MSG: Get a Grip on Father Greatness

Posted on March 18, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Get a Grip on Father Greatness

Luke 22:24-34

As we approach Resurrection Sunday, I want us to examine Jesus in how He revealed His Father. It’s very subtle, but I perceive extremely important in our society. We need to get a grip on Father greatness. As Jesus prepares His disciples for the fulcrum of history, the cross, He exhorts them to examine themselves. Let’s get a grip on His words,

³⁴ “But take heed to yourselves, lest your hearts be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness, and cares of this life, and that Day come on you unexpectedly. ³⁵ For it will come as a snare on all those who dwell on the face of the whole earth. ³⁶Watch therefore, and pray always that you may be counted worthy to escape all these things that will come to pass, and to stand before the Son of Man.” (Luke 21:34-36)

Note that Jesus exhorts them to “take heed,” which means to “watch” or “be careful” about themselves and not get distracted in life by things in the world. It is easy to become distracted by things in this world, even good things like family (Luke 14:26). Then Jesus exhorts them to “watch” in verse 36 and He uses a different word that also means “be on alert” because there is trouble coming.

The late Dave Simmons, author of the book, “Dad the Family Coach,” writes,

When I was five years old, my family lived in on-post housing at Fort Knox, Kentucky. Every afternoon, at quitting time, I stationed myself on the front porch as the lookout for Dad. He came home at irregular times because he passed the NCO club on his walk home. When he did approach, he had to walk down a long slope, cross a footbridge, and march up a long flight of steps to get to our house. My job consisted of observing his passage over the uneven terrain before our house to determine if he was drunk.

If it looked bad, I flew through the house like a midget air raid system to alert everyone. I waited in the kitchen at the head of the basement stairs. Everyone waited in fearful suspense to see what would happen. You never knew. Dad was an unpredictable drunk. Sometimes, he bubbled into the living room with smiles and cheers for everyone. Most of the time, the door opened and slammed back against the wall and Dad walked in glaring at us in screaming silence.

The family scrambled. I liked to bail out down the stairs and hide in the basement. Poor Mom. She always held her ground and faced him head-on to give us a chance to hide out. I can remember trembling in the shadowy dank basement for hours waiting for the storm to blow over. Sometimes, I didn’t escape. There has never been anything in my life that upset me more than the cold-clutching clammy fear I felt grip me when Dad turned his fever on me.

Afterward, Dad could be the nicest man in the world. You could not imagine the regret, sorrow, and shame he felt. He would hold us, sometimes crying, and apologize over and over. I can vividly remember his giant lumberjack hands pressing me against his brass buttons and campaign ribbons and smelling his beer dampened wool uniform. I squeezed my little chest to let escape great gobs of sorrowful whimpers. It confused me so. I didn’t understand.

Naturally, I developed ambivalent feelings toward Dad. I harbored a love/hate, crave/reject, fear/comfort kind of attitude toward him. These feelings toward the dominant male authority figure in my life became locked into me and, later in life, every time I encountered an authority figure, these feelings resurfaced. I grabbed the network of feelings toward Dad, lifted them up, and settled them down on any authority in front of me. I have never done well with coaches, professors, or bosses.

Bad dads make bad kids. A dysfunctional dad causes a dysfunctional family which produces dysfunctional children. Negative father power rolls on and transfers the sins of a father to the children, even the second, third, and fourth generations. A bad dad can poison his seed.

I grew up thinking that we had the only unhappy family. I thought we had some rare family affliction that all other families were vaccinated against. They all seemed so healthy and happy. It never occurred to me the greater the dysfunction, the greater the family tries to hide it. Many other families hid their anguish behind carefully constructed masks just like we did. (pp.14-15)

Dave struggled growing up, because he lacked a father that lived and taught Father greatness. What was it like for you growing up? Do you know others who had a difficult time growing up where their father was not leading to Father greatness, or maybe you didn’t have a father? How do you get a grip on Father greatness?

How do you get a grip on Father greatness?

1) Jesus served His men to show greatness Luke 22:24-27

One of the greatest traps we suffer from today is comparison. We compare ourselves to others in many different ways. Young women, and older women, compare how they look, their figures and how they dress to each other, wanting attention from important men, normally men in their lives, but sometimes any man. Most ungodly women want a little attention, unless they’ve been mistreated or abused. If they’ve been mistreated, they don’t want attention and go the other way to avoid it. If a father doesn’t give his young daughter attention, then when she’s a young woman or a teen, she’ll start looking elsewhere. She subtly wants attention to feel good about herself and if she doesn’t get it from home, she’ll get it outside the home. She’ll make herself look attractive, even alluring, just to get a man’s attention. She’ll draw attention by make-up, unusual dress and even revealing more and more body just to get attention. Why? While she’s comparing herself to others, she wants moments of attention from others. She doesn’t understand Father greatness.

Boys are no different, but they often do it by their prowess, achievements and abilities of one-up-manship, or competition. Some of it is healthy competition, but most of it is a strong desire to be better than others. It’s pretty sick to hear inadequate men competing with their words or stories about how great they are. Why? They don’t understand Father greatness.

Turn over to Luke 22:24 and let’s start looking at the text.

²⁴ Now there was also a dispute among them, as to which of them should be considered the greatest. (Luke 22:24)

The word “dispute” literally means “love of strife.” There is something inside most of us that loves to compare and compete and that leads to strife. Some love it. They would not admit that, but it is part of our flesh, or sinful nature. It’s what Paul wrote in Romans 7:15,

¹⁵ For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. (Rom. 7:15)

Then the word “considered” means that “something seems to be so” or the “perspective is” this way. From the human perspective, they were looking at who was the greatest among themselves.

From the human perspective, the older gets to tell the younger what’s what. I laugh at the foolishness of a person who says, “You’re 42? You’re just a young pup,” when he is only 44. Or, some other cute cut that puts down another, “You’ve been married 20 years? That’s all?” and he is married 23 years. People love to compare and compete and it causes great strife. Then Jesus says,

²⁵ And He said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them, and those who exercise authority over them are called `benefactors.’ (Luke 22:25)

That last word “benefactors” is interesting, because literally it could be translated “good worker” and reveals that the one in authority thinks of himself as a good worker. In other words, “I’m in authority, because I’m a good worker, so you serve me.” Or, “I earned this position, so you deserve to serve me.” From the human perspective, the one in authority gets his way and expects those under authority to serve. Often younger men try even harder to make a name for themselves, because they are competing with older guys. That’s how unbelievers think.

However, that’s not how godly Christians think or act to reveal Father greatness. Jesus says,

²⁶ “But not so among you; on the contrary, he who is greatest among you, let him be as the younger, and he who governs as he who serves. (Luk 22:26)

Jesus exhorts the disciples that Christians need to think differently. The greater one needs to be humble like a younger person and willing to learn from the older person. The godly one who governs doesn’t use his position for himself, but he uses his position in order to serve others. Jesus explains in the next verse,

²⁷ “For who is greater, he who sits at the table, or he who serves? Is it not he who sits at the table? Yet I am among you as the One who serves. (Luk 22:27)

Jesus is our perfect example and model in every circumstance. He is the example of true greatness. He said, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. (Matt. 28:18)Where does a person learn that?

We are sliding down the spiral today in our society, because we do not understand Father greatness. We are losing our faith in God. Note this slide information on where we are in our faith:

Where Are We Now?

Profession of Faith by Generation

• Builder generation – 65% professed faith in Christ

• Boomers – 35% professed faith in Christ

• Gen X – 15% professed faith in Christ

• Of the kids today, a projected 4% will profess faith in Christ

Source: Billy Graham Association (provided by Bruce Einspahr)

In fact, for every 10 men in the average church…

• 9 will have kids who leave the church

• 8 will not find their jobs satisfying

• 6 will pay monthly minimum on credit cards

• 5 have a major problem with pornography

• 4 will get divorced affecting 1,000,000 children each year

• Only 1 will have a biblical worldview

• All 10 will struggle to balance family & work. Why?

Because they really want to HAVE FUN! (provided by Bruce Einspahr)

What is missing? Father greatness. We are so focused on the horizontal that we’ve forgotten to train the vertical. We’re so focused on where we can get in the world, we have forgotten what matters is the vertical.

We spend so much time comparing and competing to get ahead, that we’ve forgotten or never learned Father greatness. We’ve forgotten to pass on the Father’s greatness and to quit worrying about individual greatness. How much time did Jesus spend trying to be the best at anything? How much time did Jesus spend trying to become the best competitor at anything? Did He not understand and become absorbed in His Father’s business when He was twelve-years-old? Is He not our model for all things? Then Jesus reveals how greatness is assigned.

2) Jesus declares how greatness is assigned Luke 22:28-30

Note the central text of this passage,

²⁸ “But you are those who have continued with Me in My trials. ²⁹ “And I bestow upon you a kingdom, just as My Father bestowed one upon Me, ³⁰“that you may eat and drink at My table in My kingdom, and sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel.” (Luke 22:28-30)

Jesus acknowledges the disciples have been with Him through His trials. There is a reason for that. Trials make us stronger, because they teach us to depend on the Lord. Going through trials is always difficult, but once we get through the trial and learn the lessons, we learn what the Father provides, equips and is in the process of blessing.

Note verse 29. Jesus says, “I bestow upon you a kingdom.” This is the first of three things that He “bestows.” The word means “to assign, to ordain, agree to, or make a covenant.” It’s the promise that as we go through trials, we should consider that the Father is in the process of assigning great blessing.

Note the rest of verse 29. Jesus says, “just as My Father bestowed one upon Me.”Jesus doesn’t have the kingdom yet. It’s the Millennial Kingdom, but the Father has assigned it already. The assignment is fixed, but Jesus still had trials to go through on earth. And Jesus was telling the disciples that just as He was receiving a kingdom, so also the disciples would be receiving a place in that kingdom with Jesus.

There are two other aspects of that agreement. First, they would “eat and drink” at His table. That references far more than physical eating at the table. It refers to the honor of being with Jesus in the kingdom. It refers to access with Jesus. It refers to the blessing of His presence. Secondly, Jesus promises they will “sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel.” Because they were faithful, they would reign with Jesus.

Jesus mentions this in the book of Matthew, “So Jesus said to them, “Assuredly I say to you, that in the regeneration, when the Son of Man sits on the throne of His glory, you who have followed Me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.” (Matt. 19:28) This is from the Father. It is part of life. They went through trials and they would be assigned greatness in the kingdom!

Who is training young men Father greatness? Who is ensuring that the next generation understands Father greatness? Some might say, “I had my kids, so I did all I need to.” What about your grandchildren. What about children and grandchildren of other people who do not have fathers passing down Father greatness to their children?

Finally, Jesus explains how to receive that blessing. He explains what is necessary to experience Father greatness.

3) Jesus forewarns how greatness must humbly depend… Luke 22:31-34

During that Last Supper, Jesus challenges Peter,

³¹ And the Lord said, “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. ³²“But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.” (Luke 22:31-32)

Jesus explains four things to Peter. First, Satan is going to sift him. That is true for every child of God. The enemy has an organization that plans, prepares and proceeds to sift your life. Will you depend on the world or yourself, or will you depend on the Lord. Secondly, Jesus said He would pray for Peter. Thank the Lord that He prays for every believer also (Rom. 8:34). Thirdly, Peter would fall away. That likely began to stir up the comparison/competition emotions inside of Peter. He notes that Peter will both fail and will return. That’s true for us. When we return to trusting the Lord and depending on His power instead of our own, then we are to do the fourth part. Jesus told Peter to “strengthen your brethren.” That is what Father greatness is all about – strengthening other people to press through the trials of life.

The problem is like Peter, we often become too self-confident.

Peter lets his mouth start running before he thinks very long. He doesn’t realize he is reacting to the Lord’s words and he is in comparison and competition mode. Luke records,

³³ But he said to Him, “Lord, I am ready to go with You, both to prison and to death.” (Luke 22:33)

We find similar accounts in two other gospels. In Matthew, Peter says, “though they all fall away, because of You, I will never fall away.”Do you see how Peter is comparing himself to both the other disciples AND to Jesus? He says about Jesus, “…because of You…” Peter is breaking through thin ice. In Mark it says, “Though they all fall away, I will not.” Luke adds the foolish comment that He will go to both prison and death for Jesus. What a he-man!

We want young men to be confident, but not in themselves. We want young men to find their greatness in the Lord in the Father’s greatness. Too often we want others to think we are great. We don’t realize we are really just trying to be God. Self-confidence is independence from God. We need to have Christ-confidence or Spirit-confidence.

Jesus responds to Peter’s self-confidence,

³⁴ Then He said, “I tell you, Peter, the rooster shall not crow this day before you will deny three times that you know Me.” (Luke 22:34)

We will fall when we depend on ourselves. The same thing happens to every man who does not humble himself before God and humbly learn God’s way from Jesus as Jesus humbled Himself before the Father. It is a fearful thing for the one who doesn’t humbly depend on the Lord.

Jesus, however, knows when and where we will fall and yet He wants us on His team. That is the grace of knowing Father greatness.

4) Jesus wants you on His team Luke 24:49

⁴⁹ “Behold, I send the Promise of My Father upon you; but tarry in the city of Jerusalem until you are endued with power from on high.” (Luke 24:49)

Jesus wanted the disciples on His team. Even thought they blew it. Even though they denied Him. Even through they ran from the trial, Jesus wanted them on His team. Why? Jesus knew the promise of the Father in the coming Holy Spirit. That same promise is now available to every Christian today.

What happens when Father greatness is not passed down to each generation? Note what happens when a father is not in a home:

The Influence of Men- Fatherless Homes Produce

90% of Runaway Children

85% of Children With Behavior Problems

71% of High School Drop Outs

75% of Children Addicted to Drugs

63% of Teenage Suicides

80% of Rapists

85% of Prison Inmates

Source: The National Center for Fathering

Further, the lack of Father greatness certainly affects what woman say:

What the Women Are Saying?

• Women often feel that they are abandoned emotionally – there is a sense that men are not really listening to them.

• Women are desperate for men to provide strong spiritual leadership in the home. One woman said it this way, “we long for a rock”.

• If men are not strong leaders in the home, women have a tendency to take it back.

• Men are in need of more accountability—many men have not built the necessary trust level with their spouse, so she can encourage him to share with other men. (provided by Bruce Einspahr)

How did we get into the problem today? It’s not one issue. There are many issues involved. Note this quote,

Whereas in 1820 Protestants had thought about children’s religious experiences primarily in terms of family and church, by 1880 it was impossible to conceive of them without reference to the Sunday school. During the nineteenth century, this new institution became the primary locale – outside of the family – for religious indoctrination of Protestant youth. In the annals of church history the saga of Sunday school was unique, involving…the creation of a new institution to fulfill functions previous entrusted to parents and pastors… – Ann Boylan (provided by Jeremy Thomas)

IN the 1800s, Sunday School was a great opportunity to reach out and help families raise children in the Lord. It became a strong influencer by the 1880s. Yet, the fathers and families became more dependent upon it, and not assume their own responsibility to pass on Father greatness. If fathers do not resume their responsibility for raising children to Father greatness, the children will be lost to the world. This is further stated regarding contemporary youth ministry,

It is obvious that youth ministry in America has not produced a generation of young people who are passionate about the church…the number of full time youth pastors has grown dramatically and a plethora of magazines, music, and ideas aimed at youth have been birthed along the way. Meanwhile…the numbers of young people won to Christ dropped at about as fast a rate. – Alvin Reid (provided by Jeremy Thomas)

The point is NOT that youth ministry has failed. The point is that families and specifically fathers have not passed on Father greatness. What should happen?

Solomon gives very focused words regarding the issue,

Hear, my children, the instruction of a father, And give attention to know understanding; ²For I give you good doctrine: Do not forsake my law. ³ When I was my father’s son, Tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, ⁴He also taught me, and said to me: “Let your heart retain my words; Keep my commands, and live. ⁵ Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth. (Pro. 4:1-5)

It certainly takes two people – a father and a son (or daughter). When children do not listen or seek to understand, sometimes parents give up or become content with just being able to talk to the children. Okay, we don’t disciple our children, but they at least come home for dinner. Really? Is that what God’s standard is? Does God only want parents to raise children physically and let the children decide what they want to believe? Really?

The Father put Adam in the Garden of Eden and made it clear what he was supposed to do, “Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.” (Gen 2:15) The Father gave Adam a mission for life. Human fathers ought to pass down to their children what their mission is in life – go make disciples!

¹⁹ “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰“teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen. (Matt. 28:19-20)

Let me give you an example of God’s way of being a human father. Abraham is God’s example,

¹⁷ And the LORD said, “Shall I hide from Abraham what I am doing, ¹⁸“since Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? ¹⁹ “For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the LORD, to do righteousness and justice, that the LORD may bring to Abraham what He has spoken to him.” (Gen. 18:17-19)

God saw that Abraham was a good father passing down Father greatness. Abraham ensured his family kept the way of the Lord. Abraham was humble and depended on the Lord to do righteousness and justice. Abraham trusted God and followed through with his responsibility. How does this happen?

Moses made it clear how fathers were to pass down Father greatness. We see it in Moses’ last sermon to Israel before they went across the Jordan River into the Promised Land,

“Now this is the commandment, and these are the statutes and judgments which the LORD your God has commanded to teach you, that you may observe them in the land which you are crossing over to possess,

^2”that you may fear the LORD your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments which I command you, you and your son and your grandson, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged.

³“Therefore hear, O Israel, and be careful to observe it, that it may be well with you, and that you may multiply greatly as the LORD God of your fathers has promised you–`a land flowing with milk and honey.’

⁴“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one!

⁵“You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.

⁶“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.

⁷ “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.

⁸“You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.

⁹“You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

¹⁰“So it shall be, when the LORD your God brings you into the land of which He swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give you large and beautiful cities which you did not build,

¹¹“houses full of all good things, which you did not fill, hewn-out wells which you did not dig, vineyards and olive trees which you did not plant– when you have eaten and are full–

¹²“then beware, lest you forget the LORD who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.

¹³“You shall fear the LORD your God and serve Him, and shall take oaths in His name.

¹⁴“You shall not go after other gods, the gods of the peoples who are all around you

¹⁵`(for the LORD your God is a jealous God among you), lest the anger of the LORD your God be aroused against you and destroy you from the face of the earth. (Deut. 6:1-15)

Beloved, do not take lightly the Lord. Here’s the summary of this message:

The Lord is calling on men to rise up to Father greatness!

Dave Simmons gives us words of encouragement to close this message,

How I wish that my dad and I had learned [how to love]. For instance, I would have really appreciated [if Dad would have]:

· Occasionally congratulated me on a job well done.

· Put his arm around me or let me sit on his lap

· Read stories to me or told me stories.

· Let me borrow the car more than once a semester.

· Invited me to go fishing on the officers’ PT boat with him while we lived in Alaska.

I now know that Dad loved me, but I missed all the signals when I was growing up. Dad and I didn’t learn to love each other and communicate it until the last three years of his life when we finally began to [love each other]. How sad we waited so long.

Don’t you wait. Get going now. (Dad the Family Coach, p. 27)

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) When you were growing up, what were the fathers of your friends like?

Digging Deeper:

2) Who was Adam’s Father (Gen. 2:7-17)? _______________________ What kinds of things did Adam receive from his Father? What were his responsibilities? Who else was there to receive responsibility?

3) Read Gen. 35:1-12. When God called Jacob to go up to Bethel, what did Jacob command his family? _________________________ What things do we learn from God’s appearances to Jacob in this passage?

4) What kind of sacrifice is discussed in Exodus 12:21-28? _________________________ What does the passage describe regarding the roles and responsibilities in the family related to this event? How did the people respond? What does that look like today?

Making application from the message to life:

5) How should children learn about the Father’s greatness? What practical things should they see and learn?

6) Why is a father’s role of assigning responsibility to his children so important? How should a father discern what and when to assign responsibilities?

7) How should a father help a son learn humility to imitate the Father’s greatness?

Q & A:Overcoming Difficult Relationships for Him

Posted on March 7, 2013 by shepherdbryan

This contains considerations for suggested answers to the questions for the message given March 3 as titled above. The full insert is given first and then the questions are repeated with suggested answers so that you can begin to expand how you might give answers to the questions. Do not be superficial in answering the questions. Think deeply and you will benefit richly.

Overcoming Difficult Relationships for Him

Romans 12:9-21

How do you deal with difficult relationships?

1) Let Jesus replace pain with blessing Rom. 12:14-21

2)      Let Jesus help you to disciple him/her/them to the truth 2 Tim. 2:24-26
3)      Let Jesus bless through you, whom you can   1 Pet. 3:8-12
      ·         Jesus said it best Luke 6:27-28
      ·         Gen. 50:15-21

Jesus will right every wrong,

so you can choose to be a blessing!

· God has called us to be a blessing. Return no evil, give of yourself to bless
· Trust the authority of the Word by faith to forgive and bless. If you are struggling with pain over many months, have you forgiven and asked God to use you to bless the offender?

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) Why does merely talking about Christianity often muster up negative images and angry reactions?

Digging Deeper:

2) What was David’s response to his soldier who told him the Lord had given his enemy into his hand in 1 Sam. 24:1-10? ____________________. How is David’s response different than way the world thinks? What are the circumstances in 1 Sam. 26:7-16?

3) With whom did Moses get counsel in the conflict with Korah, Dathan and Abiram (Num. 16:1-33)? _____________ . How would you classify Moses’ anger (Num. 16:15)? How does this compare with the principles taught in the message?

Making application of the message to life:

4) How does God want you to deal with sins against you in the past?

5) What aspects of forgiveness have you struggled the most in the past?

6) If you have hindered relationships, what does God want you to do based on the message passages?

Good thought, hurt you not, gossip never, friends forever.

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) Why does merely talking about Christianity often muster up negative images and angry reactions?

a) We’ve seen bad things happen from Christians in the past.

b) We’ve seen Christians being judgmental toward others

c) We’ve seen Christians being good at pointing out sin, but doing the same thing – hypocrisy.

d) We’ve seen Christians live one way on Sunday, but another during the week.

e) We’ve grown up under domineering parents that forced Jesus down our throats, and it didn’t seem to make sense.

f) People don’t like the light of God’s truth. People of the darkness would rather run from the light.

g) People don’t want to be convicted of their sins.

h) The hurt or pain caused by people resonates within and our flesh and emotions want to react.

i) People may be hardened in their sin, so they react at anything related to Christianity.

j) Crusades and wars in the name of “God.”

Digging Deeper:

2) What was David’s response to his soldier who told him the Lord had given his enemy into his hand in 1 Sam. 24:1-10?_He wouldn’t kill Saul__. How is David’s response different than way the world thinks? What are the circumstances in 1 Sam. 26:7-16?

a) David told his men he would not kill Saul, but he did cut off the corner of the robe. His conscience bothered him and he repented.

i) David restrained his men from killing Saul in a vulnerable situation.

ii) David chose not to get even or strike out.

iii) David was controlled and trusted in the Lord’s actions.

iv) David recognized the Lord’s will for Saul’s life. The Lord did not direct David to kill Saul, even though he could have.

v) David confronted Saul, but would not take personal vengeance.

vi) David ran from trouble as Saul pursued him. That was a wise move, because Saul was bent on killing him. David didn’t want to confront the Lord’s anointed. If Saul was the Lord’s anointed, then the Lord would deal with Saul. It was not David’s right to touch him. That’s takes discernment! That’s how believers should look at those who offend them. Give a wide berth to let the Lord do His own divine discipline on the offender.

b) David approaches Saul in the night with Abishai. Abishai wanted to kill Saul, David said no. Saul was still God’s anointed.

i) David had an easy opportunity to kill Saul and leave in the night before the other soldiers found out.

ii) David took the spear and jug, to let Saul know he could have caused harm, but didn’t, to show Saul he was not the enemy.

iii) David rebuked Saul’s chief of staff, because Abishai was a leader.

iv) David blessed Saul, so Saul could have the opportunity for repentance, but Saul refused to repent.

3) With whom did Moses get counsel in the conflict with Korah, Dathan and Abiram (Num. 16:1-33)? __God___ . How would you classify Moses’ anger (Num. 16:15)? How does this compare with the principles taught in the message?

a) Moses ‘anger was righteous indignation. He willingly declared his innocence, by not seeking his personal agenda or revenge. Moses’ anger was not how they treated him, but how they treated the one God appointed to lead the people. The rebellion of Dathan and Abiram was really a rebellion against God, so Moses’ anger was appropriate.

b) There is a time when correction must be made. God acts in love to correct a rebellious son (Heb. 12:5-6). Moses went to the Lord, instead of taking matters into his own hand. He let the Lord take revenge if there was going to be vengeance.

i) Blessing from Moses had to include the entire people, because Moses was the leader of the entire people. It would be wrong for Moses to just be nice to Dathan and Abiram. Moses was responsible for what happened to all the people. Dathan and Abiram’s rebellion would bring God’s discipline upon all the people, so Moses, as leader, had to act on behalf of all of them.

ii) Never confuse a biblical stand against evil with being nice. The blessing is from God’s perspective, not what an offender may want or desire. The blessing should be what is best for the person if the person was humble. The blessing should be love according to what is good for the person as much as possible. But if the person acts wickedly the blessing may be to step aside so God can impose divine discipline as He did in this case.

Making application of the message to life:

4) How does God want you to deal with sins against you in the past?

a) He wants me to forgive and send the penalty to Him. He is just and will deal with it in wisdom.

b) He wants me to choose to be ready to bless. I need to let Jesus replace the pain with the action of blessing another.

c) He wants me to be His servant and ready to rebuke in humility is necessary.

d) He wants me to be ready to reach out to the person in spite of their evil actions. Those “reach out” actions are to bless the person, not get even or make miserable in any way.

e) He wants me to not nurture the bad feelings I may have had from the offense.

f) He wants me to continue to consider how to bless, until the pain goes away and divine enablement becomes supreme 2 Pet. 1:3-4.

5) What aspects of forgiveness have you struggled the most in the past?

a) The feelings of past pain, nurtured to become bigger than the problem.

b) Desire to seek revenge, rather than giving it to the Lord.

c) Desire to get even without anyone knowing something was done.

d) Not trusting God to act against the person to make up for the pain the person has caused.

e) Not wanting to be available to bless or disciple to the truth.

f) Not wanting to become united in thinking with one mind.

g) Taking back the pain and thinking about it, rather than letting it go.

h) Keeping track of the hurt in some kind of a list.

i) Comparing the hurt he caused as greater than the hurt I might have caused…..

6) If you have hindered relationships, what does God want you to do based on the message passages?

a) Forgive and then seek to bless.

b) As appropriate, to seek restoration of the relationship.

c) DO actions of blessing, rather than just thinking about it.

d) Taking action to bless by going out of my way, rather than avoiding the person.

e) Not turning my eyes away from the person, but going to the person and greeting them and making appropriate concern.

f) As far as it is possible with me, to be at peace with others Rom. 12:18.

g) If it is the government who abuses its power over years and years, then stand up to it. First help it see the wrong it is doing. Then help it by giving plenty of opportunities to repent, that is, change what it is doing.

Chaplaincy: Opportunities and Issues

Posted on March 5, 2013 by shepherdbryan

These notes were prepared for and presented at the 2013 Chafer Theological Seminary Bible Conference in Houston Texas at the West Houston Bible Church. They will give you an overview of the Chaplaincy and Chaplain work, specifically related to churches. Please go to official sites of the Armed Services and various other Chaplaincies for other current information. “For God and Country.”

Chaplaincy Opportunityand Issues

Dr. Bryan J. Hult

This presentation seeks to answer the following questions:

1) What is a chaplain?

2) What arenas besides the military utilize chaplains?

3) What is their historic role?

4) What are current challenges and problems?

5) What is the future of the chaplaincy?

6) How can local churches be involved with the military?

7) How should we help those who get out and deal with issues related to PTSD or injuries?

1) What is a chaplain?

a) Definition of a Chaplain: A chaplain is a credentialed minister recognized by a faith-based organization to render spiritual care to assigned recipients in a non-religious institution, like the Army. Chaplains serve in hundreds of capacities from the military, to hospitals, prison, sports, businesses, educational institutions, police and fire departments. He/she can be Protestant, Catholic, or even Jewish, Buddhist or Imam. The chaplain is a non-combatant, i.e. he does not carry a weapon.

b) Definition of a Chaplain Assistant: A chaplain assistant is a soldier required to assist the chaplain in the function of his ministry. He sets up the worship service accoutrements (accessories) for the specific worship service. Once he has set up the environment, he may participate in Scripture reading while in garrison, but while in a combat environment, he pulls guard duty to protect the worshippers. He must be able to stand in the place of the chaplain as the commander’s spiritual advisor and brief the staff in the absence of the chaplain. He carries a weapon and rides shotgun, while the chaplain drives, to provide protection while in transit.

c) Derivation:

i) The origin of the term “chaplain” was established in the time of St. Martin of Tours of the fourth century, who encountered a beggar. Martin tore off his cloak or capella, cutting it in two and giving half to the beggar. That night he saw a vision of Jesus wearing half the cloak. He allegedly became a Christian and was baptized. He left the army and devoted his life to the church. The French named him a patron saint in the Middle Ages and the “capella” symbol was carried into battle by kings as a banner signifying the “presence of God.” A priest was appointed to go with the banner as the custodian and representative of God. He was called the “cappellanus” and rendered religious care for the king. The place where the capella was kept was in the “chapel,” or place of worship and the priestly office was called the “chaplain.”

ii) Chaplains originally and currently serve in combat taking soldiers to God and God to soldiers, which continues to be a creed of Army chaplains today. They connect heaven to the soldier or recipient of ministry, regardless of faith group

d) Duty: Chaplains today provide military service members (or the recipient in the related assignment) with spiritual guidance and pastoral support. Military chaplains take the same oath of office as all officers. He vows to support and defend the constitution of the United States and protect a soldier’s right to the free exercise of religion. Chaplains are advisors to the commander and staff on spiritual, ethical and moral issues. They must be able to defend and provide the opportunity of worship for all soldiers of all faiths in order to practice their own faith. They must be willing to work with spiritual leaders of all faiths in order to meet the spiritual needs of every individual in their unit, hospital, prison or institution. They are free to proclaim their faith in any and all services they conduct, whether in a chapel, ship, or combat environment. However, the military does not allow open proselytizing.

e) Differences: Chaplains have standard requirements.

i) Requirements for serving on active military service: He/she must be:

(1) A member of the clergy in one of 200 denominations recognized by the Armed Forces Chaplain Board.

(2) Qualified spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and morally to serve in the Armed Forces.

(3) Sensitive to the religious pluralism of every service member.

(4) Possess a bachelors degree of 120 hours and theological degree of at least 72 hours.

(5) U.S. citizen.

(6) Favorable clearance from the National Agency Security Clearance.

(7) Pass a physical examination and fitness test for the branch assigned.

(8) Normally two years experience in the pastorate.

(9) At least 21, but not more than 42 with several exceptions for reserve officers.

ii) Religious faith:

(1) Each chaplain must be able to provide for, but not to the individual to practice his desired religious convictions. A protestant chaplain does not perform last rights, but can pray for a dying soldier. A rabbi chaplain does not need to lead a mass, but provide transportation to a Catholic gathering or secure a priest chaplain to minister in his location.

(2) Chaplains are not allowed to proselytize, but if the soldier asks about the chaplain’s faith, then the chaplain is free to share and discuss his views. The chaplain needs to be wise as a serpent and innocent as a dove.

(3) There is camaraderie among chaplains across faith lines. Chaplains must agree prior to being commissioned to function in a pluralistic environment. Should chaplains ignore that principle once serving as a chaplain, he/she will be counseled and eventually put out.

iii) Reasoning to serve:

(1) I chose to serve in the military and provide opportunities for Catholic, Jewish, and Muslim soldiers because it gave me a chance to build a bridge to all soldiers. As I established credibility, it gave me an opportunity to share my faith in many cross-faith situations.

(2) I had two emblems on my collar. I had a crosswhich designated me as a spiritual leader in the protestant faith and I was able to share the gospel on many occasions by asking five simple questions:

(a) Do you ever talk about spiritual things?

(b) In your opinion, who is Jesus Christ?

(d) If something tragic were to happen, do you know where you would go? (the corollary was, “If God were to ask you, “Why should I let you into heaven, what would you say?”)

(e) If what you believed were not true, would you want to know the truth? The answer to the first four questions merely tells me where the person is spiritually. If a non-free grace theological answer is given regarding salvation, then I ask them the fifth question. IF they say yes to the fifth question, then it is not proselytizing. I am merely answering their question. I had freedom to hold Bible studies and discuss truth. I was paid by the government to lead soldiers in their faith and share my faith.

(3) I also had a rank on my collar. I looked at the rank having two purposes:

(a) First, it told me I needed to do what I could to get that soldier ready to serve on the front lines and die for his country if needed. But it also gave me the opportunity to serve for his well-being as a soldier, son, daughter, husband, wife, father, or mother.

(b) Secondly, it gave me an opportunity to use my position to influence people. The higher the rank, the higher I could influence for the good of the organization and provide spiritual and biblical support. It also meant I could assist a greater number of soldiers and chaplain ministry teams called Unit Ministry Teams (UMT).

f) Distinction of Religious versus Military assemblies:

i) There are two types of assemblies:

(1) Memorial ceremoniesare command functions, which mean the commander has established the assembly as a requirement for all soldiers. All soldiers are required to attend and the soldier has no choice. The chaplain is requested to respect the faith views of all the soldiers. It’s more than a secular gathering, but it is not an opportunity to shove your faith on soldiers who have no choice in the assembly. The chaplain respects the soldier so that when the soldier is ready, the chaplain can share the truth as the chaplain understands it. The truth is always received better by an open heart than a resistive one.

(2) Memorial Services are faith-based services according to the wishes of the soldier or his family as communicated to the chaplain. If the memorial is identified as a Memorial Service, then soldiers will have a choice about their attendance. The chaplain can be free to conduct the service wisely using the opportunity to communicate truth.

ii) Recognizing prayer in the two assemblies:

(1) Prayers – Chaplains are not restricted on how they are to pray. However, they can lose opportunity to pray if they disrespect the soldier. If a chaplain uses his platform to shove Jesus at people, soldiers will often resist. That chaplain will often lose future opportunities. They will be classified as a non-team player on evaluation forms.

(a) When I was in a command function (soldiers required to attend) I often prayed to “The Battle Captain of History” and everyone knew I was talking about Jesus Christ. I often prayed in “Thy holy name,” or words to that affect. Some people liked it when I gave a two sentence Scriptural example prior to the prayer to stir up their faith, some commanders were wimps and only wanted the prayer.

(b) When the assembly is considered a Service, the chaplain has total freedom.

(2) You do not have to pray a certain way. In wisdom, it’s not an issue.

2) What arenas, besides the military, utilize chaplains?

a) Chaplains are utilized in a multitude of fields. In addition to the military, chaplains are involved in hospitals, prisons, sports teams, businesses, educational institutions, police and fire departments. Each has slightly different requirements. Sports teams likely have the least requirements, but the personal connection must be much stronger.

b) Hospital Chaplains

i) Hospital Chaplains serve a variety of patients and the purpose of the chaplain is to help in the healing process according to the designated faith of the patient. The chaplain must gain an understanding of hospital and medical procedures to provide counsel regarding surgery, powers of attorney, Living Wills, etc. The chaplain is also a key spiritual support to staff members and care providers. They must be able to work well in a team environment and follow professional rules of ethical behavior and confidentiality, especially related to HIPAA rules.

ii) Hospital Chaplains are required to have a theological degree. Which degree depends on the size of the hospital; credentials from a recognized denomination; and a certain number of Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) units. Most hospitals require four hours to be accepted as an active chaplain; normally 2-5 years pastoral experience; human relations skills and computer skills for generating reports.

c) Similar requirements exist for other types of institutions.

3) What is their historic role?

a) The origin of the “chaplain” term is explained above.

b) Army Chaplaincy began under the care and desire of George Washington who wanted God’s providence on the colonial side. On July 29, 1775, Congress approved the positions and pay for 15 chaplains to oversee the care of 23 regiments. Washingtonwanted the chaplains to lead services, to visit the wounded, to honor the dead, to write letters for soldiers who couldn’t write and to provide patriotic encouragement to soldiers, lest they desert. There were 25 chaplain deaths of the 218 chaplains who served in the Revolutionary War. During the Civil War, General Grant asked his chaplain regarding a flogging sentence of 50 lashes. The chaplain at first did not want to comment, but Grant informed the chaplain it was his responsibility to advise the commander on requested issues. The chaplain said it was excessive and Grant restricted the number to 25.

c) The first Senate agreed on April 25, 1789 to elect Chaplain Samuel Provost to serve the senators, their families and staff with spiritual support and council. The Chaplain opens the Senate sessions in prayer and today conducts a weekly prayer breakfast.

4) What are current challenges and problems?

a) Current data: There are about 6000 chaplains and chaplain assistants in all branches of the military. The Army has over half of them.

i) The National Guard has 723 chaplains assigned and is at 90% fill. There are 800 chaplain assistants at over 100% fill. There are 34 Catholic Priests, 3 Rabbi’s, 29 female chaplains and 24 female chaplain candidates

ii) Chaplain Candidates. These are 2LTs (or they can be prior-service officers who branch transferred to the Chaplaincy and carry their previous rank) who are enrolled in a theological education program. They are currently serving one weekend a month and have summer training time to acquire their basic training. The candidate can assist in a service, but is not to serve alone or provide counseling alone. Once he completes his education, he completes the process to become a chaplain. Currently, there are so many chaplain candidates, the system is restricting the number, so that upon their graduation, they will have a place to serve. They also are non-combatants and are non-deployable.

b) Recruiting

i) It is not a problem on Active Duty or the Reserves and National Guard as a whole. However, in the Northeast and Pacific Northwest, there are shortages. There are also shortages in the low-density faith groups (low number of soldiers in a faith-group compared to the number of overall soldiers), females and diversity of representation of all faith groups. That means, for example, there are greater numbers of some faith groups than others. The military has had greater problems recruiting chaplains to represent certain faith groups. The quota system had been done away a couple decades ago, but diversity has become a significant talking point.

ii) Army National Guard has removed full-time recruiters for chaplain specific requirements. That means the recruiting function falls back to the senior chaplain, or State Chaplain. Fortunately, vacancies are low for now. The State Chaplain has many functions to juggle and may cause future shortages, depending on the job market.

c) Budget

i) All chaplain conferences have been cancelled this year. There will be no senior level training conferences or regional conferences attended by all ranks of chaplains and chaplain assistants. They are trying to do more VTC hook ups and training. Big Army is looking to save 6 Billion in each of the three remaining quarters of the fiscal year and 18 billion by the end of the fiscal year.

ii) Big Army may take back some of the missions that the Reserves and National Guard have being doing for the past decade. Big Army has already retrieved the Balkan mission with a maneuver Task Force.

iii) In the past, the Army has allowed the Reserves/Guard to be over-strength, depending on the state and unit. Some states allowed 125% fill and a few even allowed 200% in low density specialties like chaplains. That all reverted to 100% because of budget.

d) Don’t ask don’t tell (DADT) – has been a non-issue for most chaplains. There was early anxiety, but it allegedly becomes less a factor for ministry each year. Other outside religious organizations have made it an issue, probably for funding and emotional awareness. However, chaplains are saying it hasn’t affected their ability to minister to this point. I don’t necessarily agree with them in the sense that the loss of morality has a subtle affect on all ministry. Also, it could present challenges for chaplains to provide counseling for same-sex couples. I have no reports of problems in that area.

e) Defense of Marriage Act(DOMA)

i) All expect an overturn of the Defense of Marriage Act by Supreme Court action not later than June, 2013. Department of Defense (DOD) is in the process of implications and effects. Secretary Panetta recently signed the provision that homosexual partners would have equal access to Arlington National Cemetery with the same provisions as previous marital spousal rights. This new policy has huge implications for chaplains, because of a question regarding freedom of speech and actions, particularly in Strong Bonds seminars, marriage ceremonies, chapel use, preaching and teaching.

ii) Chaplains are affirmed that their ministry will not be adversely affected.

iii) Strong Bonds are the marriage seminars for deploying and redeploying couples. Will Strong Bonds be taken from the Office of the Chief of Chaplains (OCCH)? In other words, if, because, when the chaplains have to make decisions of whether to give the seminars with same-sex couples in attendance, how will they have to rephrase and address issues? The question exists, “Can Strong Bonds survive without the efforts of the chaplains to build and maintain the program?”

f) Realignments of reserve and National Guard units with different Combatant Commands is an on-going challenge leaving old units and forming bonds to new units, often in other states.

g) Church employment – Churches are regularly less inclined to keep or hire pastors who also serve as chaplains in the Reserves and National Guard. The number in Illinoisis 55% and 10% in Alaska, who serve in a church. Indiana has 32% of the chaplains serving in a church. The rest of the Indiana chaplains are serving in a prison chaplain role, National Guard full-time role, overseas role or a few who have non-pastoral roles. In Kentucky only 25% of their chaplains are local clergy. New chaplains in Kentuckyhave left the state in search of church employment elsewhere.

h) Chaplain experience– Chaplains who obtained their training from brick and mortar schools are often broader in their thinking and versatility in ministry, because of interaction with other students and professors. This is in contrast to “on-line” chaplains. The “on-line” education has been great to help many obtain their degrees, but because they get to do things their own way rather than adjust to the seminary structure, they are sometimes less inclined to be open to ministry with a broad section of people, especially those who are not of their faith group. Obviously, they need to continue to grow. However, young chaplains have been called on to deploy early in their career and the mobilized environment is a tough place to learn how to function cross-culturally. It just means more mentoring is required from senior chaplains.

i) Contradictory legal policy between Federal and State guidelines related to National Guard chaplains. The Federal policy is that the chaplain is exempt from providing any chaplain/client counseling information to authorities. The State policy varies from state to state for reporting purposes. This sets up a tension and each chaplain must choose.

5) What is the future of the chaplaincy?

a) Chaplains who serve in churches have many positive opportunities:

i) The opportunity to serve their country while fulfilling a call God has placed on his/her life, i.e. patriotism.

ii) The opportunity to minister in venues, from which the average pastor is restricted. Chaplains have access to a segment of people no other gospel pastor can reach.

iii) Professional Military Education (PME) enhances pastoral skills. The leadership, self-discipline, administration, relational skills, and counseling opportunities are all enhanced through PME. Management of a unit ministry provides extra insight into how to manage a church. There are additional courses like Emergency Medical Ministry, or Clinical Pastoral Education which can often be obtained at no cost to the church. It’s a win/win situation if the church would open its eyes to the opportunities.

iv) The educational financial support for furthering civilian education is unmatched. The chaplaincy requires chaplains to progress through training. It is part of life-long learning. The country pays the chaplain for this. Churches should rejoice the chaplain gets an extra incentive for their increased training and preparation of serving those who provide freedom to worship.

v) The Tri-Care Reserve Select insurance makes it less expensive for churches when wanting to hire a pastor. This can make the Chaplain more employable when using this benefit. This can save a church budget thousands of dollars.

vi) Physical fitness is required of chaplains. This enhances medical fitness and provides for fewer illnesses.

vii) Supplemental incomes to a pastor’s civilian salary include military salary for two days a month, 15 days a year with potential bonuses, student loan repayment and more workdays. These are tremendous opportunities for both the chaplain and the church. Unfortunately, some church members become resentful or jealous over the peanuts that a chaplain makes. Church possessiveness is a shame.

viii) Situational awareness of other cultures. In many seminaries, the student is exposed to his own culture or limited exposure to other cultures. In the military, he is exposed to a multitude of faith groups and cultures. To be an effective chaplain, he must have a basic understanding of other practices. Some chaplains in particular denominations have been opposed to learning about other faith groups, but they’ve lost the missionary zeal if they ever had it.

ix) Serving a diverse group of people can be refreshing and satisfying. It makes the chaplain refine and polish his position.

b) Fewer chaplains in the National Guard are serving in churches. The percentage was about 50% several years ago. Consequently, chaplains have less pastoral experience. Some chaplains are prison chaplains and some are State Highway Patrollers. Many of the chaplain candidates have non-church related jobs. They do not see the value of serving in a church while going through seminary. The problem is there are too few paying jobs at church to help a chaplain candidate while he is in school. They will need real ministry experience, but many do not see the need for that until just before they become a chaplain. Too many chaplains are acquiring their degree from an on-line seminary and have little face to face interaction. Problems in the individual do not surface because of this. The Active Duty may require that chaplains who are pursuing “on-line” training have to do some training “in residence,” often two years.

c) Church/Chaplain tension.

i) Chaplains use agreements with their church to ensure continued employment as military duty occurs. However, churches often do not hold a position for more than six months. Churches are reticent to ‘call’ a pastor who is in the Guard or Reserve. Churches do not want to face the loss of their pastor during deployment. LCMS has a program called “Operation Barnabas” that works with Districts and congregations on finding a ‘fill in’ clergy and helping them understand how they can better reach out to the veterans in their communities.

ii) Citizen-Soldier pastors do not fall within the guidelines of Uniformed Services Employment and Reemployment Rights Act (USERRA). They are not guaranteed a job when they return from deployment. The Law does not cover chaplains, so chaplains are often required to look for a new church after deployment. Most active duty leadership just shrug their shoulders and express little concern.

iii) Chaplains, who are also Citizen-Soldier pastors, find it difficult to spend time on military education in addition to drill. Although all Soldiers face the same dilemma, pastors do not fall under USERRA. Some churches do not see military education as beneficial to their church, when in fact it is very helpful.

iv) Some clergy at about the 10 year mark have been told by their congregations: “Choose between us or the military.” On occasion a General Officer Chaplain has interceded, but chaplains don’t lobby for themselves.

d) Suicides among the ranks. This is an increasing chaplain difficulty and opportunity. Soldiers, because of multiple deployments and lack of spiritual orientation, develop a lack of hope. Problems often fester because of the “Hooah” attitude and soldiers don’t address the real problems. Chaplains are too often without a good answer and fail to use the opportunities to provide spiritual solutions. Too many commanders expect chaplains to develop secular answers to spiritual problems.

e) Downsizing will go on, but there is no guidance at this point. Thus far, the decisions are to cancel conferences and to keep ships in harbor… do VTC conferences, etc.

f) Ministering to the next generation of soldiers. Traditional approaches do not seem to reach the younger generations. Chaplains are very traditional in reaching out, which does not seem to reach the younger generation of soldiers.

g) Job opportunities. There has not been a lack of applicants for active duty and Reserve/Guard slots. The lack of regular church opportunities seems to cause chaplains to look to the military chaplaincy as potential ministry.

6) How can local churches be involved with the military?

a) Relationship with State Chaplain – find out who the State Chaplain is and develop a relationship of trust. Do not presume on him, because he’s part time and has a hundred military issues he’s dealing with along with his church responsibilities. Understand what you as a church could provide and make that available to him. Do not presume your help will immediately help, because you become another coordination effort.

b) The military is protective of servicemen and their families. The military must protect the privacy and safety of members. There are many predators who want to take advantage of a spouse while the soldier is on deployment. Anonymous gifts and merchandise can be given: to any soldier. However, particular names will not be given out, unless a relationship is formed between the church or agency and the military through proper channels. That will be different according to each state. Sometimes connection can be made through the State Chaplain’s involvement with Partners in Care (see below). Sometimes it can be through the Family Readiness organization within the Joint Force Headquarters. You can also contact the personnel department for information. Contact the switchboard and begin asking questions, but at least give the chaplains an opportunity.

c) Partners in Care (PIC)– This is a ministry that several States Guard have initiated. It began with the State Chaplain in Maryland and has spread to several other states, like Ohio, Illinois and Oregon, which have similar programs. PIC is a Guard program whereby congregations or agencies extend free of charge support to all referred soldiers and their families from programs they offer without regard to the recipient’s religious affiliation. Basically the state chaplain or a representative makes contact with at least one faith-based organization in each county. There are a whole series of agreements between the faith-based organization and the military to protect the privacy and situation of the military member.

7) How should we help those who get out and deal with issues related to PTSD or injuries?

a) What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)?

i) PTSD can result from any event that is traumatic to the individual, including combat or dealing with combat death or injury, but it also includes natural disasters as well as rape, murder, and even giving birth.

ii) The trauma results from the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness in the horror of an event.

iii) It can result from an attack on your person or even the threat of an attack.

iv) The results can be dreams, flashbacks, or a turmoil of feelings that are triggered from a memory, smell, sound, or jolt.

v) The person often responds as if the traumatic event is happening again and may include hallucinations or flashbacks. They feel like they are right back in the traumatic event, even though they may not remember all of the event.

vi) The person often avoids situations that remind him of a traumatic experience.

b) Medical aspects of PTSD

i) There is no certainty to a medical cause. There are no tests, scans are analyses that can identify a medical source. Difficulty in understanding PTSD is compounded with Traumatic Brain injuries (TBI).

ii) Almost all medical drug tests have been made with differing results, but nothing definitive. There is no set medical cure that can be made, only tried. Most medical professionals would recommend avoiding isolation, returning to work and avoiding experimenting with drugs and alcohol.

c) PTSD is described in various ways

i) Many soldiers will describe feelings or desires for isolation, loss of purpose and sense of brokenness.

ii) They describe flashbacks, dreams, and sleep disturbances. Additionally they describe hyper-vigilance, hyper-reactivity and startle response during a flashback or trigger. On the other hand, many describe shame, guilt, anger, fear and depression that they cannot connect to an event, but describe as their feelings.

iii) Civilians have similar challenges. Civilians describe fear, worry, depression, anger, loss of purpose and victimology, that is feeling like a “victim.” They describe struggles with relationships, marital problems and sexual dysfunction. Furthermore, eating disorders, substance abuse, shame and guilt are prevalent.

iv) Unfortunately, too many counselors and caregivers do not help build their faith or disciple individuals with biblical solutions, while recovering from episodes.

d) How do you deal with it biblically? This is a very cursory explanation.

i) Consider Joseph in Genesis 37-50. He did nothing to cause his problems of being sold into slavery by his brothers or thrown into jail by Potiphar after his wife lied. He was forgotten by the cupbearer. For at least 13 years, he entrusted himself to God’s purposes (Gen. 50:20). He understood God’s providence (Gen. 50:20; cf. Rom. 8:28). Joseph may have struggled greatly in the first few years, but we know by Genesis 50:20, he overcame.

ii) Consider God’s overall plan and sovereign work in John 11. Jesus knew exactly the situation with Lazarus and he depended on God’s work for His glory.

(1) All actions should be done for God’s glory 1 Cor. 10:31

(2) We can trust God through every circumstance with God’s Word Roman 8

(3) We need to learn principles of moving on and pursuing God’s ground Phil. 3:1-14

(4) Trusting God brings His peace that surpasses all comprehension Phil. 4:1-10

(5) I can grow in my relationships with others John 13

(6) I can deal with fear through God’s love 1 John 4:9-19

(7) I will get my opportunity to experience the sovereignty of God and His sustainment, even as Job did. Help them take their circumstances before the Lord and help them learn about God’s sovereignty. Job 1-42. Help them by believing them and standing with them during their crises.

e) Use the following two sheets for practical discipleship/counsel:

These two sheets give a summary of the book written by Chaplain (LTC) Ramsey Coutta called,

“The Veteran’s Toolkit for PTSD.” It is posted on March 6 of this site. The purpose of the two page summary is not to take anything away from the book, but to provide a synopsis to disciple-makers and counselors in helping soldiers and civilians deal with issues related to PTSD. I extend deep appreciation for Chaplain Coutta’s excellent ministry and service to our soldiers and to our Country.

Overcoming Difficult Relationships for Him

Posted on March 4, 2013 by shepherdbryan

This message was presented on March 3 as the sixth part of a study on Relationships from the book of Colossians, concluded in September, 2012. The purpose of the study in relationships was to show the importance of relationships, which can often be messy, but problems in relationships can be overcome if we understand our expectations, the reason for why we need to restore relationships and how to overcome difficult relationships. These six messages begin to scratch the surface on dealing with the intimate reality and joy of relationships.

Overcoming Difficult Relationships for Him

Romans 12:9-21

How do you deal with difficult relationships? I’ve heard many people say, “I’ve forgiven him; I don’t have anything against him.” Some will respond, “I’m glad you have forgiven. That’s wonderful for not holding onto the anger for his mistreatment. I guess the question is, ‘Why do you still talk about him that way?’” Many genuinely believe they have forgiven a person and left that conflict in the past. They hit the delete button, but the emotions are still there. They feel held back. Sometimes the reality of the hurt and emotional pain remains because the person is still living in close proximity and he doesn’t seem to want to reconcile, change or acknowledge the pain.

Mitsuo Fuchida was the lead bomber pilot for Japan in the Pearl Harbor attack. Once the planes were off the carriers, he was in charge and he was the one who signaled, “Tora, Tora, Tora!” He was a proud samurai soldier and Shinto-worshiper. He said it was his most thrilling exploit of his career.

Fuchida was at Hiroshima the day before the atomic bomb dropped, but he left just in time. A couple days later, he went back with a team and all the other team members died, but Fuchida was pronounced in good health. He was recuperating from an appendectomy on a ship during the Battle of Midway and his ship was sunk, but he was rescued with only two broken legs.

Fuchida hated MacArthur for his perceived arrogance. But it was MacArthur who called for American missionaries to evangelize Japan. Three years after World War II, Fuchida embraced Christianity. Why? God was working on his heart. Fuchida asked questions about life and watched God work in nature. But he also heard of an 18-year-old volunteer hospital worker and met one of the sergeants in the Doolittle Raid over Tokyo.

At the Japanese surrender on the U.S.S. Missouri, MacArthur spoke of “freedom, tolerance and justice.” Fuchida thought justice was on Japan’s side, but the USA had greater power. MacArthur closed his message saying, “Let us pray that peace be now restored to the world and that God will preserve it always.” In Fuchida’s questions about life, he was skeptical. He doubted his own emperor who spoke of everlasting peace, and he didn’t believe the General now. All Fuchida knew from history was self-serving nations looking out for their own interests. War will always result.

Fuchida also saw God at work in nature. Because he had no other way of living, he bought a parcel of land and became a farmer. He watched things grow and looked at the sky and wondered what made it tick. As he looked into the bright night sky and saw the North Star so steady and useful, he began to see the workings of a supreme intelligence. He began to see all things were dependent upon a divine Creator. He became ashamed of his old independence and realized his own existence was from the Creator. In his writings Fuchida said, “The Creator is wonderful.” But he did not become a Christian until he met the reality of Christ in a genuine Christian.

Fuchida was prejudiced to believe Japanese prisoners were treated as horribly as American prisoners. But one by one as he interviewed returning POWs, he discovered he was wrong. Many returned with tales of kindness and several spoke of one young woman in particular. Her name was Margaret “Peggy” Covell. She was 18 years old and worked in a POW camp as a volunteer social worker. A man said, “Something happened at my camp which made it possible for all of us to stop nursing our resentments and to return to Japan with lightened hearts.”

Peggy Covell ministered to POWs with tireless energy and grace. She would say, “If you’re uncomfortable or need anything, let me know. I’ll do anything I can to help you.” Three weeks into her work, some of the prisoners asked, “Why are you so kind to us?” They were not prepared for her answer. “Because Japanese soldiers killed my parents.”

Her parents, Reverend and Mrs. Covell were missionaries at a school in Yokohama. Before the war, all the workers relocated to Manila in the Philippines. When the Japanese conquered the Philippines, they discovered in the Covell’s belongings a small portable radio which they were convinced was a secret communications device. They were tried as spies and beheaded.

Peggy was in the states and did not learn of their death for quite some time. At first, she was filled with bitter hatred for the Japanese. Then, as she thought of her parents and the sacrificial service they had given to bring the gospel to that nation, she became convinced they would have forgiven their captors before they were executed. She would have to do the same.

Fuchida was greatly affected by her story. He began talking to every POW who had known “Peggy” Covell. In time, he found the members of the military who had executed her parents. He wanted to know exactly what the Covells had said or prayed before they were beheaded.

The Japanese considered revenge honorable. A man captured and awaiting death never forgave his captors. He prayed to be born again seven times, and to exact revenge in each life. The Japanese word for revenge, ‘katakiuchi,’ means literally ‘attack enemy.’ Fuchida fervently believed in the principle of ‘katakiuchi.’ Now he heard a story of unjust suffering and death, and a daughter left alone, but no vow of vengeance from either the dying or the survivor.

As Fuchida began reading the Bible, he found his answer in Luke’s gospel. Hanging on the cross, as Jesus’ life was ebbing away, He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:24).

Surely these words were the source of the love Peggy Covell had shown. It came to Fuchida that, as they knelt to die, Peggy’s parents had prayed just such words: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Tears sprang to Fuchida’s eyes. By the time he had finished reading Luke, Mitsuo Fuchida took Jesus Christ as his personal Savior. Why? Because a young woman, a teenager, was willing to forgive the murders of her parents and she replaced the anger and desire for revenge with forgiveness and blessing. How do you deal with difficult relationships?

Emotions will certainly be a difficult barrier when choosing to forgive, but that’s why Paul says, “Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. (Rom. 8:37) The first step is to ask Jesus to replace the pain with blessing the offender.

1) Let Jesus replace pain with blessing Rom. 12:14-21

There are too many examples of difficult relationships that cause pain. Last week a nine-year-old boy took his life, because of bullying. There are 4400 cases of suicide reported to Center for Disease Control (CDC) each year and 440,000 attempts. That is a lot of pain.

There is parental abuse from children, which continues at an alarming rate, normally on mom. It is usually hidden and not discussed. There are about 900,000 cases of child abuse reported to Child Protection Services (CPS) each year. How many go unreported? Then you add in all the abuse in marriage between spouses and the pain goes off the charts. David said it so well of his situation, “You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?” (Ps. 56:8) Let’s understand, pain, comes from sin, one way or another.

How do people often respond to that pain? There are many human approaches. Some of them include:

· Lash out to fix the person

· Don’t get mad, get even (and there are many ways to do that)

· Avoid the person, so you don’t let your anger out

· Avoid the person, so you don’t have to deal with feelings

· Be silent and avoid the conflict

Man’s ways will not deal with the difficult relationships well. What does God say? Let’s look at Romans 12:14-21.

Paul writes in Romans 12:14, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” The word “persecute” is used in both a positive and negative sense. Positively, it means “to make run or flee” or “pursue.” Paul uses it in a positive sense in Phil. 3:12 when he said, “I press on.” In the negative sense, it means “to harass” or “trouble,” hence “persecute.” Our flesh doesn’t want to bless. Consider Peggy’s loss of parents to Japan. They were trying to help the Japanese, not hurt. They were killed unjustly. Has injustice ever happened to you?

Then Paul adds, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Rom 12:15) Paul’s point is to determine what is going on with the other person. Then join them. Get your eyes off of yourself and put your eyes on the other person. If they are rejoicing, then rejoice with them. If they are weeping, then weep in comfort with them. Peggy Covell looked and asked herself, what do these Japanese prisoners need? She came alongside the prisoners and sought to ease their confinement hardship. You do this by seeking to be of one mind, “Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.” (Rom 12:16) Join with others in unity of the Spirit and don’t set yourself above them. Seek a humble status.

Then Paul cuts to the chase and says, “Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.” (Rom 12:17) Paul is clear. Repay no evil. How would you respond to those who murdered your parents? Would you have a little lingering resentment? At least avoid the group who committed such a vile act? Peggy Covell, not only forgave, but she replaced the pain with blessing. There is no room for doing wrong to anyone.

There is no room for reaction. There is no room for sinning when someone else sins. Instead, do what is right in the sight of most people. Don’t do what culture accepts. Do what is good in the sight of all men. He adds, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. “(Rom 12:18) If it is possible, live peaceably. If it is possible, not based on the actions of others, but as it depends on you, live peaceably. If it is possible, and sometimes it is not possible as it was not possible with the founding fathers and the English crown, live peaceably. You then mirror God’s desire.

Why does God want us to live at peace with others? We live at peace, because only God knows when it is best to take action and He will lead in the long term if you depend on Him. Paul clarifies this, “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.” (Rom 12:19) Give place for God’s wrath to act. If you act, God will step back and let the offender off the hook. Let God act, because He will exact the right vengeance as required by the holiness of God. God knows perfectly well what to do. He is able to exact whatever justice is necessary. He is able to ensure the offense receives the precise retribution. He knows what is just. Have you ever wondered if people have felt enough pain in return for the pain they caused? Sometimes we hurt enough, or we have stewed over the hurt enough and it seems to grow. Send the pain and penalty up to God through forgiveness. This is the principle explained in the three slides describing forgiveness. See the link at: http://renewingtruth.blogspot.com/#!/2013/02/forgiveness-restoring-relationships.html

Finally, Paul gives practical application for how to deal with a difficult relationship. Paul addresses the need of the offender. If the offender is hungry, feed him, or give him a drink. Why? So that you may bless him, “Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” (Rom 12:20) That’s what Margaret Covell did. It is a God thing! Heaping coals is a blessing, because it means you give him coals for a fire pot that he uses to carry back to his home to bake bread – coals of fire is a blessing. Paul summarizes, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom 12:21) It is easy to be overcome by hurt and pain, so make the choices to do good, to bless. That’s what Peggy did so that the POWs returned back to Japan lightened from their oppression and not bitter.

The second miraculous work you can do in a difficult relationship is to let Jesus help you disciple the offender to the truth.

2) Let Jesus help you to disciple him/her/them to the truth 2 Tim. 2:24-26

²⁴ And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, ²⁵ in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, (2 Tim. 2:24-25)

Is there any Christian who cannot be a servant of the Lord? No, all Christians can choose to be a servant. As a servant, the servant can choose to be gentle to all and teach what he knows and be patient. Each is a choice under the filling of the Holy Spirit. But the servant is not merely choosing to be nice. There is also a time to carefront and correct someone in opposition. The reason is that God may (or may not) grant repentance. The person may repent, or he may not repent. Now why would God not grant the person to repent? God may allow the person to be hardened toward the offendee. Why? Because God may have other ways toexalt His glory!

Does God not grant the offender repentance to make you miserable? No, never. But He would allow that, so you could see the miracle of the Holy Spirit working in your heart to deal with the offense and transform you to bless and disciple the person, or at least bless from a distance if you are not able to restore the relationship. God may want to show the world that His power in you to remain patient or remain unified or remain stable is greater than the offense. Will you humble yourself to the Holy Spirit? You may be the demonstration of God’s grace and mercy, “so that they may know the truth.”

The last part of the passage enlightens to the reality of the angelic conflict, that is, the spiritual warfare going on in the human conflict, “and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.” (2 Tim. 2:26) The offender who doesn’t repent is really ensnared by the devil. Be patient and thank God that you arefree from the wicked one. Have compassion on the offender, so that you might be able to come to the aid of the offender once he does repent.

The third action in which you can see the miracle of God’s power through you is to let Jesus bless those whom He can – through you.

3) Let Jesus bless, through you, whom He can 1 Pet. 3:8-12

Jesus may not bless some people, because they remain hardened and will not accept His blessing. Jesus doesn’t force His blessing on anyone.

The context of the passage in Peter begins in 1 Peter 2:13, where Peter exhorts everyone to be submissive to governing authorities and laws of the land. In 1 Peter 2:18, Peter exhorts servants to be submissive to their master, just as Jesus was submissive to the Father’s will. In 1 Peter 3:1, Peter exhorts wives to be submissive to their husbands and then in 1 Peter 3:7, Peter exhorts the husband to be submissive to the Lord in order to live with their wife in an understanding way. One of the main reasons for this submissiveness is so that there can be order instead of conflict. When submissiveness is lacking, because humility is lacking, there will be conflict. So Peter summarizes this in 1 Peter 3:8-12,

⁸ Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous;

⁹ not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.

¹⁰ For “He who would love life And see good days, Let him refrain his tongue from evil, And his lips from speaking deceit.

¹¹ Let him turn away from evil and do good; Let him seek peace and pursue it.

¹² For the eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their prayers; But the face of the LORD is against those who do evil.” (1 Pet. 3:8-12 )

God calls every believer to be united in their thinking and that is only possible with a heart of compassion, with tenderheartedness and with courtesy toward one another. That is possible only in the filling of the Holy Spirit. Furthermore, Peter practically calls the believer to not return evil for evil (1 Pet. 3:9), just as Paul did in Romans 12:17. Why? Peter spells out that we were called to return a blessing to people, so that we might inherit a greater blessing.

In fact, Peter calls the believer to turn away from evil and seek peace. That can only be under the power of the Holy Spirit. Our flesh would much rather fight back or internalize in self-pity. And finally, Peter declares that God is just and He is fully aware of our prayers and His face is against those who do evil. We don’t have to be concerned that God is unaware. He will not let the guilty go unpunished. Let God take care of that. You walk in peace as far as it depends on you.

Jesus said it best to the disciples. He said,

²⁷ “But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,

²⁸ “bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. (Luke 6:27-28)

Are you listening to Jesus? Are you committed to Jesus as your Head? Are you a committed disciple? Then do these four things: 1) love your enemies; 2) do good to those who hate you; 3) bless those who curse you; 4) pray for those who spitefully use you.

There are going to be relationships that you will not be able to reconcile. You may have parents who have now died and you are living with the angst of hurt and pain from growing up. You may have lived with a person who criticized you for years and you know they moved out of country, but you have no idea where. You may see the person who deeply hurt you at Meijer regularly and they still hate you, passively or actively. You may see friends who continue in a good relationship with offenders, but you cannot. You may have to deal with your ex-spouse because of sharing time with children. You may have fellow employees or supervisors who continue to be nasty and you can’t leave the job. What do you do? Look for opportunities to bless and wait on the Lord. Do what Joseph did.

Joseph was sold by his brothers into slavery, but turned his hardship into blessing. After he was slandered by Potiphar’s wife, he covered that sin with God’s love. When Joseph became the prime minister of Egypt, can you imagine the opportunity to go back to Potiphar and set the record straight? Or when his brothers came down to Egypt to secure grain for the family back in Israel, how he could have thrown his brothers to be tortured and forgotten in prison? But Joseph recognized and appreciated the love and mercy of God.

After Joseph’ father, Jacob, died, the brothers concocted a phony scheme. They were still afraid Joseph may have resented them so they sent a messenger to Joseph saying that their father begged for Joseph to forgive them for their sin of selling Joseph into slavery. Joseph wept.

Joseph was not like them. Joseph was compassionate like the Lord Jesus Christ. In fact, when his brothers approached Joseph declaring that they would be Joseph’s servants, Joseph responds with the godliness that the Lord has worked in his life,

¹⁹ Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God?

²⁰ “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.

²¹ “Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. (Gen 50:19-21)

Note three things about Joseph’s response that we need to apply to our lives. First, Joseph would not assume the place of God and take action against his brothers. When you take revenge, you put yourself in God’s place. Let God be God. Secondly, Joseph understood that God was using the evil of his brother to work a greater good that could not have been done without that evil action. And thirdly, Joseph promises to provide for them and he comforted and spoke kindly to them. He wasn’t resentful or bitter. He wasn’t sarcastic or abusive. He spoke kindly. That is what you are called to do toward your offender.

Now understand this is not pacifism. This is not being nice and acting like a rug. This is not saying, “Well, people will be people and I can’t do anything about it.” It is blessing to preserve holiness. You may need to act to preserve holiness for your family, or your church or even your country. That’s what our founding fathers did when they wrote up the grievances. After years and years of seeking restoration and just and fair hearings, the founding fathers broke from the English crown and recorded the 27 grievances in the Declaration of Independence. Our individual responsibility calls us to seek peace, as far as it is possible with us. Here’s the point:

Jesus will right every wrong, so you can choose to be a blessing!

· God has called us to be a blessing. Return no evil; give of yourself to bless.

· Trust the authority of the Word by faith to forgive and bless. If you are struggling with pain over many months, have you forgiven and asked God to use you to bless the offender?

If you do, you may impact the person, who will then bless the world around you. That’s what happened to Mitsuo Fuchida.

Tears sprang to Fuchida’s eyes. By the time he had finished reading Luke, Mitsuo Fuchida took Jesus Christ as his personal Savior. At this time, he had no Christian friends, no one to help him; no one to share his new experience.

God sent Fuchida a messenger, one of the Doolittle Raiders. After the April 18, 1942 bombing of Tokyo, Jacob DeShazer and his crew bailed out over China. There they were captured and sent to Shanghai. Three officers were executed; the others spent the duration of the war in prison camps with beatings and starvations.

DeShazer hated his captors and it almost drove him crazy. But he remembered truths taught by his Christian parents. One day, he was given the use of a Bible. In that prison camp, he surrendered his life to Jesus Christ and promised to return to Japan as a missionary.

Sometime in October 1948, in downtown Tokyo, Mitsuo Fuchida was handed a leaflet by an American man titled. “I was a prisoner of Japan.” Eventually, he located a full-length book DeShazer had written and devoured its contents.

DeShazer had concluded that his Japanese ministry had been a failure. In the middle of a fasting and prayer vigil during which he was pleading with God to send some evidence that He was using his work. Fuchida was the answer.

Fuchida was impressed by the force of DeShazer’s testimony. In time, Fuchida and DeShazer became friends and the former Doolittle Raider helped Fuchida learn to stand before crowds and give his story.

Mitsuo Fuchida died in 1976, but for the final 25 years of his life, he told crowds all over the world of Jesus Christ who had protected his life and saved him. Large numbers of people, especially in Japan, turned to Christ as a result.

This scratches the surface of dealing with difficult relationships. Take these principles and they will carry you a great distance to be godly and be united in Spirit in the bond of peace.

A wonderful phrase that we teach children is how to deal with difficult relationships:

Good thought,

hurt you not,

gossip never,

friends forever.

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) Why does merely talking about Christianity often muster up negative images and angry reactions?

Digging Deeper

Making application of the message to life:

4) How does God want you to deal with sins against you in the past?

5) What aspects of forgiveness have you struggled the most in the past?

6) If you have hindered relationships, what does God want you to do based on the message passages?

Q & A: Restoring Relationships for Him

Posted on February 28, 2013 by shepherdbryan

This is a suggested consideration for the “Message Based Discussion Quesions” that go with the message “Restoring Relationships for Him” posted February 25, 2013 and given on February 24, 2013. The first part of this includes the full insert information. The last portion provides considerations for suggested answers. There may be many answers that can be given, but these will provide you some thoughts on starting your thinking process.

Relationships: Restoring Relationships for Him

Matthew 5:23-24

Why do you need to restore relationships?

1) God reconciled the world to Himself as our pattern

2 Cor. 5:18-19

· Eph. 2:16; Col. 1:19-21; Rom. 5:6-11

· Forgiveness is God’s nature Neh. 9:16-17

· When God forgives, it’s complete Ps. 103:10-12; Is. 38:17; Heb. 10:14-18

· God forgives me when I was His enemy Rom. 5:8-10

· God’s infinite forgiveness costs me nothing 2 Cor. 5:21

2) Restoring relationships is more important than worship

Matt. 5:23-24

· Eph. 4:31-32

· Forgive –nasah to lift up; salah- ready to forgive; aphiemi – send away.

· God wants you to forgive as He does Matt. 18:21-35

o Forgiveness is designed for all people Matt. 18:1-5

o Forgiveness means taking sin seriously Matt. 18:6-9

o Forgiveness in the kingdom means going after the lost Matt. 18:10-14

o Forgiveness must be processed orderly in mercy Matt. 18:15-21; 22-35

3) Restoring relationships is my responsibility to Him

Luke 17:1-10

Restore relationships for Jesus’ sake,

because He has restored you!

· Forgiveness is a vertical choice Mark 11:25, so that you can love.

· Forgiveness starts vertical, the horizontal depends upon the offender accepting responsibility and asking for forgiveness Luke 17:1-4.

· Forgiveness is not forgetting. Jer. 31:34.

· How do I know when I’ve forgiven? Some say, “ I love God,” I just can’t deal with a few of His people. What about 1 John 4:20-21?

· When you forgive, do not demand restitution (sometimes it cannot be retrieved or repaid), but instead you demonstrate mercy and love toward him with a goal of reconciliation. Restitution is part of the process of restoration and should lovingly be pointed out to the offender.

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) What bothers you most about religious fanatics?

Digging Deeper:

2) How many steps does Jesus give in Matthew 18 for restoration? ___________ How would you describe the restoration process to a child? What are danger points in the process?

3) What are at least five descriptions of love in 1 Cor. 13.? _______; __________; ___________; ____________; _______________.

How does 1 Corinthians 13 influence the practical aspect of forgiveness?

4) To whom are you to offer your body a living sacrifice in Romans 12:1? ______________ What are other principles regarding forgiveness that we can learn from Romans 12?

Implementing the message to your life:

5) In what relationship situations is restoration difficult? What do you do? What counsel would you give another on what to do?

How do you know when you are restoring for Jesus sake?

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) What bothers you most about religious fanatics?

a) They don’t want to listen to other people, but if they’re fanatical about Jesus, I can’t argue with that.

b) They have a one track mind.

c) They don’t care what others think or say, so they often don’t build bridges to help others understand.

d) They are not very balanced in life.

e) They come across very opinionated. But if they are opinionated for Jesus, then who can argue with that!?

Digging Deeper:

2) How many steps does Jesus give in Matthew 18 for restoration? ___three_____ How would you describe the restoration process to a child? What are danger points in the process?

a) Considering a child, it has to be concrete and use a brother or sister example. Let’s say a brother took his Xbox and threw it or stepped on it. Most children don’t have the patience or self-discipline to carefront the brother in love. He’ll just throw a tantrum, start yelling, or cause harm against his brother. So help the child consider the character of God, and that God is still in control. Help him remember that all things belong to God. Help him learn that his relationship with his brother is more important than having the toy that was destroyed and there is a way to seek help from God – through the parents. Then go to the brother and say in a confident, but calm and patient way, “Brother, you broke my toy.” If your brother hears you and changes his thinking to say, “I’m sorry,” or even “Will you forgive me,” then you’ve restored your relationship and won your brother. But if he doesn’t listen, then go get your parents, or an older brother or sister if your parents aren’t home and do the same thing in a confident, but patient and calm way, “Brother, you broke my toy.” If he hears and changes his thinking to say, “I’m sorry,” or even “Will you forgive me,” then you’ve restored your relationship and won your brother. If he doesn’t listen to you, then let your parents decide what to do. Trust your parents to do what is right.

—The child may be in school, so help him see similar steps, but in this case, get counsel from your parents. The friend whom you get or your teacher may not understand biblical truth or procedures and you can create greater problems.

b) Danger points include:

i) Thinking you know exactly what happened. You may have misunderstood or not seen all the details. So use Gal. 6:1 and look to yourself to try to understand the matter from the offender’s perspective, then discern God’s leading.

ii) Approaching the person impatiently or with self-righteousness or anger (Jam. 1:20). The person will likely dig his heels in and resist.

iii) Expecting the person to respond immediately. He may be resisting the Holy Spirit already and it may take a few hours for the person to be convicted.

iv) Talking about the situation with someone who is not a part of the solution before talking to the offender. We talk to others out of the name of trying to get information or sharing our problem or trying to get prayer support. Just as “Loose lips sink ships,” so loose lips create havoc in a church and between relationships.

v) Not following the order of Matt. 18:5-17. If you bring others in too quickly it may create problems. However, a girl should never approach an older man by herself. She should have a protector with her or even have the protector do the talking depending on the circumstances. God does not expect a bruised reed to approach a walled city. Keep the situation in context with all of Scripture. Seek discernment from God’s Word (Heb. 5:12-14).

vi) Not confronting and just hoping “time will heal.” That’s the approach too many of us take and that’s why relationships continue to crumble. That’s why the world doesn’t see the miracle of God’s restoration process.

vii) Bringing up other issues and blaming the person. It’s like someone who asks for forgiveness and says, “Please forgive me for yelling at you, WHEN you slammed the door in my face.” That’s not taking responsibility. First, ask for forgiveness of what you did wrong, then seek restoration of the relationship. Then when the relationship is restored, carefront the person, or disciple them to the truth.

3) What are at least five descriptions of love in 1 Cor. 13.? _patient_; _kind__; __not rude__; _bears all things_; __never fails__. How does 1 Corinthians 13 influence the practical aspect of forgiveness?

a) When I approach an offender, I must have all these expressions of love present and visible to the offender.

b) I must be patient, because the person may resist at first.

c) I must use kind words, because I’m seeking to restore, not for my purposes, but for Jesus’ sake.

d) I must not be rude or sarcastic, because that is not love and that will often be misinterpreted by the offender.

e) I must not keep a record of wrongs suffered and become hysterical or historical.

f) I must “bear all things,” in that I put up and bear with the sins of others as I rise above the adversities and disciple them to the truth.

g) I must “believe the best about all things,” in that I trust God is at work in both of our lives and I believe that God will work in both of our hearts to restore the relationship. So I keep doing the right thing rather than getting even or expecting right actions.

h) I must “hope for the best about all things,” in that I have my hope in God, not the other person to change.

i) I must endure all things, in that I may have to go through suffering in the relationship for awhile, until God moves in his life. And I must not fail. I can’t do this unless I’m trusting in Jesus and depending on the power of the Holy Spirit.

4) To whom are you to offer your body a living sacrifice in Romans 12:1? _to God___ What are other principles regarding forgiveness that we can learn from Romans 12?

a) If I’m going to be effective in restoring someone, I need to commit my life to God as a holy sacrifice. I can’t enter into restoration processes without God’s blessing (12:1)

b) I need to keep on renewing my mind to understand how God is using the circumstance to help me grow up, because God is able to use every situation to help me be conformed to the image of Jesus (12:2; 8:28-29)

c) I need to think not highly of myself, that is be arrogance, or I will approach in self-righteousness rather than humility (12:3)

d) I need to recognize that the offender may be a part of the body of Christ and I need to treat the body of Christ with respect, care and humility. Even if wronged and a firm rebuke is required, I need to look for the best interests of the other person, not at my own pain or hurt (12:4)

e) I need to recognize I may not be very good at this and others may be better. Maybe I could learn from others without mentioning the circumstances or names, so I could be more biblical (12:6-8)

f) I need to approach without hypocrisy (12:9), in other words, I’m not doing it to fix the person, but to help us both draw closer to Jesus.

g) I need to approach with kind affection, even if he’s wrong, given preference to his preferences instead of my own. That is, if I’m hurt over style or preference, I may need to recognize that his action is not sin, but just another way of doing things. If my feelings are hurt, I may need to grow up (12:10)

h) I need to be diligent to seek restoration of the relationship (12:11)

i) I need to be patient in approach and steadfast in prayer (12:12)

j) Dot, dot, dot… I need to live peaceably as far as it depends on me (12:18)

Implementing the message to your life:

5) In what relationship situations is restoration difficult? What do you do? What counsel would you give another on what to do?

a) Marriage relationships are likely the most difficult, because of the intimacy and love that is shared. The expectations are hard to control. It’s easy to be greatly hurt by the one from whom you expect love (Eph. 5:22-33).

b) Children relationships can be difficult if we don’t follow Deut 6:6-9.

c) Church relationships can be difficult because we’re supposed to be worshiping God and some don’t understand the division that they may cause by their preferences or antagonistic actions (Acts 20:29-30)

d) Business relationships can be tough, because it’s a dog eat dog world and the bottom line is always the dollar. People pursue that so strongly that the principles of God’s Word go out the window (Pro. 3:10-15)

e) Neighbor relationships can be challenging, because you’re living right there and you want to witness the gospel, but agreements, plans, preferences can get in the way (Pro. 3:26-31)

f) The counsel would be to move slow, but deliberately.

i) Be prayed up and confessed up.

ii) To follow Gal. 6:1-5

iii) To make sure your eyes are on Jesus (Heb. 12:2)

iv) Accept this as an opportunity to grow (2 Pet. 3:18)

v) Do the right thing (Jam. 1:22)

6) How do you know when you are restoring for Jesus sake?

a) That is often hard, because our hearts are desperately wicked (Jer. 17:9-10)

b) Sin is deceitful and we don’t realize what our motives are (Heb. 3:13)

c) I know when, I have forgiven and sense love toward the person (Mark 11:25)

d) When I realize that the incident is one in which God is teaching me how to become more godly (Rom. 8:28-29)

e) When I am thankful in the situation, because I trust God is at work and will use it to glorify Himself (1 Thes. 5:18; John 17:1-3)

f) When I am more concerned with his welfare, than my own harm (1 John 4:20-21; John 13:31-35)

g) When I am patient and calm in my approach (Gal. 6:1)

h) When I go to the person, I accept that he may not respond, that is I don’t expect the person to just do the right thing immediately and I don’t react if he doesn’t (John 13:1-35)

i) When I am willing to serve the person (John 13:4-5)

j) When I am willing to disciple to the truth (John 13:6-17)

k) When I am willing to rise above the circumstances (John 13:18-30)

l) When I am willing to overcome and love exactly as Jesus does (John 13:31-35)

m) When it’s for Jesus and not for me (1 Cor. 10:31)

Q & A: Expectations in Relationships

Posted on February 20, 2013 by shepherdbryan

This is the Questions and considerations for answers to the Message Based Discussion Questions for the message “Expectations in Relationships” given on Februrary 17, 2013. The manuscript was posted on February 19, 2013. The insert in included below with the blank questions followed by considerations for answers below that. How would you answer the questions? That’s what matters to the Lord.

Expectations in Relationships: You’re supposed to serve me!

John 13

1 Samuel 18:1-4

How does Jesus want you to approach relationships?

1) Jesus shows you how to finish well loving others John 13:1-3

2)      Jesus wants you to serve others John 13:4-5
3)      Jesus wants you to disciple people to truth John 13:6-17
4)      Jesus wants you to rise above adversities John 13:18-30
5)      Jesus wants you to overcome by loving others exactly as He does John 13:31-35

Godly expectations anticipate Jesus working through you

so you can love others!

How do you implement this?

1) Accept that you have expectations..

· If you expect people to always do the right thing; remember your dates, name, appts.; anniversary. If you expect people to be civil, raise their kids to be perfect, come to church with their saintly face on. If you expect people to protect the holiness of others, expect display of modesty, or not use course jokes. Acts 20:29-30 distorted, misinterpreted; 1 Cor. 16:9.
· Expectations can be wonderful IF godly, or they can harm

2) Practice three things:

·         Compassion – genuine awareness of another’s suffering that leads to a desire to help.
·         Forgiveness – pardon for an offense without treating him as a offender
·         Forbearance – patience under provocation. Willing to stand alongside someone in trouble.

What does it mean?

1)       Means I accept suffering and am willing to endure it for another’s sake.
2)       Means I’m willing to live with the poor. Jam. 2:1-5
3)       Means I resist the temptation to favoritism Jam. 2:1-5
4)       Means I’m committed to persevere in hardship.
5)       Means rejecting a personal happiness and comfort agenda than another’s standing with God.
6)       Means I live with a commitment to forgive.
7)       Means I overlook minor offenses by focusing on the big things God is doing.
8)       Means I won’t compromise on what is morally right and true. I will point others to God and the Word, and not condemn.

Here is the insert questions without suggested considerations for answers. The suggested considerations are below this. What answers would you give?

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) The greater the gap of what you expect in life and what you experience will create a tension that you may or may not deal with well. What are some examples of expectations and actual experience that people might see in schooling, occupation, marriage, family and/or retirement?

Digging deeper into the text:

2) What are two of God’s expectations in Matthew 28:18-20? ___________________; _____________________________ What are some of the challenges to the fulfillment of that mandate?

3) What are two of the expectations the writer to the Hebrews has in Hebrews 5:12-14? ________________________ ; _________________________ How does Hebrews 5:12-14 define our responsibilities so that we can discern godly expectations?

4) Choose two of the passages below. What are examples of expectations versus experience in the following? Gen. 4:4-15; 13:1-15; 17:1-18; 22:1-19; 37:1-28 (cf. 42:21).

Implementing this message to your life:

5) What are expectations that you may have had that God has taught you were wrong? Based on the principles of the message, what do you need to do?

6) How can you learn to discern what are godly expectations for schooling, occupation, marriage, family and retirement? How does that impact your relationships?

Here are suggested considerations for answers to the questions. How would you answer the questions? This is about your thoughts and understanding, not merely regurgitating what you see below.

Message Based Discussion Questions

a) I expected an A and received a D in my Ancient Israel class – the last class of college! Boy was I disappointed and even after talking to the prof, I didn’t have much satisfaction. It seemed he took my “Christian world-view” historical answers applied to his secular world-view answers and down-graded me.

b) I expect to be treated well by fellow employees, but their ridicule makes me not want to go to work! Or, I thought I should be able to share in the profit sharing, and only the upper-level management received payouts!

c) I expect my wife to understand me, but she just wants to talk herself and she doesn’t really care. She just keeps talking trying to understand from her perspective and we keep moving further apart.

d) I expect that I’ll be able to go golfing and traveling in retirement, but with the new taxes, I’ll be fortunate enough to be able to go to a movie!

Digging deeper into the text:

2) What are two of God’s expectations in Matthew 28:18-20? __Trust His authority ___ ; _make disciples__; _baptize converts_ ; __teach others___. What are some of the challenges to the fulfillment of that mandate?

a) I fear rejection

b) I fear I won’t be able to answer questions

c) I fear I might not look cool or be cool

d) I fear that I’ll look like a fool being dependent on religion

e) I’m too busy

f) I have other things to do

g) I haven’t been trained

h) I don’t know enough

i) I don’t know how to baptize someone or know what to teach

j) Someone might find out I don’t know everything.

k) If they are hungry, they’ll figure it out

l) I think the pastor should do all that. He gets paid to do it.

m) I don’t like other people.

3) What are two of the expectations the writer to the Hebrews has in Hebrews 5:12-14? _should be teachers already_ ; __should be able to feed yourself from the Word_; __ Should be able to discern good and evil___. How does Hebrews 5:12-14 define our responsibilities so that we can discern godly expectations?

a) I should grow up spiritually

b) Quit being totally dependent on the spoon feeding of others.

c) I should learn from those who are teaching and look for opportunities to learn.

d) I should learn to depend on the Lord and teach others.

e) I should learn to bring my senses under control and depend on the Holy Spirit to discern good and evil

f) I need to hunger for the bread of life (Matt. 4:4) and the Milk (1 Pet. 2:1-2) and press upward (Phil. 2:12-14).

g) I need to step up to the plate and take responsibility to serve others and teach others in appropriate opportunities.

4) Choose two of the passages below. What are examples of expectations versus experience in the following? Gen. 4:4-15; 13:1-15; 17:1-18; 22:1-19; 37:1-28 (cf. 42:21).

a) Gen. 4:4-15 – Cain expected God to receive and respect his offering, but God did not. When God rebuked Cain, Cain chose to disobey God, destroy the competition and suffer life-long consequences.

b) Gen. 13:1-15 – Abraham left Egypt with his nephew Lot and they expected to get along. But, Abraham’s and Lot’s herdsmen argued and wouldn’t get along. Abraham gave Lot the choice of what he wanted. Abraham delivered Lot from capture, but saw Lot’s home destroyed.

c) Gen. 17:1-18 – Abraham expected God to give him an heir, but not through his body. He thought it might be through Hagar, but that just caused problems. Abraham laughed at God’s solution. Abraham’s expectations of God were not what God provided.

d) Gen. 22:1-19 – Abraham obeyed God expecting God to somehow resuscitate Isaac off the altar. God stopped Abraham in time and provided another sacrifice. Abraham obeyed God and God provided another means without making Abraham go through the actual sacrifice of Isaac.

e) Gen.37:1-28 – Joseph was Jacob’s favorite and Jacob expected Joseph to be treated well, but at least fairly. Joseph had a dream from God and he expected his family to listen to him. Instead they twisted what God was doing and took matters into their own hands selling Joseph into slavery. They expected they would be done with thinking about Joseph, but his memory haunted them (42:21).

Implementing this message to your life:

5) What are expectations you may have had that God has taught you were wrong? Based on the principles of the message, what do you need to do?

a) I expect people to treat me well. That won’t happen. Comments and actions will be done as a test to see if I will entrust myself to God and be a spiritual parent to the person by rising above the adversity and discipling to truth.

b) I expect my spouse to respect me. That may not happen. Words will be said, delays will happen, projects will not be completed, promises will not be kept. I need to rise above the adversities, and serve my spouse.

c) I expect my children to obey me. They will rebel at times. I must rise above the adversity, disciple to the truth, serve them by diligently helping them understand and obey the truth and love them to the end.

d) I expect people in America to keep conservative values. Many do not. I need to rise above the adversity and disciple those who will respond to the truth until the end of my opportunities to disciple.

e) I expect people whom I have disciple to respond and want to disciple others. It often doesn’t happen. The result is not the key as much as me being faithful, available to be used by God, intentional in discipling, teachable myself and Holy Spirit controlled.

6) How can you learn to discern what are godly expectations for schooling, occupation, marriage, family and retirement? How does that impact your relationships? Godly expectations:

a) Study Scripture to know God’s holiness and truth in each area.

b) Seeking the Holy Spirit’s illumination to discern God’s way versus man’s way.

c) Study Scripture to understand the growth process and what to expect from people.

d) Trust God with the outcome of circumstances, because he knows God can work any situation for good (Rom. 8:28).

e) Trust God to work in a disciple’s heart to respond and walk worthy of the Lord (Col. 1:10) to be complete in Christ (Col. 2:9-10).

f) Consider the eternal perspective for each area to what God would want for each area.

g) Consider that in each area, God’s mandates of the Great Commandment and Commission are still the important issue, not my personal desires or wants.

h) Ask other wise persons for accountability to keep growing in these areas.

i) If I’m not growing, I won’t learn blind spots or grow to become a spiritual parent.

j) I’ll struggle through some relationships because I won’t understand some of the dynamics of conflict in relationships.

k) I keep certain close relationships, because they are comfortable, but I’ll avoid others, because I don’t learn how to love them as Jesus does.

MSG: Expectations in Relationships

Posted on February 19, 2013 by shepherdbryan

This is the message given on February 17, 2013, the fourth message in a relationship series begun in November, but held during an Advent series and Strategic Vision series.

Expectations in Relationships: You’re supposed to serve me!

John 13

God has three wills. There is the direct will, where God says or does something and it happens. For example, when God said, “Let there be light,” light happened. Then there is the indirect will of God, where God uses an agent or agency to accomplish His will. For example, when Scripture says that children are to obey their parents, the children learn God’s will through their parents. The parents are the agency through whom God makes His will known and be accomplished. Then there is God’s permissive will. God’s permissive will is what God permits, even though it may not be what God desires. God allows many things, like sin, that are not His desire, but He allows them to happen for His greater glory.

In God’s permissive will, He let Israel pursue a king like all the nations around them. God knew people emphasized the physical, overt and human standards, instead of a heart pursuing God. God knew that people would want a tall, good looking man as king. Israel still hadn’t learned the principle “When people get what they want, they don’t want what they get.” Israel wanted meat, so God gave meat to them until it came out of their noses. They got what they wanted, but didn’t want what they got!

So regarding a king, God chose Saul. The Bible says, “There was not a more handsome person than he among the children of Israel. From his shoulders upward he was taller than any of the people.” (1 Sam. 9:2) He was big on the outside, but a shrimp on the inside. Saul made life about himself and he had expectations that showed it.

Saul showed life was about himself in many ways. He didn’t take responsibility for being king when he hid among the baggage at the time of his coronation (1 Sam. 10:22). After two years of reign, he attacked the Philistines and war began. He probably didn’t think the Philistines would attack back or he thought he’d be more successful. So when the people began to depart and Samuel had not arrived to lead in the sacrifice to God, Saul offered an ungodly sacrifice (1 Sam. 13:12-13). Then his kingly position really went to his head and his humility flew out the window, when he called for the execution of his own son Jonathan. He foolishly ordered that no one could eat, until he had taken vengeance on his enemies. He expected his son to hear and obey when his son had not heard (1 Sam. 14:27).

Saul showed his expectations when God ordered Saul to destroy the Amalekites. Saul completed the mission, but only partially. Instead of accepting responsibility, Saul made excuses for his disobedience. Saul expected people to serve him, because he was king. He, consciously or not, really thought He was God and He could decide how far He needed to complete the mission. Saul also expected David to play the harp and be a servant, but Saul wasn’t concerned for David’s condition, position or life. When people honored David, Saul’s jealousy wanted to kill David. Saul expected the world to revolve around him.

In contrast, Jonathan, Saul’s son, saw the Lord blessing David and he loved David,

Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. ² Saul took him that day, and would not let him go home to his father’s house anymore. ³ Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. ⁴ And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt. (1Sam. 18:1-4)

Jonathan used his position as Saul’s son to bless and protect David’s life. Jonathan was next in line to be king, but he was more interested in God’s will than his own desires. What do you expect out of relationships? Everyone has difficult relationships. They can be at home or at work. They can be with someone you love, that is part of your family, or they can be with the neighbor next door that likes to work on his hot rod at 11 pm. How do you deal with trouble in relationships? What do you expect? How do you ensure relationships grow instead of grumble? How does Jesus want you to approach relationships?

The key is how Jesus approaches relationships.

1) Jesus shows you how to finish well loving others John 13:1-3

Imagine all that Jesus went through in loving His disciples! Jesus spent 3.5 years discipling twelve men. Jesus dealt with loud mouth fisherman Peter, who was always sticking his foot in his mouth. He dealt with Simon the Zealot, who often complained about the other sick, lame and lazy guys who couldn’t keep up. Then there was Judas whom the Spirit revealed would betray him. Shouldn’t Jesus have gained some undying respect from his disciples? Surely they would stand with him through a tough time.

Jesus knew that His hour had come. Now before the feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end. (John 13:1) Jesus shows us that even in your darkest hour (this was His), you can love others, because God the Holy Spirit will empower you to love others. You don’t love others, because they are so great, but because that is God’s will and it mirrors what God did for you (1 John 4:19).

His hour had come, yet after the bickering, complaining, comparing of the disciples, He loved them to the end. After three years of living, traveling, eating, training together, Jesus loved them to the end. Even at this point the devil was working in one of Jesus’ disciples – Judas. Jesus kept loving to the end. And supper being ended, the devil having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray Him (John 13:2).

So couldn’t Jesus expect something from the disciples whom He had poured so much into? Shouldn’t they take care of Him? Shouldn’t He expect them to stand with Him? Jesus didn’t expect that, because He knew His time had come and He knew the heart of man. Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God (John 13:3).

No instead of expecting the disciples to act in a certain way, Jesus kept loving them to the end. The question is “what does that love look like?” The rest of the passage shows what that love looks like. People will often say, “I love you,” but their actions show something different. They may say it so nice and sound so genuine, but their actions are empty or even contrary. Notice how Jesus shows His love.

2) Jesus wants you to serve others John 13:4-5

When you are weighed down with difficulties, problems and trouble, what do you normally want? Do you want to serve? Get real. Most of us would rather just retreat to our man cave, or veg out at the television or computer. Jesus knew His time had come. But, He served others. He was a spiritual parent. He did what His disciples should have done. This was the job of the lowest ranking servant.

Let me relate that to today. Washing feet today is nothing compared to Jesus day. I’d be more than happy to wash your feet, but the disciples? Your feet are at most a little fragrant, but not like the feet of the disciples. They had far more than a little dust on their feet. They walked through dust, but also puddles from rain water. In that rain was garbage as well as animal waste in the road. Those were dirty feet! In His greatest crisis, Jesus serves. Jesus lowers Himself before His disciples and serves them,

[Jesus] rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. ⁵ After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. (John 13:4-5)

Jesus even washes the feet of the one who would betray Him. Judas had the lesson of grace, but he chose to betray Jesus.

Okay, I might get the gumption to wash someone’s feet, but don’t make me do anything else. Don’t make me talk to them in a kind way. Don’t make me cover a multitude of sins and help the person move closer to God. At least that’s what my flesh would be thinking. Notice how Jesus approaches the relationships.

3) Jesus wants you to disciple people to truth John 13:6-17

There are times when Jesus even wants you to disciple someone to the truth, in spite of the fact they have wronged you, sinned against you, and failed on their part. God wants you to let Him work through you to teach them about truth. The hard part is as you are trying to do that, people often misunderstand.

Peter misunderstood what Jesus was doing. He didn’t want Jesus to take that position of the lowest slave. Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, “Lord, are You washing my feet?” (John 13:6). Peter was trying to show respect for Jesus, but he was also playing God. He thought he knew better than Jesus about what Jesus should do. He assumed Jesus was showing just a little too much humility.

Jesus makes a simple admonishment to Peter. John records,” Jesus answered and said to him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.” (John 13:7) Too many times we don’t understand what God is doing through others. Rather than listening to understand, we assume we know what is best. Jesus is trying to help Peter, who gets righteously indignant to which Jesus must rebuke Peter. Peter said to Him, “You shall never wash my feet!” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me.”(John 13:8) You can sense a firm, but graciousness in Jesus’ voice.

Then Peter misunderstands further, to which Jesus must correct him. Simon Peter said to Him, “Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!” ¹⁰ Jesus said to him, “He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; and you are clean, but not all of you. For He knew who would betray Him; therefore He said, “You are not all clean.” (John 13:9-11) Jesus declares all of them are believers (clean), but not all (not Judas). Judas had not believed in Jesus as his Savior. Judas looked like the rest of the disciples in actions, but he was not a child of God.

Jesus was teaching the principle of confession of sins. After salvation, a person is cleansed of the penalty of sin, but because of sin in experience or life, there must still be confession of sins (1 John 1:9). God gives you life after death and life before death.

After this tangible, concrete lesson, Jesus explains it.

So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? ¹³ “You call me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. ¹⁴ “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. ¹⁵ “For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. ¹⁶“Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. (John 13:12-16)

Jesus disciples them to the truth. The Disciples didn’t understand the illustration of washing feet. It was more than teaching confession of sins. It was also that we are to disciple others to the truth. Their expectations wanted others to serve them. Jesus shows what is important – others.

Would it be hard for Jesus to do what He did? YES! It would be hard even for the humanity of Jesus. Remember, He said on the cross, “Let this cup pass from Me. Nevertheless, not My will, but Thy will be done. (Matt 26:42). Jesus was also teaching the principle that when we do the hard things, there is great blessing and the choices in the future get easier. “If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. (John 13:17) They are hard to do, because our flesh doesn’t want to do them. Fortunately there is great blessing to come, but the hard choices come first. Discipleship is never a smooth straight line. There are a variety of disappointments. There are often setbacks and loss of traction. Do the right thing.

How does Jesus want you to approach relationships? He wants you to serve others – even the hard ones. There are always opportunities to serve out of love. He also wants you to disciple others to the truth. That takes great discernment. That helps you do the right thing in the interest of the others. At the same time, He wants you to rise above the adversities of relationships.

4) Jesus wants you to rise above adversities John 13:18-30

It would be nice if we could have an easy life once we became Christians. It would be nice if we just got along. But then, we wouldn’t need the Holy Spirit to empower us to rise above adversities and reveal how Jesus is sufficient in all things.

Notice this first adversity Jesus mentions. “I do not speak concerning all of you. I know whom I have chosen; but that the Scripture may be fulfilled,` He who eats bread with Me has lifted up his heel against Me. (John 13:18) Jesus knew ahead of time that Judas was going to betray Him. How would you talk and act if you knew someone would betray you? Jesus chose Judas for this mission. And yet Jesus rose above knowing Judas would betray Him. He served him and discipled him to the truth.

The secondadversity is that Jesus knew the disciples would not get it.

Now I tell you before it comes, that when it does come to pass, you may believe that I am He. ²⁰ “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who receives whomever I send receives Me; and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me.” ²¹ When Jesus had said these things, He was troubled in spirit, and testified and said, “Most assuredly, I say to you, one of you will betray Me.” ²² Then the disciples looked at one another, perplexed about whom He spoke. (John 13:19-22)

The second adversity was that Jesus told the disciples what was going to happen and they wouldn’t be able to understand. They probably looked at Jesus like deer in headlights. Most people want others to understand the pain and problems they are going through. Jesus objectively states the truth, but doesn’t draw attention to His pain. The disciples didn’t understand. People often don’t understand.

The third adversity was actually giving the signal to Judas for him to go.

²³ Now there was leaning on Jesus’ bosom one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved. ²⁴ Simon Peter therefore motioned to him to ask who it was of whom He spoke. ²⁵ Then, leaning back on Jesus’ breast, he said to Him, “Lord, who is it?” ²⁶ Jesus answered, “It is he to whom I shall give a piece of bread when I have dipped it.” And having dipped the bread, He gave it to Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon. (John 13:23-26)

Jesus was going to give the piece of bread dipped in the wine to Judas. Some of us would have wanted to throw it at Judas! He gave Judas the symbol of His body broken for Judas dipped in the symbol of blood that would be shed for him. Jesus also knew that Judas had every opportunity, but rejected it. AND Jesus maintained such tremendous composure by the Holy Spirit.

The fourth adversity was telling Judas to go do what was part of God’s plan – to enjoin the process of betrayal leading to the flogging and to the crucifixion.

Now after the piece of bread, Satan entered him. Then Jesus said to him, “What you do, do quickly. ²⁸But no one at the table knew for what reason He said this to him. ²⁹ For some thought, because Judas had the money box, that Jesus had said to him, “Buy those things we need for the feast,” or that he should give something to the poor. ³⁰ Having received the piece of bread, he then went out immediately. And it was night. (John 13:27-30)

Wouldn’t there be a little resentment or bitterness in your voice if you had to say that? There was none in Jesus’ voice. He accepted the Father’s will and took responsibility to do what was required – even death on the cross. He even gave Judas permission to go do what would be necessary.

God is always in control. Will you accept that God is in control, when someone tries to manipulate you? When someone deceives you? When someone wrongs you? God was in control, when Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery. God was in control, when Potiphar’s wife lied and Joseph was thrown into prison. God was in control when Achan stole from Jericho and soldiers from Israel died at the Battle of Ai. God was in control, when Absalom drove David out of Jerusalem? God was in control when Solomon married 700 wives. How foolish of Solomon!

How does Jesus want you to approach relationships? Rise above the adversities. Disciple others to the truth. Serve them. If you do, you will finish well loving others. But there is one more thing Jesus teaches us to understand.

5) Jesus wants you to overcome by loving others exactly as He does John 13:31-35

We all want to overcome. Most of us overcome by separating from others. There is a time for separation. But not until we have let God work through us in all circumstances. Now, notice what Jesus says here.

So, when he had gone out, Jesus said, “Now the Son of Man is glorified, and God is glorified in Him. If God is glorified in Him, God will also glorify Him in Himself, and glorify Him immediately. (John 13:31-32)

How can Jesus talk about glory, when He has just given a piece of bread to Judas to begin the process of betrayal? He even includes glory for the Father! It is in the darkest moments that God’s grace shines the brightest. It is in the trial, the crisis, the trouble, that God’s grace is shown to be sufficient and God’s Holy Spirit is all powerful. Furthermore Jesus tells them they cannot come with Him, because they have a mission defined by the Great Commission. Little children, I shall be with you a little while longer. You will seek Me; and as I said to the Jews, `Where I am going, you cannot come,’ so now I say to you. (John 13:33) They could not come now, they have a mission.

Then Jesus gets to the pinnacle of how to approach relationships – overcome by loving others exactly as He does.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. (John 13:34)

Let’s note several things by this. First, it is a new commandment. The word “new” means new in quality, not new in sequence or time. He is not saying the other commandments are no longer needed. This is a new kind of commandment, because what God calls us to is a humanly impossible activity. No one can love as Jesus does, unless we die to ourselves and are filled with the Holy Spirit.

Secondly, the word “commandment” means it’s not an option, preference, suggestion or choice. It is a commandment from God and is a requirement if we are going to be His disciples.

Thirdly, the word “love” means to give what is best for others. It isn’t an expression someone says and then there is nothing good done. That is hypocrisy. Love is an action from personal resources done for the best interests of others.

Fourthly, the word “as” means “exactly according to the degree as.” In other words, there is a comparison made between what Jesus does and what God wants us to do. God wants us to die exactly as Jesus did for the best interests of others. He doesn’t want us to say, “I love you,” and then ignore the person or stay away from the person. If I say, “I love you,” there will be tangible expressions of that love.

Finally, it is a choice we make to be shown as Jesus’ disciples.

“By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35)

If I love as Jesus loved, I will show I am His disciple. If I don’t, then I will not let others know, because I am not His disciple.

There are good and bad expectations. Bad expectations put expectations on how others are to act. Bad expectations are really a self-focus of trying to play God. Good expectations allow God to work through you to love others. Let’s look at it this way:

Godly expectations anticipate Jesus working through you

so you can love others!

How do you implement this? First, accept that you have expectations. If you expect people to always do the right thing; remember your dates, name, appointments, or anniversaries, you’ll have trouble. They should remember, but if you have expectations, it makes relationships difficult at times. If you expect people to be civil, raise their kids to be perfect, come to church with their saintly face on, you’ll have trouble. If you expect people to protect the holiness of others, expect display of modesty, or not use course jokes, you’ll have trouble at times. Should these things be done by people? Yes! But if when it doesn’t happen, what should you do? Serve them, disciple them to the truth, rise above the adversities and overcome by loving exactly as Jesus does.

It’s like when Paul visited with the Elders of Ephesus.

For I know this, that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock. ³⁰“Also from among yourselves men will rise up, speaking [twisted] things, to draw away the disciples after themselves. (Act 20:29-30)

And

For a great and effective door has opened to me, and there are many adversaries. (1Co 16:9)

Paul didn’t expect everything to be quiet and calm in the church. He accepted that trouble would arise. When it did arise, he was a willing vessel through whom God could work to restore order and maintain the growth in the church.

Secondly, practice three things. Practice compassion, which is a genuine awareness of another’s suffering that leads to a desire to help. Practice forgiveness, which is pardoning for an offense without treating the other person as an offender. And practice forbearance, which is patience under provocation. It means you are willing to stand alongside someone in trouble.

Furthermore it means we will die to self for the sake of others.

· It means I accept suffering and am willing to endure it for another’s sake.

· It means I’m willing to live with the poor, whether financially, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. Jam. 2:1-5

· It means I resist the temptation to favoritism Jam. 2:1-5

· It means I’m committed to persevere in hardship.

· It means rejecting a personal happiness and a comfort agenda for the sake of another’s standing with God.

· It means I live with a commitment to forgive.

· It means I overlook minor offenses by focusing on the big things God is doing.

· It means I won’t compromise on what is morally right and true. I will point others to God and the Word, and not condemn.

What was the problem with Saul’s expectations? Saul’s expectations were really a revelation that he wanted to be God himself. He wanted people to adjust to him, because he was king and he wasn’t oriented to God in humility. Jonathan, on the other hand, was humble and was oriented to God’s plan, regardless of what that meant for him.

Expectations are a sign of expressing our desire to be and act like God. Do your expectations get in the way of offering grace to others?

These are the Message Based Discussion Questions on the reverse side of the insert:

Message Based Discussion Questions

Digging deeper into the text:

2) What are two of God’s expectations in Matthew 28:18-20? ___________________; _____________________________ What are some of the challenges to the fulfillment of that mandate?

4) Chose two of the passages below. What are examples of expectations versus experience in the following? Gen. 4:4-15; 13:1-15; 17:1-18; 22:1-19; 37:1-28 (cf. 42:21).

Implementing this message to your life:

5) What are expectations that you may have had that God has taught you were wrong? Based on the principles of the message, what do you need to do?

6) How can you learn to discern what are godly expectations for schooling, occupation, marriage, family and retirement? How does that impact your relationships?

Q & A: Pursuing the Role in Jesus

Posted on February 14, 2013 by shepherdbryan

This is the insert and suggested answers for the Message Based Discussion Questions of the message that was given on February 10, 2013 and posted February 12, 2013. The entire insert is included for review and the answers are only a begining of considerations of how to answer the questions. The serious student will be able to add to these provided suggested answers. SDG.

Strategy of Grace – Pursuing the Role in Jesus

Eph. 5:15-17

What kind of person does God require to do His work? One who:

· Knows and loves Jesus – The person is growing in relationship with Jesus to know and love Him. Matt 22:37-39; 1 John 2:13-14

· Practices Spiritual disciplines– This person is learning and putting into practice spiritual disciplines for growth and service. John 17:17; Rom. 8:28-29; 12:1-2; 2 Tim. 2:15

· Engages Discipleship – Matt. 28:18-20

These are the characteristics of a committed disciple we looked at several weeks ago from Matt. 4:19. These can be expanded in the acrostic FAITH

· Faithful – He humbly depends on God facing every challenge and joy of life. Matt. 25:21-23.

· Available – He’s humbly available because he has examined and reordered his life. Is. 6:8; Eph. 3:8-9.

· Intentional – He humbly goes before the sovereignty of God seeking God’s will each day in order to live that will out in his life. Phil. 3:9-14; 1:21

· Teachable – He is a humble student of God’s Word for life. Ps. 25:1-5; 2 Tim. 2:15; 3:16-17

· Holy Spirit controlled – He humbly depends on the Holy Spirit rather than his own talents, abilities or wisdom. Eph. 5:18; Luke 4:1-14

Jesus will raise you to accomplish His will

and become spiritual parents IF you pursue that!

· Jesus is a sovereign gentleman. He will not coerce you. You are not advancing only because you are not pursuing. All the resources of heaven are available to you in His Word and by His Spirit to raise you up.

· Jesus uses all circumstances to prepare you for His mission. Challenges of life are the crucible for pressing forward in His will. Your flesh will want to give up, but He will empower you to keep going.

· Every mindful person can be a spiritual parent to help others. Your humble submission to His Spirit to glorify Jesus will cause you to see His miraculous HOPE and growth in your life.

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) Who is someone you admire in the world? What are his/her characteristics?

a)      This question is designed to involve everyone in the small group and each answer will be personalized.
b)      The purpose is to allow each person to sense they have something to contribute and allow them to become transparent.
c)      E.g. I admire Mike Pence because he holds to conservative values and the sanctity of life. He is interested in helping people take responsibility for their decisions, rather than just give people a handout.

Digging Deeper

2) What are some of the fears and excuses Moses had from Exodus 3:11- 4:17? _inadequacy_ ; _lack of credibility_; _doubting self_; _slow of speech_; __fear of looking like a fool____. Today, what are fears or excuses that prevent people from taking responsibility to do what God calls them to do?

a) Same as above with Moses’ examples

b) Listening to the devil’s lie that I don’t know enough

c) Comparing self to the “great” abilities of others

d) Not wanting to look like a fool if I say the wrong thing

e) Not knowing that God is able

f) Not trusting in an ability to help others

g) Not thinking that I can communicate well to others

h) Not knowing who I am in Christ, called to serve the Lord

i) Laziness to prepare to disciple

j) Distracted by the world instead of motivated by the eternal

3) What are several characteristics required of an overseer in 1 Timothy 3:1-7? _blameless_; _temperate_; _able to teach___; _not given to wine_; _not violent, etc._. Are these characteristics that should be true only of elders? Who else should spiritually grow into these? Why?

a) These characteristics should be true of anyone discipling others

b) All people should use these as a measurement for spiritual growth.

c) Why? Every husband and father, wife and mother should strive for these as they would apply. Every single should use these as a standard. If these are the characteristics of church leadership, they are the appropriate characteristics of any leader.

4) Read the letters written to the Church of Ephesus and the Church of Laodicea (Rev. 2:1-7; 3:14-22. What are characteristics of these churches? _laboring in word_; _intolerant of evil_; _patience_; _in sin_; _lukewarm_; _wretched, poor, blind, naked_. Which church do think would do a better job of fulfilling the Great Commission? Why?

a) Either church could fulfill the Great Commission if they repented and depended on the Holy Spirit

b) The issue is not the sin or failure of the church. The issue is will they repent and humble themselves to the fulfillment of the Word by the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.

i) The church of Ephesus had much more going for it, because they were knowledgeable and were intolerant of false teachers.

ii) However, Laodicea cold still make the right decisions to humble themselves and buy gold from Jesus, white garments and eye salve.

iii) The issue is who will not make excuses and press through the fear to do the right thing regardless of the challenges.

Making application from the message:

5) How has the angel of light deceived the church today (2 Cor. 11:13-15)? How has the Vision series challenged you in your thinking?

a) The angel of light deceives by convincing people only certain people (pastors) can lead in the church.

i) Deceiving people to think that a spiritual gift is required to lead in being a spiritual parent.

ii) Rationalizing that I’m not there yet and won’t be for a few more years.

iii) Reasoning that because some people are very good at it, the Lord doesn’t need me to serve and lead.

iv) It’s women’s work and I have a job in the world.

v) I don’t have time to lead others

vi) You have to have a certain amount of knowledge in order to lead others.

vii) The work will get done some time, I don’t need to be involved.

b) The vision series has helped me see that there are stages of spiritual growth. I didn’t know what stage I was in. Now I need to press forward and continue growing, while I take baby steps of serving and discipling. I need to take the steps of faith and try opportunities. I need to do follow-up with people and develop more relationships. I need to be more consistent in my quiet time. I need to be regular at coming to church. I need to be a spiritual parent, when others do actions of a spiritual infant or child.

6) Why do you suppose God doesn’t require you to have certain “degrees” to do His work? What kinds of things hold you back from taking the next step? What could you do to take the next step?

a) Human “degrees” are helpful for background and putting the pieces of God’s Word together, but the power is in what God’s Spirit will do through the available soul. Degrees can hinder a person because of pride and self-righteousness of having the degree. God will use the ordinary person more times than a person with degrees, because they often are more dependent on God.

b) Many things hold people back. Fears and excuses per question 2. Lack of motivation to please the Lord. Lack of understanding of God’s goodness. Lack of being a doer of the Word, instead of a hearer. Fear of failure. Fear of looking like a fool. Fear of someone finding out “I don’t have my act together,” because I didn’t so something just right. Wrong priorities. A schedule that is full of busyness, but not God’s priorities. Lack of compassion to reach people. Lack of knowledge of what that step will be or mean? Failure to trust the Lord with the step.

c) In order to take the next step, I could meditate on the Word, fast, or ask others what steps I could take. I could look for serving opportunities. I could ask to shadow another person who is discipling another person. I can be in a home group. I can read books related to discipleship and small groups. I can take the step in a small way. I can look for feedback and accountability. I could fast. I could choose a verse that motivates to leading others and memorize

MSG: Strategy for Grace: Pursuing the Role in Jesus – Part 5

Posted on February 12, 2013 by shepherdbryan

Strategy of Grace – Pursuing the Role in Jesus

Eph. 5:15-17

Have you ever said, “I could never do that!”

The following is a skit used for the introduction of the message. There is the voice of God, narrator and Moses. God calls Moses to lead Israel out of Egypt, but Moses comes up with five excuses why he shouldn’t be the one who God can lead Israel from Egypt.

Narrator: Have you ever said, “I could never do that!” 3,500 years ago, after Moses lived in the wilderness of Midian, tending to the flock of Jethro on the back side of the desert from Egypt, Moses was confronted with the sight of a burning bush. Moses caught sight of the burning bush and approached it hearing a voice bellow out his name, “Moses” and telling him to remove his sandals for the ground is holy where he was standing.

God’s voice: I have seen the oppression of my people in Egypt and heard their cry. I have come to deliver them from Egypt to a land flowing with milk and honey. I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring My people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt.

Moses: Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt? (Excuse 1)

God’s voice: I WILL be with you. This burning bush is a sign to you that I have sent you.

Moses: Okay, but when I go to Israel and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers sent me,” They’ll say, “Yea right, what’s His name?” (Excuse 2)

God’s voice: I am who I am. I am has sent me to you. Now, go and gather the elders of Israel. Let us go three day’s journey into the wilderness that we may sacrifice to the Lord our God. And when you leave, you’ll ask everyone of his Egyptian neighbor and come out with abundance.

Moses: But suppose they will not believe me or listen to my voice and say, ‘God has not appeared to you?’ (Excuse 3)

God’s voice: What is that in your hand?

Moses: a rod

God’s voice: Cast it on the ground.

Moses: A snake!

God’s voice: Now pick it up by the tail. Now put your hand in your bosom.

Moses: It’s leprous!

God’s voice: Now put it back in your bosom again. [Moses does and it is whole.] And if they don’t believe you, take from the river and pour it on dry land and the water will become blood.

Moses: Lord, I’m not eloquent, neither before or since You’ve spoken to your servant; I am slow of speech and slow of tongue. (Excuse 4)

God’s voice: Who made your mouth and voice? Have I not made the mute and deaf, those who see and the blind? Have not I, the Lord? Now, therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say.

Moses: O my Lord, please send by the hand of whomever else You may send. (Excuse 5)

Narrator: God’s anger rose up against Moses for questioning and doubting His command and word.

God’s voice: Is not Aaron the Levite your brother? I know he can speak well. I will be with your mouth and with his mouth and I will teach you what you shall do. So he shall be your spokesman to the people. You will be as God to him. You shall take this rod in your hand, which you shall do the signs.

Narrator: So God dealt with the fears and excuses that Moses had and used another to accomplish His mission. Since God calls you to the Great Commission, how will you respond? What kind of person does God require to do His work?

What kind of person does God require to do His work? One who:

· Knows and loves Jesus – The person is growing in relationship with Jesus to know and love Him. He should know and love Jesus with all his heart, mind, soul and strength, in other words, with his entire being. He/she must have priorities in life whereby the Lord is first, not just fit into the schedule. If anything, other things fit around the Lord. This person doesn’t just know about the Bible, or know about God, but He knows the Lord. He is committed to following Jesus. Matt 22:37-39; 1 John 2:13-14

Jesus said to him, “`You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ (Matt. 22:37)

I write to you, fathers, Because you have known Him who is from the beginning. (1John 2:13)

· Practices Spiritual disciplines– This person is learning and putting into practice spiritual disciplines for growth and service. The person isn’t perfect spiritually, but he/she seeks to know the Lord by regular time in reading and enjoying His Word. He enjoys prayer alone and with others. He works at memorizing God’s Word in his heart for use in life. He meditates on Scripture and spends time in silence before God. He servesin different capacities. He learns worshipand practices fellowship with others. These and others are regular practices, because of his love for Jesus. Through these disciplines, he is committed to being changed by Jesus. He is in a lifelong learning mode that he might know God more intimately and clearly. John 17:17; Rom. 8:28-29; 12:1-2; 2 Tim. 2:15

“Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth. (John 17:17)

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. ²⁹ For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. (Rom. 8:28-29)

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. ² And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. (Rom. 12:1-2)

Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. (2 Tim. 2:15)

· Engages Discipleship – He is committed to the Great Commission of discipling others. He genuinely cares for others and wants to see them grow spiritually. He has learned to feed himself, so that he is ready to share with others. He is thinking the team, the team, the team, because the church is a team that the gates of hell shall not prevail against. He intentionally helps others learn how to grow and serve, so they can become spiritual parents also. He is committed, no matter what cost, time, or personal sacrifice is required. He has counted the cost. Matt. 28:18-20

And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. ¹⁹ “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ “teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen. (Mat 28:18-20)

Now someone will likely say that we saw these characteristics a few weeks ago. That is true. These are the characteristics of a committed disciple from the second message on what is a disciple of Jesus Christ from Matt. 4:19. So let’s look at the requirements that God has for us to do His work. These can be seen with the acrostic FAITH

· Faithful – He humbly depends on God facing every challenge and joy of life. He doesn’t run from the problem, but runs toward it and slings God’s Word at the problem, because He knows God and His care for him. He faithfully studies God’s Word, prays to the Lord and depends on His empowering Spirit. Matt. 25:21-23. This person presses to the upward call, takes baby steps of spiritual growth, willingly takes responsibility and asks God to give him a heart that Jesus has for people.

Consider David who when challenged to deal with Goliath, he remembered how he killed the bear and the lion by the power of the Lord and Goliath would be no different. David was willing to run to the problem and sling the stone against the giant and defeat the problem, because he was faithful to trust the Lord. The reason David was faithful, was because he was open to being taught by the Lord throughout his life.

“His lord said to him,`Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’ ²² “He also who had received two talents came and said,`Lord, you delivered to me two talents; look, I have gained two more talents besides them.’ ²³ “His lord said to him,`Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’ (Mat 25:21-23)

How many people can be faithful? Is there anyone who is not able to be faithful in life? Great, because it’s merely a choice you need make each day. You can be the person God requires to do His will.

· Available – He’s humbly available because he has examined and reordered his life. Is. 6:8; Eph. 3:8. He recognizes time is short and he sets aside childish things that won’t matter for eternity sake. He establishes godly priorities that will bring honor and glory to Jesus and establish blessing and reward in time and eternity. He is available, because he has committed himself to Jesus. He commits his time (Eph. 5:15-17), talents (1 Pet. 4:11), treasure (Matt. 6:21), truth (John 4:23-24), tongue (Jam. 3:1-12), temple (1 Cor. 6:19-20) and turbo-gift (1 Pet. 4:10) to the Lord for His use.

GIDEON was put on the spot by the Angel of the Lord, when Gideon was hiding in the winepress working to get enough grain to feed his family. He was hiding from the Midianites, but the Lord challenged to see if he was available. The Angel of the Lord said, “The Lord is with you, O mighty man of valor!” I can imagine Gideon was wondering if the Lord was talking about him or someone else. Through Gideon’s weak faith, the Lord helped Gideon see that in Gideon’s availability, he could defeat 120,000 of the enemy with only 300 men. God doesn’t depend on our might and wisdom, but on His.

When the Seraph angel said to Isaiah, Whom shall I send, Isaiah responded, “Send me (I’m available).”

Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: “Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.” (Is. 6:8)

When God needed a man to proclaim the mystery of Christ, he found Paul who chose to be available.

To me, who am less than the least of all the saints, this grace was given, that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to make all see what is the fellowship of the mystery, which from the beginning of the ages has been hidden in God who created all things through Jesus Christ (Eph 3:8-9)

How many people can be available? Is there anyone who is not able to be available in life? Great, because it’s merely a choice you need make each day. You can be the person God requires to do His will.

· Intentional – He humbly goes before the sovereignty of God seeking God’s will each day in order to live that will out in his life. He does not let life happen by chance. He intentionally plans his study of God’s Word. He intentionally lays out a plan for growth and spiritual development. He intentionally chooses his friends, his service opportunities and how he will spend his time, because the days are evil and can be squandered so easily with a multitude of distractions. He is intentional about inviting others to follow him. He is intentional about life and spiritual growth Phil. 3:9-14; 1:21 Paul was intentional about his life:

[that I may] be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; ¹⁰ that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, ¹¹ if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. ¹² Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. ¹³ Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, ¹⁴ I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 3:9-14)

For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. (Phi 1:21)

How many people can be intentional? Is there anyone who is not able to be intentional in life? Great, because it’s merely a choice you need make each day. You can be the person God requires to do His will.

· Teachable – He is a humble student of God’s Word for life. He submits His life to God’s instruction through God’s Spirit, so he can gain and sustain the spirit-controlled life. He looks for opportunities to learn. He will take notes, review plans and listen to people on what he can learn from them. He is accountable so that he is not just sliding through life, but engaged in always learning. He uses spiritual disciplines to learn all he can about, of and with the Lord. Ps. 25:1-5; 2 Tim. 2:15; 3:16-17

A Psalm of David. To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul. ² O my God, I trust in You; Let me not be ashamed; Let not my enemies triumph over me. ³ Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed; Let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause. ⁴Show me Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths. ⁵ Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; On You I wait all the day. (Ps. 25:1-5)

Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. (2 Tim 2:15)

All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, ¹⁷ that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. (2Ti 3:16-17)

How many people can be teachable? Is there anyone who is not able to be teachable in life? Great, because it’s merely a choice you need make each day. You can be the person God requires to do His will.

· Holy Spirit controlled – He humbly depends on the Holy Spirit rather than his own talents, abilities or wisdom. He has a greater and more humble opinion because he sees himself before the holiness of God. He is dependent on the empowerment of God’s Spirit to understand God’s Word and live it out. He depends on God’s Spirit for each new step in spiritual growth. He depends on God’s Word, listens to the counsel of others in order to understand and engages dependency upon God’s Spirit for every thought, word and action in life. Eph. 5:18; Luke 4:1-14

And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, (Eph. 5:18)

Then Jesus, being filled with the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spiritinto the wilderness… ¹⁴ Then Jesus returned in the power of the Spirit to Galilee, (Luke 4:1-14)

How many people can be Holy Spirit controlled? Is there anyone who is not able to be Holy Spirit controlled in life? Great, because it’s merely a choice you need make each day. You can be the person God requires to do His will.

Jesus will transform you to accomplish His will

and to become spiritual parents IF you pursue that.

· Jesus is a sovereign gentleman. He will not coerce you. You will not advance only because you are not pursuing. All the resources of heaven are available to you in His Word and by His Spirit to raise you up.

· Every mindful person can be a spiritual parent to help others. Your humble submission to His Spirit to glorify Jesus will cause you to see His miraculous HOPE in your life.

Just as Moses used five different excuses why he did not want to obey the Lord, it’s easy for us to come up with excuses. What reasons to you use to become complacent and not obey the Lord? What fears and excuses to you use to not take spiritual responsibility to grow in the Lord and become a spiritual parent and disciple other people?

Here’s the back side of the insert. I’ll post some suggested answers later this week.

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) Who is someone you admire in the world? What are his/her characteristics?

Digging Deeper

2) What are some of the fears and excuses Moses had from Exodus 3:11- 4:17? ______________ ; ___________; ________________; ________________; __________________. Today, what are fears or excuses that prevent people from taking responsibility to do what God calls them to do?

3) What are several characteristics required of an overseer in 1 Timothy 3:1-7? ________________; ______________________; __________________; _____________________; __________________. Are these characteristics that should be true only of elders? Who else should spiritually grow into these? Why?

4) Read the letters written to the Church of Ephesus and the Church of Laodicea (Rev. 2:1-7; 3:14-22. What are characteristics of these churches? _____________; _____________; _______________; ________________; _______________; ________________. Which church do think would do a better job of fulfilling the Great Commission? Why?

Making application from the message:

5) Why do you suppose God doesn’t require you to have certain “degrees” to do His work? What kinds of things hold you back from taking the next step? What could you do to take the next step?

6) How has the angel of light deceived the church today (2 Cor. 11:13-15)? Has the enemy deceived the church today? How has the Vision series challenged you in your thinking?

Q & A: Raising Spiritual Parents

Posted on February 9, 2013 by shepherdbryan

This goes with the message that was posted on February 5, 2013 of this blog. I have included the insert for a quick review and the Message Based Discussion Questions follow. The purpose is to provide material for personal reflection or group discussion. The questions are designed to be answered in far more than one or two sentence answers.

Strategy of Grace – Raising Spiritual Parents

Deuteronomy 6:1-9

(February 3, 2013)

What is God’s solution to raising spiritual parents?

1) Pursue the Lord’s pattern for raising parents Deut. 6:1-9

Ephesians 6:1-3

2) Pursue the Lord’s pattern in raising disciples Matt 4:18-22

John 17:6, 17, 20

3) Pursue the Lord’s exhortation to raise spiritual children 1 Thes. 2:5-14; Heb. 5:12-14

What is the wisest approach to help 80% of the congregation become spiritual parents (disciple-makers)? Some possibilities:

· Disciple people to be seminary graduates emphasizing on original languages

· Disciple people to be Bible College graduates from a correspondence network

· Disciple people with years of intense Systematic Theology from the pastor

· Disciple people with years of intense counseling training and practical theology

· Disciple people in small groups teaching various books of the Bible

· Disciple men through the Colossians 2:7 material

· Disciple people in small groups using the Message Based Discussion Questions

Small groups provide a wise environment to develop spiritual parents (disciple-making people):

· There are 10-14 people which is easier to develop trust

· They develop deeper relationships because more time is spent in relationships

· They provide a safe place to be authentic with personal struggles and get help

· They allow for many groups outside the church building

· They provide a back door for people to come to church

· Everyone participates because we learn by doing (teach them and release them)

· There are 12, rather than 30 or 50, so people are willing to lead also

· They let leaders know if people are “getting it” because of greater feedback

· They practice a model where a new person can learn quickly he can lead also

· Often more is caught than taught

n This assumes 1) on-going training, 2) support for disciples and 3) accountability

n This assumes using a material that 80% of the people can grasp, apply and implement

The Lord Jesus gave the example and

taught us to become spiritual parents.

· Too many Christians mimic the movie, “Failure to Launch.” The goal is not being independent, but interdependent raising new spiritual parents or disciples to Jesus Christ. Are you in a FG or HG, accountable for growing to the next spiritual level? Is there someone helping you advance?

· God loves you where you are, but where you are God wants you to keep growing. He wants you to become spiritual parents for others. That means adjusting your schedule to fit with others.

· Life is not about you. Life is about Jesus Christ and His message to disciple others, i.e. raise spiritual parents.

Message Based Discussion Questions

1) When and how were you taught to be an adult who was ready to raise children?

a) A variety of answers will be given. The key is to get everyone to provide some kind of answer as it applies to them. There is no right or wrong answer, but should be fun to learn what others say.

Digging Deeper:

2) In Deuteronomy 6:6, where is the word supposed to be solidified? ___heart__________. What will that look like according to the larger context of Deut. 6:1-9?

a) People will look for opportunities to learn. They’ll join their church in the worship service, a FG or HG, and they’ll learn to do devotions or quiet time.

b) If they don’t do a QTime, they’ll others on how to do that. They’ll fit their schedule around studying God’s Word. They’ll learn the realm of Scripture, what the books are, the flow, why there are 2 Testaments, etc. etc

c) They will be people who talk about the Lord and His Word with others more than they talk about the weather or sports or even politics. They will talk about those, but because the Lord and His Word is in their heart, they can’t help but talk about Him. Cf. Matt. 15:18-19.

d) They will be renewed Rom. 12:1-2; Eph. 4:22-24 and miracles of change will be going on in their life and family.

e) They will be looking for opps to be accountable and growing in a relational environment. They won’t be shy about being worried to give a wrong answer. They want an opportunity to talk about how life, questions, and problems relate to the character of God.

f) Then the person will want to ensure, diligently, that their children AND grandchildren are learning to walk worthy of the Lord. They will look for opps sitting down, walking, lying down at night and getting up in the morning to focus other people attention on the Lord, etc. etc.

3) How many times was Peter called to follow by Jesus? _at least 2 times___ (compare John 1:35-42 with Matt. 4:18-20). What do you suppose was going through Peter’s mind?

a) This all makes sense, but I have to work a job. I have to provide for my wife and family.

b) This guy seems like the Messiah, but I don’t understand my role.

c) How do I know what to do? I don’t know enough yet.

d) I fish, what else is there in life. We have a fleet of boats to acquire. I compete with other fishermen.

e) Do I trust this man? God has been silent for so long, how do I know?

4) What are the three challenges Jesus makes in Luke 9:57-62?

a) __place to stay/provisions_______ ; __family responsibilities________;

__Connections to this world_________

b) What are examples of challenges today that you face in considering the invitation by Jesus (Luke 9:57-62)? How do they hinder disciples from being fully committed to follow Jesus?

i) Provisions

(1) How much will I need to provide for myself and family?

(2) What if the govt taxes me to death?

(3) How will I know how God is going to provide?

(4) I haven’t gone here before, I don’t know the way

(5) I really don’t know you, Lord, well enough. The risks are too great.

ii) Family responsibilities

(1) I have to raise my family and that’s all I can do

(2) We have vacations and hobbies to keep up; others will have to be taken care of by others

(3) It might be the last day of my parent’s life, I’ll have to spend it with them, day after day.

(4) I don’t like people, I have to put up with my family

(5) I have things to take care of, house, car, job, stuff. I can measure how I’m doing with them.

(6) I can’t measure how well I’m doing following the Lord

iii) Connections to the world

(1) Once I get my retirement in place, then I’ll help the Lord

(2) Once my children are launched, then I’ll serve

(3) Once I have children, I’ll get involved

(4) I have so much stuff, I might need it.

Application of the message to life:

5) Are you ready to seek the next stage of growth? What are three things you might have to do or rearrange in your life?

a) Redo my schedule, so I fit my life into knowing and letting Jesus live out in my life.

b) Be faithful in devotions to learn Scripture.

c) Read a book on the outline of Scripture.

d) Join a FG or HG to grow with other believers

e) Be willing to put the Word into action

f) Take steps to put people as more important than myself

g) Come to the message next week.

6) Do you know the miracle and joy of taking responsibility for discipling others in Jesus? How is that more fulfilling than not having spiritual responsibilities?

a) Responsibility is tough, because things don’t always turn out well

b) Responsib. Means being rejected and I don’t like it, so why have it

c) Responsib. Means watching others grow and seeing changes. It means letting God move through me to be more other centered, than self-centered, which is a miracle. It means I’m a part of the Lord’s purpose and mission of making disciples. It means I’m obedient and there are eternal rewards.

Shepherding Truth

Renewing Truth, Rightly Divided

Category Archives: Specials

MSG: Get a Grip on Father Greatness

Q & A:Overcoming Difficult Relationships for Him

Chaplaincy: Opportunities and Issues

Overcoming Difficult Relationships for Him

Q & A: Restoring Relationships for Him

Q & A: Expectations in Relationships

MSG: Expectations in Relationships

Q & A: Pursuing the Role in Jesus

MSG: Strategy for Grace: Pursuing the Role in Jesus – Part 5

Q & A: Raising Spiritual Parents