Category Archives: Counsel

Peer Pressure

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Everyone over the age of five faces some kind of peer pressure.  It’s subtle.  Most people handle it well, because they don’t let it bother them, but many are moved along by the crowd like the bulls running down the streets of Pamplona, Spain.  It is what motivates many to buy certain kinds of cars, wear certain styles of clothes and even get caught in foolish activities, like sniffing.  Peer pressure.  Usually it’s when people around your own age try to influence your thinking. 

Sometimes peer pressure can be positive.  Peers can encourage you to participate in sports or band or even study hard for honor grades.  Peers can also exhort you to keep up some level of fitness.  These are obviously good forms of peer pressure or better termed exhortations.

Sometimes peer pressure can be negative.  This pressure comes from peers influencing you to use alcohol, drugs, skip school, have sex, vandalize property, make fun of people or bully other kids.  During youthfulness and even into adulthood, you have so many influences away from God’s holy standard and toward the common drudgery of the world. 

How do you make your own decisions?  How do you say no to negative peer pressure?  How do you deal with it in tough situations?

The key to peer pressure is to know who you are.  If you are a Christian, here’s your verse, “For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.  (Colossians 2:9-10)  If you know Jesus Christ, then you are complete in Him and the peer pressure of life does not have to influence you in a negative way.

When you realize you are complete in Jesus Christ, you will have confidence in Jesus rather than yourself.  You’ll be able to accept your strengths and weaknesses, because you know that God is working in your life to lead you to maturity.1 You’ll have greater respect for others, because you submit yourself to Christ’s authority.2 You’ll begin to trust yourself, because you are trusting what God is doing in and through you to accomplish His will.3  You’ll make your decisions with discernment, because you know God’s Word.4

If you continue in the world’s path, you’ll miss out on the freedom Jesus Christ wants for you.5 Depending on yourself, rather than the Lord, results in a lack of self-confidence, dislike of yourself, not trusting your decisions and unwillingness to accept who you were made by God.  Ultimately what happens is other people influence you and make your decisions for you.  You end up going down a wide road called a slippery slope, because it’s easy and so many are traveling down the same dumb road. Why?  Because what peers think is more important to you than what God thinks. 

The next segment will address some practical ways of dealing with peer pressure.

1Philippians 1:6; 21Peter 5:5-6; 3Ephesians 5:15-17; 4Hebrews 5:12-14; 5Galatians 5:1

Can You Trust What You Believe?

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Life is about trust.  Trust in God’s character and word. Trust in relationships.  Trust in family. Trust in the food we eat.  We often take trust for granted, because what we hear seems plausible, the person who said it seems reliable, all things being equal, there seems to be no need to question it.

Who do you trust in politics?  The spin machines are in overtime mode spinning the most twisted lies.  There are a whole lot of people who believe them, so what’s the deal?  Yet, there are a whole lot of people who don’t believe the twisted lies.  Can you trust what you hear?

Sometimes people who have been trustworthy will say something.  And it’s possible to believe what they say, so we take it at face value and believe it.  We don’t hear a rebuttal or defense, so it must be true.  Can you trust what you believe?

I’m not talking about biblical theology.  I’m addressing what people say that causes problems in relationships. Can you trust what you believe?

Then we read Proverbs 18:17.  That says we should be careful about what we hear.  It says we might not be able to trust what we believe. It reads, “The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him.”  Funny, how something can seem right, but when it’s examined, it’s not right.  Why then do we believe the first account?

There are a multitude of reasons why we don’t examine what we hear or believe.  We’re comfortable believing it.  We’re not diligent to examine what is said.  We have an agenda and want to believe what we hear.  We don’t realize the first person has an agenda, so we don’t examine it.  We think the person is normally trustworthy, so why examine him on this issue?  We don’t want to face conflict, so we don’t examine.  We don’t want to stir up conflict.  We think the problem will just go away.  We think people will forget and people will just get along.  Shall I continue?

If Satan moved David to sin, is it possible for godly people today to do sinful things (cf. 1 Chron. 21:1)?  If Jesus called Peter – “Satan” – is it possible for people to speak with a wrong motivation or to provide half truths to fit their agenda (cf. Matt. 16:21-23?  If Peter questioned Ananias, “Why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit?” is it possible for Christians to also lie for their own purposes?  If believers fall away from the truth and believe deceiving spirits can believers today believe what is not true (cf.  1 Tim. 4:1-3)? Did you ever twist the truth before your parents to get out of a jam?  Have your children ever twisted the truth to a lie in order to escape punishment?

Let us flee from evil!  Let us examine words that are spoken.  Let us find out the reason why things happened for the sake of the holiness of God.  THAT will honor the Lord.  Can you trust what you believe?

Problems Can’t Stop God’s Plans

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Christianity is a great adventure.  When I taught through Acts, I called the series “The Great Adventure.”  When you walk with the Lord, in the light of His Word, by the power of His Spirit, life is a great adventure.  And yet there are often challenges and even adversaries.  When Paul was waiting in Ephesus and he wanted to see the Corinthians, but couldn’t go to them at that time, he explained to them, “For a great and effective door has opened to me, and there are many adversaries.”  (1 Cor. 16:9)  Paul knew he had opportunities to disciple God’s Word in Ephesus and in the midst of adversaries, he decided to stay.

Sometimes we think, “If I’m a Christian, I shouldn’t have problems, or at least not ‘this many!'”  Yet, Paul realized that in this world, there would be trials and troubles in the midst of great opportunities for the gospel message and discipling of people.  If we expect that we shouldn’t face trouble, then we’ll be neutralized and not influence and not impact those around us. 

In fact, John is very clear that when God opens a door, no one can shut it and when He shuts a door, no one can open it.  Notice in this letter to Philadelphia that John writes in Revelation 3:8-9, “I know your works. See, I have set before you an open door, and no one can shut it; for you have a little strength, have kept My word, and have not denied My name. Indeed I will make those of the synagogue of Satan, who say they are Jews and are not, but lie– indeed I will make them come and worship before your feet, and to know that I have loved you.”  When God makes a way open, no one can shut it, no matter what they do, who they talk to, or who they assemble.   God will keep that way open.  God opened the door for Gideon when He used 300 soldiers with Gideon to stop 120,000 enemy forces. 

Does God have a problem keeping the door open?  His only problem is when we don’t trust Him and we get in the way.  We can miss out on the opportunity before us.  If God closes a door, there is nothing we can do to open it.  We can’t plot, assemble people to support our cause or work behind the scenes to get something going where God says “No.”  It’s far better to keep pressing forward in the midst of adversaries and challenges and watch for God’s deliverance.  He will make the deliverance in His time and He will show His ministry will prevail.

Are you married?  You have an open door of living as one reflecting Jesus Christ and the Church.  Be faithful and trust God to work with your spouse.  Are you troubled by disobedient children?  You have an open door of shooting straight arrows into the next generation with the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Be faithful as a godly parent and teach your children to obey, whatever and however long it takes.  Are you wondering about God’s ministry opportunities?  God always gives an open door for ministry.  Keep walking in the path God has opened to you and watch the mighty acts of the Lord!

Rejection From People You Love

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Every parent loves his children.  Sometimes it may not seem like it because parents in our culture and society may seem more into themselves and neglectful of the gift of having children.  AND it’s likely those parents were not discipled on how to raise godly children or to know the blessing of consistency in discipling them.  But, every godly parent loves children.

That’s why in the training process, it can be exasperating when children disobey and reject you.  Sometimes the rejection is strong when they are two and sometimes when they are twelve.  There are often periods before and after those dates when rejection is strong.  Yet, nothing could be worse than when a child turns 18 and runs off ignoring his parents desires for continued relationship and desire to see their child grow in grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ.  It should bother a parent.  It should hurt.  If it didn’t, something would be wrong with the parents.

The same thing can happen when friends reject friends.  The rejection and separation pain is often very painful.  It’s agonizing when a friendship and love relationship is severed.  It’s one thing when the relationship is broken in a godly way, but when it’s done in a wrong way, it’s worse than a knife in the gut. 

Fortunately, Scripture gives hope, peace and calm.    Samuel was rejected by Israel in the latter period of the judges.  He was not a perfect judge.  He had sons that didn’t obey him.  His sons acted on their own behalf.  The nation of Israel was looking around at other nations thinking those gentile nations were better off because they had a king they could see.  Israel was not content submitting to the invisible, merciful and holy God with visible judges.  So, Samuel was bothered and discouraged.  Then God said to Samuel, “Heed the voice of the people in all that they say to you; for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me, that I should not reign over them.”  (1 Sam. 8:7)  

When people reject you and you are trying to please the Lord, in fact you are seeking after His face, then accept they are really just rejecting the Lord and continue serving in your role as parent or friend.  Forgive where you have been wronged.  Be available to unconditionally love when they change, repent and want to be restored.  Serve their needs where you can by God’s power, so that you do not add to the division.  They haven’t rejected you, they’ve rejected God.  Be still and know that God is God!

 

It could be worse!

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It could be worse!

Have you ever wondered why certain elements of society are trying so hard to make their “alternative lifestyle” legitimate?  Let me give you a few things to think about.
First, Scripture says in the latter times there will be selfish people becoming more selfish.  Paul writes, “But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come:  For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,  (2Ti 3:1-2).  God calls us to be holy and impact the world around us with the gospel and our lifestyle (1 Pet. 1:15-16; Matt. 28:19-20; 2 Pet. 3:11).

Secondly, the flesh wants itself accepted by everyone else, so it can live anyway it wants (2 Tim. 3:13).  Consider how families were connected and living in the 1950s compared to the 2000s.  Today families are far more splintered than before.  Today’s lifestyle is accepted, because “that’s the way people are.”

Thirdly, the enemy wants the lower lifestyle, because then everything “above that” will be accepted.   It is not as bad as “that other lifestyle.”  For example, “It’s okay that my child doesn’t do his homework, because at least he isn’t out drinking and partying all night long.” I was listening to the radio on the way to church and a heard a lady describing an inappropriate behavior of her child.  She said, “At least it’s not as bad as some teen’s behavior.  It could be worse.”  Imagine that poor mother who comforts herself by comparing and accepting a lower standard for her children, because she sees much worse behavior in others.  That’s relativism.  That is not discipling children to the holiness of God.

If the enemy can promote despicable behavior, then we earthlings will lower our standards to what is still above that lower standard, but completely below that standard God wants for His people. 

Why don’t we disciple our children or others? We don’t want conflict.  We think children and teens know how to live and we are deceived into thinking they will figure it out for themselves. Do not be deceived by the ploys and schemes of the enemy.  We are called to holiness.  Let us disciple our children and others in love, mercy and righteousness.  The grace of God teaches us to live soberly, righteously and godly in this present age (Titus 2:11-12).

What are your thoughts?

Legalism considered

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Last night at my discipleship meeting the question was asked, “Do unbelievers practice legalism, or is what they do just heresy?”  I was vague in my answer, thinking that legalism is just for believers in trying to please God and an unbeliever cannot do anything to please God ever.  Therefore it wouldn’t be legalism and just heresy.  But re-thinking it I considered the four principles for legalism I mentioned on Sunday:      
     ·       Legalism is an attitude normally seen in actions.
      ·         Legalism is related to how a person approaches God.
      ·         Legalism imposes rules on the conscience, which hinders a relationship with God.
      ·         Legalism seeks to earn or deserve God’s favor based on obedience to law or rules.

I realized that that is what the Pharisees were doing and they were unbelievers (except for a few like Nicodemus, who eventually trusted in Jesus).  The Pharisees imposed  rules on the conscience (traditions of the elders) and they sought to earn God’s favor based on their obedience to the rules.  What they did was legalism.

God is never obligated to you or me based on what you or I do.  It is His Sovereign mercy that we’ll see this Sunday by which we experience any blessing in life. God only obligates Himself to His Word and His character.  He does not obligate Himself to us.  He is God.

But doesn’t God bless me when I obey Him? Jesus tells a great account about this in Luke 17:6-10,

6So the Lord said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree,`Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you. 7 “And which of you, having a servant plowing or tending sheep, will say to him when he has come in from the field,`Come at once and sit down to eat ‘? 8 “But will he not rather say to him,`Prepare something for my supper, and gird yourself and serve me till I have eaten and drunk, and afterward you will eat and drink ‘? 9 “Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I think not. 10 “So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say,`We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do.'”

This is so telling of the sovereign holiness of God.  Notice that last line.  When we obey God, we have only done what was our duty to do.  There is no obligation from God.  He only obligates Himself to what He has said (in His Word) and to His character. I’ll post some principles very soon on how to deal with legalism.

Question: How much do you help someone?

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Question: How do you discern whether to help someone?

How would you counsel someone who has the means to financially help an adult family member who lives in squalor by choice due to poor financial (and spiritual) choices, poor health (physical & mental), choosing not to work, etc?  Do you counsel to take care of the person’s needs or let the State help?  What do you consider about helping the family member or withdrawing support? 

I go back and forth between Scriptures such as 1 Timothy 5:8, which admonishes those who do not support family members as “being worse than an unbeliever” if you don’t take care of your family and others which caution giving help, such as “throwing pearls before swine,” which obviously directly refers to not giving Scripture to scoffers, but the application of support can be derived from this.  Where do you draw the line or do you draw the line (as a Christian)? Are you really helping by helping or just breeding more sin? Will either choice really have eternal consequences for them or for you? 

These are very difficult questions. 1) it involves family, so the emotions are going to be tested and 2) you’re using passages of Scripture that must be compared with each other, because no one passage gives the simple answer.
My answer is only based on the information you’ve provided and I’m not sure I have all the facts that are needed, but here are some thoughts. I know you are seeking His righteousness (Matt. 6:33) and are looking for discernment (Heb. 5:14). You’ll know in your conscience based on the leading of the Holy Spirit and grace (Titus 2:11-13), what to do. At least, make the best choice before the Lord based on what you know from Scripture in each circumstance. 

You mentioned that he is living that way by choice. That is my key. If it is his choice, then I need to remember 2 Thessalonians 3:10, “For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.” 

I recognize that my resources must be considered in grace 1 John 3:17, “But whoever has this world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him” but considering 2 Thessalonians 3:10, it would be for someone who is willing to work, but has hit hard times and needs legitimate help.  

I can in grace provide help in mercy (Rom. 2:4-5; Jam. 2:13), but if his choice is not to work, then I may be playing the fool and getting in God’s way of letting his hunger drive him to work Pro 16:26, “The person who labors, labors for himself, For his hungry mouth drives him on.” I may be getting in God’s way of divine discipline.  

On the other hand, if no one has discipled the person and they foolishly made the poor decisions, but WANT to do the right thing, then financial help may get them back on their feet. But if they are in the downward spiral of Ephesians 4:17-19, then I would be getting in God’s way. The key for me would be, does he want to do the godly thing (cf. 2 Tim. 2:22). 

If he turns to the state, he’s still choosing to not work and the state is foolish to enable someone to continue in their foolish ways. That brings a curse on any people and we are deep into foolishness regarding some of our welfare support, etc. I certainly understand the tension of “being worse than an unbeliever” 1 Tim. 5:8. 

Yet I struggle with “dead while she lives” (not living in a faithful relationship with Jesus Christ) (1 Tim. 5:6). If she, the widow, who is in physical, financial need is dead in her relationship with Christ, then no help should be given, unless there is repentance. Of course there is room for mercy as your conscience might direct. I would agree that helping someone who doesn’t want help is throwing pearls before swine. That is a person who is in the seventh stage of the downward spiral (Eph. 4:17-19).
Do a search on the biblical word “lazy” and it is not a pleasant view. Proverbs 20:4 describes his consequences. To help people like that who are not humble seems to be enabling someone in his sin. To continue to help someone in his sin without rebuke and restoration seems to have eternal consequences of a loss of reward for that person.  

We have a burden to disciple those who are hungering for truth as you do with all the young people. There will be many who will refuse that help and their consequences should drive them to brokenness and help from the Lord. (Ps. 51:16-17)
I wish I could give you a one sentence answer, but this is too big of an issue. Interesting, I had another case last week about a family in the church dealing with a family member in a marriage relationship. One spouse was willing to work, but the man was not. They could not support themselves and were continuing to make unwise decisions that keep them in the downward spiral. Sometimes I think the enemy tries to use Scripture to put a guilt complex on us to do what you said, “throw pearls before swine [even our own family]” and take away from resources that could be used to help those who are hungering for truth and righteousness.

 

Are you ready?

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When I lived in Minnesota in 1989, we had 14 inches of rain.  The rain cascaded down the neighbor’s yard into our window wells and that poured into our basement.  We were fortunate it only rose to about four inches on the basement floor.  I can’t imagine what the 25 inches in Florida this week would have been like!

Every once in a while I think about the woods we live in and wonder if it ever caught fire if I would get out the chain saw as quick as possible and drop several trees to keep the fire away from the house.  I can’t imagine what living in the Waldo Canyon of Colorado Springs would be like where hundreds lost their homes due to 65 mph winds and triple digit temperature.

Are you ready?  Are you ready for the circumstances of life to stand your ground spiritually?  You won’t know what the enemy might throw at you.  We fight not against flesh and blood, but against unseen forces (Eph. 6:12).  Unseen.  You all know that means you can’t see them and may not know what kind of ploy the demonic realm may be hurtling your way!  Are you ready?

You can only be ready 1) if you are equipped with God’s word to stand firm with the whole armor of God (Eph. 6:13-18); 2) if you are being equipped with God’s word to stand against the trickery of man and deceitful scheming (Eph. 4:12-14); and 3) if you are filled with God’s Spirit – totally dependent on His leading, empowerment and strength (Zech 4:6).

We live in unusual times and we must be ready.  There is little time to waste.  No one in Florida or Colorado knew what they’d be facing this week.  What are you going to face next week?  Are you preparing this week so you will stand firm?

Stop Complaining, Press Ahead

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I love hearing stories of people who have risen out of the ash heaps of life.  They suffered terribly and through true grit, and/or miracles of God, they took on great opportunities to serve the Lord.  I often get weary of people complaining about how difficult life is.  Life is difficult!  Normally, it’s from those of us who live in America.  I get it.  I know even in America where air conditioning is not an option, cell phones are standard equipment that comes with newborns (it seems), and it’s not a question of whether there is a chicken in every pot, but how many televisions every household has.  We have stores that are loaded with food and merchandise.  We have a medical system that surpasses everywhere on earth.  Yet, we grow weary of life.  It reminds me of the great passage in Jeremiah.

If you have run with the footmen, and they have wearied you, Then how can you contend with horses? And if in the land of peace, In which you trusted, they wearied you, Then how will you do in the floodplain of the Jordan? (Jer. 12:5)

Jeremiah was facing tough times.  The nation of Judah was turning away from God and Jeremiah was weary preaching to a people who continued to reject God’s message and to disrespect him at every turn.  Yet God was not going to console Jeremiah to sit in tears and give up.  To the point where Jeremiah was, he was only battling the footmen.  Jeremiah prophesied from 626 – 586 B.C.  This was likely early in his career. 

God’s point was this: if the footmen – the small problems you face now – weary you, what are you going to do when the horses – the big problems of his later ministry – contend with you?  If you grow weary in a time of relative peace, what will you do when you are running from trouble – the floodplain of the Jordan?  Jeremiah, will you keep your eyes on me and not lose heart?

It’s possible to lose heart.  It’s always when we take our eyes off the Lord.  When our eyes are on the Lord, we may suffer, lose everything, or even be shut down, but the Lord is always sufficient.  Paul said it best.

  7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure.  8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me.  9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  (2 Cor. 12:7-10)

Pray for Those Who Wrong You

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The tongue is a slippery tool of the heart.  The humble heart uses the tongue for blessing.  The proud heart uses the tongue for cursing.  It’s the same tongue, yet controlled by the heart.  James does a brilliant job of addressing the tongue in James 3:1-12.

 As I was reading through Scripture a couple months ago, my eyes jumped out looking at Job 42.  In the last chapter of Job, after Job recognizes his own foolishness and inability to understand God’s inscrutable purposes, God gives instructions to those involved.

 7 And so it was, after the LORD had spoken these words to Job, that the LORD said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “My wrath is aroused against you and your two friends, for you have not spoken of Me what is right, as My servant Job has.  8 “Now therefore, take for yourselves seven bulls and seven rams, go to My servant Job, and offer up for yourselves a burnt offering; and My servant Job shall pray for you. For I will accept him, lest I deal with you according to your folly; because you have not spoken of Me what is right, as My servant Job has.”  9So Eliphaz the Temanite and Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite went and did as the LORD commanded them; for the LORD had accepted Job. 10And the LORD restored Job’s losses when he prayed for his friends. Indeed the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before.  (Job 42:7-10) 

Did you notice Job 42:10?  It jumps out!  The “Lord restored Job’s losses whenhe prayed for his friends…”  His friends that criticized him.  His friends that misunderstood him and repeatedly put him down.   His friends that refused to listen and seek to understand Job.  Most people would walk away from people like that.  Most people would say, “Lord, can you send down a cruise missile on their homes?!”  WhenJob prayed for them, the Lord blessed him and gave Job twice as much.  Are you harboring a grievance toward those who have put you down, criticized you, or have done you wrong?  Forgive (Mark 11:25) and pray for them in a godly way.  You may miss out on God’s blessing if you don’t.