Category Archives: Life

Peer Pressure – Part 4

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Most people like to fit in with others.  Peer pressure can easily cause us to walk down the wrong road.  David understood it well, “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful.”1  David said you will be blessed if you don’t walk in ungodly counsel, or stand thinking about the way the sinful walk or considering their lifestyle, nor sit contemplating or being pressured into listening to the scornful or mockers of God.   Yet, when you look at the society and culture around you, you see this all the time.

There are many temptations in which peer pressure can influence you wrongly.  We saw the drinking scenario in the last segment.  Unfortunately the age at which young people are having sex is becoming younger and younger according to surveys, of which peer pressure is a huge influence.  Peer pressure influences people to any kind of immoral or abhorrent behavior.

You have to decide what you are going to do.  If you give into peer pressure, you’ll become a follower, just like Adam became a follower in the Garden of Eden.  He should have been leading Eve and protecting her from the deception of the serpent, but he was standing idly by and foolishly accepted the fruit and ate it in direct disobedience to the Lord.2  As you consider how you are in dealing with peer pressure, ask yourself these questions and spend some time thinking through the Scriptures:

·         Do I realize how much other people can influence me?   Proverbs 1:10-13

·         Do I realize my decisions are often based on how others influence me?  Proverbs 1:15-19

·         Do I listen to the voice of Scripture? Proverbs 1:20-23

·         Do I know my own strengths and weaknesses? Proverbs 1:24-28

·         Do I love God’s Word more than what friends say, even good friends? Proverbs 1:29-30

·         Do I understand the consequences of my decisions? Proverbs 1:31-33

·         Do I trust myself? Proverbs 5:6

·         Do I know how to say no? Proverbs 5:7-9

·         Do I know how to practice self-control? Proverbs 5:12-14

·         Do I know my own sin patterns? Proverbs 5:20-23

Do you know who you can talk to about peer pressure?  Are your parents open?  Do you have a church leader who is willing to listen in order to understand?  Maybe you need a trusted friend.  While everyone wants to have friends, it’s far better to have a few good friends than attempt to fit in with everyone.  There is ultimately one person you need to please in life and that is the Lord Jesus Christ, “Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to Him.3

When you know who you are in Jesus Christ and are positionally already complete in Him, you’ll stand up to the peer pressure and it will back down from you.4

1Psalm 1:1; 2Genesis 3:1-6; 32 Coriinthians 5:9; 4Colossians 2:9-10

Peer Pressure – Part 3

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So what is it about peer pressure that often makes life difficult?1  Here’s a scenario.  It’s Monday night.  You are tired after work and some of the guys invite you to go over to a restaurant with them.  They know you have a family.  You are new to the job and want to fit in.  So you think, “Well, just this time.”  You call your wife and tell her you’re going to go out with the guys.  After all, you just spent Sunday afternoon with the family. 

At the restaurant, everyone is having drinks before their meal, so you don’t want to be the odd one out and you order something to fit in – peer pressure.  You would never do this in public, but you let down your guard.  The meal is full of laughter and good bantering and this is the most you’ve laughed in a long time. You have only two additional drinks during the meal, but it’s not what you were planning – peer pressure.  You are struggling inside from the guilt of going against your conscience, but you’ve never felt so accepted. They invite you over for Monday Night Football and you’re thinking, “I might as well.  This will help me fit in with the guys at work.”  So, you call your wife and she even encourages you to go at this point. You didn’t tell her the whole story.

The peer pressure continues at Sam’s house, because he has the huge screen television and the beer is flowing – peer pressure.  You’re helping yourself to chips and dip and confine yourself to three more beers – peer pressure.  You’re thinking the food will absorb the alcohol.  You’re thinking, “I would never normally have one drink let alone so many.”

Fortunately, you have a big day at work tomorrow, so you excuse yourself at half time.  On the way home, you drive only slightly erratically.  You haven’t had that much to drink since you were in college and when you decided enough was enough.  It was, however, enough to get the police officer’s attention and a breathalyzer test.  He measured you at .08 blood alcohol content and gave you a ride to the county jail with a DUI.  Life changed overnight.  Why did this happen?  Not only does it go against your spiritual values, but you just weren’t thinking.

Social situations put us in danger unless we are confident and strong on values.  Certain peers, like work friends, can invite you into a world you may not normally enter.  You may sense something is wrong or even make you afraid that something doesn’t feel right.  That’s likely your conscience telling you something IS wrong. Scripture says, “Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith, from which some, having strayed, have turned aside to idle talk… having faith and a good conscience, which some having rejected, concerning the faith have suffered shipwreck.”2  God gave you a conscience to discern right from wrong.  When you fill your conscience with Scripture, you’ll be able to discern godliness.3  You cannot trust what you see or hear, but you can trust God’s Word.  Ask yourself when you are in a peer pressure situation, “What would God’s Word guide me to do?”

Think about the consequences of your potential decisions.  “Would drinking here bring dishonor to the Lord’s name? Would drinking put me in a situation, like getting a DUI?”  Or, “Will this decision affect my health?”  “Will people whom I care about or care about me, be affected or disappointed by my decision?”  “What will I be thinking tomorrow if I choose this decision today?”  Once the decision is made, the consequences may be out of your hands.  You’ll have to live with the consequences.

When you make your decision against peer pressure, stick with it.  Nancy Reagan, former first lady, had a campaign called, “Just say No.”  It was a good campaign and was acceptable in all realms of sociology and religious networks.  However, it’s not enough.  If you say no to something, make sure you are saying yes to something and make that God’s Word. 

When someone pressures you to try something you question or know you shouldn’t participate in, try these responses.  Tell them, “No, thanks,” or “I’d rather not,” or “I’m not interested.”  If  the peer pressure continues, let them know you don’t appreciate the extra questions or just walk away.  It’s far better for you to walk away, or even run, because eventually the flesh on its own will give into the pressure.  Paul said it well, “Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”4  I love the last part of the verse, “Pursue…with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”  Friends can pull you away from the Lord, or friends can strengthen your stand with the Lord.  Who are your friends?

The next segment will consider several other situations with which peer pressure can be difficult.

1I’m taking peer pressure in a negative way.  There is positive peer pressure, but for this article it is negative; 21 Timothy 1:5-6, 19; 3Hebrews 5:12-14; 42Timothy 2:22

Peer Pressure – Part 2

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This continues the initial discussion on peer pressure and the over arching mandate to consider who you are in Christ.

How do you deal with peer pressure?  Many people just ignore what other people say.  They are wired to shrug it off.  It’s like water off a ducks back.  But sometimes the pressure to conform is hard to discern and a tough challenge to know when to say, “No.”  Let’s consider four action steps for dealing with peer pressure.

The firstaction step you can take is “know your values” or “know what you believe.”  That might seem like a big concept, but it really comes down to the principles by which you live.  What is important to you?  What are the things you believe in?  They might be honesty, integrity, purity and getting along.  Getting along is a good team concept.  It helps people function well in a family or on a team. Yet getting along can influence you to go along with peer pressure if you are not careful.  What do you believe about what you will not compromise? 

Values can even be costly.  Scripture records, “And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.1Sometimes it means you’ll have to take a stand or that you will lose out on an opportunity. You can never lose from God’s perspective if you choose for purity, for example. You may take a stand for purity and that means foolish people will make fun of you for being prudish or a goody-two-shoes.  Take the stand.  You’ll be the one who smiles twenty years from now when others are suffering for their foolish decisions.  Because you chose purity, you will always have the confidence knowing that you won’t have regrets.

The second action step you can take is to set realistic goals.  When you have goals or direction, you’ll be less influenced to follow the crowds.  Scripture records, “See then that you walk circumspectly (carefully), not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.2  Some people have no goals.  As the saying goes, they who fail to plan, plan to fail.  But the one who searches the Scriptures will be like the ant who works through the summer and will have provisions for the winter.3  Don’t become a workaholic.  God never intended us to work all day and night.4  Set realistic goals.  You may not be able to accomplish as much in one year, but you’ll see that in five years time, you’ll have accomplished far more.

The third action step is enjoy God’s creation around you.5  When you enjoy God’s creation, you’ll be less apt to be influenced by what the crowds think is something you need. Get rest; take time for a walk, do some reading and choose friends wisely.  Trust God in all your decisions by studying Scripture and depending on His Holy Spirit.  Life is short, so take time to cultivate what you know about God’s creation.

The fourth action step is seek after God’s purposes.  Scripture says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”6  When you seek God’s purposes, you’ll be less influenced by peers to their desires.  When you develop eternal interests, you’ll be less concerned about temporal desires like get rich quick schemes, desires to satisfy the flesh, gluttonous desires for foods beyond what exercise and work does not consume, desires for relationships that corrupt, or other earthly pursuits.

Preemptively overcome peer pressure by stepping out by faith in the actions steps and you’ll put on the armor of God to stand firm for godly principles.7 

The next segment will look at a specific situation of peer pressure and how to deal with it.

11John 3:3; 2Ephesians 5:15-17; 3Proverbs 6:6-9; 4Psalm 127:2; 5Psalm 19:1-6; 6Matthew 6:33; 7Ephesians 6:10-18

Peer Pressure

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Everyone over the age of five faces some kind of peer pressure.  It’s subtle.  Most people handle it well, because they don’t let it bother them, but many are moved along by the crowd like the bulls running down the streets of Pamplona, Spain.  It is what motivates many to buy certain kinds of cars, wear certain styles of clothes and even get caught in foolish activities, like sniffing.  Peer pressure.  Usually it’s when people around your own age try to influence your thinking. 

Sometimes peer pressure can be positive.  Peers can encourage you to participate in sports or band or even study hard for honor grades.  Peers can also exhort you to keep up some level of fitness.  These are obviously good forms of peer pressure or better termed exhortations.

Sometimes peer pressure can be negative.  This pressure comes from peers influencing you to use alcohol, drugs, skip school, have sex, vandalize property, make fun of people or bully other kids.  During youthfulness and even into adulthood, you have so many influences away from God’s holy standard and toward the common drudgery of the world. 

How do you make your own decisions?  How do you say no to negative peer pressure?  How do you deal with it in tough situations?

The key to peer pressure is to know who you are.  If you are a Christian, here’s your verse, “For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.  (Colossians 2:9-10)  If you know Jesus Christ, then you are complete in Him and the peer pressure of life does not have to influence you in a negative way.

When you realize you are complete in Jesus Christ, you will have confidence in Jesus rather than yourself.  You’ll be able to accept your strengths and weaknesses, because you know that God is working in your life to lead you to maturity.1 You’ll have greater respect for others, because you submit yourself to Christ’s authority.2 You’ll begin to trust yourself, because you are trusting what God is doing in and through you to accomplish His will.3  You’ll make your decisions with discernment, because you know God’s Word.4

If you continue in the world’s path, you’ll miss out on the freedom Jesus Christ wants for you.5 Depending on yourself, rather than the Lord, results in a lack of self-confidence, dislike of yourself, not trusting your decisions and unwillingness to accept who you were made by God.  Ultimately what happens is other people influence you and make your decisions for you.  You end up going down a wide road called a slippery slope, because it’s easy and so many are traveling down the same dumb road. Why?  Because what peers think is more important to you than what God thinks. 

The next segment will address some practical ways of dealing with peer pressure.

1Philippians 1:6; 21Peter 5:5-6; 3Ephesians 5:15-17; 4Hebrews 5:12-14; 5Galatians 5:1

Can You Trust What You Believe?

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Life is about trust.  Trust in God’s character and word. Trust in relationships.  Trust in family. Trust in the food we eat.  We often take trust for granted, because what we hear seems plausible, the person who said it seems reliable, all things being equal, there seems to be no need to question it.

Who do you trust in politics?  The spin machines are in overtime mode spinning the most twisted lies.  There are a whole lot of people who believe them, so what’s the deal?  Yet, there are a whole lot of people who don’t believe the twisted lies.  Can you trust what you hear?

Sometimes people who have been trustworthy will say something.  And it’s possible to believe what they say, so we take it at face value and believe it.  We don’t hear a rebuttal or defense, so it must be true.  Can you trust what you believe?

I’m not talking about biblical theology.  I’m addressing what people say that causes problems in relationships. Can you trust what you believe?

Then we read Proverbs 18:17.  That says we should be careful about what we hear.  It says we might not be able to trust what we believe. It reads, “The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him.”  Funny, how something can seem right, but when it’s examined, it’s not right.  Why then do we believe the first account?

There are a multitude of reasons why we don’t examine what we hear or believe.  We’re comfortable believing it.  We’re not diligent to examine what is said.  We have an agenda and want to believe what we hear.  We don’t realize the first person has an agenda, so we don’t examine it.  We think the person is normally trustworthy, so why examine him on this issue?  We don’t want to face conflict, so we don’t examine.  We don’t want to stir up conflict.  We think the problem will just go away.  We think people will forget and people will just get along.  Shall I continue?

If Satan moved David to sin, is it possible for godly people today to do sinful things (cf. 1 Chron. 21:1)?  If Jesus called Peter – “Satan” – is it possible for people to speak with a wrong motivation or to provide half truths to fit their agenda (cf. Matt. 16:21-23?  If Peter questioned Ananias, “Why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit?” is it possible for Christians to also lie for their own purposes?  If believers fall away from the truth and believe deceiving spirits can believers today believe what is not true (cf.  1 Tim. 4:1-3)? Did you ever twist the truth before your parents to get out of a jam?  Have your children ever twisted the truth to a lie in order to escape punishment?

Let us flee from evil!  Let us examine words that are spoken.  Let us find out the reason why things happened for the sake of the holiness of God.  THAT will honor the Lord.  Can you trust what you believe?

It affects you!

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            Every infringement on God’s presence around you affects your life!  Whether it is an attack on the comment that Dan Cathy, CEO of Chick-fil-A, makes, or the removal of crosses across the country, “it affects you!”

There are groups trying to remove the Mount Soledad Cross in San Diego erected on behalf of Korean Veterans, the cross in the Mojave Desert and now the Steubenville, Ohio, logo, which has a small cross.  An organization called “Freedom from Religion Foundation” FFRF makes the following statement:

“Steubenville is a theocracy and is a Christian city where non-Christians or nonbelievers are not favored citizens. The city may not depict the university chapel and cross because to do so places the city’s imprimatur behind Christianity. The city of Steubenville must not endorse ‘faith’ and church. While we understand that Franciscan University is part of the City, the City may not depict the University chapel and cross because to do so places the City’s imprimatur behind Christianity. This excludes non-Christians and violates the Constitution.”1

Because of the FFRF actions, the cross was removed from the logo.

Is this really significant?  After all, it is “government” property and the government is bound to not “promote religion.”  Friends, this is an example of Normalcy Bias whereby we think things will not get any worse if we just let this happen.  We think, we’ll let this happen, but nothing worse will happen. Should Christians get concerned that organizations are even going to remove crosses from cemeteries?  They say they would never do that, but the people of Germany never thought things would get as bad as they did during the 1930s.

The issue is the cross removal, but it’s more than that.  It’s an issue of whether we Christians are going to share the love of Jesus Christ’s gospel and see God’s mighty works done in our lives.  Is God’s tremendous grace so powerful that it affects your life to tell others?  Are you more excited about God’s grace than the multitudinous forms of entertainment? 

I would like to make my agenda holding forth a plan to keep every cross standing.  I am concerned about that, because every symbol removed is a sign of moral degeneracy in America.  However, I’m even more passionate about the gospel spoken to every person in America and appreciate what our Outreach Team is doing to be intentional to follow up with visitors and community friends.  Let’s ask God to focus our attention on all the right priorities!

1http://politicaloutcast.com/2012/08/atheist-gestapo-bullies-another-city-into-removing-crosses/#ixzz22ahyk700

I am a Soldier – Author Unknown

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Several have asked me for this quote I used recently:

I am a Soldier – Author Unknown

 I am a soldier in the army of my God.  The Lord Jesus Christ is my commanding officer.  The Holy Bible is my code of Conduct.  Faith, prayer, and the Word are my weapons of warfare.  I have been taught by the Holy Spirit, trained by experience, tried by adversity and tested by fire.  I am a volunteer in this army, and I am enlisted for all eternity.  I will either retire in this army at the rapture or die in this army; but I will not get out, sell out, be talked out, or be pushed out.  I am faithful, reliable, capable and dependable.  If my God needs me, I am there.  If He needs me in the Sunday School to teach the children, work with the youth, help adults or serve in another capacity, He can use me because I am there!!  I am a soldier.

 I am not a baby.  I do not need to be pampered, petted, primed up, pumped up, picked up or pepped up.  I do not need to be cuddled, cradled, cared for, or catered to.  I am a soldier.

 No one has to call me, remind me, write me, visit me, entice me, or lure me.  I am a soldier.  I am not a wimp.  I am in place, saluting my King, obeying His orders, praising His name, and building His kingdom!  No one has to send me flowers, gifts, food, cards, candy or give me handouts.

 I am committed.  I cannot have my feelings hurt bad enough to turn me around.  I cannot be discouraged enough to turn aside.  I cannot lose enough to cause me to quit.  When Jesus called me into this army, I had nothing.  If I end up with nothing, I will still come out ahead.  I will win because I am a soldier.  My God has and will continue to supply all my needs.  I am more than a conqueror.  I will always triumph.  I can do all things through Christ.

 Devils cannot defeat me.  People cannot disillusion me.  Weather cannot weary me and sickness cannot stop me.  Battle cannot beat me.  Money cannot buy me.  Governments cannot silence me and hell cannot handle me.  I am a soldier.

Even death cannot destroy me.  For when my commander calls me from this battlefield, He will promote me to a Captain and then allow me to rule with Him.  I am a soldier in the army, and I’m marching claiming victory.  I will not give up.  I will not turn around.  I am a soldier, marching heaven bound.  Here I stand.

It could be worse!

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It could be worse!

Have you ever wondered why certain elements of society are trying so hard to make their “alternative lifestyle” legitimate?  Let me give you a few things to think about.
First, Scripture says in the latter times there will be selfish people becoming more selfish.  Paul writes, “But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come:  For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,  (2Ti 3:1-2).  God calls us to be holy and impact the world around us with the gospel and our lifestyle (1 Pet. 1:15-16; Matt. 28:19-20; 2 Pet. 3:11).

Secondly, the flesh wants itself accepted by everyone else, so it can live anyway it wants (2 Tim. 3:13).  Consider how families were connected and living in the 1950s compared to the 2000s.  Today families are far more splintered than before.  Today’s lifestyle is accepted, because “that’s the way people are.”

Thirdly, the enemy wants the lower lifestyle, because then everything “above that” will be accepted.   It is not as bad as “that other lifestyle.”  For example, “It’s okay that my child doesn’t do his homework, because at least he isn’t out drinking and partying all night long.” I was listening to the radio on the way to church and a heard a lady describing an inappropriate behavior of her child.  She said, “At least it’s not as bad as some teen’s behavior.  It could be worse.”  Imagine that poor mother who comforts herself by comparing and accepting a lower standard for her children, because she sees much worse behavior in others.  That’s relativism.  That is not discipling children to the holiness of God.

If the enemy can promote despicable behavior, then we earthlings will lower our standards to what is still above that lower standard, but completely below that standard God wants for His people. 

Why don’t we disciple our children or others? We don’t want conflict.  We think children and teens know how to live and we are deceived into thinking they will figure it out for themselves. Do not be deceived by the ploys and schemes of the enemy.  We are called to holiness.  Let us disciple our children and others in love, mercy and righteousness.  The grace of God teaches us to live soberly, righteously and godly in this present age (Titus 2:11-12).

What are your thoughts?

Sandusky Fiasco

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Andrew Schmutzer, professor at Moody Bible Institute, wrote an excellent article on the aftermath of the retired football coach Jerry Sandusky in the EFCA digital monthly update.  Sandusky was convicted of 45 of 48 counts against him in the Penn State sexual abuse fiasco.  It is certainly a time for soul-searching for all of us – again.  I don’t write to add judgment against Sandusky, but I don’t write to make excuses for his wicked actions.

Schmutzer said there were two lessons we should grapple with on this national spotlight.  First, there was a “collective moral failure at Penn State which revealed the danger of motivated blindness.”  It wasn’t just Sandusky, but reporting “up the chain” failed to prevent a school littered with broken lives.  Money blinded the leadership.  Secondly, there is a “problem of disenfranchised grief.” Schmutzer writes,

 

The cultural shame that kept Sandusky’s victims silent for so long, including his own adopted son, also works its poison in the ‘sacred silence’ of our churches.  Faith communities promote the disenfranchised grief of victims when sexual abuse:

·         Is not holistically understood

·         Is not intentionally named

·         Is not publicly mourned

·         Is not educationally framed

·         Is not homiletically engaged.

There are few actions that will leave a darker blot on the life of the church than sexual abuse.  My prayer as I reflect on our policies at Grace is that we never want to get close to allowing an environment where “it could happen.”  I’m thankful for the leadership implementing policies for adult/child teaching and shepherding relationships as well as policies related to male/female appearances of evil.

Let me ask you to assess what we do so that something like this would never be named at Grace.  May we always be a place where all people can feel safe and protected from any predator and that we would practice biblical discipline should any appearance of evil be noted.

Question: How much do you help someone?

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Question: How do you discern whether to help someone?

How would you counsel someone who has the means to financially help an adult family member who lives in squalor by choice due to poor financial (and spiritual) choices, poor health (physical & mental), choosing not to work, etc?  Do you counsel to take care of the person’s needs or let the State help?  What do you consider about helping the family member or withdrawing support? 

I go back and forth between Scriptures such as 1 Timothy 5:8, which admonishes those who do not support family members as “being worse than an unbeliever” if you don’t take care of your family and others which caution giving help, such as “throwing pearls before swine,” which obviously directly refers to not giving Scripture to scoffers, but the application of support can be derived from this.  Where do you draw the line or do you draw the line (as a Christian)? Are you really helping by helping or just breeding more sin? Will either choice really have eternal consequences for them or for you? 

These are very difficult questions. 1) it involves family, so the emotions are going to be tested and 2) you’re using passages of Scripture that must be compared with each other, because no one passage gives the simple answer.
My answer is only based on the information you’ve provided and I’m not sure I have all the facts that are needed, but here are some thoughts. I know you are seeking His righteousness (Matt. 6:33) and are looking for discernment (Heb. 5:14). You’ll know in your conscience based on the leading of the Holy Spirit and grace (Titus 2:11-13), what to do. At least, make the best choice before the Lord based on what you know from Scripture in each circumstance. 

You mentioned that he is living that way by choice. That is my key. If it is his choice, then I need to remember 2 Thessalonians 3:10, “For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.” 

I recognize that my resources must be considered in grace 1 John 3:17, “But whoever has this world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him” but considering 2 Thessalonians 3:10, it would be for someone who is willing to work, but has hit hard times and needs legitimate help.  

I can in grace provide help in mercy (Rom. 2:4-5; Jam. 2:13), but if his choice is not to work, then I may be playing the fool and getting in God’s way of letting his hunger drive him to work Pro 16:26, “The person who labors, labors for himself, For his hungry mouth drives him on.” I may be getting in God’s way of divine discipline.  

On the other hand, if no one has discipled the person and they foolishly made the poor decisions, but WANT to do the right thing, then financial help may get them back on their feet. But if they are in the downward spiral of Ephesians 4:17-19, then I would be getting in God’s way. The key for me would be, does he want to do the godly thing (cf. 2 Tim. 2:22). 

If he turns to the state, he’s still choosing to not work and the state is foolish to enable someone to continue in their foolish ways. That brings a curse on any people and we are deep into foolishness regarding some of our welfare support, etc. I certainly understand the tension of “being worse than an unbeliever” 1 Tim. 5:8. 

Yet I struggle with “dead while she lives” (not living in a faithful relationship with Jesus Christ) (1 Tim. 5:6). If she, the widow, who is in physical, financial need is dead in her relationship with Christ, then no help should be given, unless there is repentance. Of course there is room for mercy as your conscience might direct. I would agree that helping someone who doesn’t want help is throwing pearls before swine. That is a person who is in the seventh stage of the downward spiral (Eph. 4:17-19).
Do a search on the biblical word “lazy” and it is not a pleasant view. Proverbs 20:4 describes his consequences. To help people like that who are not humble seems to be enabling someone in his sin. To continue to help someone in his sin without rebuke and restoration seems to have eternal consequences of a loss of reward for that person.  

We have a burden to disciple those who are hungering for truth as you do with all the young people. There will be many who will refuse that help and their consequences should drive them to brokenness and help from the Lord. (Ps. 51:16-17)
I wish I could give you a one sentence answer, but this is too big of an issue. Interesting, I had another case last week about a family in the church dealing with a family member in a marriage relationship. One spouse was willing to work, but the man was not. They could not support themselves and were continuing to make unwise decisions that keep them in the downward spiral. Sometimes I think the enemy tries to use Scripture to put a guilt complex on us to do what you said, “throw pearls before swine [even our own family]” and take away from resources that could be used to help those who are hungering for truth and righteousness.