’s relationship with Abraham. The Lord said, “…I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the LORD, to do righteousness and justice, (Gen. 18:19) It is the ability to command your household WITH compassion.

Jesus showed He was dependent on the Father’s will and then He exposed the complacency of the disciples.

3) Jesus’ Father left Him without men who would stand with Him Luke 22:45-46

⁴⁵ When He rose up from prayer, and had come to His disciples, He found them sleeping from sorrow.

⁴⁶ Then He said to them, “Why do you sleep? Rise and pray, lest you enter into temptation.” (Luke 22:45-46)

We often put the disciples down, because they fell asleep and didn’t remain alert for Jesus. Notice the text says, “They were sleeping from sorrow”, i.e. they were worn out; emotionally drained. They had just experienced the Lord riding into Jerusalem and the people shouting Hosanna. They were hoping that Jesus would deliver them from the Roman oppression. Jesus is not mad, critical or making a cute cut. He knows the answer to His question. They need to ask themselves the question. Their temptation is to make decisions apart from the Lord. They need to be in prayer over the next few hours. They would be tested and they would run. Remember, failing isn’t the problem as much as not returning to Jesus and strengthening the brothers as Jesus exhorted Peter,

³² “But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.”

³³ But he said to Him, “Lord, I am ready to go with You, both to prison and to death.”

³⁴ Then He said, “I tell you, Peter, the rooster shall not crow this day before you will deny three times that you know Me.” (Luke 22:32-34)

Men, are you on spiritual red alert for your family? Does your wife know that you would never waiver from God’s Word? Does she know that she can count on you to pursue Jesus for your decisions? Does she know that you will lead your family to Father greatness?

Are you willing to go through any situation to raise your wife and family to Father greatness? You may have friends like Peter who tell you they will stand with you, but leave you on your own in suffering and crucifixion. Yet, you also may not have someone standing with you, or holding you accountable. Will you say, “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup from Me, nevertheless, not My will, but Yours be done.” (Luke 22:42) Are there men willing to do that?

Father’s, men, let’s look at what we’re like. This first slide exposes where most of the problems come,

• Men commit 90% of major crimes

• Men commit 100% of rapes

• Men commit 95% of burglaries

• Men commit 91% of the offenses against the family

• Men comprise 94% of drunk drivers

Source: “Raising a Modern-Day Knight” by Robert Lewis, pg. 46

That does not speak very highly of men.

It’s interesting when you compare Christian and non-Christians there is often little difference,

CHRISTIAN & TECHNOLOGY

FACT: Christians own about the same amount of technology as the general population

· Born Again adults spend about seven times more hours each week watching television than they do participating in spiritual things, like Bible reading, prayer and worship

· Born Again adults spend twice as much money on entertainment than they donate to their church

· Born Again adults spend much more time surfing the Net than they do conversing with God in prayer

www.barna.org

So the question exists, “Where are the men?” Barna responds,

Where Are The Men?

· 26 Million Men Attend Church

· 68 Million Do Not Attend Church

#1 Reason… “Men do Not Find Church to be Relevant to Meet Their Needs”

Source: Barna Research Group

Some people might say, “Okay, so what difference does it make? Does it really matter that men are not involved in life or ministry?”

The Power of Influence

Attending Church First Families Follow

100 Children 1.7%

100 Mothers 18%

100 Fathers 93%

This chart is saying that if you have 100 kids that are won to Christ, then 1.7% of the families of those children will also be won to Christ. If you win 100 women to Christ, then 18% of the families will be won to Christ. But if you win 100 men to Christ, then 93% of the families will also be won to Christ. I’ll explain more of that next week.

The problem today is that we often mix up the order or the priority for reaching men. For many churches, the church pours their resources and people assets into winning children and then winning women, hoping that men will follow. God’s order is that we should reach men, who will then draw their families to church.

The Order to Reach People

God’s Order The Church

Man Child

V V

Woman Woman

V V

Child Man

Richard Baxter makes a clear statement regarding the importance of the father person for the family,

“The husband must be the principal teacher of the family, he must instruct them, examine them, and rule them about manners of God.” – Richard Baxter

But not everyone is that wise. There are many in the world who are duped by the god of this world, deceived that man can handle things himself and make foolish comments, like Rousseau did in the 1700s,

“If there are laws for adult life, there should be laws for childhood, which teach obedience to the others; and just as the reason of each man is not left to be the sole judge of his duties, so too the education of children should not be left to their fathers’ capacities and prejudices, especially since it is even more important to the state than to their fathers…the state remains while the family is dissolved.” – Rousseau (deist-humanist)

Rousseau was way ahead of his time for far-left thinking. Families and fathers may fail, but that does not discount God’s order of the father’s being responsible in their families for communicating truth to their children and the following generations.

Jonathan Edwards clearly understood the principle,

“Family education and order are some of the chief means of grace, if these fail in the home all other means are likely to prove ineffectual.” – Jonathan Edwards

In fact, George Whitefield said there should be a longing for holiness in our families until family devotions and reverence returns. He wrote,

“We must for ever despair of seeing a primitive spirit of piety revived in the world until we are so happy to see a revival of family religion.” – George Whitefield

How do we see this? How are men held responsible? Paul places responsibility for child rearing on to one person’s shoulders,

⁴ And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. (Eph. 6:4)

Notice it says, “fathers.” Obviously in single parent homes, whoever is parenting must fulfill that responsibility. Fathers are responsible for 1) training – which means to bring the child up under the authority of the parents so he will learn to obey God and 2) admonition, which word means to “put into the mind” and refers to the necessity of every parent knowing well the Scriptures first, so that he/she/they can put God’s Word into the child’s mind. How is this done?

We’ve studied Deuteronomy 6:1-15 several times. The Word must be hidden in the parents soul and every opportunity must be used to train the children. Whether sitting in the home, or walking along the way or lying down or rising up, the parents, especially fathers, must train the child to holiness. Ultimately, the purpose is to get a grip on the Father’s will.

We all need to Get a Grip on the Father’s Will!

I’d like to be able to tell you I was a perfect son of my father. After my father died last year, I mentioned to my mother some of the things I shouldn’t have done, some of them. She said, “Bryan, how could you?” We laugh now about it, but we don’t really talk any more about it. We do talk about life now and how my father desired to live an honest and ethical life. I never wanted to confront my dad, like my brother did or get on my dad’s bad side. I wanted to eat. But I was more subtle about doing wrong things. I now know how moral and ethical my father was and what he was trying to teach me growing up.

I’m glad he was strict with me to do what needed to be done. I’m glad when I complained about painting the house in the hot sun, he didn’t give in. I’m glad when I mistreated my little sister, he came down hard on me. I didn’t want to do many things my dad made me do, but I liked to eat. I wonder if we fathers are too easy on our children.

Men, do you know the Father’s will to live out Father greatness? Are you going over and over the message from last Sunday and answering the Message Based Discussion Questions? Are your children understanding that there is NOTHING more important to you than that they learn Father greatness from you? Do you talk about Jesus more than you talk about sports? Do you talk about what you are learning in your relationship with Jesus, more than bemoaning the downward spiraling of our nation? Do you command your children and household to God’s holiness in the compassionate mercy of a shepherd?

Twice each week, lead your family in discussions about the questions and give them opportunity to show you how they are applying them to their lives? Lead them to talk about how they are applying what they are learning to life. The enemy does NOT want you to do that. If you are not doing that, he is winning. If you are doing that, regardless of how well, you are letting Jesus win through you.

Rodney Atkins wrote a great song about the influence of father’s over their sons. It’s the attitude we should all have toward God the Father of wanting to be like Him AND also being aware that younger men are watching everything we do.

Drivin’ through town just my boy and me
With a Happy Meal in his booster seat
Knowin’ that he couldn’t have the toy ‘til his nuggets were gone.
A green traffic light turned straight to red
I hit my brakes and mumbled under my breath.
His fries went a flyin’, and his orange drink covered his lap
Well, then my four year old said a four letter word
It started with “S” and I was concerned
So I said, “Son, now where’d you learn to talk like that?”

Chorus:
He said, “I’ve been watching you, dad ain’t that cool?
I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you.
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are.
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah, we’re just alike, hey, ain’t we dad?
I want to do everything you do. So I’ve been watching you.”

We got back home and I went to the barn
I bowed my head and I prayed real hard
Said, “Lord, please help me help my stupid self.”
Just this side of bedtime later that night
Turnin’ on my son’s Scooby-Doo nightlight.
He crawled out of bed and he got down on his knees.
He closed his little eyes, folded his little hands
Spoke to God like he was talkin’ to a friend.
And I said, “Son, now where’d you learn to pray like that?”

Chorus:
He said, “I’ve been watching you, dad ain’t that cool?
I’m your buckaroo, I want to be like you.
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are.
We like fixin’ things and holding momma’s hand
Yeah, we’re just alike, hey, ain’t we dad?
I want to do everything you do; so I’ve been watching you”

With tears in my eyes I wrapped him in a hug.
Said, “My little bear is growin’ up.”
And he said, “But when I’m big I’ll still know what to do.”

“‘Cause I’ve been watching you, dad ain’t that cool?
I’m your buckaroo, I want to be like you.
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are.
By then I’ll be strong as superman
We’ll be just alike, hey, won’t we dad
When I can do everything you do. ‘cause I’ve been watchin’ you.”

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) When you were less than seven, how did you look at your dad?

Digging Deeper:

2) Read Psalm 78:1-8. How many generations are included in this passage? _____________ What are several admonishments and exhortations of the passage?

3) Note Malachi 4:4-6. Whose heart must turn first? __________________ What is the context of Malachi? What are the consequences if the exhortation is not followed?

4) Look at Deut. 6:1-9. How many ways does it say a parent should teach their children? ____________ Based on that, what does the word diligently look like?

Applying the message to life:

5) How can you help the fathers at Grace be more effective to get a grip on the Father’s will? What specific steps can you take?

6) How should Grace best help fathers who do not grasp the Father’s will?

7) How can Grace best help single moms or moms who do not have husbands who are leading spiritually?

Q & A: Get a Grip on Father Greatness

Posted on March 21, 2013 by shepherdbryan

The following includes the insert from the message given on March 17 and considerations for suggested answers to the Message Based Discussion Questions. They are not meant to be definitive or all inclusive of all answers. They are presented to help guide thinking and to demonstrate a simple one sentence answer is inadequate to apply the message to life. If you have any suggestions, I’m very open to them. Thanks for checking this out.

Get a Grip on Father Greatness

Luke 22:24-34

How do you get a grip on Father greatness?

1) Jesus serves His men to show greatness Luke 22:24-27

2) Jesus foretells His men how greatness is assigned Luke 22:28-30

3) Jesus forewarns how greatness must humbly depend Luke 22:31-34

4) Jesus wants you on His team Luke 24:49

· Gen. 18:17-19

· Deut. 6:1-15

The Lord is calling on men to rise up to Father greatness!

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) When you were growing up, what were the fathers of your friends like?

Digging Deeper:

2) Who was Adam’s Father (Gen. 2:7-17)? _______________________ What kinds of things did Adam receive from his Father? What were his responsibilities? Who else was there to receive responsibility?

3) Read Gen. 35:1-12. When God called Jacob to go up to Bethel, what did Jacob command his family? _________________________ What things do we learn from God’s appearances to Jacob in this passage?

4) What kind of sacrifice is discussed in Exodus 12:21-28? _________________________ What does the passage describe regarding the roles and responsibilities in the family related to this event? How did the people respond? What does that look like today?

Making application from the message to life:

5) How should children learn about the Father’s greatness? What practical things should they see and learn?

6) Why is a father’s role of assigning responsibility to his children so important? How should a father discern what and when to assign responsibilities?

7) How should a father help a son learn humility to imitate the Father’s greatness?

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) When you were growing up, what were the fathers of your friends like?

a) Pete’s dad was jovial, laid back, but I could tell very sharp. Wasn’t sure how much time he spent with the six children.

b) Tom’s dad was an engineer and very quiet.

c) Greg’s dad was soft-spoken, but I remember they went to church

d) B’s dad was laid back, a fixer-upper, and liked to be around people

e) One dad pursed his lips and taught SS, but I didn’t know him.

Digging Deeper:

2) Who was Adam’s Father (Gen. 2:7-17)? __God____ What kinds of things did Adam receive from his Father? What were his responsibilities? Who else was there to receive responsibility?

a) Adam received many things from the Father:

i) The Garden place to live and air to breathe 2:7

ii) Perfect environment, so no need for clothes 2:8

iii) Plentiful food to eat and water to drink 2:9,10

iv) Precious metals for jewelry he could give his future wife 2:12

v) Dirt to dig and grow food 2:15

vi) Directions on what he was supposed to do in life 2:15-17

vii) Liberty to enjoy all the trees but one 2:16

viii) One command not to fail 2:17

b) His responsibilities were:

i) To enjoy God in the Garden 2:9 “pleasant to the sight”

ii) “Tend,” that is work, the garden 2:15

iii) Guard the garden 2:15

iv) Obey God’s mandate not to eat of the wrong tree 2:17

c) Who else received the responsibility? No one. The woman would have heard it from Adam, if she did 3:2-3

3) Read Gen. 35:1-12. When God called Jacob to go up to Bethel, what did Jacob command his family? __put away foreign gods, purify self, change garments__ What things do we learn from God’s appearances to Jacob in this passage?

a) God must be obeyed, because He is holy and sovereign to direct 35:1

b) God should receive an offering 35:3

c) God hears in our distress 35:3

d) God is with us in our distress 35:3

e) Jacob followed through with what he knew he was supposed to do 35:4

f) The terror of God was on other cities as they traveled 35:5

g) Jacob arrived with everyone with him, no losses 35:6

h) Jacob went back to where he first saw God’s appearance 35:7

i) God has the right to change someone’s name 35:10

j) God is almighty 35:11

k) God can command that we multiply 35:11

l) God promises a great progeny 35:11

m) God bequeathed the land 35:12

4) What kind of sacrifice is discussed in Exodus 12:21-28? __Passover Lamb___ What does the passage describe regarding the roles and responsibilities in the family related to this event? How did the people respond? What does that look like today?

a) The roles in the family:

i) Pick out and kill the Passover Lamb 12:21

ii) Paint the blood on the lintel with the hyssop 12:22

iii) Everyone was to remain inside until morning 12:22

iv) They stayed in while God passes through 12:23

v) They were to pass the ordinance down to their sons 12:24

vi) They were to keep the service in the land 12:25

vii) They were to answer their children 12:26

viii) They were to recall the details to their children 12:27

ix) They should respond to God in holy reverent worship 12:27

x) They all obeyed the Lord 12:28

Making application from the message to life:

5) How should children learn about the Father’s greatness? What practical things should they see and learn?

a) Children should learn in the home and in church:

i) Human fathers should tell their children diligently Deut. 6:6-9

ii) Parents should love each other to provide a picture of Christ and the church Eph. 5:22-28

iii) Children should also learn about the Father’s greatness at church Luke 22:24-30.

iv) God’s Word should be taught to children, no matter who has charge of them 2 Tim. 3:15; Rom. 15:4

v) Parents should teach their children the realm of God’s Word 2 Tim. 3:16-17

b) There are many practical things for children to see and learn:

i) Parents (fathers) should have regular family devotions

ii) Parents should be mature enough to deal with most conflicts between themselves and other people

iii) Parents should be able to hope in the provisions of God.

iv) Children should see a model of father greatness in their dads

v) Children should have dads who want to spend time with them and build them up.

vi) Children should have dads who are diligent to teach them principles of truth as they walk along the way, as they get up, as they lie down and when they are at home.

vii) Children should be told of how God answers prayer.

viii) Children should be blessed by learning the sufficiency of God’s Word.

6) Why is a father’s role of assigning responsibility to his children so important? How should a father discern what and when to assign responsibilities?

a) The father’s role is important because:

i) God has placed that responsibility on the father Eph. 6:4

ii) The father is the model for what God the Father is like

iii) The father’s presence is symbolic of God’s presence

iv) The father’s direction should mimic the Father’s direction

v) It’s in the home where the children learn how to assume a husband’s and father’s role.

b) The father’s role is to be consistent in assigning responsibility

i) The father should consult with the mother when possible

ii) The father should assign 3-4 responsibilities that are age appropriate. He should consult with other parents and or age-appropriate books and manuals on parenting for job responsibilities.

iii) The father should make sure the child understands and is able to accomplish the task.

iv) The father should ensure that the child is consistent in completion.

7) How should a father help a son learn humility to imitate the Father’s greatness?

a) A father must help a son learn through enforced humility, until the son will act with genuine humility.

b) A father should be a shepherd to draw the son forward, that is, he should be patient, kind and merciful.

c) On the other hand, a father must exhort and hold the son to age appropriate standards of holiness.

d) A father must discern when he should be patient and when he must hold a son’s feet to the holiness standard.

e) Grace must be applied at times, but discipline, even strong discipline, may need to be applied to help the son learn holiness.

f) A father must spend time with the son, so the son knows the father love him in both cases. The father must consult with the mother to hear her input and then take responsibility for the children’s holiness. The Father’s greatness should be the pinnacle of importance in the mind of the father to instill into the child.

Men: Raising Men (3)

Posted on March 20, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Men: Raising Men (3)

As go the men, so goes the church. There is not a verse in Scripture for that, but there are many allusions to the importance of men in raising men. Men have a tough role of providing for their family and leading them spiritually. It’s easy to relegate spiritual responsibility to the mother, especially if she is not working. The man works hard all day and is tired when he comes home. He’s looking for ways to make life easier. Patience and perseverance in raising children in godly ways is not easy.

It happened almost two hundred years ago that Sunday Schools were founded. Prior to that, family spiritual growth depended on parents and the pastor, as children sat with their parents in church. But in the early 1800s, a great assist was founded for helping families and it was structured within the church.

“Whereas in 1820 Protestants had thought about children’s religious experiences primarily in terms of family and church, by 1880 it was impossible to conceive of them without reference to the Sunday school. During the nineteenth century, this new institution became the primary locale – outside of the family – for religious indoctrination of Protestant youth. In the annals of church history the saga of Sunday school was unique, involving…the creation of a new institution to fulfill functions previous entrusted to parents and pastors…” – Ann Boylan (provided by Jeremy Thomas)

While Sunday school is a good thing, man and parents, generally speaking, transferred spiritual development to Sunday School over a period of 60 years. There was nothing intentional or evil in the initiation of Sunday School. It was a great blessing to many parents, especially parents who were not discipled by their own parents. Yet, slowly, families became dependent on Sunday School in the church and less spiritual training was accomplished in the home. After all, that way there was less conflict in the home and parents would support Sunday School teachers.

Furthermore, youth ministry has had an abundance of youth ministry aids, like youth pastors, magazines and music and while youth leaders are pouring their hearts into the youth, the expected results are not as visible. Alvin Reid observes,

“It is obvious that youth ministry in America has not produced a generation of young people who are passionate about the church…the number of full time youth pastors has grown dramatically and a plethora of magazines, music, and ideas aimed at youth have been birthed along the way. Meanwhile…the numbers of young people won to Christ dropped at about as fast a rate.” – Alvin Reid (provided by Jeremy Thomas)

It might look like the problem exists with the youth ministry. In most cases not at all. Youth ministries are thinking of everything they can to help raise young people. The problem rests with the family. Families are not raising up men and women that are hungering for truth and passionate about service. There are many zealous youth, but not like the youth of 40 years ago.

We have to place responsibility where God places it. Solomon exhorts his sons to listen and take heed to his teaching,

Hear, my children, the instruction of a father, And give attention to know understanding;

² For I give you good doctrine: Do not forsake my law.

³ When I was my father’s son, Tender and the only one in the sight of my mother,

⁴ He also taught me, and said to me: “Let your heart retain my words; Keep my commands, and live.

⁵ Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth. (Pro. 4:1-5)

Fathers are responsible to exhort and be diligent to teach their children (Deut. 6:1-9). Unfortunately, when children do not respond or worse, rebel, parents let their responsibility slide, because they do not want conflict and do not know how to raise children to the holiness of God. As children become indifferent, fathers become indifferent to God’s mandates to raise up godly children,

⁴ And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. (Eph. 6:4)

When fathers become indifferent, they are in rebellion against God’s calling and God’s mandate.

I would never blame Sunday School for the state in which we are living now. The responsibility rests solely with the family and specifically with us fathers. Are you willing to teach Father greatness to your children?¹ Are you willing to take your rightful position as head of your family and lead them to the throne of grace?

Let’s not blame anyone else for whether our children are following the Lord or not. Let’s take personal responsibility and man-up to God’s calling. If you have any questions or need mechanics, let me know.

¹See the message delivered on March 17 and posted on March 18, 2013, “Get a Grip on Father Greatness.”

MSG: Get a Grip on Father Greatness

Posted on March 18, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Get a Grip on Father Greatness

Luke 22:24-34

As we approach Resurrection Sunday, I want us to examine Jesus in how He revealed His Father. It’s very subtle, but I perceive extremely important in our society. We need to get a grip on Father greatness. As Jesus prepares His disciples for the fulcrum of history, the cross, He exhorts them to examine themselves. Let’s get a grip on His words,

³⁴ “But take heed to yourselves, lest your hearts be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness, and cares of this life, and that Day come on you unexpectedly. ³⁵ For it will come as a snare on all those who dwell on the face of the whole earth. ³⁶Watch therefore, and pray always that you may be counted worthy to escape all these things that will come to pass, and to stand before the Son of Man.” (Luke 21:34-36)

Note that Jesus exhorts them to “take heed,” which means to “watch” or “be careful” about themselves and not get distracted in life by things in the world. It is easy to become distracted by things in this world, even good things like family (Luke 14:26). Then Jesus exhorts them to “watch” in verse 36 and He uses a different word that also means “be on alert” because there is trouble coming.

The late Dave Simmons, author of the book, “Dad the Family Coach,” writes,

When I was five years old, my family lived in on-post housing at Fort Knox, Kentucky. Every afternoon, at quitting time, I stationed myself on the front porch as the lookout for Dad. He came home at irregular times because he passed the NCO club on his walk home. When he did approach, he had to walk down a long slope, cross a footbridge, and march up a long flight of steps to get to our house. My job consisted of observing his passage over the uneven terrain before our house to determine if he was drunk.

If it looked bad, I flew through the house like a midget air raid system to alert everyone. I waited in the kitchen at the head of the basement stairs. Everyone waited in fearful suspense to see what would happen. You never knew. Dad was an unpredictable drunk. Sometimes, he bubbled into the living room with smiles and cheers for everyone. Most of the time, the door opened and slammed back against the wall and Dad walked in glaring at us in screaming silence.

The family scrambled. I liked to bail out down the stairs and hide in the basement. Poor Mom. She always held her ground and faced him head-on to give us a chance to hide out. I can remember trembling in the shadowy dank basement for hours waiting for the storm to blow over. Sometimes, I didn’t escape. There has never been anything in my life that upset me more than the cold-clutching clammy fear I felt grip me when Dad turned his fever on me.

Afterward, Dad could be the nicest man in the world. You could not imagine the regret, sorrow, and shame he felt. He would hold us, sometimes crying, and apologize over and over. I can vividly remember his giant lumberjack hands pressing me against his brass buttons and campaign ribbons and smelling his beer dampened wool uniform. I squeezed my little chest to let escape great gobs of sorrowful whimpers. It confused me so. I didn’t understand.

Naturally, I developed ambivalent feelings toward Dad. I harbored a love/hate, crave/reject, fear/comfort kind of attitude toward him. These feelings toward the dominant male authority figure in my life became locked into me and, later in life, every time I encountered an authority figure, these feelings resurfaced. I grabbed the network of feelings toward Dad, lifted them up, and settled them down on any authority in front of me. I have never done well with coaches, professors, or bosses.

Bad dads make bad kids. A dysfunctional dad causes a dysfunctional family which produces dysfunctional children. Negative father power rolls on and transfers the sins of a father to the children, even the second, third, and fourth generations. A bad dad can poison his seed.

I grew up thinking that we had the only unhappy family. I thought we had some rare family affliction that all other families were vaccinated against. They all seemed so healthy and happy. It never occurred to me the greater the dysfunction, the greater the family tries to hide it. Many other families hid their anguish behind carefully constructed masks just like we did. (pp.14-15)

Dave struggled growing up, because he lacked a father that lived and taught Father greatness. What was it like for you growing up? Do you know others who had a difficult time growing up where their father was not leading to Father greatness, or maybe you didn’t have a father? How do you get a grip on Father greatness?

How do you get a grip on Father greatness?

1) Jesus served His men to show greatness Luke 22:24-27

One of the greatest traps we suffer from today is comparison. We compare ourselves to others in many different ways. Young women, and older women, compare how they look, their figures and how they dress to each other, wanting attention from important men, normally men in their lives, but sometimes any man. Most ungodly women want a little attention, unless they’ve been mistreated or abused. If they’ve been mistreated, they don’t want attention and go the other way to avoid it. If a father doesn’t give his young daughter attention, then when she’s a young woman or a teen, she’ll start looking elsewhere. She subtly wants attention to feel good about herself and if she doesn’t get it from home, she’ll get it outside the home. She’ll make herself look attractive, even alluring, just to get a man’s attention. She’ll draw attention by make-up, unusual dress and even revealing more and more body just to get attention. Why? While she’s comparing herself to others, she wants moments of attention from others. She doesn’t understand Father greatness.

Boys are no different, but they often do it by their prowess, achievements and abilities of one-up-manship, or competition. Some of it is healthy competition, but most of it is a strong desire to be better than others. It’s pretty sick to hear inadequate men competing with their words or stories about how great they are. Why? They don’t understand Father greatness.

Turn over to Luke 22:24 and let’s start looking at the text.

²⁴ Now there was also a dispute among them, as to which of them should be considered the greatest. (Luke 22:24)

The word “dispute” literally means “love of strife.” There is something inside most of us that loves to compare and compete and that leads to strife. Some love it. They would not admit that, but it is part of our flesh, or sinful nature. It’s what Paul wrote in Romans 7:15,

¹⁵ For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. (Rom. 7:15)

Then the word “considered” means that “something seems to be so” or the “perspective is” this way. From the human perspective, they were looking at who was the greatest among themselves.

From the human perspective, the older gets to tell the younger what’s what. I laugh at the foolishness of a person who says, “You’re 42? You’re just a young pup,” when he is only 44. Or, some other cute cut that puts down another, “You’ve been married 20 years? That’s all?” and he is married 23 years. People love to compare and compete and it causes great strife. Then Jesus says,

²⁵ And He said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them, and those who exercise authority over them are called `benefactors.’ (Luke 22:25)

That last word “benefactors” is interesting, because literally it could be translated “good worker” and reveals that the one in authority thinks of himself as a good worker. In other words, “I’m in authority, because I’m a good worker, so you serve me.” Or, “I earned this position, so you deserve to serve me.” From the human perspective, the one in authority gets his way and expects those under authority to serve. Often younger men try even harder to make a name for themselves, because they are competing with older guys. That’s how unbelievers think.

However, that’s not how godly Christians think or act to reveal Father greatness. Jesus says,

²⁶ “But not so among you; on the contrary, he who is greatest among you, let him be as the younger, and he who governs as he who serves. (Luk 22:26)

Jesus exhorts the disciples that Christians need to think differently. The greater one needs to be humble like a younger person and willing to learn from the older person. The godly one who governs doesn’t use his position for himself, but he uses his position in order to serve others. Jesus explains in the next verse,

²⁷ “For who is greater, he who sits at the table, or he who serves? Is it not he who sits at the table? Yet I am among you as the One who serves. (Luk 22:27)

Jesus is our perfect example and model in every circumstance. He is the example of true greatness. He said, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. (Matt. 28:18)Where does a person learn that?

We are sliding down the spiral today in our society, because we do not understand Father greatness. We are losing our faith in God. Note this slide information on where we are in our faith:

Where Are We Now?

Profession of Faith by Generation

• Builder generation – 65% professed faith in Christ

• Boomers – 35% professed faith in Christ

• Gen X – 15% professed faith in Christ

• Of the kids today, a projected 4% will profess faith in Christ

Source: Billy Graham Association (provided by Bruce Einspahr)

In fact, for every 10 men in the average church…

• 9 will have kids who leave the church

• 8 will not find their jobs satisfying

• 6 will pay monthly minimum on credit cards

• 5 have a major problem with pornography

• 4 will get divorced affecting 1,000,000 children each year

• Only 1 will have a biblical worldview

• All 10 will struggle to balance family & work. Why?

Because they really want to HAVE FUN! (provided by Bruce Einspahr)

What is missing? Father greatness. We are so focused on the horizontal that we’ve forgotten to train the vertical. We’re so focused on where we can get in the world, we have forgotten what matters is the vertical.

We spend so much time comparing and competing to get ahead, that we’ve forgotten or never learned Father greatness. We’ve forgotten to pass on the Father’s greatness and to quit worrying about individual greatness. How much time did Jesus spend trying to be the best at anything? How much time did Jesus spend trying to become the best competitor at anything? Did He not understand and become absorbed in His Father’s business when He was twelve-years-old? Is He not our model for all things? Then Jesus reveals how greatness is assigned.

2) Jesus declares how greatness is assigned Luke 22:28-30

Note the central text of this passage,

²⁸ “But you are those who have continued with Me in My trials. ²⁹ “And I bestow upon you a kingdom, just as My Father bestowed one upon Me, ³⁰“that you may eat and drink at My table in My kingdom, and sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel.” (Luke 22:28-30)

Jesus acknowledges the disciples have been with Him through His trials. There is a reason for that. Trials make us stronger, because they teach us to depend on the Lord. Going through trials is always difficult, but once we get through the trial and learn the lessons, we learn what the Father provides, equips and is in the process of blessing.

Note verse 29. Jesus says, “I bestow upon you a kingdom.” This is the first of three things that He “bestows.” The word means “to assign, to ordain, agree to, or make a covenant.” It’s the promise that as we go through trials, we should consider that the Father is in the process of assigning great blessing.

Note the rest of verse 29. Jesus says, “just as My Father bestowed one upon Me.”Jesus doesn’t have the kingdom yet. It’s the Millennial Kingdom, but the Father has assigned it already. The assignment is fixed, but Jesus still had trials to go through on earth. And Jesus was telling the disciples that just as He was receiving a kingdom, so also the disciples would be receiving a place in that kingdom with Jesus.

There are two other aspects of that agreement. First, they would “eat and drink” at His table. That references far more than physical eating at the table. It refers to the honor of being with Jesus in the kingdom. It refers to access with Jesus. It refers to the blessing of His presence. Secondly, Jesus promises they will “sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel.” Because they were faithful, they would reign with Jesus.

Jesus mentions this in the book of Matthew, “So Jesus said to them, “Assuredly I say to you, that in the regeneration, when the Son of Man sits on the throne of His glory, you who have followed Me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.” (Matt. 19:28) This is from the Father. It is part of life. They went through trials and they would be assigned greatness in the kingdom!

Who is training young men Father greatness? Who is ensuring that the next generation understands Father greatness? Some might say, “I had my kids, so I did all I need to.” What about your grandchildren. What about children and grandchildren of other people who do not have fathers passing down Father greatness to their children?

Finally, Jesus explains how to receive that blessing. He explains what is necessary to experience Father greatness.

3) Jesus forewarns how greatness must humbly depend… Luke 22:31-34

During that Last Supper, Jesus challenges Peter,

³¹ And the Lord said, “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. ³²“But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.” (Luke 22:31-32)

Jesus explains four things to Peter. First, Satan is going to sift him. That is true for every child of God. The enemy has an organization that plans, prepares and proceeds to sift your life. Will you depend on the world or yourself, or will you depend on the Lord. Secondly, Jesus said He would pray for Peter. Thank the Lord that He prays for every believer also (Rom. 8:34). Thirdly, Peter would fall away. That likely began to stir up the comparison/competition emotions inside of Peter. He notes that Peter will both fail and will return. That’s true for us. When we return to trusting the Lord and depending on His power instead of our own, then we are to do the fourth part. Jesus told Peter to “strengthen your brethren.” That is what Father greatness is all about – strengthening other people to press through the trials of life.

The problem is like Peter, we often become too self-confident.

Peter lets his mouth start running before he thinks very long. He doesn’t realize he is reacting to the Lord’s words and he is in comparison and competition mode. Luke records,

³³ But he said to Him, “Lord, I am ready to go with You, both to prison and to death.” (Luke 22:33)

We find similar accounts in two other gospels. In Matthew, Peter says, “though they all fall away, because of You, I will never fall away.”Do you see how Peter is comparing himself to both the other disciples AND to Jesus? He says about Jesus, “…because of You…” Peter is breaking through thin ice. In Mark it says, “Though they all fall away, I will not.” Luke adds the foolish comment that He will go to both prison and death for Jesus. What a he-man!

We want young men to be confident, but not in themselves. We want young men to find their greatness in the Lord in the Father’s greatness. Too often we want others to think we are great. We don’t realize we are really just trying to be God. Self-confidence is independence from God. We need to have Christ-confidence or Spirit-confidence.

Jesus responds to Peter’s self-confidence,

³⁴ Then He said, “I tell you, Peter, the rooster shall not crow this day before you will deny three times that you know Me.” (Luke 22:34)

We will fall when we depend on ourselves. The same thing happens to every man who does not humble himself before God and humbly learn God’s way from Jesus as Jesus humbled Himself before the Father. It is a fearful thing for the one who doesn’t humbly depend on the Lord.

Jesus, however, knows when and where we will fall and yet He wants us on His team. That is the grace of knowing Father greatness.

4) Jesus wants you on His team Luke 24:49

⁴⁹ “Behold, I send the Promise of My Father upon you; but tarry in the city of Jerusalem until you are endued with power from on high.” (Luke 24:49)

Jesus wanted the disciples on His team. Even thought they blew it. Even though they denied Him. Even through they ran from the trial, Jesus wanted them on His team. Why? Jesus knew the promise of the Father in the coming Holy Spirit. That same promise is now available to every Christian today.

What happens when Father greatness is not passed down to each generation? Note what happens when a father is not in a home:

The Influence of Men- Fatherless Homes Produce

90% of Runaway Children

85% of Children With Behavior Problems

71% of High School Drop Outs

75% of Children Addicted to Drugs

63% of Teenage Suicides

80% of Rapists

85% of Prison Inmates

Source: The National Center for Fathering

Further, the lack of Father greatness certainly affects what woman say:

What the Women Are Saying?

• Women often feel that they are abandoned emotionally – there is a sense that men are not really listening to them.

• Women are desperate for men to provide strong spiritual leadership in the home. One woman said it this way, “we long for a rock”.

• If men are not strong leaders in the home, women have a tendency to take it back.

• Men are in need of more accountability—many men have not built the necessary trust level with their spouse, so she can encourage him to share with other men. (provided by Bruce Einspahr)

How did we get into the problem today? It’s not one issue. There are many issues involved. Note this quote,

Whereas in 1820 Protestants had thought about children’s religious experiences primarily in terms of family and church, by 1880 it was impossible to conceive of them without reference to the Sunday school. During the nineteenth century, this new institution became the primary locale – outside of the family – for religious indoctrination of Protestant youth. In the annals of church history the saga of Sunday school was unique, involving…the creation of a new institution to fulfill functions previous entrusted to parents and pastors… – Ann Boylan (provided by Jeremy Thomas)

IN the 1800s, Sunday School was a great opportunity to reach out and help families raise children in the Lord. It became a strong influencer by the 1880s. Yet, the fathers and families became more dependent upon it, and not assume their own responsibility to pass on Father greatness. If fathers do not resume their responsibility for raising children to Father greatness, the children will be lost to the world. This is further stated regarding contemporary youth ministry,

It is obvious that youth ministry in America has not produced a generation of young people who are passionate about the church…the number of full time youth pastors has grown dramatically and a plethora of magazines, music, and ideas aimed at youth have been birthed along the way. Meanwhile…the numbers of young people won to Christ dropped at about as fast a rate. – Alvin Reid (provided by Jeremy Thomas)

The point is NOT that youth ministry has failed. The point is that families and specifically fathers have not passed on Father greatness. What should happen?

Solomon gives very focused words regarding the issue,

Hear, my children, the instruction of a father, And give attention to know understanding; ²For I give you good doctrine: Do not forsake my law. ³ When I was my father’s son, Tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, ⁴He also taught me, and said to me: “Let your heart retain my words; Keep my commands, and live. ⁵ Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth. (Pro. 4:1-5)

It certainly takes two people – a father and a son (or daughter). When children do not listen or seek to understand, sometimes parents give up or become content with just being able to talk to the children. Okay, we don’t disciple our children, but they at least come home for dinner. Really? Is that what God’s standard is? Does God only want parents to raise children physically and let the children decide what they want to believe? Really?

The Father put Adam in the Garden of Eden and made it clear what he was supposed to do, “Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.” (Gen 2:15) The Father gave Adam a mission for life. Human fathers ought to pass down to their children what their mission is in life – go make disciples!

¹⁹ “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰“teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen. (Matt. 28:19-20)

Let me give you an example of God’s way of being a human father. Abraham is God’s example,

¹⁷ And the LORD said, “Shall I hide from Abraham what I am doing, ¹⁸“since Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? ¹⁹ “For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the LORD, to do righteousness and justice, that the LORD may bring to Abraham what He has spoken to him.” (Gen. 18:17-19)

God saw that Abraham was a good father passing down Father greatness. Abraham ensured his family kept the way of the Lord. Abraham was humble and depended on the Lord to do righteousness and justice. Abraham trusted God and followed through with his responsibility. How does this happen?

Moses made it clear how fathers were to pass down Father greatness. We see it in Moses’ last sermon to Israel before they went across the Jordan River into the Promised Land,

“Now this is the commandment, and these are the statutes and judgments which the LORD your God has commanded to teach you, that you may observe them in the land which you are crossing over to possess,

^2”that you may fear the LORD your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments which I command you, you and your son and your grandson, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged.

³“Therefore hear, O Israel, and be careful to observe it, that it may be well with you, and that you may multiply greatly as the LORD God of your fathers has promised you–`a land flowing with milk and honey.’

⁴“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one!

⁵“You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.

⁶“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.

⁷ “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.

⁸“You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.

⁹“You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

¹⁰“So it shall be, when the LORD your God brings you into the land of which He swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give you large and beautiful cities which you did not build,

¹¹“houses full of all good things, which you did not fill, hewn-out wells which you did not dig, vineyards and olive trees which you did not plant– when you have eaten and are full–

¹²“then beware, lest you forget the LORD who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.

¹³“You shall fear the LORD your God and serve Him, and shall take oaths in His name.

¹⁴“You shall not go after other gods, the gods of the peoples who are all around you

¹⁵`(for the LORD your God is a jealous God among you), lest the anger of the LORD your God be aroused against you and destroy you from the face of the earth. (Deut. 6:1-15)

Beloved, do not take lightly the Lord. Here’s the summary of this message:

The Lord is calling on men to rise up to Father greatness!

Dave Simmons gives us words of encouragement to close this message,

How I wish that my dad and I had learned [how to love]. For instance, I would have really appreciated [if Dad would have]:

· Occasionally congratulated me on a job well done.

· Put his arm around me or let me sit on his lap

· Read stories to me or told me stories.

· Let me borrow the car more than once a semester.

· Invited me to go fishing on the officers’ PT boat with him while we lived in Alaska.

I now know that Dad loved me, but I missed all the signals when I was growing up. Dad and I didn’t learn to love each other and communicate it until the last three years of his life when we finally began to [love each other]. How sad we waited so long.

Don’t you wait. Get going now. (Dad the Family Coach, p. 27)

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) When you were growing up, what were the fathers of your friends like?

Digging Deeper:

2) Who was Adam’s Father (Gen. 2:7-17)? _______________________ What kinds of things did Adam receive from his Father? What were his responsibilities? Who else was there to receive responsibility?

3) Read Gen. 35:1-12. When God called Jacob to go up to Bethel, what did Jacob command his family? _________________________ What things do we learn from God’s appearances to Jacob in this passage?

Making application from the message to life:

5) How should children learn about the Father’s greatness? What practical things should they see and learn?

6) Why is a father’s role of assigning responsibility to his children so important? How should a father discern what and when to assign responsibilities?

7) How should a father help a son learn humility to imitate the Father’s greatness?

Men: Raising Men (2)

Posted on March 17, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Men: Raising Men (2)

What is the effect of fatherless homes? One person wrote,

In reality the world is as full of bad mothers as it is of bad fathers, and it is not the motherless children who become delinquent but the fatherless ones. (Louis de Bernieres)

That may be a general statement with plenty of exceptions, but it does expose the importance of the father’s role in the life of children. It is likely why James emphasizes the importance of ministry to orphans when he writes,

Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world. (Jam. 1:27)

Orphans (and widows) are much more vulnerable, because there is not the one (the godly husband or the godly father) God designed to protect them. God designed from the beginning that every child should have two parents – a man and a woman – in the home. Children learn roles and responsibilities from both parents. It is difficult to learn those roles if one of the parents is not present. The problem is the hearts of fathers and children are often separated by problems of sins. In the last book of the Old Testament, God promises that one day He will restore the hearts of the fathers to their children,

⁵ Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet Before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD. ⁶ And he will turn The hearts of the fathers to the children, And the hearts of the children to their fathers, Lest I come and strike the earth with a curse. (Mal. 4:5-6)

After Malachi spoke, there was a period of 400 years of silence from God. There was so much conflict and rebellion between people, including fathers and children, that God was silent.

We live in a day when more and more children are growing up in fatherless homes. It’s interesting to note the influence of not having fathers in a home. The National Center for Fathering records¹,

Fatherless Homes Produce:

90% of Runaway Children
85% of Children With Behavior Problems
71% of High School Drop Outs
70% of Juvenile Detentions
75% of Children Addicted to Drugs
63% of Teenage Suicides
80% of Rapists
85% of Prison Inmates

Additionally the following sources provide interesting considerations²:

Educational Attainment. Kids living in single-parent homes or in step-families report lower educational expectations on the part of their parents, less parental monitoring of school work, and less overall social supervision than children from intact families. (N.M. Astore and S. McLanahan, American Sociological Review, No. 56 (1991)

Confused Identities. Boys who grow up in father-absent homes are more likely that those in father-present homes to have trouble establishing appropriate sex roles and gender identity.(P.L. Adams, J.R. Milner, and N.A. Schrepf, Fatherless Children, New York, Wiley Press, 1984).

Aggression.In a longitudinal study of 1,197 fourth-grade students, researchers observed “greater levels of aggression in boys from mother-only households than from boys in mother-father households.” (N. Vaden-Kierman, N. Ialongo, J. Pearson, and S. Kellam, “Household Family Structure and Children’s Aggressive Behavior: A Longitudinal Study of Urban Elementary School Children,” Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 23, no. 5 (1995).

Achievement.Children from low-income, two-parent families outperform students from high-income, single-parent homes. Almost twice as many high achievers come from two-parent homes as one-parent homes. (One-Parent Families and Their Children, Charles F. Kettering Foundation, 1990).

Delinquency.Only 13 percent of juvenile delinquents come from families in which the biological mother and father are married to each other. By contract, 33 percent have parents who are either divorced or separated and 44 percent have parents who were never married. (Wisconsin Dept. of Health and Social Services, April 1994).

Criminal Activity. The likelihood that a young male will engage in criminal activity doubles if he is raised without a father and triples if he lives in a neighborhood with a high concentration of single-parent families. Source: A. Anne Hill, June O’Neill, Underclass Behaviors in the United States, CUNY, Baruch College. 1993

The need of fathers is clear both statistically, but primarily from God’s Word. Fortunately, God sends hope. That hope is in Jesus Christ. He is the solution to our problems and woes. He is the solution to fatherless homes. He is the solution to draw fathers to children. Are you walking with Him?

¹“What Can the Federal Government Do To Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities?” The National Institute of Justice, 1998.

²http://fatherhood.about.com/od/fathersrights/a/fatherless_children.htm

Men: Raising Men (1)

Posted on March 16, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Men: Raising Men (1)

I recently read this quote from one of my favorite Presidents:

“In any situation, the best thing you can do is the right thing; the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing; the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
– Theodore Roosevelt

We often don’t do anything, because we want to do the right thing. We often don’t do anything, because there are so many options that we can’t decide which one to choose. We often don’t do anything, because we don’t understand our role as leaders and will let someone else lead. Men have lived that pattern ever since Adam and Eve failed in the Garden of Eden.

When Adam should have been leading and protecting, he stood on the sidelines and let Eve (as she would later be called) lead. She was conversing with the serpent and Adam should have been protecting her,

Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said,`You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?” ² And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; ³“but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said,`You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.'” ⁴ Then the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. ⁵ “For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” ⁶ So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. (Gen. 3:1-6)

That’s what happens when a man stands on the sideline and does nothing.

There are also horrible things that happen in the home today when a man does not fulfill his role as a father. Note these statistics:

For every 10 men in the average church…

• 9 will have kids who leave the church

• 8 will not find their jobs satisfying

• 6 will pay monthly minimum on credit cards

• 5 have a major problem with pornography

• 4 will get divorced affecting 1,000,000 children each year

• Only 1 will have a biblical worldview

• All 10 will struggle to balance family & work: Because they really want to HAVE FUN! (Provided by Pastor Bruce Einspahr)

We need to raise men to be men and understand the Father’s business: raising men to be true men. Right now families are content if there is somecommunication. God wants us to build into young men God the Father’s priorities and life. That comes through 1) learning to love God with all of our heart, soul and strength; 2) hiding the Scriptures into our heart; and 3) being diligent to teach our children and the children around us to become disciples of Jesus Christ (Deut. 6:1-15).

What is your part in the process? Are you content standing on the side? Are you content watching America go down the spiral of the immorality morass and the vacuum of emptiness? Are you willing to step up to your God-given role of raising men to be godly men who will raise generation after generation of godly people? Don’t wait. Get going now.

Counsel: Check your heart (2)

Posted on March 14, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Counsel: Check your heart (2)

On the last “Counsel” article, I addressed how it is easy to “assume” a person might wrongly assess a situation or person’s actions. Hence, that person might fall into the trap of wrongly judging and wrongly correcting. We looked at Jeremiah 17:9-10, which addressed the deceitfulness of our wicked hearts and Matthew 7:1-5, which warns us to deal with our own sin before we judge another and finally Galatians 6:1, which gives the spiritual, mechanical issues to be considered as you approach someone. I concluded with the question, “Why is carefrontation (confronting in a godly way) a fearful step?” Let me address that.

First, we are in a spiritual battle. Paul describes how we are really not fighting against the person we might be having trouble with, but we are fighting with spiritual forces,

¹⁰ Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. ¹¹ Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. ¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. ¹³Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. (Eph. 6:10-13)

Why does Paul tell the saints in Ephesus to “be strong”? Paul says, “be strong” because the spiritual battle is strong and raging. The conflicts are going on. It’s not a matter of if they will happen, but when they will happen. Paul makes that clear in Ephesians 6:12 that our struggle is not against “flesh and blood, but against principalities…” That is, the real battles are not against human flesh and blood, even though there are conflicts with flesh and blood (people). The real battles are in the spiritual realm. Satan’s demonic forces are doing everything they can to divide Christians, harm relationships and distort the world’s perspective of God’s goodness and God’s word. Because we are in a spiritual battle, it is a fearful thing to carefront others. How do you know if you are a part of assisting the conflict or bringing godly resolve to the conflict?

Secondly, we focus on our own hurts more than the other’s. We know we may hurt someone else, but we cannot understand the heart of another or the damage we may cause, especially when we don’t even understand our own heart (Jer. 17:9-10). We too easily become self-righteous in our thinking and assume too much. Paul says it well in Romans 12:3, “For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.” We think we have others figured out, as well as ourselves, but it’s often just pride.

The other problem is if we have pain from a relationship, it distorts our view of others. We have filters and we don’t know how those filters affect our perspective and judgment in thinking. Paul makes it clear that we tend to think too highly of ourselves.

Thirdly, we become bitter, because we’re trying to do the right thing. Paul writes,

¹² Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; ¹³ bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do… ¹⁸ Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. ¹⁹ Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. (Col. 3:12-13,18-19)

Why does Paul exhort those attitudes and actions in Colossians 3:12-13? He exhorts because they are often missing in relationships, even in the body of Christ. He exhorts because those are the attitudes and actions needed to maintain unity and harmony in the body of Christ, so the world will see love for one another. He exhorts because we who want to be tender, kind, humble and patient often aren’t, so we must forgive and depend on the power of the Holy Spirit rather than our own power.

Then Paul gets down to the attitudes and actions of wives and husbands. I find it very interesting that Paul summarizes into one verse what he says in three verses in Ephesians 5:22-24, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as if fitting in the Lord.” He doesn’t say what is “fitting,” but he does all through the epistle. Every encouragement and exhortation directed toward relationships in the body are to be manifested in marriage. Marriage is often the hardest place to see it fulfilled, so he assumes the wives will 1) be submissive and 2) do what is fitting in the Lord, that is, “just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” (Eph. 5:24) “Fitting”means what is “set aside” or what is holy to the Lord. In other words, everything, except what would be sin. Wives, die to your own desires and be holy set aside in submission to your husband. That is why wives need the Holy Spirit. That is why it is a fearful step to carefront another.

Then Paul addresses the husbands and mentions “do not be bitter toward them.”Most people would say that men aren’t as bitter as women. After all, women have to submit to the authority of or the final decisions of their husbands. There are plenty of reasons for a wife to be bitter. Yet Paul tells the husband not to be bitter. Why? Paul exhorts the husband to not be bitter, because when he is trying to love his wife, when he is dying to himself and trying to lead her spiritually, when he is working to provide, seeking to lead in devotions and on the look out to protect his wife and she doesn’t respond, then the husband is prone to become bitter. Husbands, die to yourself and do not be bitter. Instead, be patient. Husbands put off your bitterness and consider how often you rejected the Lord’s provision, spiritual leading in your life and protection of your soul. Confess your sins of bitterness and depend on the mercy and power of the Holy Spirit. Put on kindness, tender mercies and forgiveness and you’ll not be bitter. That is why it is a fearful step to carefront another.

Fourthly, we don’t approach love God’s way. Most people have heard the “love” chapter (1 Corinthians 13) so many times at weddings and other occasions that they become numb to what it’s really saying. Paul writes,

⁴ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ⁸ Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13:4-8)

What does it mean to you that “love suffers long”? First ask yourself, what is the Great Commandment? “

³⁷ Jesus said to him, “`You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ “This is the first and great commandment. ³⁹ “And the second is like it:`You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matt. 22:37-39)

Who is your closest neighbor? Your spouse! So God commands us to love our spouse and if I don’t, what is that called? If I know what I’m supposed to do and I don’t do it, what is that called? James writes, “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin. (Jam. 4:17) So, if I don’t love my spouse (or my neighbor) it’s sin. If I don’t do what love does, it is sin for me. In other words, if as Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13, I am not patient, I have sinned. If I am not kind in my actions, it is sin. If I am envious of others, it is sin. If I parade myself or act arrogant, it is sin. If I am rude to my neighbor (or my spouse) it is sin.

Too often we think “everyone does those things” and we find them acceptable. God does not! They reveal that we are not dependent on the Holy Spirit, because the Holy Spirit does not do those things. If we are filled with the Holy Spirit, we cannot do those things. They are not the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23). If we sin, then we must follow God’s guideline, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) When we confess our sins and humbly depend on the Holy Spirit, then God the Holy Spirit will bear his fruit through us – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness… That is why it is a fearful step to carefront another; we might not do it from God’s love.

Friends, check your heart. Scripture says 1) our hearts are deceitful; 2) we are easily prone to judging others; and 3) we often correct in an ungodly way. When we correct another, or point out their wrongs in an ungodly way, we often don’t realize how fearful a step we are taking. Consequently, we need 1) to recognize we are in a spiritual battle; 2) to focus on the hurt of others more than our own and 3) to not become bitter when we are doing the right thing and 4) to approach love God’s way. If you do these things, you’ll be blessed. (John 13:17) If you do these things, you’ll have good relationships. Go in His peace.

Counsel: Check your heart (1)

Posted on March 13, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Counsel: Check your heart (1)

Scripture always has the answers. However, we are quick to ignore what it says and assume we know best what we should think, say and do. It’s easy to assume we have a clear picture on what we hear and see and can make the right analysis, assessment and judgment. It’s easy especially, when we think we know the other person well as in a family or friend. However, what does Scripture say?

Our hearts are deceitful. That may sound pretty harsh, but what does Scripture say? Jeremiah 17:9-10 says,

⁹ “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it? ¹⁰ I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give every man according to his ways, According to the fruit of his doings. (Jer. 17:9-10)

Scripture says “the heart,” which refers to each heart in mankind. It is not referring only to the wicked people, the people on death row, or even the enemies of our country. It refers to the heart of all people, even good people. The heart is “deceitful above all things.” That means it will deceive others, but more importantly, our own hearts will deceive us. Paul alludes to that from Romans 7. He says,

¹⁵ For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. ¹⁶ If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. ¹⁷ But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. (Rom 7:15-17)

Paul is telling us he doesn’t do what he wants to do and does what he doesn’t want to do. Why? There is a sin nature inside of every person and it is deceitful. The writer to the Hebrews warns about the deceitfulness of sin, “…exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. (Heb. 3:13) The deceitfulness comes from the inner being and Jeremiah refers to that inner being as the heart. If my heart is deceitful, then I need to be aware of what comes out of my heart. Scripture also says we often judge.

We are easily prone to judging others. If we think we are right in our analysis, assessment and judgment, but don’t realize we have a deceitful heart, then we are prone to judge others. Jesus warned about this,

“Judge not, that you be not judged. ² “For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. ³“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? ⁴“Or how can you say to your brother,`Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? ⁵ “Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. (Matt. 7:1-5)

When we are not a part of the solution (not in a discipleship or counseling team or parent or person in authority) we are not to judge others. However, there are times when God will direct that we help another person, but we must first deal with our own sin issue (plank from your own eye), and then be able to help another person. If you do not deal with your own sin issues, you will only compound the problem trying to help another person. You will likely be very self-righteous, judgmental, critical, impatient, unkind and hence ungodly. No Christian ever intends to do that. Fortunately there is hope. God gives us hope and a solution of how to address the problem.

Scripture says we often correct in an ungodly way. When you are ready to carefront (confront in a godly caring way) follow Paul’s exhortation. He writes, “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.” (Gal. 6:1) Paul is talking to believers, because he calls them “brethren.” The reality is, we will find ourselves in situations where people “cross the line of obvious sin (trespass).” We are to judge ourselves to ensure there is no sin (Matt. 7:1,5) and then carefront them in a specific way.

Paul exhorts that we carefront in a “spirit of gentleness.” The word means “power under control.” It is used of a war horse well-trained to understand the very light and sensitive movements of the rider with the bridle and pressures from his knees and heels to direct the horse on the battlefield. For the Christian, it is the Holy Spirit who directs the Christian in His power, rather than the Christian’s power. It is God’s power under the control of the Holy Spirit. In other words, the carefrontation is for the purpose of godly restoration, not just pointing out sin.

Then Paul exhorts to “consider yourself lest you also be tempted.” It is so easy to carefront someone and do it in a prideful way. Pointing out another’s sin is a fearful thing. Only God knows all the details. Only God knows the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Only God knows best how to convict of sin. So for a person to put himself in that position is a fearful step, although it must be done. Therefore, Paul says to carefront under the power of the Holy Spirit and keep examining self, lest you be tempted to act independently of the Lord and be in sin.

Why is carefrontation a fearful step? I’ll explain in tomorrow’s post.

SGL: The Small Group Leader (2) – Oversight

Posted on March 12, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Leading a Home Group: The Small Group Leader (2) Oversight

Please refer to the first article on the three qualities of a small group leader. This article focuses on the overview of what a small group leader does in his/her oversight. It is the philosophy of a small group leader (SGL) in his oversight of the Home Group he is leading. Consider these nine principles.

First, the small group leader cares for people. He/she genuinely cares for people as a shepherd, first through listening and then through encouraging and exhorting. He has the attitude of a nursing mother for her infant and the exhorting father for his children (1 Thess. 2:6-12). He realizes the Home Group is not about him, but about each person he is trying to lead in their spiritual journey with Jesus. He cares so much that he doesn’t want people to remain where they are.

Secondly, he plans the group meetings. He is a good steward of the time and relationships, knowing that the end goal is to help people grow spiritually who want to grow (1 Cor. 14:40). He doesn’t just show up and wing it. He prays, studies and plans how best to use the time, so that people have a sense of learning, flow in the meeting, accomplishment and relational interaction. He considers others who can be involved.

Thirdly, he intentionally disciples people. He knows that discipleship doesn’t happen by accident (Matt. 28:19-20). He considers the spiritual walk of others and walks them through the process of how they might be involved in the group process. Living like a spiritual parent, he sees the person as God sees him and has ideas and plans on how to help them grow spiritually.

Fourthly, he leads a dynamic discussion. He facilitates the discussion to enable others to talk and grow. He is going to make comments and ask questions that involve most of the people and causes them to dig deeper in their considerations of passages and topics (Acts 2:37-42). He affirms responses and helps people have fun in discussing Scripture.

Fifthly, he is an active listener. He actively responds to comments made, affirming whenever he can so that people are encouraged to participate in the discussion (John 10:27). Active listening seeks clarification if there is a question or possible misunderstanding. Sometimes active listening demonstrates interest in the person and his comments. The small group leader often does more listening than talking in a home group meeting.

Sixthly, he listens to understand. He is careful about jumping to conclusions about what is said, so that he fully understands the comments and he fully seeks to reach the person’s heart. It’s easy to respond to what we don’t understand. It is a careful, deliberate leader, who is patient and listens to understand the heart of a dear soul trying to grow in their relationship with Jesus (Matt 9:36).

Seventhly, he assumes godliness in conflict. He believes the best about people and when there is conflict, he prepares his thoughts in his head, affirms the relationship with the person, listens to understand the “other” side, seeks possible resolutions and then evaluates the resolutions to see if they are working. He realizes the people in the conflict are far more important than trying to establish “his own truth.” He acts the part of a spiritual parent and is more concerned with the relationship of the “wrong” person. Consequently, he listens to understand and then seek win/win resolutions. He accepts that the process may take an inordinate amount of time, but the resolution that produces unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace is more important than a personal victory (Matt. 18:15-17; Eph. 4:1-3).

Eighthly, he is accountable to others. He willingly is accountable to the small group structure and he asks for accountability from coaches and others on how to better communicate and disciple people. Humble people willingly become accountable to others (1 Pet. 5:5).

Finally, he shares leadership. He is more concerned about the continuance of the group than his right to lead the group. Small groups do not have very many people, but no leader should be alone in leading. He always ought to have another leader couple who can stand in the gap and give observations, counsel and suggested resolutions to challenges that arise. He is always looking for opportunities to lead with others or train others to be his/her replacements (Col. 4:7-13).

These principles will provide a fruitful ministry as a Small Group leader. Leadership is not about the leader. Leadership is about the Lord working through the leader to stir up people to love and good works (Heb. 10:24). God the Holy Spirit will empower a leader to be a spiritual parent in the Home Group creating a nest that flourishes with care, concern and commitment.

Shepherding Truth

Renewing Truth, Rightly Divided

Tag Archives: Discipleship

SGL: Coaching Small Group Leaders (1)

MSG: Get A Grip on your Father’s Will

Q & A: Get a Grip on Father Greatness

Men: Raising Men (3)

MSG: Get a Grip on Father Greatness

Men: Raising Men (2)

Men: Raising Men (1)

Counsel: Check your heart (2)

Counsel: Check your heart (1)

SGL: The Small Group Leader (2) – Oversight